Serodiscordant Sex — Would you?

  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3606

    Mar 04, 2013 1:39 AM GMT
    Pretty sure the question is put to individuals as to whether they would or would not have sex with a guy they knew was HIV+ while being negative. Not whether it made sense to anyone else or to debate everyone's answer, but whether they would or not.

    Me no
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3606

    Mar 04, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    Puppymuncher said
    yourname2000 said^^^ LOL. If you read this entire thread, and that's the best you can do, then you've missed the whole point, lol. icon_wink.gif

    I'm not gonna write an essay refuting EVERYONE's points. I'm just stating mine with as much justification as I think is needed. But honestly, you seem to be taking personal offence over a difference of opinion. True, many of us aren't as knowledgable on this as you, but come on, live and let live. It's not like we're promoting the spread of HIV here.

    Dude, don't bother. This is a personal decision each makes on their own and it's fucking crazy that people on this site can't relate to and respect the personal nature of such things to each individually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 04, 2013 11:54 AM GMT
    Lets try a variation on this question: if you were in love, and your lover who had previously tested negative - say just weeks or days before you first started dating - tested positive three months later would you stop having sex with him or stop loving him or leave him?

    Look, the OPs question is loaded because it's always about rejection and acceptance. No matter how well-informed and aware, you cannot compare knowing to not knowing. And some men are still deeply afraid of sero-conversion.

    I was, for decades. I lost close to 200 friends and colleagues, and I'm still negative as of my last test. Will I sero-convert? Doubt it but at 53 I no longer panic. Time - and the ability to see the end since I'm (likely) well past my halfway point - give me a different perspective. I can't expect someone who still has no real grasp on death's eminent arrival to understand how to gauge the value of hastening it even by a risk factor of 1%.

    Do I think they're being paranoid? Yes. Do I think they're stupid or ignorant? No. They're young. Not immature, just young. They have no perspective and no real way to measure the value implied every time this question is posed.

    Sex is joulyful - well it should be at least - and love is amazing and deserved by all. But nobody can teach you the value of risking life for love if you have never lost it, survived the loss of it, or missed the opportunity and realized it too late.

    Loaded question for anyone under 35. To say yes you would have sex is enlightened and forward thinking. To say no is simply to be honest about your priorities and your fears. No amount of chastising is going to teach what only time can teach. You can't call people's character into question when it hasn't been tested by time.

    They'll learn eventually. Hopefully NOT in the manner I suggest at the start of this, but for some it will happen exactly that way.

    The only genuine character flaw I could see is someone not willing to out and out say 'I won't date you because you're poz'. Because if you can't tell a guy no for the real reason, then you're a coward. If you feel justified and comfortable with your logic then you have to own it and not couch it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 05, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    Sorry, but I have to red pen this.

    Puppymuncher saidWow.. this surveyed turned into a bashing name calling war within what, 1 page? I'm not surprised.

    My answer to this is no. No, I would choose not to have sex with someone who is HIV+. I'd have no reservations being friends with said person, but no exchange of bodily fluids shall take place. This is your right to choose this, but you do know that saliva can't transmit HIV, right? You also know that sex with a condom can't transmit HIV, right, unless the condom breaks. And if you're having responsible sex, the chances of that are very very low, right?

    If I were having sex with someone for the sake of hooking up, there's no way I'm risking my health and basically jeopardizing the rest of my life to agonizing stress over a mere fuck. Could have been the best fuck of my life, but guess what, I don't think that'll be worth the risk. Especially since I'd be focused on that the entire time. This is good to know, because your "mere fuck" doesn't deserve some irrational-angsty partner in bed. This is one reason I don't like "mere fucks" and prefer a beer or some coffee with a guy, at the least, before we get all naked and monkey-like.

    If this were a someone I'm dating, I'd still have to say no. I'm the kind of guy that wants to one day settle down, get married, and start a family of mini-me's. There is no room for HIV/AIDS in that picture. One of the most offensive statements I've read on these forums... I forgot that HIV positive people can't have families and kids **sarcasm**If I have to be constantly worried and stressed about either mine or my partner's health with a terminal disease, that would be a very depressing life. So no. Especially if I were given that option at the beginning. Just perhaps, maybe, your irrational worry is a problem with YOUR mental health and not a problem with your partners HIV, especially if it were being managed, and they were otherwise totally healthy.

    I don't need to justify my actions to anyone, especially not strangers on the internet. I'll do as I please because life is too short to give a crap about people who don't matter to me. Honestly, what am I losing out on by not sleeping with this HIV+ person? You don't need to justify your actions, you're right, but since you seem to be doing so in a public forum that is open for debate... you should certainly expect responses (and mine come in the form of a red pen...). So, I'm glad to know that I don't matter to you, which I find strange because if I had your mindset, I wouldn't be learning from some really cool people on this website. Also, what might you miss out on? Oh, perhaps a great guy who is smart, funny, fit, sexy, healthy, intelligent, an amazing fuck, sexually open-minded, financially stable, and has similar interests as you... but no... you didn't let all of that develop because he has HIV. Again, your choice, I agree... I'm just playing devil's advocate. But again, you don't even care about me... so you might not even read this.

    Maybe the difference between my perspective and those the other side of the fence is simply being in different shoes. I'm young, I've got big dreams and a whole life ahead of me. I've a guy who I love to death and one day, I wanna start a family with him. And again, no room for HIV/AIDS in this picture. See my previous comments on this offensive statement.Spare me your prophetic predictions of how we're gonna cheat on each other and give ourselves AIDS, I can already see idiots bitching about that. Seriously, just because you can't seem to find happiness doesn't mean others can't either. It's got nothing to do with you giving each other HIV, and everything to do with you not understanding the facts about HIV.

    To all those who's going to be condemning me as a young ignorant dumb fuck, please, go on. You're clearly of the opinion that there's only 1 acceptable stance on this - yours. We'll agree to disagree, or not, but it really doesn't matter to me. Although, it does matter to everyone else reading these posts, thinking that their own life decisions maybe should somehow conform to those of certain narrow-minded trolls on here who claim to know everything.Your level of knowledge has nothing to do with your age... it has to do with your desire to learn the facts. So why don't you go to and do some reading on HIV, and how hard it actually is to contract. People won't think you're "young and dumb" if you do some learning and prove them wrong. This post, however, didn't prove to me that you know much at all.

    Red pen is now capped.