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Not a top or a bottom

  • Schnapps78

    Posts: 20

    Dec 19, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    Okay, let me start by admitting something personal. I have bottomed in the past, and never enjoyed it (usually it hurt too much). I have also topped in the past (well...once...with a drunk straight boy), and I don't think I'm aggressive enough to be a top.

    Anal sex has never been a priority, yet I know so many people enjoy it. Even my ex of 5 years and I never had intercourse.

    Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why don't I enjoy anal sex as most other gay men do? Even when I watch porn, I fast forward through the intercourse scenes and only enjoy the foreplay.

    Do I have a problem? Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anybody have any advice?
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    Dec 20, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    Of course you dont have a problem, i think you need to experiment more.. Bottom is actually really good, its a nice feeling once the 1min of pain as gone!!

    You have to have patience. I dont think being top is as harsh as you sound, like i said be patient and you wont feel like that!!

    Hope this helps!

    Dxx
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    Dec 20, 2008 2:50 PM GMT
    Do you like any kind of sex with other men? Oral, manual, kissing? You say 5 years without "intercourse" with your ex; did you do anything sexual together that you liked?
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    Dec 20, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    Bottoming should hurt.

    You really need to find a small toy and go exploring for your prostate.
    When you find it you'll know, you boy will you know.
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    Dec 21, 2008 12:55 AM GMT
    Schnarf78 saidOkay, let me start by admitting something personal. I have bottomed in the past, and never enjoyed it (usually it hurt too much). I have also topped in the past (well...once...with a drunk straight boy), and I don't think I'm aggressive enough to be a top.

    Anal sex has never been a priority, yet I know so many people enjoy it. Even my ex of 5 years and I never had intercourse.

    Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why don't I enjoy anal sex as most other gay men do? Even when I watch porn, I fast forward through the intercourse scenes and only enjoy the foreplay.

    Do I have a problem? Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anybody have any advice?


    Dude, just take it easy and don't freak out about it! Everyone is different. Not everyone is into anal sex. Find the right guy, and you will be fine. You will find that some guys will be more into oral or anal than others.
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    Dec 21, 2008 1:21 AM GMT
    Never tried either, i think it depends on who ur with and ur personality
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    Dec 24, 2008 12:07 AM GMT
    Schnarf78 saidOkay, let me start by admitting something personal. I have bottomed in the past, and never enjoyed it (usually it hurt too much). I have also topped in the past (well...once...with a drunk straight boy), and I don't think I'm aggressive enough to be a top.

    Anal sex has never been a priority, yet I know so many people enjoy it. Even my ex of 5 years and I never had intercourse.

    Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why don't I enjoy anal sex as most other gay men do? Even when I watch porn, I fast forward through the intercourse scenes and only enjoy the foreplay.

    Do I have a problem? Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anybody have any advice?


    Same here. Being a top has never been that pleasurable to me. Maybe the condom cuts down the sensation too much. I have never worried about it, I have always really enjoyed sex.
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    Dec 24, 2008 2:01 AM GMT
    Alec_Brandon saidBottoming should hurt.

    You really need to find a small toy and go exploring for your prostate.
    When you find it you'll know, you boy will you know.


    I think what he means is that it shouldn't hurt.

    And it shouldn't. You may actually not like the sensation, but unless you get beyond the pain aspect, you'll never know. People suggest buying a dildo training set -- it comes with varying sizes of toy, and you work up from the smallest to the largest. That could work. Or you could just teach yourself to relax, the way I did it.

    Who can tell if you don't ease yourself past the pain threshold? You could be a raging bottom and you just don't know it. You could be denying yourself a world of sexual satisfaction and pleasure. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 24, 2008 10:04 AM GMT
    Nope, you're far from being the only guy who doesn't like anal sex. I had no idea anyone besides me actually skipped the 'intercourse' parts of porn.



    Also ,despite members here who wish it were not so, there's actually a name for guys like us now and it's called G0y. Google it =D
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    Dec 24, 2008 2:40 PM GMT
    There absolutely nothing wrong with you not being interested in it. Everyone is different. There are lots of other things you can do with a partner(s) that is fun, safe, and sexy.

    What turns you on in bed may change over time, but for now just relax and do whatever you like without the pressure of feeling like you have to be labeled.
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    Jan 05, 2009 2:45 AM GMT
    Once I saw enough fucking in porn I started to just watch the other parts as well.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    Porn is for the story, nothing else. It's always best to find out why the guys are getting together. Ah, who am I kidding.

    Be comfortable with your likes and your desires. If you want the intercourse, find someone that'll take things slowly and that will provide you with as much foreplay as you can stand. There's no reason to always start off tying each other up and pounding if you're not into it.

    Remember the three Ts: Touching, Toys, and Tongues. Everything else will fall into place from there.
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  • Buddha

    Posts: 1822

    Jan 16, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    RyanReBoRn saidNope, you're far from being the only guy who doesn't like anal sex. I had no idea anyone besides me actually skipped the 'intercourse' parts of porn.



    Also ,despite members here who wish it were not so, there's actually a name for guys like us now and it's called G0y. Google it =D


    I was wondering when the G0y blabber would rear its ugly head.
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  • sarmorgh

    Posts: 37

    Jan 16, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    There are plenty of men who only enjoy oral and they lead very fulfilling sex lives. Look on the bright side when you get much older you wont have to worry about adult diapers...
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    I was a top during my twenties and throughout my thirties I was non anal and just until a couple month of ago at 44 , that I became a bottom.

    I have two live in lover. We are a very sexual couple , sometimes having sex nearly everyday. But it is all non anal. I am very oral during sex. I love to pleased my men orally, touching, massaging , mutual mastubation and I am very creative during sex. I find out I cant top with a condom on. So for 10 or 12 years I was a non anal. Sex is as good as ever.

    Only lately, I start to explore the bottom role. I dont enjoy it the first times. But the more I do it the better it get. Frankly , I prefer guys with large penis. I kinda fill me up to the end and rub my prostate. Average guys are ok too, just the bigger one is better.
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:50 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidDo you like any kind of sex with other men? Oral, manual, kissing? You say 5 years without "intercourse" with your ex; did you do anything sexual together that you liked?


    There are plenty of guys who think that if you don't have anal sex, it's not sex. Very Bill Clinton.

    I think this belief is particularly prevalent among younger guys.

    Personally, I've enjoyed anal sex on occasion, more as top but occasionally as bottom, but it's never been a favorite activity of mine. And sometimes I think this has been lucky for me.

    It does limit my sex life, but that's OK. Many guys lose interest when they realize that I'm not very interested in anal sex. Sometimes they're guys I really like but what are you gonna do? You like what you like.

    RyanReBoRn saidNope, you're far from being the only guy who doesn't like anal sex. I had no idea anyone besides me actually skipped the 'intercourse' parts of porn.



    Also ,despite members here who wish it were not so, there's actually a name for guys like us now and it's called G0y. Google it =D


    Nothing could be more boring to me than closeups of anal sex in porn videos.

    As for g0y, I have googled it, though I didn't really know about it till I heard about it here.

    I don't need to be part of what seems to be a separatist movement from the gay community, one that has statements like "What G0YS embrace is masculinity in it's purest forms" and "G0YS (Spelled with a ZER0) are guys who find men physically & emotionally attractive, but (for whatever reason) are offended with the stigmas that currently define the 'gay community' in the public psyche" on what seems to be at least a semi-official homepage.

    I don't know what "masculinity in its purest forms" means. And I don't greatly care what defines the "gay community" in the public psyche. I'm me. If someone wants to define me as something I'm not, that's his problem.

    I see myself as completely gay, even though anal sex is not something I've ever been especially into.
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    Jan 17, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
    Maybe what you really want is to connect with someone more intimately. You want to kiss him, feel him, touch him... more romantic stuff?
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    Jan 17, 2009 9:03 AM GMT
    schnarf78 saidOkay, let me start by admitting something personal. I have bottomed in the past, and never enjoyed it (usually it hurt too much). I have also topped in the past (well...once...with a drunk straight boy), and I don't think I'm aggressive enough to be a top.

    Anal sex has never been a priority, yet I know so many people enjoy it. Even my ex of 5 years and I never had intercourse.

    Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why don't I enjoy anal sex as most other gay men do? Even when I watch porn, I fast forward through the intercourse scenes and only enjoy the foreplay.

    Do I have a problem? Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anybody have any advice?


    Not at all, man, I'm the same way. I don't like to bottom either, and until very recently I didn't feel like a top either. Still can't come from topping. I don't often like watching intercourse either.

    So, you're not alone.

    Don't you like the sensation of topping though? I never thought myself aggressive enough to be a top either, but when forced into the position by default i found it to be kinda nice.
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  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 17, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
    You are an adult man ...

    If you enjoy certain parts of sex ... it brings you pleasure and you partner is happy with it as well?
    Where's the problem?
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    Jan 17, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    GQjock saidYou are an adult man ...

    If you enjoy certain parts of sex ... it brings you pleasure and you partner is happy with it as well?
    Where's the problem?


    I think the problem may be that some gay guys think you're very strange if you don't like anal sex. Some guys will reject you if you're not into it.

    It's easy to say "Don't let it bother you," but I can definitely see how someone might wonder if there's something wrong with him for not liking it much.
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    Jan 18, 2009 11:52 PM GMT
    We seem to be in teh same boat so let me tackle this one question at a time

    schnarf78 saidOkay, let me start by admitting something personal. I have bottomed in the past, and never enjoyed it (usually it hurt too much). I have also topped in the past (well...once...with a drunk straight boy), and I don't think I'm aggressive enough to be a top.


    Bottomed, but whenever it hurt it was because the other guy never took the time to warm me up.
    I'm very docile so never thought that I could be a top, but whenever you're thrust into the position you just need to suck it up and everything normally turns out alright. Let's face it, topping a drunk straight boy isn't the best way to try out topping for the first time.

    schnarf78 saidAnal sex has never been a priority, yet I know so many people enjoy it. Even my ex of 5 years and I never had intercourse.


    Ditto, but replace 5, with 4 and a half.

    schnarf78 saidSometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why don't I enjoy anal sex as most other gay men do? Even when I watch porn, I fast forward through the intercourse scenes and only enjoy the foreplay.


    You probably do/would enjoy it, I'm betting it's just the context that's got you all twitterpated.
    Let's face it, a dick going in and out of someone's butt gets old really quickly. You've seen it once, you've seen it a million times, and that's including all the different funky camera angles a director can throw at you.

    schnarf78 saidDo I have a problem? Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anybody have any advice?


    No, you don't have a problem and you're not alone. However I would try to find someone willing to take his time and see you through the motions, just to see if it isn't the past contexts that have brought out these feelings.

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  • Schnapps78

    Posts: 20

    Nov 06, 2010 7:35 AM GMT
    In the past year I've tried bottoming quite a few times...more so than I ever have. I have not been able to take much, although I recently met someone who was the perfect size. Granted, it felt like he was fucking my bladder, but it wasn't overly painful like it has been in the past. We had sex 3 nights in a row!

    I have determined I just need to buy a starter kit, and work my way up. If I can test my own boundaries, I can push them to see how far I can go, and how far I can LET go.

    I REALLY want to be a good bottom. It just is in my nature. I'm not a top. Or rather, I have not found anybody I feel the need to top.

    We'll see what happens next!
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  • Schnapps78

    Posts: 20

    Nov 06, 2010 7:38 AM GMT
    GQjock saidIf you enjoy certain parts of sex ... it brings you pleasure and you partner is happy with it as well? Where's the problem?


    The problem is that I never knew true intimacy. That was probably the biggest issue between my ex and I (communication being #2). Because we had never even tried having sex with each other, it eventually became monotonous and boring.

    I have vowed to never let that be the case again.
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