A Letter to the Red States.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2008 2:54 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2008 5:10 AM GMT
    Dear Red States...

    We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
    we're taking the other Blue States with us.

    In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
    Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
    believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
    to the people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
    We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
    Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
    get Alabama.
    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
    pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
    Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
    bunch of single moms.

    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
    anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
    once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
    kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
    purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
    children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
    hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
    resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
    of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
    and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
    America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
    90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
    of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
    condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
    Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
    percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
    costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
    tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
    Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
    Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
    actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
    unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
    that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
    in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
    with higher morals then we lefties.

    By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
    weed they grow in Mexico.

    Peace out,
    Blue States
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    Nov 03, 2008 11:45 AM GMT
    Already mentioned this in another forum, but why do we have to leave? Why can't THEY go?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 03, 2008 11:46 AM GMT
    If you ask me......

    They ALREADY went icon_rolleyes.gif