What have you learned from past relationships?

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    Feb 13, 2013 12:15 AM GMT
    They hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    Don't date suicidal dolphins.
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    Feb 13, 2013 12:29 AM GMT
    I've learned a lot, and it still isn't enough. It is easy to chalk it up to gays being flakes, but I hear worse shit happening in straight world... so who knows.

    Relationships are hard unless both people equally respect the concept of a relationship.
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Feb 13, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    I learned that I'm a worthwhile person who deserves to be happy, and I shouldn't put up with a man who takes me for granted.
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    Feb 13, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    It's worth it... icon_cry.gif

    Posts: 1344

    Feb 13, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidMy last relationship was also with a bisexual. We were very happy together, but even tho we were both sexually and emotionally comparable, and he remained loyal throughout the relationship with me, towards the end I felt he was already drifting away because of his "natural diverse sexual appetites" in my experience with bisexuals they tend to be very unaware/insensitive of their sexual partner's feelings but that of their own! in my humble opinion a relationship is a shared agreement bonded by mutual emotional and sexual needs from both sides, and not one to be used or be in it for one's own self gratification!! having said of all a bisexual can be as loyal and committed like anyone else, so as long as his current sexual partner is made fully aware ( from day 1) and succumbs to their bisexual partner's terms and needs!! as for me I refuse to be someone's third wheel!!

    I didn't think of myself as my bud's third wheel, I thought we were sharing our lives with each other. I don't delude myself into thinking two people ever become one. He wasn't my better half; he was my best bud in the whole wide world. I had no issues with him picking up chicks while we were out boating, hell, we'd pick up people off the fucking seawall. It was fun. We were both party animals and both just out for a good time. And he came to the gay bars with me. He wasn't into the other guys but he loved to dance and tease them. I didn't like to dance but he'd tease them over my way for me to play with. We made a great team.

    He did like playing with the transentertainers so sometimes we'd bring them home with us too. You never knew who you'd wake up to in our bed. We had no jealousy issues. Sex had nothing to do with loyalty. We knew who we were. I'm not that crazy now, but then? Holy shit, that was fun!

    Yes of course there are guys who are only out for themselves but if you are looking at your relationship as succumbing to someone else's needs--and you do have to be careful of powerplays if the unbalance is totally out of wack-- while at the same time as being attracted to that person for the very energy they're putting out, then news flash, you've got some issues and possibly you are just kidding yourself.

    What you describe sounds like you get turned on by what you feel is beneathe your dignity. Careful, you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction & frustration. Such are the dynamics of our lives. Oh no, I thought life was going to be easier than this.

    Thanks for your feedback! it is much appreciate! while I can't see myself in a relationship like that ever again, I am glad it did worked out for you! all the best!!
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:50 AM GMT
    ssguy69 saidStop dating individuals that have low self worth and esteem issues. The challenge is that by default I'm an enabler/nurturer so that type I gravitate towards and vice versa.

    NO MORE! I want an Alpha Male like me. icon_cool.gif

    Oh My GOD, you said it!!!! AMen to this!

    When I see drama, run, rather than keep working and thinking it will change. (my x)


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    Feb 13, 2013 3:51 AM GMT
    I learned that if you are feeling uneasy or like something is off with the relationship it most likely is. Brushing that feeling away can end up being a mistake when you find yourself head over heals for them only to learn they are sexing up other people.

    I learned to trust my instinct.....

    I also learned that I need to BE what I expect the other person to BE....
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    Mar 05, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    I've learned that I'm just not ready for a relationship.

    Not because I don't desire the love and affection of that special person, but because I'm just unable to fully trust most guys.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 4597

    Mar 06, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    1. dont fall in love with anyone in the chinese zodiac years for DRAGON if you are a DOG (over 50% of my relationships move to other continents)
    although they make great fuckbuddies between relationships.

    2. Move in sooner it's cheaper.

    3. Have similar financial resources.

    4. Im usually the big spoon and i lay on my left side, no compromises on that side of the bed ever.

    5. Every six months schedule a 2 hour bitch session, where you get to openly complain about the relationship to your partner about anything you want. Its amazing what they find you are doing wrong that you didnt know about, and you can fix easily.

    6. If your partner wants more sex give it too him. If your partner isnt giving you enough sex, tell him and if he cant - break up with him.

    7. Keep separate friends you partner doesnt care about. Maintain that friendship and bitch about your partner to them.

    8. Spend at least one evening a week away from each other doing something they hate.

    9. Always go to the video store alone (if that still exists)

    10. always kiss them goodbye, EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE, even if they are sleeping. It may be the last time you can.

    11. If they want to break up, wish them well and stay friends. Always be nice to them no matter what (if you trusted your instincts they wont be assholes).

    12. Anyone you see as a partner some day, sleep with them first to see if you can...actual sleep...you will be spending the most important third of your life doing that you better be comfortable doing it.

    13. Shower together.

    14. Stay in shape for them, even if it's hard.

    15. Schedule a blowjob at least once a week, no matter what - the first day you move in.

    16. As long as there is toilet paper, it doesnt matter what direction it goes on...let it go.

    17. Five minutes or five dollars. If your problem can be solved by that, let it go.

    18. Never date anyone who cares if tube socks dont match when the difference is less than 5%.

    19. Only live with someone who wears the same size underwear and declare socks and underwear community property. I hate sorting laundry.

    20. Do all the grocery shopping yourself.

    21. The home heating will be set to whoever is colder's taste.

    22. When you move in, both put in a set amount to the joint bankaccount, and have only one person pay everything with it (that is deemed normal) extras are negotiated.

    23. Date someone with similar spending habits!!!!

    24. Keep 1000$ in your own account at all times no matter what.

    25. If your partner doesnt like doing an activity dont force him to, you will resent it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2013 9:12 PM GMT
    if he lives in his parents' basement... it's a mistake
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    Mar 07, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    S34n05 saidQuestion at hand - What have you learned from your past relationships that influenced you to act differently in your recent ones?

    Looks and ethnicity matters 99.9%
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    Jun 03, 2014 10:10 PM GMT
    2 things I've learned...

    1. If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go...

    2. Never mix lifetime expectations with someone who's in your life for a season. You'll have more hell than what you ask for...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2014 10:55 PM GMT
    never give bisexual men a chance. But that's just me though. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 04, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    The most important thing I've learned about relationships in 20 years of being out, is that when the right guy walks into my life, I know it. And when the wrong guy comes along, I also know it, as surely as I know night from day. I'm not sure I need to know anything more than that.
  • Lewnatic

    Posts: 46

    Jun 04, 2014 7:30 AM GMT
    1. Never date a closet.
    2. Don't use Grindr as the basis.
    3. Don't date someone while you've got self-worth/self-esteem issues.
    4. Be happy in yourself before getting into the relationship.
    5. Connecting with the above 2, don't get too attached.
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    Jun 04, 2014 8:06 AM GMT
    1. People don't change. It's possible, but takes a long time, so get the idea of "fixing" a person out of your head. The problems you have after the first month, will always be problems in your relationship.

    2. People establish "boundaries" in the beginning of the relationship. Do not take this lightly. Each person deserves respect and to be an equal. Don't always pay for him, and don't let him always pay for you. Don't tell him what to do, and don't let him tell you. You can take his opinion under consideration, but NEVER allow any person to dictate your life and decisions. For example, my B/F hates when I go out on Fri/Sat nights. So some nights I stay in with him, but other nights, against his wishes, I invite him out, he declines, and I go get my swerve (drinking/dancing) on with my friends. He does not control me. And I do not control him. Set the ground rules early on. Don't be a doormat.

    3. Discuss whether it's monogamous or not. If it's "open," then establish rules. How often? Condoms? Repeat sessions allowed or one time hookups only? Do NOT assume a gay man is monogamous because of some superimposed hetero-normative worldview that says "going steady" means monogamy. Have the talk.

    4. Realize that no person is perfect. Find a person with faults you can deal with and stick with him. Some people deride this as "settling," but those are the same people who are single, have never had meaningful relationships, and are lacking in the relationship department. Even Brad Pitt farts, picks his nose, and steals the covers in bed. People are imperfect. Embrace his faults and don't constantly ride him. I can't tell you how many times I said to my B/F "stop eating so much candy." He's seriously a sugar junkie, and was getting a little pudge on his stomach. But then I let it go. He knows I prefer him fit, he knows sugar causes weight gain, and if he wants to slim down then he will. Once you've expressed your opinion, don't lord it over him and bring it up all the time like a queen witch. A relationship should be a safe place, not a battlefield.

    5. Enjoy it. Life is short, and you'll learn so much about yourself and him. Relationships are unique, so enjoy that only you and him will ever share that particular love.