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Straight/Bi whatever they should be avoided!

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Nov 24, 2008 7:11 PM GMT

Okay so my friend threw a party about a month ago with a straight guy, who we were all pretty sure is actually 100% gay.

So I flirted with him a little, he said he acted defensive said he was straight, and he beat the crap out of the last guy to hit on him but I was cool because I was friends with the party host. Personally I could so take him but not the point

He disappeared from the party shortly after I left and ended up turning up at my apartment door, because he just didn't want to go home alone, or sleep by himself and had no problem sharing my bed and didn't manage to keep his hands to himself....

Here's the problem, he told everyone he left the party because he felt uncomfortable that I and another guy flirted with him to test the waters because he was "straight". So my friends hassled me that i shouldn't have flirted with him and it was inappropriate and even though I promised the "straight" boy I wouldn't mention it I told them all what happened.

Took about three weeks but eventually it got back to the "straight" boy and he went on this rant how, I was disgusting, it never happened and the idea that he would ever go their with a guy made him want to vomit.

I had to hand it to him he had worked out a minute by minute alibi as to where he spent the four hours that night. In fact so precise that not a single person believed him...LOL

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Nov 24, 2008 7:37 PM GMT

God why does this guy bother with the charade. We are nearly into the second decade of the 21st century and he is acting like it is the 1950s.

Tell him to be a man, if he likes to lick cock every once and awhile admit it!

MarvelClimber

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Nov 24, 2008 7:51 PM GMT

The label doesn't matter so much as the personality. This guy isn't comfortable with his sexuality. I know plenty of bi guys who are out. Pressing a guy who is deeply closeted and confused in a public setting will most surely end in disaster.

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Nov 24, 2008 7:54 PM GMT

Yeah, I'd stay away from this guy. He needs to sort out his feelings about men, and won;t ever be anything but the way hes been acting until he is out to himself and others. Its a shame he feels he has to live that way. He's missing out on his own life.

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Nov 24, 2008 8:22 PM GMT

SurrealLife saidGod why does this guy bother with the charade. We are nearly into the second decade of the 21st century and he is acting like it is the 1950s.

Tell him to be a man, if he likes to lick cock every once and awhile admit it!

I really hate the title of this thread. I am a bi man and I have absolutely no problem admitting that I like to suck dick (hell of a lot more than that too). Please don't avoid us bi guys just because of stereotypes/misconceptions that we are all confused. If I find a good man I would settle down with him for life.

Also, I agree with SurrealLife but remember just because it's the 21st century doesn't mean that people aren't still gonna try to kill you because you're gay. Always gotta keep your guard up. But what that guy did was just cowardly. Shame on him.

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Nov 24, 2008 8:38 PM GMT

hmmm
to make sure we're getting this right.

He's in the closet and you're a Perez Hilton?

Seriously, it's apparent this guy does not want his sexuality or sex life broadcasted for what ever reason. You decided you would and he denies it. Shocker.

...and who should truly be avoided the maybe gay, maybe bi, maybe straight guy whose not public about his sexuality or the guy that decides it would be funny to make it every one business?

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Nov 24, 2008 8:43 PM GMT

I agree with Pedro. Don't avoid us because of stereotypes.. if you do that, then you're just as bad as the straight people who avoid gays.

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Nov 24, 2008 8:46 PM GMT

I didn't tell anyone and I wouldn't have.

Until when others asked him why he disappeared from the party and where he went, he said he left because I made him uncomfortable.

When in fact he left because he wanted some but wasn't man enough to own up to it.

Could have just said he went home, but no he had to reassert his masculinity.

Which in turn lead my friends to say lay off flirting on the the poor confused straight guy,

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Nov 24, 2008 9:08 PM GMT

AMT87 saidI didn't tell anyone and I wouldn't have.

Until when others asked him why he disappeared from the party and where he went, he said he left because I made him uncomfortable. When in fact he left because he wanted some but wasn't man enough to own up to it.

Which in turn lead my friends to say lay off flirting on the the poor confused straight guy,

Yeah, interesting dilemma. This straight guy lies about having gone to your place, plus he portrays you as the bad guy who compelled him to leave the party.

Then you in turn tell the truth to exonerate yourself with your friends, despite the straight having asked you to keep his visit a secret. (BTW, did you actually have sex with him? We won't know who he is)

Ordinarily I'd criticize a person who broke a confidence, especially about involuntarily outing someone. These extenuating circumstances make for an interesting gay ethical quandary, however.

I also agree with Pedro that bi guys should not get bad press, and I certainly wouldn't universally avoid them. At the same time, I'm not sure how I might have handled falling in love with one, which never happened to me, and now I have a gay partner.

My concern would have been the permanence of our relationship, whether he could remain monogamous with a man only as I would wish, or if having an equal interest in women would make our gay relationship inadequate for him over time. Perhaps Pedro has useful insights on this, too.

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Nov 24, 2008 9:14 PM GMT

Red... while I can't speak for Pedro.. I'm speaking for myself. No matter who I'm with, man or woman, I remain completely monogamous. Don't need one if I have the other... and vice versa.

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Nov 24, 2008 9:29 PM GMT

Bisexual men?

Well I have done my share of dealing with some bisexual men. I have learned, from experience, that they tend to be very selfish & think of no one else's needs but their very own (only the ones who claim to be more into girls but will do the dirty deeds behind closed doors with another man). Simply put, if you like to put your lips on another man's penis, go ahead & do so, don't hide it & don't make me look like a bad guy when the same group of people we BOTH know already know the game & deal about me. I, personally, have nothing to hide about myself when it comes to my sexual orientation. I have, however, started rediscovering women who are FIT & IN SHAPE. They know the deal with me & well, safe to say they let me know what they're about, too. I keep it real with them & the same is given to me. Granted I have started looking at girls again, the guys here in my neck of the woods call me selfish & I reassure them, if they knew how to act right, next to having some decency & sense, I wouldn't have to look at women, go figure. I do not discrimnate against bi/straight guys, just be upfront about what you want. You may not ALWAYS get what you ask of that party but at least you were honest about what you say you're about.

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Nov 24, 2008 9:36 PM GMT

lilmaninsc saidRed... while I can't speak for Pedro.. I'm speaking for myself. No matter who I'm with, man or woman, I remain completely monogamous. Don't need one if I have the other... and vice versa.

That's great from my point of view as a gay man. How do you think that would work for the long haul, say over decades of being partners?

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Nov 24, 2008 9:44 PM GMT

I think a lot of us just have had too many bad experiences with bi guys.

I really have no problem with being with a bi guy as long as they are comfortable with being in such a monogamous relationship. However, I've yet to have experiences with such.

Of the guys I've known, the closest I've got was one that identified as gay, but had such a unrealistic view of relationships, doubt he'll ever find the guy for him. (I wasn't "masculine" as he wants -- basically the only one that I've ever known to think of me as feminine!)

Known a couple that seem to identify with bi to be cool -- I've yet to see those ones ever actually do anything to show that they actually did like being with guys in any way, shape, or form.

The rest, well, they have been the stereotypically confused. Some were straight one week, gay the next, bi another, straight most other times. Just seems like the majority of the bi guys I've ever known were only bi because they didn't want to be stuck with the gay label. I will admit that there was a time when I was one of these guys a few years ago while I was gradually becoming comfortable with myself.

Overall, don't think bi guys should be avoided. Just, sometimes, a lot of them just need to be careful with getting too close. I think, though, it's pretty easy to figure out who's who out of the bi guys. Just don't expect much of a relationship if they're those in the confused range.

In my opinion, sounds like the "straight" guy at the party is merely the confused bi... give him a couple years and he'll probably figure out what he is -- and that's probably 100% gay.

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Nov 24, 2008 9:46 PM GMT

I, too, have been with a few "straight" or married but curious and bisexual men. Same experience as most who have posted on this thread. These dudes live in fantasy land/false reality. I hate to generalize or stereotype, but most are typically self absorbed and looking out for their own interests. I'm not opposed to hooking up with one on occasion for a little fun, but generally keep them away at arms length.

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Nov 24, 2008 10:00 PM GMT

Personally I don't have a problem with people who are bi-sexual as friends or acquaintances but I would not date one. My personal opinion as far as feelings go and relationships you either want a man or a woman. I can see people who are very sexual not caring if their sex is with one or the other just for the sake of sex but as far as falling in love, either you're straight or your gay! It's hard enough trying to find a gay man that can keep his dick in his pants and not screw around with another man.....why would you want to be with someone whose tempted by men AND woman......double trouble!

Don't mean to sound like a hater or sour puss but so far in my single life over the last three years.....finding a gay man who is even OPEN to a relationship, especially a monogamous one, seems virtually impossible now days.

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Nov 24, 2008 10:03 PM GMT

Red_Vespa said
lilmaninsc saidRed... while I can't speak for Pedro.. I'm speaking for myself. No matter who I'm with, man or woman, I remain completely monogamous. Don't need one if I have the other... and vice versa.

That's great from my point of view as a gay man. How do you think that would work for the long haul, say over decades of being partners?

Well my longest relationship was only 2 years. I believe that I will stick to my values if/when I do finally meet someone I can spend my life with. I'm not all about sex... I don't need it, to tell the truth. I'm more of a giver, so when I'm with someone I give them all of me. I don't believe in cheating, or open relationships. So, for me, when I make that commitment to be with someone, I intend on keeping it that way.

Hope that made sense?

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Nov 24, 2008 11:30 PM GMT

discreet = dishonest, not out,baggage, self-loathing, low-esteem, head issues, in almost every case.

With 7 billion folks in the world, dump your association with this guy and get someone who has their head together.

Life is to short to waste it on folks like him.

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Nov 25, 2008 1:01 AM GMT

I don't buy it. Sorry.

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Nov 25, 2008 1:09 AM GMT

Met up with a guy for fun once. Afterwards he told me he was actually bi and had a gf, who didn't know he was playing around. I felt awful for his gf

, and awful for being the 'other guy'.

Last guy I dated was also an ex-straight, had a few gfs before leaning more towards the gay side. I fell too deeply for him, and got really burnt. Still love him, but told him never to talk to me again.

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Nov 25, 2008 1:14 AM GMT

Lilman, I think you're right on. While I am myself gay, I think I get what you're saying about your attachment and monogamous commitment to another being possible with either gender, but that once you've made that attachment, you expect to invest in it - emotionally and physically - to the exclusion of other intimate partnerships or casual hookups with either sex. You are a shining example of fidelity, integrity and commitment in a bi man.

MikePhilPerez

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Nov 25, 2008 1:16 AM GMT

pdxpally saidI don't buy it. Sorry.

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Nov 25, 2008 1:39 AM GMT

If it happened or not, doesn't matter, that you thought nothing of "outing" your overnight guest after you said you wouldn't say anything is really unethical and wrong. "Growing up" and keeping friends and doing it with some style and class, means you don't need to share every detail of the latest conquest with your girlfriends at his expense. His "outness" is his choice, not yours. He is the one that will live with his incongruencies and lies.

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Nov 25, 2008 1:55 AM GMT

All I've got to say is that as a bisexual man I am sexually attracted to both good-looking men and women. With that said, if I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship with a man then there ain't a thing in the world that can make me stray (so to speak). All that being bi means is that you have twice as many temptations as a gay man because there are other hot women and men around. However, just as a committed gay man in a relationship can feel lust/temptation but still remains loyal to his guy, a bi man, such as myself, can feel tempted by women as well as men but still remain loyal to his man. Bisexuality doesn't make me somehow qualitatively different from other men and less trustworthy or more confused, it just means that my dick gets hard for men and women. If I bi man cheats or lies or seems confused about what he wants then he is just maybe still a bit immature or he lacks self-control. Guys in gay relationships are tempted all the time by other hot guys they see and if they cheat then it's for the same reason as a bi man, either desire got the best of him or there is a problem in the relationship or both.

Sorry if that was a long-winded answer.

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Nov 25, 2008 2:05 AM GMT

Shortnsexystud saidPersonally I don't have a problem with people who are bi-sexual as friends or acquaintances but I would not date one. My personal opinion as far as feelings go and relationships you either want a man or a woman. I can see people who are very sexual not caring if their sex is with one or the other just for the sake of sex but as far as falling in love, either you're straight or your gay! It's hard enough trying to find a gay man that can keep his dick in his pants and not screw around with another man.....why would you want to be with someone whose tempted by men AND woman......double trouble!

Don't mean to sound like a hater or sour puss but so far in my single life over the last three years.....finding a gay man who is even OPEN to a relationship, especially a monogamous one, seems virtually impossible now days.

I just read your post and we have the same point about temptation but I think that if a guy is going to cheat then he is going to cheat regardless of how many possible temptations are around him. If a guy is happy in a relationship then he is gonna be loyal to his guy no matter who comes along (be it Rafael Verga or Angelina Jolie). See what I'm saying it doesn't matter if there is "double trouble.

"

Just thought this thread needed some visual enhancement.

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Nov 25, 2008 2:17 AM GMT

pdxpally saidI don't buy it. Sorry.

One or two of my friends didn't either, then he was at another party and he came over drunk and tried to flirt with me, and asked for my number right in front of two of them.

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Straight/Bi whatever they should be avoided!