Sep 24, 2008 1:56 PM GMT
First of all, guys, let me say how helpful and enjoyable I've found these discussion boards. You're a remarkably fine group of guys.
My dilemma:
I've been going out with a guy for almost a year now. We're both middle aged (he's 40; I'm 45). We love hanging out, watching HBO series on DVD, hiking, fishing, eating out, drinking wine. I'm a divorced dad and my friend (let's call him Andy) and my 10 year old son adore each other.
There's no question in my mind (and apparently none in Andy's) that we've fallen quite deeply in love with each other. Neither is there any question that we love being with each other.
Our relationship got off to kind of an unusual start. We were both rebounding from long term relationships and so agreed that sex was off the menu 'for a while'. I think then we realized that we're really into each other and had the classic 'I don't want sex to mess this up' dynamic. That went on for six months - during which time I was celibate and he hooked up with one (maybe two, I forget) one night stands.
By the middle of this summer it was obvious that we were both lusting after each other. One night a couple of months ago - after I had had a kind of harrowing day - we found ourselves in a really hot make out session and I just went for it and invited Andy to join me in my bedroom.
Things got off to a great start. Then everything just stopped. Right in the middle of some pretty good oral we just cuddled up and slept.
The next day we talked about it and decided to start off a little slower. Over the following week and a half or so we had some high-school level super hot, make out, hands down jean sessions. Never going further and leaving each other harder than Chinese algebra.
Since then we've had a couple of great sessions of HJ's and BJ's that have led to rocking orgasms.
Then about a week ago we were in the midst of another of those, when we both just stopped again.
The saving grace here is that Andy I seem to be able to talk to each other about UNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE
anythingUNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE. Our thoughts (seconded by a therapist I see for other stuff) are that the emotional bond we share is making sex feel super risky. In other words, we're so invested in the relationship and so used to the idea that sex can mess things up, that the sex is, at least for now, kind of sabotaged.
Other ideas are: that we're just not into each other (I don't buy it). when i see I Andy, I want to devour him and I can't even begin the kind of fantasies that would usu take off when I see other guys at the gym, etc.
Maybe he's not into me, but he denies that and I believe him.
One last thing: we've both been with other guys before we met each other. Me with a handful; Andy with a bunch and nothing like this seems to have happened (rather not happened) before. But then I don't think either of us felt for the other guys what we feel for each other.
Any thoughts you guys have would be very welcome. Apologies for the long post, but I wanted you to have some idea of what's been going on.
My dilemma:
I've been going out with a guy for almost a year now. We're both middle aged (he's 40; I'm 45). We love hanging out, watching HBO series on DVD, hiking, fishing, eating out, drinking wine. I'm a divorced dad and my friend (let's call him Andy) and my 10 year old son adore each other.
There's no question in my mind (and apparently none in Andy's) that we've fallen quite deeply in love with each other. Neither is there any question that we love being with each other.
Our relationship got off to kind of an unusual start. We were both rebounding from long term relationships and so agreed that sex was off the menu 'for a while'. I think then we realized that we're really into each other and had the classic 'I don't want sex to mess this up' dynamic. That went on for six months - during which time I was celibate and he hooked up with one (maybe two, I forget) one night stands.
By the middle of this summer it was obvious that we were both lusting after each other. One night a couple of months ago - after I had had a kind of harrowing day - we found ourselves in a really hot make out session and I just went for it and invited Andy to join me in my bedroom.
Things got off to a great start. Then everything just stopped. Right in the middle of some pretty good oral we just cuddled up and slept.
The next day we talked about it and decided to start off a little slower. Over the following week and a half or so we had some high-school level super hot, make out, hands down jean sessions. Never going further and leaving each other harder than Chinese algebra.
Since then we've had a couple of great sessions of HJ's and BJ's that have led to rocking orgasms.
Then about a week ago we were in the midst of another of those, when we both just stopped again.
The saving grace here is that Andy I seem to be able to talk to each other about UNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE
anythingUNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE. Our thoughts (seconded by a therapist I see for other stuff) are that the emotional bond we share is making sex feel super risky. In other words, we're so invested in the relationship and so used to the idea that sex can mess things up, that the sex is, at least for now, kind of sabotaged.
Other ideas are: that we're just not into each other (I don't buy it). when i see I Andy, I want to devour him and I can't even begin the kind of fantasies that would usu take off when I see other guys at the gym, etc.
Maybe he's not into me, but he denies that and I believe him.
One last thing: we've both been with other guys before we met each other. Me with a handful; Andy with a bunch and nothing like this seems to have happened (rather not happened) before. But then I don't think either of us felt for the other guys what we feel for each other.
Any thoughts you guys have would be very welcome. Apologies for the long post, but I wanted you to have some idea of what's been going on.
