'Coming out" and the mental strain it causes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 18, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say that I have not come out, but certainly not to the full extent that would make me happy. The way my mom found out a couple years ago wasn't the best, but she seemed to push it under the rug after she said i was killing her (with my sexuality) I told two sisters who were completely indifferent to it. My 4 brothers would never understand.

    "If you don't love yourself, How in the hell are are you going to love someone else?" always resonates with me when i watch Rupaul, because that statement is so damn true.

    None of my relationships have lasted long, and that might be because I don't feel like i can tell other people for fear of retribution.

    My dad passed this year and I've been sulking and isolating a lot.

    I'm a shame of myself. I've definitely become worse off since my last relationship ended. I told myself I'm not going to date until I can love myself, I'm not even sure where to begin with that though.

    Suggestions or advice would be appreciated?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 18, 2013 9:31 PM GMT
    Based upon my early experiences I tend to separate the ideas of coming out and of accepting yourself. I always knew, since early childhood, that I was gay and I was fine with that. I never thought I should be str8. Yet I did have huge issues with coming out. So my problem was not how I felt about me but how I perceived others feeling about me. I've altered course since then and don't give a flying fuck what others think, perhaps I'm overcompensating. Tough shit.

    How I solved my coming out issue was to be out. I relocated and everyone I met who struck me as a possible friend, I told upon introduction or very soon thereafter that I was gay. I came out of the closet by living out of the closet. There was no longer a closet for me to come out of. Instead, I lived in my drawers and preferably the drawers of that hot guy over there.

    That sucks what your mom did to you--hopefully she'll eventually correct herself--and sorry you lost your dad too soon so you can't confide in him. But I think you need to identify what might be causing your problem: you accepting you, or others accepting you. You might find that you already love yourself. Don't let a cliche rob you of sharing that.

    "In the opening chapter of his book The Souls of Black Folk, Du Bois describes double consciousness as follows:

    It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,—an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 18, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    i think its very common to relocate when going through this, even if for a short while. having some space and perspective is important, since, this is about you, not your brothers, mom or friends...you... need to take care of you !!