Guilty as charged. I throw these words around, but only in circles where they are welcome. My friends know and I know that they don't actually mean I'm a girl. It's more of a play on words. We aren't uptight and are pretty relaxed about gender roles. Plus, we are all quasi feminists and as you may know, the word bitch and girl has been transformed in recent years from manacles of shame into terms for female empowerment. My friends and I feel that we bear some similarities to woman kind (dust your knees off honey, that's one), and also females represent another group that has been oppressed and demonized simply for being what they are, much like us (for being gay), and they were being oppressed before us. Much as females are becoming empowered by words used to degrade them like "bitch" and "girl", we also feel empowered by them too.
Furthermore, I've got the stocky build, the hot muscles, the rugged style: I'm so MANLY
it's painful. When I get around my sisters, I really do want to ease up a bit and be a little gayer. If I was straight I'd be content to cram my masculinity down everyone's throat all the time to ease feelings of insecurity, but I'm gay and I'm very secure in my masculinity. Also, I belong to a GAY community that is made up of all kinds: flamboyant, feminine, straight acting, butch, and queeny. I refuse to create an us and them mentality within my own community. I know some identify with girls, some you can hardly tell the difference
.....you'll never see me reminding them that I'm not like them thus implying that I'm some how better. I'm not, we are all gay.
It is my personal opinion that being uptight about gender roles is a straight custom. Straight guys choke themselves trying to appear as tuff, macho, and as masculine as possible. However, that is part of that culture, boys are socialized to BE THE MAN
starting very young: don't cry, don't smile, don't play with barbies! Reversely, in the gay community those rules are lax; after all, you sleep with dudes, I think that trumps playing with barbies. I feel that if you really are tuff, macho, masculine, you shouldn't need to try so hard nor should you need to remind everyone constantly of your role, especially if a gay friend slips and playfully calls you girl or bitch.
Kissing pro, if you were my friend and in a casual setting, felt the need to remind me of your role and asked (scolded) me not to call you a bitch or a girl, or honey chow, what have you. I'd promptly break off my friendship with you.....ok, maybe not, but I would definitely tell you to chillax and that I'll say what the hell I want when I want. I know it sounds dramatic, but I'm not in the closet anymore, I'm not hung up on gender roles, and I don't consider it a good time to walk on any kind of eggshells for someone who is supposed to be my friend. Tact is my middle name, I practice propriety as a rule and only in the right setting would I ever use a term of endearment (girl/bitch) toward a friend, because that's what it is, it is not a joke. Unless you think being a girl is a joke.....screw that, being a girl is serious business! .............................................