Would you sign a prenup?

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  Dec 09, 2008 4:17 PM GMT

  I was talking to a gf of mine at work about her new love interest and this guy has lots of money....I asked her if it got serious and he wanted to get married would she sign a prenup?
  
  It got me thinking....if gay marriage is eventually passed one day....
  
  If your partner asked you to sign a prenup would you? Would it take some of the romance away from the moment? How would it make you feel?
  
  

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  Dec 09, 2008 6:03 PM GMT

  I'd sign a pre-nup, because I'm a realist and you never know what the future holds.
  
  Hopefully I'll be with my husband forever, but who knows.
  
  Lozx

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  Dec 09, 2008 7:42 PM GMT

  don't know, there not common in australia and they don't hold ground in court.

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  Dec 09, 2008 7:48 PM GMT

  Yes.

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  Dec 09, 2008 9:03 PM GMT

  No, but then again I am never going to marry. In Canada common-law partners have very similar rights as married couples.

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  Dec 09, 2008 9:18 PM GMT

  There's no gay marriage here in Florida, but my partner & I have drawn a number of legal instruments so we can inherit from each other. We also have "medical surrogate" rights and full powers of attorney.
  
  But he did stipulate that anything I inherit from him cannot be passed on to my natural children, to which I agreed. Instead, it stays in his family. I suppose that's a prenup in a way, though a bit tricky to execute.
  
  My children would get enough from me alone, that they wouldn't miss having his stuff. And I think it should stay within his own family, much of it being family heirlooms, that his own blood relatives would treasure far more than anyone in my own family.

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  Dec 09, 2008 9:34 PM GMT

  Once I signed an hors d'oeurve but I was already drunk.

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  Dec 09, 2008 9:47 PM GMT

  ursamajor saidOnce I signed an hors d'oeurve but I was already drunk.

  
  
  I've slurped hors d'oeuvres when drunk, but never signed. How exactly is this done?

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• EricLA
  
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  Dec 09, 2008 9:53 PM GMT

  If it was fair, sure. My family doesn't having a winning track record with marriages, and as a gay man I know relationships don't always last. But, I'd want what's fair.

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  Dec 09, 2008 10:14 PM GMT

  I'd sign it. I've always been self sufficient and probably wouldn't want to take anything from someone I didn't earn, even if I did marry them. And besides, considering the guys I tend to like, chances are I'll be the only one with a job... lol

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• styrgan
  
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  Dec 09, 2008 10:20 PM GMT

  I think that if you need to sign a pre-nup, you shouldn't be getting married. It seems like you or someone else has less than permanent expectations for the relationship. If someone feels that way, why bother getting married in the first place?
  
  I understand that things can go south viciously sometimes, and its a "sensible" thing to do. But I don't think love or marriage is supposed to be sensible. You're basically putting your life in someone else's hands, and if you're truly in love, you should be comfortable with that.

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• coolarmydude
  
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  Dec 09, 2008 10:27 PM GMT

  Yes. My husband's assets are a non-issue for me.

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  Dec 09, 2008 10:36 PM GMT

  As an Aussie living In Oz / Australia. I will never have the right to wed my two long term relationships. So it will never be an issue for any of us, and we all have something.
  
  Yet Australians have rights I don't down here in oz, to be sealed to their loved "ONE!"

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  Dec 09, 2008 11:17 PM GMT

  
  Oh no, I'm a woman who loves her excess.
  
  

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  Dec 09, 2008 11:45 PM GMT

  I would. Even though if/when I get married it would be with the expectation it would be permanent, I'm too practical to ignore the fact that a very high percentage of marriages fail. From a legal standpoint, a marriage is basically a contract, and I think it's quite reasonable for two people who enter into a marriage from very different financial situations to establish a fair prenup. While it's only appropriate to take into account whether one partner's career was sacrificed for the sake of the other's/the family, if neither partner makes career sacrifices for the other why should the waiter get a lifetime boost from a failed marriage to a doctor, or a doctor from one to an investment banker?

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• styrgan
  
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  Dec 09, 2008 11:51 PM GMT

  Am I the only one then who thinks that asking someone to sign a pre-nup says, "I love you, but I'm suspicious deep down that you're a money-grubbing whore" (or something to that effect)?

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  Dec 09, 2008 11:57 PM GMT

  Stygran.
  
  You're not the only who feels that way!

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  Dec 10, 2008 12:22 AM GMT

  Eh, I'd sign one regardless of whether I was the one with the money or without the money. It's not romantic, but it is practical, and I'd rather enter a marriage as practical as possible.

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  Dec 10, 2008 1:04 AM GMT

  Gay marriage will lead to gay divorce in many cases. If you and your spouse-to-be have any significant assets, i.e., a house, investments, retirement accounts, etc., you will save yourselves untold grief if you have a binding agreement just in case. I know a prenup sounds crass and anti-romantic, but look at the stats for hetero marriages and extrapolate.
  
  If you do this you will lessen the odds you'll end up in family court expensively fighting each other about who gets the artworks or the Roche-Bobois sofa.

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  Dec 10, 2008 1:18 AM GMT

  pre-nups are good with one person has far more wealth than the other when they enter their relationship. But I believe pre-nups should come with a time limit based on a number of years.

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  Dec 10, 2008 1:29 AM GMT

  I'd sign it.
  
  What's about the whole what's yours is mine, everything is shared, joint bank accounts thing?
  
  

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• styrgan
  
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  Dec 10, 2008 1:31 AM GMT

  TexDef07 said
  
  If you do this you will lessen the odds you'll end up in family court expensively fighting each other about who gets the artworks or the Roche-Bobois sofa.

  
  
  I get it... we're just trying to build a world without consequences?
  
  I will never get married, so it doesn't bother me in the least.

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• whenitrains
  
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  Dec 10, 2008 1:32 AM GMT

  What about this... I know a Female/Male couple who decided to move in with each other, still fresh and neither one knows if marriage is in the future, they love each other. She bought a condo a few years ago - so expensive here in vancouver- and he had money problems in the past and had been renting and sharing with roommates. When he moved in she had a legal agreement drafted so that he wouldn't pay the mortgage but he would pay the bills, i.e. hydro, telephone, cable, food, ect... I think this is the route I would go. It keeps him from getting half of what she's already invested in and gives him the opportunity to take her for vacations ect. I'm dreaming
  
  I think for a lot of young couples in this situation starting out and waiting to get married, that this is a smart move. As for a prenup. I would hope by the time people got married they would not have thoughs kinds of insecurities. On the other hand, values and morals have changed - divorce rates are higher - as we say in the medical field CYA - cover your ass.

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  Dec 10, 2008 1:43 AM GMT

  
  Styrgan was concerned about "building a world with serious consequences." Any serious relationship has serious consequences, but the consequences get a lot more serious when you invoke the power of the State by getting legally married.
  

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  Dec 10, 2008 1:45 AM GMT

  styrgan saidAm I the only one then who thinks that asking someone to sign a pre-nup says, "I love you, but I'm suspicious deep down that you're a money-grubbing whore" (or something to that effect)?

  
  
  Why take the chance to marry them if they're money-grubbers? There wouldn't even be sound of wedding bells in the distance. I know I would make another man sign a pre-nup in a heartbeat. But then again, why make the effort to create more drama only AFTER you get married? Divorce rates are already on the rise as it is.
  
  What's mine is mine & what's yours is yours. You screw up, you get nothing & vice-versa. There's nothing more funny than living it up & getting the short end of the stick when you're writing those checks when, in reality, you should've been checking the deed.

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