Obsessiveness over guys?

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    Jan 17, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    ryan2013 said
    Do I have some underlying psychological issues?

    Maybe yes, maybe no. Partly depends on whether you make the mistake of doing some "creepy" stuff about it, as someone else said.

    You're young, and an abundance of male hormones can compel us to obsess over our lustful/romantic interests. They can be intense for a time and then gradually fade, exactly as you're describing.

    That's typical, and is true of both straight men and gay men. It's not a gay issue, but a MALE issue. That your interest is in guys tells me how genuinely gay you are, so you've come to the right place. icon_biggrin.gif

    You mention loneliness in your other posts here, and not getting what you can't have. Yes, that can intensify your feelings. Don't you ever get to date where you live? Isolation can be part of your problem, so a change of scenery to somewhere offering better prospects might do you some good, if you can arrange it. You're very attractive, I guarantee you could get dates in the right community.

    This is the time of life when a young man, gay or straight, is consumed with romantic interests. That's normal, and you're normal in that regard. And what you're feeling is normal. The problem is that your feelings aren't being fulfilled.

    Do you ever approach a guy you like? Do they know you like them? What happens?

    If you mostly obsess over guys you know are unavailable we may be getting into deeper areas, outside my ability to address. It may indicate you have guilt over being gay, or severe self-confidence issues. You shouldn't on the latter, you're a fine looking man, as I said, a guy I'd gladly date if you were in my age "price range" and I was single again.

    But not my field to advise you on more complex matters, that's where you might benefit from a trained counselor who works with gays (other non-gay counselors might automatically conclude your problem is BEING gay, and suggest you turn straight, but don't listen to those charlatans).
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    Jan 17, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    CASH is right. You are not infatuated by these perfect male specimens, you are infatuated by your own fantasies. They guys you obsess over are just catalysts for a kind of narcisism.

    Your quest for perfection will not get you anywhere. It means that you hold other guys to a standard that they can only attain in your fantasy understanding of them. It means that you cannot accept love because deep down you acknowledge your own imperfection and by default your own unworthiness. Instead, try to learn to live with the most basic fact of all: you and everyone else are highly flawed. Then, forgive yourself and others for this fact. Last, work within that reality to find a man and a life that bring you satisfaction.
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    Jan 17, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    ryan2013 saidHi guys-

    I like this guy and I don't even know him personally. I saw his facebook profile page, which gave me a glance of who he is as a person, and I am totally obsessive about him. He is in a relationship but it is very complicated. This is not the first time, I always get obsessive over guys that I like. Its not that I get obsessive over guys I find attractive. I am not sure how to explain it.


    I am picky so its not frequent, but quiet annoying as I feel heart broken when it happens. I can't go through out my day without being an emotional wreck because I always think about that person. It is a phase, bc my feelings are intense for a month or two, hence the obsessiveness, but after a while, feelings are toned down. The crush is still there but I can go on with my day and accept nothing is going to happen. Do I have some underlying psychological issues?



    I think there's medication.

    or this is just a joke post.
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    Jan 17, 2013 3:58 PM GMT
    I think you should embrace two mantras.

    1. dont make assumptions


    2. dont get attached


    We never know what someone else is going to think or do- so if you like the guy put yourself out there and let him know. Everything in life is transient- people will come and go; hang on to the emotions or memories you had with them-however long that may be. Do not look too far into the future- live in the now.
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    Jan 17, 2013 4:15 PM GMT
    nevz saidNope, perfectly normal
    In your world this is perfectly normal?????Yo world be all SCARY huh.....
  • Splendidus_1

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    Jan 17, 2013 4:45 PM GMT
    You're projecting onto him the solutions to some (if not most) of your problems - lack of intimacy, abadonment issues, acceptance, low self-esteem, etc. That's why you "obsess" over someone. What you are feeling is not real in the slightest, in the sense that you're "in love" with an idea, an image your brain has created. That's why it doesn't matter if it's subject X, Y or Z - the feeling is always as powerful, even though you don't know pretty much anything about the person.

    It's time for you to start to realize your hapiness should only be dependent on yourself - don't rely on something you can't control, it's a risky game to play. Never be with someone until you've solved your problems, you're not ready and would probably smother the other person with your low self-esteem.

    Short-term priority: YOU, YOU and YOU. If you feel you need someone so desperately, it's because you don't feel confortable being by yourself. You'll learn that the best relationship you'll ever have is with yourself.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    I'm reading this thread and I see a lot of WHAT you should do. Honestly; I've heard the same things over and over in my own quest for getting over my own obsessiveness. Not to say they aren't insightful since they are. It's just that the solutions are the same old thing and don't tell you the most important thing: HOW?

    How can the OP (and by extension myself) learn to be comfortable with ourselves? How can he love himself? How does he learn to accept his own flaws?

    This my friends I ask you.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 17, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidI'm reading this thread and I see a lot of WHAT you should do. Honestly; I've heard the same things over and over in my own quest for getting over my own obsessiveness. Not to say they aren't insightful since they are. It's just that the solutions are the same old thing and don't tell you the most important thing: HOW?

    How can the OP (and by extension myself) learn to be comfortable with ourselves? How can he love himself? How does he learn to accept his own flaws?

    This my friends I ask you.


    Ice, I've been there (plenty of times). I can't say I'm out of it, but I surely feel different as the days go by. Each person is unique to the core, that's why it's impossible to give an universal method that works!

    Everytime I found myself crushing on a fantasy, I felt like shit most of the times. The fact I go unnoticed to the person HAD a major effect on my self-esteem. Especially when all my love life can be summarized to one-sided cases. But once the crush started to fade away, I always had a glimpse of self value. I felt more pumped up to workout, to value what I achieved in life (whatever that may be), and most of all, to value the person I am. Honestly, I even thought to myself: "I know what I have to offer so at the end of the day, it's their loss" - not as in "I'm the shit", nothing like that.

    I have plenty of things I dislike about myself. Mainly physical attributes, which are the toughest ones to deal with, since those are the ones you can't hide and the thing you're must judged on. The fact that I'm happy with being by myself doesn't mean I totally embrace them - I still have that to achieve. But you know ... there's a shit load of people in the world, and it's possible that each person has peculiar tastes. So should I feel bummed out because a guy doesn't like my slim figure? Or because I'm taller/shorter? Or because I don't have perfect skin? You know, stuff like that. It's impossible to fit into everyone's taste, so why bother feeling bad about it? All the changes I want to make in my body are for my own satisfaction, not for X, Y or Z (the things that are in my power to do so, that is).

    What you ultimately want is to have the approval of others, and you feed on it. But again, why would you? Why is that the opinion of strangers should count? I firmly believe that the opinion of someone (and its consequences) is as powerful as you want it to be. I'm sure that if everyone you met (and I mean strangers, not your friends - I don't trust much their opinions on this subject, haha) said you looked perfect, you'd end up feeling "flawless", and say: "Hey, I guess it's true." (not necessarily in a boastful way!) . You feel insecure about your flaws, because some people judged you on them. But remember: Tastes - millions of them!

    I want to travel. I want to enjoy a nice view along with the quietness of my thoughts. I want to watch as many movies as I can. I want to do things I like, that's what keeps me happy - do I need anyone for that to happen? No. So why is that the quest of having someone is so important? - This was when I realized I should take it slow and realize the (extremely unecessary) pressure I was putting on me. Now I just enjoy .. life, I don't know, lol.

    Finding someone should be a bonus in your life, never a need. I'm very capable of being happy on my own. Once this happens, you'll find that your flaws aren't that big of a deal anymore.

    I'm not sure if this is a satisfatory answer, but I don't mind discussing something more specific you may want.


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    Jan 17, 2013 8:47 PM GMT
    You should probably tie him up in your basement. That's the only way you're going to quell your obsession, otherwise you'll have to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if I did actually make him my sex slave?" You don't wanna be wondering for the rest of your life!
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    Jan 17, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said
    IceBuckets saidI'm reading this thread and I see a lot of WHAT you should do. Honestly; I've heard the same things over and over in my own quest for getting over my own obsessiveness. Not to say they aren't insightful since they are. It's just that the solutions are the same old thing and don't tell you the most important thing: HOW?

    How can the OP (and by extension myself) learn to be comfortable with ourselves? How can he love himself? How does he learn to accept his own flaws?

    This my friends I ask you.


    Ice, I've been there (plenty of times). I can't say I'm out of it, but I surely feel different as the days go by. Each person is unique to the core, that's why it's impossible to give an universal method that works!

    Everytime I found myself crushing on a fantasy, I felt like shit most of the times. The fact I go unnoticed to the person HAD a major effect on my self-esteem. Especially when all my love life can be summarized to one-sided cases. But once the crush started to fade away, I always had a glimpse of self value. I felt more pumped up to workout, to value what I achieved in life (whatever that may be), and most of all, to value the person I am. Honestly, I even thought to myself: "I know what I have to offer so at the end of the day, it's their loss" - not as in "I'm the shit", nothing like that.

    I have plenty of things I dislike about myself. Mainly physical attributes, which are the toughest ones to deal with, since those are the ones you can't hide and the thing you're must judged on. The fact that I'm happy with being by myself doesn't mean I totally embrace them - I still have that to achieve. But you know ... there's a shit load of people in the world, and it's possible that each person has peculiar tastes. So should I feel bummed out because a guy doesn't like my slim figure? Or because I'm taller/shorter? Or because I don't have perfect skin? You know, stuff like that. It's impossible to fit into everyone's taste, so why bother feeling bad about it? All the changes I want to make in my body are for my own satisfaction, not for X, Y or Z (the things that are in my power to do so, that is).

    What you ultimately want is to have the approval of others, and you feed on it. But again, why would you? Why is that the opinion of strangers should count? I firmly believe that the opinion of someone (and its consequences) is as powerful as you want it to be. I'm sure that if everyone you met (and I mean strangers, not your friends - I don't trust much their opinions on this subject, haha) said you looked perfect, you'd end up feeling "flawless", and say: "Hey, I guess it's true." (not necessarily in a boastful way!) . You feel insecure about your flaws, because some people judged you on them. But remember: Tastes - millions of them!

    I want to travel. I want to enjoy a nice view along with the quietness of my thoughts. I want to watch as many movies as I can. I want to do things I like, that's what keeps me happy - do I need anyone for that to happen? No. So why is that the quest of having someone is so important? - This was when I realized I should take it slow and realize the (extremely unecessary) pressure I was putting on me. Now I just enjoy .. life, I don't know, lol.

    Finding someone should be a bonus in your life, never a need. I'm very capable of being happy on my own. Once this happens, you'll find that your flaws aren't that big of a deal anymore.

    I'm not sure if this is a satisfatory answer, but I don't mind discussing something more specific you may want.



    Very detailed and insightful - thank you for the response! You don't mind if I save it? With your pictures so I can obsess over you...

    ...however, this is sort of what I mean. When I say "how" I literally mean how. It just seems that people can turn their feelings about things on/off like a switch. They can say "I'm not going to care about others perceptions of me" but it doesn't quite work with a guy like me. Thats not enough. It's like saying to the brick wall - I will move you. It's not going to happen. It's not like choosing to go with one color phone case over another or some other insignificant choice.

    And...as I'm writing this, the giant nerd that sits in my head reminds me of this:


    Yeah this why I probably don't have many friends. icon_lol.gif

  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 17, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    @ Icebuckets: I was a very negative person when I was younger and later, some tough situations, led me to depression. There was not a single day where I hadn't the thought "things will never change". A year and some later, I got tired of it. Honestly, I couldn't bear one more day surrounded by all the negativeness, it's too consuming. So I forced myself to think otherwise. Exactly, forced. Even though I didn't believe things could actually change, I decided I didn't have anything to lose - and if I didn't change, I'd put an end to it. It started to come naturally, eventually. It's not a switch "on/off" because it's not something instant, you must implement it in your routine. But you also must want it to be "on" ! (Hope I was a clear, lol)

    You see, it's how you look at life that changes everything (I know this is the most abstract thing ever and I'm sorry, lol). The problems are still there, you just realize they aren't as significant as you thought they were (whether your flaws or people's opinions/judgments). So what I'm trying to say here is that if you surround yourself with negative thoughts like "Others may have done it, but that won't happen to me" "I just can't do it (without trying to do something about it)", it's hard to leave the hole you dug.

    As a "how to" tutorial ... gah, it's difficult. I tried to dissect the feeling derived from each situation. I pondered things like "Why do I care so badly about it?" "Should I be making a big deal out of this?" "Is it true, in the first place? Do I actually believe what I've been told?" and the most important of all "Can I do something about it?". I just wish you could look into my mind and understand what I'm trying to show, haha. There's a ton of things in this world, most of them, worth knowing, learning, meeting, etc. Why care so much because one person thinks something of me? It's so small, so insignificant, haha.

    One last advice - and this you can do - is to stop focusing on the negative aspects. Don't think about them. If your brain starts to go like "hey, let's go through all the things we don't like about you", just stop it. Don't feed the negative thoughts. I always like to picture a bright future, so try and think about the goals you want to achieve in life. And this can be anything, honestly - places to visit, car, job, accomplishments - really, picture yourself there and let youself be surrounded by the feeling. Wow, this sounds like some fucked up shit, but I shit you not, it works, haha.
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    Jan 18, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    ryan2013 said
    Do I have some underlying psychological issues?

    Maybe yes, maybe no. Partly depends on whether you make the mistake of doing some "creepy" stuff about it, as someone else said.

    You're young, and an abundance of male hormones can compel us to obsess over our lustful/romantic interests. They can be intense for a time and then gradually fade, exactly as you're describing.

    That's typical, and is true of both straight men and gay men. It's not a gay issue, but a MALE issue. That your interest is in guys tells me how genuinely gay you are, so you've come to the right place. icon_biggrin.gif

    You mention loneliness in your other posts here, and not getting what you can't have. Yes, that can intensify your feelings. Don't you ever get to date where you live? Isolation can be part of your problem, so a change of scenery to somewhere offering better prospects might do you some good, if you can arrange it. You're very attractive, I guarantee you could get dates in the right community.

    This is the time of life when a young man, gay or straight, is consumed with romantic interests. That's normal, and you're normal in that regard. And what you're feeling is normal. The problem is that your feelings aren't being fulfilled.

    Do you ever approach a guy you like? Do they know you like them? What happens?

    If you mostly obsess over guys you know are unavailable we may be getting into deeper areas, outside my ability to address. It may indicate you have guilt over being gay, or severe self-confidence issues. You shouldn't on the latter, you're a fine looking man, as I said, a guy I'd gladly date if you were in my age "price range" and I was single again.

    But not my field to advise you on more complex matters, that's where you might benefit from a trained counselor who works with gays (other non-gay counselors might automatically conclude your problem is BEING gay, and suggest you turn straight, but don't listen to those charlatans).





    I appreciate your insightful and sincere post, as always. I live close to Atlanta, which from what I have heard is a gay friendly city so there are gay guys here. Though I have never approached a guy face to face, I have messaged (very rarely) few gay guys that I have interested in, however nothing ends up happening, either message is ignored, or it goes no where due to their part. One of the guys that I was infatuated with showed interest in me and I ruined it with my religious talk (same religion) and I deeply regret it. I don't want to date man that are attractive, I want to date man that I instantly know he is the one (guys I get that obsessive feelings for). As others have said, it might be all fantasy as those guys usually meet everything I look for in a guy. I want to date men that are same culture as me because I think its more fun that way, but most are not open about their sexuality including me. I know we are looking for the "one" so my situation is no different than any other single guy out there, but I am more annoyed by my obsessive personality and want to fix it.


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    Jan 18, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said

    Ice, I've been there (plenty of times). I can't say I'm out of it, but I surely feel different as the days go by. Each person is unique to the core, that's why it's impossible to give an universal method that works!

    Everytime I found myself crushing on a fantasy, I felt like shit most of the times. The fact I go unnoticed to the person HAD a major effect on my self-esteem. Especially when all my love life can be summarized to one-sided cases. But once the crush started to fade away, I always had a glimpse of self value. I felt more pumped up to workout, to value what I achieved in life (whatever that may be), and most of all, to value the person I am. Honestly, I even thought to myself: "I know what I have to offer so at the end of the day, it's their loss" - not as in "I'm the shit", nothing like that.





    That is exactly how I feel. The fear of being lonely or the insecurity of what do I lack that guys that I like don't show interest bothers me. I feel lonely even with many friends I have. However as most of them are in mid 20s and are getting married at this point, I dont know where is my life heading. I don't want to turn into that cat lady. I am trying to be more active to resolve my issues so I can be mentally stable and live a happy life when I am in my old age.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 18, 2013 12:59 AM GMT
    ryan2013 said
    Splendidus_1 said

    Ice, I've been there (plenty of times). I can't say I'm out of it, but I surely feel different as the days go by. Each person is unique to the core, that's why it's impossible to give an universal method that works!

    Everytime I found myself crushing on a fantasy, I felt like shit most of the times. The fact I go unnoticed to the person HAD a major effect on my self-esteem. Especially when all my love life can be summarized to one-sided cases. But once the crush started to fade away, I always had a glimpse of self value. I felt more pumped up to workout, to value what I achieved in life (whatever that may be), and most of all, to value the person I am. Honestly, I even thought to myself: "I know what I have to offer so at the end of the day, it's their loss" - not as in "I'm the shit", nothing like that.





    That is exactly how I feel. The fear of being lonely or the insecurity of what do I lack that guys that I like don't show interest bothers me. I feel lonely even with many friends I have. However as most of them are in mid 20s and are getting married at this point, I dont know where is my life heading. I don't want to turn into that cat lady. I am trying to be more active to resolve my issues so I can be mentally stable and live a happy life when I am in my old age.


    As long as your top priority is finding someone, you're going to most likely suffer. Why do you give such importance to it, to the point that it dictates that without it, you're adrift? Are you saying that without a guy you won't be able to be happy?

    I'll say it again: Finding someone should be a bonus in your life, never a need!
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    Jan 18, 2013 1:12 AM GMT
    human nature we always want what we can't have maybe.

    I am obsessed about straight guys but to be fair they are usually the ones that hit on me and come up to me. "Straight" guys who are married with kids, wanting me to rim their asses in hotel rooms, and get all sorts of kinky with them - guys who love girls but also for some reason, love me. Hockey players and really macho guys who love women but then fuck me and say 'why can't you just be a girl' and then say some fucked up shit after they had sex with a man and liked it.

    i just think gay/straight is more linked than people give it credit for. Believe me, I want a nice happy completely well-adjusted gay guy but I find in those relationships it's hard to feel sexual chemistry!

    A great majority of us has been conditioned that two men can't work out. But when one guy gets to be the "straight" dude and the other the "faggot" suddenly there's this 'opposites attract' spark. If society wasn't like this, and we didn't associate gay men with 'drag queens' so much or something, or being some sort of 'fad' - then we would probably find our own kind hotter.

    but I am of the belief now all men crave sex with a man. It's just a unique exciting experience that cannot be replaced.
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    Jan 18, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said@ Icebuckets: I was a very negative person when I was younger and later, some tough situations, led me to depression. There was not a single day where I hadn't the thought "things will never change". A year and some later, I got tired of it. Honestly, I couldn't bear one more day surrounded by all the negativeness, it's too consuming. So I forced myself to think otherwise. Exactly, forced. Even though I didn't believe things could actually change, I decided I didn't have anything to lose - and if I didn't change, I'd put an end to it. It started to come naturally, eventually. It's not a switch "on/off" because it's not something instant, you must implement it in your routine. But you also must want it to be "on" ! (Hope I was a clear, lol)

    You see, it's how you look at life that changes everything (I know this is the most abstract thing ever and I'm sorry, lol). The problems are still there, you just realize they aren't as significant as you thought they were (whether your flaws or people's opinions/judgments). So what I'm trying to say here is that if you surround yourself with negative thoughts like "Others may have done it, but that won't happen to me" "I just can't do it (without trying to do something about it)", it's hard to leave the hole you dug.

    As a "how to" tutorial ... gah, it's difficult. I tried to dissect the feeling derived from each situation. I pondered things like "Why do I care so badly about it?" "Should I be making a big deal out of this?" "Is it true, in the first place? Do I actually believe what I've been told?" and the most important of all "Can I do something about it?". I just wish you could look into my mind and understand what I'm trying to show, haha. There's a ton of things in this world, most of them, worth knowing, learning, meeting, etc. Why care so much because one person thinks something of me? It's so small, so insignificant, haha.

    One last advice - and this you can do - is to stop focusing on the negative aspects. Don't think about them. If your brain starts to go like "hey, let's go through all the things we don't like about you", just stop it. Don't feed the negative thoughts. I always like to picture a bright future, so try and think about the goals you want to achieve in life. And this can be anything, honestly - places to visit, car, job, accomplishments - really, picture yourself there and let youself be surrounded by the feeling. Wow, this sounds like some fucked up shit, but I shit you not, it works, haha.

    Your words are .... surprisingly comforting and useful. Probably the most useful post I've seen in quite a while. Thank you. icon_smile.gif

    I wish there was some way to give something back to members that isn't a cheap hot list or shallow MOTD thing.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 18, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Your words are .... surprisingly comforting and useful. Probably the most useful post I've seen in quite a while. Thank you. icon_smile.gif

    I wish there was some way to give something back to members that isn't a cheap hot list or shallow MOTD thing.


    You're more than welcome! Honestly, knowing my words helped somehow is more than enough, haha. I just know how much it sucks to go through that, so if there's anything I can do to help, feel free!
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    Jan 19, 2013 8:57 AM GMT
    Hey, just wanted to thank you all, specially Nutshell, you know your advice helped me a lot too, I've been in kind of the same situation as the OP, not that obsessive, but always falling in love with guys that just wanted to play around... and I found your posts very helpful icon_smile.gif thanks!
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    Jan 19, 2013 12:44 PM GMT
    stay connected to people without relying on any one person.

    a lot of times when we hear 'we have to love ourselves' we think of a life that is lonely and sad.

    we are social creatures and we enjoy talking with others. Even very shy and introverted people get some satisfaction from social energy exchange.

    you might had bad experiences, maybe like a lot of humans you were unfairly targeted. you had that one 'difference' and people had to bully you for it, to hide their own insecurities...

    The founder and CEO of chemistry.com (a pro-gay site) said that the trick is to be curious about other people without being attached to them. People who want love so strongly often can't find it -- and abusers sense that and further exploit and humiliate them.

    I have such incredible and deep conversations with my close female friends - 'fag hags' or whatever, but my problem is - that I tend to 'hold on' to those good memories, just like I do the painful ones - I'm a holder oner. If you hurt me I won't forget it, if you love me- I won't forget it.

    But the people who love us make mistakes and have their own demons to work out. The people who hate us, our enemies- were hurt themselves and have gone through transformations themselves. But it's hard for us to see this cuz we're all selfishly involved- and we only really pay attention to how they made US feel.

    The love I had for others came when I least expect it. Like the Law of Attraction bitch said, it came when I 'let go of the oars' and just lived my own life. I still cared about things emotionally but I didn't care so much. I didn't care so much that I stopped living my life and staying stuck in my room bored and depressed and thinking about sad things. I simply lived my life and let spirit flow through me and that is what everybody is called to do.

    And it's okay to show favorites, that's human and natural. We are all highly emotional and subjective beings and we are constantly searching for people who understand how we feel and are compatible and complementary to our inner worlds... but ironically to do that you also must just let it all go and move on. Get involved in a new topic if you want.
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    Jan 22, 2013 8:48 PM GMT
    Well I ended up talking to the guy but he is in a relationship and going vie rough patch... He flirts with me and I flirt with him. but I am confused bc he is in a relationship. I don't think there is much chemistry. we just have many things in common. I like him alot, regardless lack of chemistry and I don't want to let him go. I think I eventually have to get it together and move on, as there is no point. We live in different states too..
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    Jan 22, 2013 8:50 PM GMT
    ryan2013 saidWell I ended up talking to the guy but he is in a relationship... He flirts with me and I flirt with him. but I am confused bc he is in a relationship. I don't think there is much chemistry. we just have many things in common. I like him alot, regardless lack of chemistry and don't want to let it go. I think I eventually have to get it together and move on, as there is no point. We live in different states too..

    Were you able to find some sort of closure though? To me, thats what is important because having closure helps you move on to better things.

    The guys I've obsessed about never ever bothered to give me that so it makes it harder since you have that constant feeling of "what did I do wrong?" or "whats wrong with me?"
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    Jan 22, 2013 8:53 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    ryan2013 saidWell I ended up talking to the guy but he is in a relationship... He flirts with me and I flirt with him. but I am confused bc he is in a relationship. I don't think there is much chemistry. we just have many things in common. I like him alot, regardless lack of chemistry and don't want to let it go. I think I eventually have to get it together and move on, as there is no point. We live in different states too..

    Were you able to find some sort of closure though? To me, thats what is important because having closure helps you move on to better things.

    The guys I've obsessed about never ever bothered to give me that so it makes it harder since you have that constant feeling of "what did I do wrong?" or "whats wrong with me?"


    I did get closure but I feel like I am in more pain bc I want "chemisty" to exist when there isn't. We are going via same situation as far as trying to marry lesbians to hide our situation..we talked and flirt for hours.. but next day, I felt like there wasn't much to talk about bc we already talked about our past.
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    Jan 22, 2013 8:54 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    ryan2013 saidWell I ended up talking to the guy but he is in a relationship... He flirts with me and I flirt with him. but I am confused bc he is in a relationship. I don't think there is much chemistry. we just have many things in common. I like him alot, regardless lack of chemistry and don't want to let it go. I think I eventually have to get it together and move on, as there is no point. We live in different states too..

    Were you able to find some sort of closure though? To me, thats what is important because having closure helps you move on to better things.

    The guys I've obsessed about never ever bothered to give me that so it makes it harder since you have that constant feeling of "what did I do wrong?" or "whats wrong with me?"


    I was happy that he ws interested or showed interest. we speak the same language and same culture.. but I just wish we had connected on another level. He got mad at me for not texting him. I am so confused with him. either he is very friendly or .....idk.