Would you date/sleep with a guy that is in a committed relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2007 8:58 PM GMT
    Turning the table to my last post on this subject. Would you date or have sex with a guy knowing that he is in a committed relationship? This could be a guy either in a hetrosexual or homosexual relationship.

    Would it make a difference if he was married or in a common law partnership?

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1927

    Mar 20, 2007 9:09 PM GMT
    NO I would not. I just would not feel comfortable with it.
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    Mar 20, 2007 9:10 PM GMT
    This shit is sick, dishonest, low ethic, and dysfunctional.

    Daily, I'm approached by some married, discreet, man.

    In my book "discreet" = near zero integrity.

    Those sorts of folks are true blue dirt bags incapable of any level of honesty / integrity with themselves, or others.

    It's beyond pathetic.
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    Mar 20, 2007 9:44 PM GMT
    Ok, what about a homo couple that says they'd like to include you in a threesome?

    Personally, I don't see a problem in it. People are attractive - if your relationship is strong enough and you trust enough to include a third...is that a bad thing in the eyes of the world?
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    Mar 20, 2007 11:31 PM GMT
    I think that a "menage a trois" is great if the committed couple agree. You can have an orgy with as many as you would like.

    I am talking more in the context of falling for someone emotionally or sexually and knowing that they are in a committed relationship.

    I think in most cases of an affair the partner seldom knows that it is even happening.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Mar 21, 2007 12:15 AM GMT
    The mistake is ultimately the other person's responsibility. They said when they got married or committed that they would stick by the other person and be honest with them. You made no such committment.

    However, I wouldn't get attached to that person. Chucky is right. That lack of honesty says alot about their character. Assuming they eventually leave the other person for you, how do you know they won't cheat on you when they feel its convenient?
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    Mar 21, 2007 12:30 AM GMT
    When I met my best friend he was in a relationship with his ex-boyfriend. I really liked him and he really liked me too but neither of us made a move because simply put, I would never do anything with someone in a commited relationship.

    One time while we were hanging out he told me: "I have to end things with my boyfriend. It's just not working out."

    I think he expected me to say something or do something on the accounts that his relationship was ending (and I had nothing to do with it. His relationship was broken even before we met). I didn't.

    It wasn't until he broke up with his boyfriend and that relationship was over that anything happened between us. That didn't really work out in the end.

    Moral of the story: I can be in love with someone or have strong feelings and they can have strong feelings for me, but I will not get between that relationship. Why? Because as the song says "don't cry to me, if you loved me you would be here with me." Really if you want to be with me you'll be with me and hopefully you'll have enough courage to tell the person you're with that you no longer have the same feelings as opposed to dragging the pain on.

    I deserve better, he deserves better, and his partner deserves better than that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 1:30 AM GMT
    Full disclosure is ideal. Having been married to a woman at the same time that the love that dare not speak its name began bellowing in my ear, and having been cheated on in a big way by a male partner, I do not play with attached men who I know are not in open relationships.

    But of course how do you know? There's the problem that someone who cheats on his wife is probably not going to be honest with the person he cheats with either. And then there are the countless profiles on hookup sites that say "married or bi a plus." Many gay men fetishize the heterosexual. And then....

    I don't think lust and love can be reduced to black-and-white imperatives. My work would certainly be a lot easier if I could tell every client who cheated on their mate that they were a pathetic piece of shit.

    Most people, when love or lust arrive, immediately throw their brains out the window and don't get them back until the disorder called "romantic love" runs its course. This being such a universal experience -- I know very few people who haven't strayed once or twice -- it seems that compassion and forgiveness are better responses than a sermon.

    I've also found that people who demand honesty from their partners often want no such thing. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if you stray once in five years of a relationship, it's not very wise to relieve your own guilt by punishing your spouse with news of your lust-inspired stupidity.
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Mar 21, 2007 1:59 AM GMT
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    Mar 21, 2007 2:38 AM GMT
    someone did email me about this, saying how although he has a bf, he really would like to get together with me and get to know me better. My response to him was simple, I will NOT be a homewrecker and that he needs to let his bf know that they are not in love anymore.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Mar 21, 2007 4:06 AM GMT
    not unless he was in MY committed relationship...not very good karma...and I believe says a great deal about the drama I would be in for...

    - David
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 4:36 AM GMT
    no, i would not sleep/date someone that was dating someone else. 3-somes are out of the question for me too. I understand that happens alot in the gay world, but sex is still a very intimate and personal thing for me. The idea of a 3-some has never been a turn-on for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 4:36 AM GMT
    I don't think I would ever do something stupid like that although IF the guy is really hot. It's wrong to take away someone who's taken. I don't want it to happen to me either.
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    Mar 21, 2007 4:55 PM GMT
    I have been put in this situation but not by my choice. I wasn't told till later that he was married. Then i became friends with his wife not knowing that they were married. (even though they were in the middle of a divorce before I got involved. I have also been in the position of a married guy wanting to end his marriage for me. Being a homewrecker is no fun. I would advise against the married/taken guys/girls. People should at least have the decency to tell their partner that feelings have changed or what not, BEFORE looking for a relationship elsewhere.
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    Mar 21, 2007 5:49 PM GMT
    I wouldn't if I knew they were in a commited relationship. Sometimes a person won't say they are though, or will lie straight off and say they are single.

    I prefer to get to know someone before messing around though, and generally will know if they are in a relationship before anything would happen.

    My last relationship ended after 3.5 years, and my ex started dating someone we played with once almost immediately after be broke up, if not before. I was uncomfortable with the whole situation of playing with a third person, but wanted my guy to be happy.

    I guess I don't want to be that person that causes a couple to break up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 7:57 PM GMT
    If he wanted to sleep w/someone other than his partner, he really isn't in a "committed relationship" is he.
    My answer: no
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2007 3:28 PM GMT
    If someone says they are in a commited relationship, and then date outside of said relationship. Technically, it's not a commited relationship. The phrasing of the question should have been, "Would you actively persue someone who was already dating someone else." =)

    Either way, no. Although I've been tempted to. Easiest way to look at it, how would I react if I was the person who's back this was all being taken place behind?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2007 3:37 PM GMT
    Ditto to lars1275 reply!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 7:35 AM GMT
    I agree with styrgan. It is ultimately the guy in the relationships problem and not yours.

    I would have sex with a guy in a relationship if he hit on me and/or I didn't know he was married. I wouldn't make a move on him however. I go by the principle that if the relationships that committed then he woulnd't want to sleep with anyone else.

    I wouldn't have a relationship wiht him or even a repeat performance if I did have sex with him, because why put yourself through grief.

    It's the married guy who is cheating, you're just getting your rocks off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 1:55 PM GMT
    It's disgusting, dishonest, unethical, immoral, not right, low, crass, mean spirited and dispicable. The answer is YES, I would sleep with a man in a committed relationship!
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    Mar 25, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    I have a different personal view on this...

    It seems many would assign blame to the cheating partner while not looking at what one is contributing to the scenario... What if the person who is being cheated really have no idea about the action of his partner because he trusts this person and to him this indeed a real committed relationship?

    If you are a gun sales person, and a person comes to you to buy a gun, and tells you that he intends to use this device to hurt someone. You do not know or will ever meet the person he is intending to hurt. You want to get your rocks off, the cash can buy you that new car you always wanted.

    The point I am trying to make, when you sleep with a man whom you KNOW is deceiving his partner just so the 2 of you can get your rocks off, an act of instant gratification and nothing more, you are an EQUAL PARTICIANT of this act that is going to hurt someone else, an equal participant to help this cheating partner perpetuate his deception. The only difference is that you did not do the initial deception and this person you help hurt is unseen.

    So do you get your rocks off and take the cash and buy that car, while shutting a blind eye to what this person is going to do with this guy, out of side out of mind? Instad of looking at yourself and your particiaption of the event, you blame the guy who bought the guy. If it wasn't me, he would have bought it from someone else... But then it was not YOU who participated this cat with him, someone else did. Where is the intergirty to ethics?

    Something to think about...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    Out of sight out of mind..sorry for al the terrible typos..

  • Mar 25, 2007 2:47 PM GMT
    Seriously, are you guys so desperate for sex that you have to do it with someone who has a partner? Who cares about how committed the relationship is or is not, have you no self respect?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 6:19 PM GMT
    I'm pleasantly surprised to see so many guys who would NOT sleep with someone they knew was in a committed relationship. It seems so many gay/straight/bi men DO, from what you see in the media, etc.

    My take on this is this: Anybody who has to sleep around has big issues (immaturity, insecurity, incompleteness, lack of self-esteem, etc.). They may couch their issues in other popular jargon: "Men are naturally on the hunt/prowl, sowing their seed subconcsiouly for the perpetuation of the species. It's only recreational sex. As long as nobody gets hurt . . ., etc., etc."

    I believe the nature of the sexual act(s) is intimacy in the closest possible way. When that intimacy gets diluted with multiple sexual partners, you lose something of yourself, not to mention the other person's self. That is the whole reason for making a relationship committed: to perpetuate the bond of intimacy, through thick and thin. "Open" relationships therefore, are not committed, according to my view. They are immature, insecure, incomplete, and lack self-esteem. A mature person has the ability and energy to make and keep a commitment.

    MANY people today do not have that maturity, for any number of reasons. They have never had it as a model (re: children out of divorced parents). I feel very sad for them. They seem incapable of living towards others, but mainly towards themselves. They will never know the fullness of being really human, which comes from living more and more for others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 7:49 PM GMT
    Good question. My answer: NO. Hell no.

    Buckle up, this topic has hit a nerve and some of your responses have got me pissed:

    What the hell is wrong with some of you little boys? All the muscles in the world can't make up for the fact you are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually stunted little children. And quit blaming your upbringing or the lack of a role model. You need a role model?! Eat this:

    It's not the 'right wing' polititians or Rush Limbaugh, or those Christian preachers you ought to be worried about. They're not gonna do half the damage to the 'gay community' as the 'gay community' is doing to itself.

    You people are eating yourselves from the inside out while rationalizing it. And you wonder why society looks down on you. You deserve to be picked on, you deserved to be disrespected.

    If you would be an accompice to someone in a committed relationship who wants to cheat, YOU have sold your soul. And there is NOTHING less "Jock-ish" than someone who is so CHEAP AND WEAK they would sell their soul to blow a load.

    So you can lift a lot of weight - your mind and morals can't bench sh*t.