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Age Discrimination in Dating.

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Jan 08, 2009 8:22 PM GMT

How many of you guys have been online or in a bar. Had some cute guy hit on you. Start talking to you. Thinking you are hot stuff and a great all around guy. Then as you reveal your age they suddenly stop talking to you. You realize then and there this young guy is stuck on the number. How do you respond to his apparent narrow minded vies?

Or for you younger men. How many have hit on older guys only for them to say you are too young and not mature enough?

Share your stories

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Jan 08, 2009 8:53 PM GMT

Cowboiway,

There's nothing narrow minded about being rejected because you don't fit within their age-range. The only thing narrow-mindedness is your inability to cope with the fact that you were rejected for reasons beyond your control.

I've been rejected in the past because I was too young for the guy. So what? That's HIS preference. Who am I to dictate that his tastes should be more eclectic? People have very specific tastes that may or may not change over time with their sexual selection, just as they do with their food selection.

Personal selection for dating and sexual purposes does not abide by any equal opportunity clause, nor should it ever.

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Jan 08, 2009 8:58 PM GMT

jakebenson saidCowboiway,

There's nothing narrow minded about being rejected because you don't fit within their age-range. The only thing narrow-mindedness is your inability to cope with the fact that you were rejected for reasons beyond your control.

I've been rejected in the past because I was too young for the guy. So what? That's HIS preference. Who am I to dictate that his tastes should be more eclectic? People have very specific tastes that may or may not change over time with their sexual selection, just as they do with their food selection.

Personal selection for dating and sexual purposes does not abide by any equal opportunity clause, nor should it ever.

Jake as I mentioned in the posting, the person thinks you are a great guy till you state your age. Age is but a number, and should not become a factor in who you are attracted to. But too many look at that number.

For the record, happily taken by a guy 10 years my junior.

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Jan 08, 2009 9:12 PM GMT

Well...ok if you say you are 40 and the dude runs...like wise if you say you are 22 and the dude runs...forget it. Not everything is meant as a personal insult. Some guys like guys over 40...some like them under 40. Who cares really? It is the way it is. If this person was into you, then bolted because of your age...I hate to be harsh, but he wasn't really that into you if he let that stop him.

We don't need outside people to tell us 40 is ok or 25 is ok. Just be ok with it and live life, whichever it is.

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Jan 08, 2009 9:17 PM GMT

bye!

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Jan 08, 2009 9:50 PM GMT

Cowboiway saidJake as I mentioned in the posting, the person thinks you are a great guy till you state your age. Age is but a number, and should not become a factor in who you are attracted to. But too many look at that number.

For the record, happily taken by a guy 10 years my junior.

So? If they don't like your age that's still their preference. If i date a guy and he tells me he does illegal drugs every weekend, I drop him instantly. I don't care if he's a "great guy" or "my type." There's certain absolutes that people have when it comes to saying "no" and age is one of them.

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Jan 08, 2009 9:57 PM GMT

Yeah, it's happened to me, and I usually exploit it to my advantage.

To begin with, I don't want a kid hitting on me. Until I reached my middle 50s, I was much younger looking than my age (forgive the vanity, but it was a fact, emphasis on WAS).

I might pass for mid 30s or early 40s at the most. All I had to do was say "50" and they ran for cover. Good.

The guys who didn't run were closer to my own age, which I prefer, and many were glad to associate with a guy who looked younger on the one hand, but who thought and acted like they did on the other. They figured it was the best of both worlds.

One of my mottos is "thrive where you're planted." And the "where" can be place, or circumstance, or age.

I intend to thrive at 60, as I did at 50, and 40, etc. And truth is, I don't have much choice, though some others will deny their age and lie about other things. But you can't escape the truth forever, so you might as well get used to it, and make the best of it. That's my goal, anyway.

So if they wanna run away from my age, fine. Suits me.

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Jan 08, 2009 9:59 PM GMT

dhinkansas said Who cares really? It is the way it is. If this person was into you, then bolted because of your age...I hate to be harsh, but he wasn't really that into you if he let that stop him.

Look back over your dating experience and you'll find lots of examples of turning people down for arbitrary reasons. Sexual attraction is volatile and can easily be deflected, especially in the early stage of talking to someone and deciding whether you want to go further. Age isn't just a number, it's shorthand for issues like: do we have anything in common? would we be comfortable together? would we enjoy the same things? do we have a similar energy level? If the answer is no, it's not unfair to decide not to pursue the contact.

Timbales

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Jan 08, 2009 10:05 PM GMT

If someone asked my age, I'd ask why they want to know.

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Jan 08, 2009 10:10 PM GMT

jakebenson said
Cowboiway saidJake as I mentioned in the posting, the person thinks you are a great guy till you state your age. Age is but a number, and should not become a factor in who you are attracted to. But too many look at that number.

So? If they don't like your age that's still their preference. If i date a guy and he tells me he does illegal drugs every weekend, I drop him instantly. I don't care if he's a "great guy" or "my type." There's certain absolutes that people have when it comes to saying "no" and age is one of them.

Ditto.

When guys ask me my age, I tell them to guess.

I've never had a guy guess correctly, and also never run away when I told them how old I really am.

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Jan 08, 2009 10:11 PM GMT

I actually do both; I run from the guys that are too young and the ones that are older. I did date someone (for five years) who was ten years older than me. The gap was never a big deal but there were some issues on perspective that we had to work through. So age is not a total factor.

However, I do find that I have nothing in common with most guys that are younger than me (I joke with all of my friends - lesbians - that even twenty-three is too young). But I am established, driven, and have finished the things that most of them are doing. Youth is not something that I find particularly attractive. They may be pretty, but at this stage, I am looking for someone who can take care of themselves. Younger people have a hard time doing that.

As for older men... it just depends on the guy. Some ages are acceptable and some aren't. For me it has more to do with the person and the ability to find a common frame of reference. My world view is entirely different from that of other generations. Hell, an eighteen year old will have a different world view than mine.

But, I am a bit hypocritical... I would date someone who is ten years older than me but not someone who it ten years younger.

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Jan 08, 2009 10:22 PM GMT

jakebenson saidIf i date a guy and he tells me he does illegal drugs every weekend, I drop him instantly. I don't care if he's a "great guy" or "my type." There's certain absolutes that people have when it comes to saying "no" and age is one of them.

Hilarious, 40 is the new blow. Gramps got him some smack.

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Jan 08, 2009 10:27 PM GMT

TexDef07 saidAge isn't just a number, it's shorthand for issues like: do we have anything in common? would we be comfortable together? would we enjoy the same things? do we have a similar energy level? If the answer is no, it's not unfair to decide not to pursue the contact.

This is generally how I feel. If a guy's a lot older or younger, then the generational gap just starts getting too big. Differences keep things interesting, but if there's too much then it gets hard to relate, and this is a factor totally independent of a guy's relative hawtness.

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Jan 08, 2009 10:38 PM GMT

Texian said
TexDef07 saidAge isn't just a number, it's shorthand for issues like: do we have anything in common? would we be comfortable together? would we enjoy the same things? do we have a similar energy level? If the answer is no, it's not unfair to decide not to pursue the contact.

This is generally how I feel. If a guy's a lot older or younger, then the generational gap just starts getting too big. Differences keep things interesting, but if there's too much then it gets hard to relate, and this is a factor totally independent of a guy's relative hawtness.

Guess I have to agree with this. I typically think if someone is within a certain age, dating wouldn't be so bad. However, if it is too great of a difference there may be issues of common interest and understanding. By and large, I really think age is irrelevant as long as you don't act it.

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Jan 08, 2009 11:29 PM GMT

Timberoo saidIf someone asked my age, I'd ask why they want to know.

...cuz they want to do the same thing to live as old as you

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Jan 08, 2009 11:35 PM GMT

I basically believe in staying within one's age bracket if the two are looking for a serious relationship.

When it comes to friendships, I think friends at any age is great as it keeps you on your toes viewing life.

One thing I like about RJ is hearing from guys much younger than myself. They keep me in touch with what's going on that otherwise I would never know about. And older guys keep give me people with depth and experience to have a conversaton with.

And you all from all over the world give a great perspective on the US, the world, news, events that I dont get from the TV etc.

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Jan 08, 2009 11:43 PM GMT

I don't usually give my age -- it's none of their damned business, especially since I'm not gonna go home with them anyway. If I do tell them, it's for shock value -- honestly, unless I've had a very rough night, my age surprises people. Every now and then, if I'm trying to discourage some silly twinky twit from flirting with me, I'll tell him in hopes that he'll squeal in disgust and leave me the fuck alone.

Hmmm...I guess when I go out to clubs, I'm a bit of a dick.

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Jan 09, 2009 12:02 AM GMT

Age no matter, but definitely will not date Jew. You must be careful of the Jew Claw and their Teeth. Also, no gypsy. I wear a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

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Jan 09, 2009 12:11 AM GMT

lol and dont forget the Jews can shape-shift...so next time you are chatting up that brasilian hottie at the gym, BEWARE!!

no, but seriously, I do discriminate based on age. I won't date anyone under 23.

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Jan 09, 2009 12:43 AM GMT

I don't think it's narrow minded. There are a lot of older people who might not look their age. And while they are great looking they are at a stage of life far ahead of me. Generally they have different life-styles than the typical person my age, different interests, different social circles, have probably 'been there' for a lot of things that I have yet to do etc.

Sure, it might not matter if it's just for a hookup but if it's for something more it definitely does. I would definitely prefer to find someone to experience new things WITH, not someone whose already done a lot of that stuff with someone else. That, plus all of the above things mentioned definitely make rejecting someone on the basis of age reasonable.

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Jan 09, 2009 1:11 AM GMT

Rune saidI don't think it's narrow minded. There are a lot of older people who might not look their age. And while they are great looking they are at a stage of life far ahead of me. Generally they have different life-styles than the typical person my age, different interests, different social circles, have probably 'been there' for a lot of things that I have yet to do etc.

Sure, it might not matter if it's just for a hookup but if it's for something more it definitely does. I would definitely prefer to find someone to experience new things WITH, not someone whose already done a lot of that stuff with someone else. That, plus all of the above things mentioned definitely make rejecting someone on the basis of age reasonable.

Well said! And why I, on the other side of the age fence, prefer someone closer to my own more senior stage in life.

Freddo

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Jan 09, 2009 1:21 AM GMT

Rune saidI don't think it's narrow minded. There are a lot of older people who might not look their age. And while they are great looking they are at a stage of life far ahead of me. Generally they have different life-styles than the typical person my age, different interests, different social circles, have probably 'been there' for a lot of things that I have yet to do etc.

Sure, it might not matter if it's just for a hookup but if it's for something more it definitely does. I would definitely prefer to find someone to experience new things WITH, not someone whose already done a lot of that stuff with someone else. That, plus all of the above things mentioned definitely make rejecting someone on the basis of age reasonable.

True that my friend. I generally look at my age plus or minus 5 years, although there can be some give and take with maturity level and whatnot. There are many hot guys outside my age range, and I usually take it on a case by case basis... but too far outside my age range in either direction would probably make for a very boring long term relationship for both of us as we would have very little in common. Neither one of us would get much out of the relationship.

styrgan

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Jan 09, 2009 1:34 AM GMT

As much as I'm a believer that age is totally irrelevant, people are entitled to set whatever standards they like in their dating life. Their life histories will dictate those standards, and none of us will be able to change their minds. So don't get bent out of shape about it, and take their limitedness for what it is. When it comes to sex and love, I think most of us are limited by something, and there's an excellent chance, cowboi, that if you did enough soul-searching you would be able to find something that limits your ability to love and someone else would label, "discrimination."

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Jan 09, 2009 1:40 AM GMT

As stated Im happily taken and have been for a while. However I brought it up remembering some of the young guy who would hit on me at a club. thinking I was like 30-31, and with in 5 years fo thier age. they would often danc eand have a great night. Sometimes even wanting to go home with me. Once they found out my age, they made all sorts of excuses to why they had to go. Showing it had nothing to do with compatiblity, physical or mental attraction, but the shear narrow minds of some young guys hearing a number that really shoul dplay no part.

i have also hear many many younger guys (early 20's) complain time after time that no one takes them serious. So they look for older men who wont give them the time of day. Because of thier age.

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Jan 09, 2009 1:48 AM GMT

Don't you think it's a bit laughable to assume that a night of fun dancing or flirting somehow indicates that compatibility is there? I know you want to put this off to narrowmindedness, but as I said I personally won't enter into a serious relationship with a significantly older man but it's not because my mind is narrow but instead because I've put a lot of thought into it and don't want to waste precious years for me or someone else, or cause someone to get hurt when someone my age who is a lot more compatible comes along. I'll still dance with them and befriend them though.

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Age Discrimination in Dating.