Too much

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  Sep 17, 2007 4:43 AM GMT

  So here's the thing. Some guys might wonder what I'm complaining about, but nonetheless.
  
  I've been seeing a guy for just a couple of weeks, and mainly just having a beer or two after work once or twice a week. I think I've been out with him about 3 times now.
  
  Problem is, after the first time we had a beer together, he sent me flowers at work the next day. The next time we were out, he couldn't keep his hands off me and started talking about introducing me to his parents and where we would go on holidays.
  
  Truth be known, its a bit intense too quickly for me. Should I tell him to back off?

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  Sep 17, 2007 7:44 AM GMT

  
  LOL .. the 4th time he'll propose to you for sure!! ..
  well , it's sweet what he's doing. but, after the first date?.. i think it's kinda creepy and suspicious... or maybe he isn't that experienced in dates and trying to be romanting and nice to you ..
  you can try to show him that you are not intrested or too busy for dates.. it sure will brake his heart ..but, i don't think there is another way ..

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  Sep 17, 2007 7:45 AM GMT

  romantic*

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• GQjock
  
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  Sep 17, 2007 10:54 AM GMT

  I'd be like ...Dude - your parents? What are you gonna do next take my used condom and run out to a surrogate to make a baby?
  
  Yeah...backing off is most def warranted with this guy for sure
  

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  Sep 17, 2007 4:54 PM GMT

  Run. Hes a Lesbian.

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  Sep 17, 2007 6:16 PM GMT

  Awww - I thought the flowers were a nice touch...
  
  Let me get this straight... you have been out with him for a beer no more than three times, there has been no sexual activity (beyond say a kiss?) and he is already talking about introducing you to his parents and going away for a weekend?
  
  Yeah - sounds like a total loser to me...
  
  Jeez - what the hell do you want? What is scaring you? Sounds like he is hot for you, interested, and wants you to know he is serious.
  
  So what if he sent you flowers, its kind of romantic.
  
  I know it is totally out of fashion in our communitty but - if you like him - you might just try TALKING to him... tell him he is making you kind of uncomfortable and moving a little fast for you. Tell him you like him, but you don't want to move that quickly. Be honest. Communicate.
  
  Take a chance - you can always cut it off later if things don't improve.

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  Sep 17, 2007 6:18 PM GMT

  Man o man....this guy is really something. Definitely not a good sign....doesn't mean he's a bad person but thats way too much too soon.
  
  Oh...and flowers budd??? I think I'd choke my bro if he ever sent me those to work.....Lol

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  Sep 17, 2007 6:22 PM GMT

  Sorry ITJock....with all due respect...I didn't mean to step on your toes about the flowers...!
  AMB

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• MikePhilPerez
  
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  Sep 17, 2007 6:28 PM GMT

  I'm with ITJock.
  
  If he had no interest in you it would be another story.
  
  Although if my man sent me flowers at work I would probably kick his ass :)
  
  Mike

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• art_smass
  
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  Sep 17, 2007 6:33 PM GMT

  I'd be happy about the flowers. Just once I'd like a stalker who sent me something other than email.

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  Sep 18, 2007 2:53 AM GMT

  ITJock - I re-read my post and wonder where I mentioned that he's a loser or that I'm scared to talk to him?
  
  He is a nice guy, and its clear that he is keen. I just wonder how to tell him to chill a bit without hurting his feelings.
  
  I didn't want to go into too many details because it would bore you all, but on the second night we went out for a beer, this girl threw a glass of water at us because he was groping me in plain view of the rest of the (straight) bar. I felt uncomfortable about that.
  
  The flowers sent to work were a bit much because everyone wanted the gossip, and even though I am fully out at work, I believe my personal life is none of their business.
  
  Anyway, I am certainly going to talk to him and tell him to treat me more like a friend for a while and not like an instant husband.

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  Sep 18, 2007 3:07 AM GMT

  in my view, you should think over about him clearly, that is whether you love him or not.i regard this is more important to you. what you said that seems more quick...if i was, i can not accept.anyway think about by yourself.

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  Sep 18, 2007 3:39 AM GMT

  Just tell him how you feel.
  
  It always amazes me how difficult this is for some people.
  
  "Wow, flowers? Already?" could have been his first clue.
  
  "I usually don't meet a guy's parents until I've spent some time getting to know him," would have been a great, direct, non-awkward response.
  
  Being honest doesn't HAVE to be a big deal.
  
  

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  Sep 18, 2007 5:42 AM GMT

  well maybe just standback a bit and see where this goes. if you know (as has been suggested) it's an opportunity to find out whats going on with him.

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  Sep 18, 2007 5:49 AM GMT

  I agree with Greg completely. It's not really too tough to just be honest with the guy. If he reacts badly, then you know it's probably not a good idea to continue seeing him.

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  Sep 18, 2007 7:30 AM GMT

  Thanks for all the advice guys. makes a lot of sense.
  
  it's not at all that I can't or won't be honest with him, i just don't want to hurt his feelings.
  
  i gather that he hasn't had a partner for a long time and sees me as the next big thing. that may well be true, but i will want to take it a bit slower.
  
  thanks again.

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• GQjock
  
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  Sep 18, 2007 10:31 AM GMT

  Mike...why would you kick your BF's ass because he sent you flowers at work?

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  Sep 18, 2007 10:42 AM GMT

  relax cronker, you'll be divorced by the end of the week!

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  Sep 18, 2007 11:54 PM GMT

  LOL dakuk. Very probably.
  
  Update: So I rang him last night to say hi, and gently broach the subject of taking it a bit more easy.
  
  Anyway, before I could get started he told me he was in love with me and couldn't imagine being without me. Yikes! I think he might be a lesbian.
  
  Anyway, I told him I thought it was a bit soon to be making that kind of call, and said I think we should aim to be buddies for a while. I'm sure it hurt his feelings, but I am glad it came out.
  
  Thanks for all the helpful advice guys. That's why I love this site!

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• MikePhilPerez
  
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  Sep 18, 2007 11:58 PM GMT

  Well he will get over it.
  
  Hope things work out for you.
  
  Mike

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  Sep 19, 2007 5:32 PM GMT

  Cronker-it was very good of you to call him. Very thoughtful. Hopefully he can see the situation from your point of view.
  It's a on-going learning experience. You're a good man Cronker.

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  Sep 19, 2007 8:49 PM GMT

  Good for you for calling him. Now he knows where you stand. I'm sure he realizes you are right.
  
  Hope it turns out well for you. - Jorel

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• MikePhilPerez
  
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  Sep 23, 2007 12:13 AM GMT

  GQjock,
  
  "Mike...why would you kick your BF's ass because he sent you flowers at work?"
  
  I was just joking. I would never kick my BF's ass.
  
  I am not a flowers kind of guy, but if he sent them I would think it was very nice of him.
  
  I think I would feel embarrassed though.
  
  Mike

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  Sep 23, 2007 12:29 AM GMT

  cronker you need to lose his number dude, and not return his calls , and tell him to see a therapist

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  Sep 24, 2007 1:41 AM GMT

  Be careful... he sounds like a control freak. The whole moving too fast, sending flowers after the first beer, falling in love instantly thing is all about control, my friend... maybe even a little obsessive behavior tossed in, too.
  
  Make sure he actually heard what you said... and if he crosses the line or makes you uncomfortable, let him know it point blank. You don't want to deal with what I just finished dealing with...
  
  (I just went through this with a guy and after 9 months of saying "back off, slow it down" and trying not to hurt his feelings, he STILL hasn't gotten the message.)
  
  Anyway... the guy you're dealing with may or may not be a control freak/clinger-type... but the way things started out sure did sound those alarms...
  
  Good luck!
  

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