PDA's - No, NOT Personal Digital Assistant...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2007 5:24 PM GMT
    Read the article and tell me what you think.

    From CNN:

    Public affection: How much is too much?http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayoflife/09/27/public.display/index.html

    ...PDA: Acceptable or tacky?...

    "In moderation, and in the right venue, they're fine. Assuming that one half of the couple isn't leaving for a two-year deep-space mission, I'll say that any PDA beyond the hand-holding, arm-around-the-waist, closed-mouth-kiss type is out of order," says Charles Purdy, aka "Mr. Social Grace," a Vancouver, British Columbia-based etiquette columnist and author of "Urban Etiquette: Marvelous Manners for the Modern Metropolis."

    "Extreme PDA -- hands under clothes, deep tongue kissing -- just makes the couple look incredibly immature or, possibly, drunk," Purdy adds. In other words: keep it PG-rated, kids. Don't do anything you wouldn't want your mother to see.

    Right place at the right time

    You may think you're being sneaky, but just because it's dark in the movie theater doesn't mean it's a good place to engage in heavy petting sessions.

    "The problem isn't that most people don't know where PDA is tacky or inappropriate. The problem is that some people just don't care," says Purdy. "When in doubt, simply pay attention to the behavior of the people around you."

    An intimate dinner at a chic restaurant? Reel in your lust and keep it to longing glances or holding hands. A weekend at the Burning Man festival of art and self-expression? Let the love flow freely..."


    Obviously the problems are compounded for gay men, but just where are the lines drawn?

    Even many gays object to what goes on in public at some Pride Marches and Circuit Parties...

    On the other hand I have been told by one 'friend' that it is disgusting even to hold hands with my partner in public (but it would be ok to hold hands if we weren't gay:lolicon_smile.gif.

    Not that I am an exhibitionist by any stretch of the imagination, truthfully I guess I am one of those people who just doesn't give a damn what others think; but I am curious.

    So what do you think?

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    Sep 28, 2007 6:09 PM GMT
    I read the article and have my own take on this.
    In the US, it seems that hand holding and minor kissing is quite acceptable for Hetero couples, but most of us (myself included) would rather not see any more than that while we are eating or in general.
    For Gay men, it's another story.
    Personally I believe it is sweet and OK for ANY couples to hold hands and for the ocassional kiss in public but for gay or straight couples, I don't see it as appropriate for petting or touching genitals etc.
    I LOVE to hold hands with somone I love when watching a movie, strolling down a moonlit beach, or while driving but I try not to do more in public.
    I have been known to kiss my BF but I try to keep it quick.
    If it is OK for straight people it should be OK for US as well but please don't abuse it for getting too sexual is how I feel.
    Other opinions?
  • cacti

    Posts: 273

    Sep 28, 2007 8:41 PM GMT
    It's funny... I've never minded too much seeing others as long as they're not in my personal space, but I used to be skiddish about PDA in the strictest sense concerning myself. That is until I really fell for a guy(fast and HARD) for the firt time a few years ago. All of a sudden I could care less about what anyone thought, and I couldn't get enough of him. The furthest we ever took it was holding each other and making out leaning up against my car in parking lots.

    That relationship, if you can even call it that, was over as fast as it began, and now my ability to DA in P has somewhat diminished. But I'm still much more comfortable about not trying to 'hide' it in public now than I would have been before that very intense relationship.
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    Sep 28, 2007 8:55 PM GMT
    I saw once two men who at first sight gave no outward sign of their sexuality meet, embrace as lovers do, and kiss with such a tenderness that I think noone who saw them could help but be deeply moved.

    Such signs of love should not be supressed; they are beacons against the coldness of our society.

    In any case, such exhibitionism is largely the province of youth. And young love is too ephemeral to be condemned.
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    Sep 28, 2007 9:34 PM GMT
    Personally, I couldn't be with someone who wasn't OK with certain PDA's. Holding hands, hugging, kissing (not the get a room type), arms around the waist or over the shoulder....that kind of expression is part of me and I hate it when I can't be that way with someone. I love seeing it in other people too. Open affection is a great thing and shouldn't be supressed and I think it's up to individuals to express in a way they are comfortable and not to judge other people for how comfortable they are. You would hope they would use a certain amount of decorum but who is it hurting?
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    Sep 28, 2007 9:36 PM GMT
    Holding hands, slipping an arm around shoulders or a waist, a hug, a quick but tender kiss... I have no problem seeing this or doing this in public. Of course, even these kinds of behavior aren't appropriate everywhere... I wouldn't do any of the above while waiting in line to get into, say, a NASCAR race, for example. But there are plenty of other times and places in public where I think its appropriate for any couple, gay or straight, old or young. I think its refreshing to see a couple that's in love and proud of it... and seeing it will usually make me smile...

    Groping asses or genitals, shoving tongues down each other's throats, dry humping each other, etc... while hot to see and fun to do... are not appropriate in public. If you're going to get that carried away, find a room and have at it. I've seen far too many couples of all ages recently letting themselves get too carried away in public places, so I don't think its really dependent upon youthfulness.

    There is a difference between a "display of affection" and soft-core porn...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 28, 2007 9:38 PM GMT
    For me ... I think it's great
    guys holding hands kissing in public to me is kinda cute
    ... I can care less what str8 people think about it
    if it gets to be blatantly sexual
    then I'll start thinkin just what I'd think if a str8 couple was doin it...get a room....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2007 1:38 AM GMT
    Ideally the standard should be the same for all people - gay or straight - and vary with the customs and circumstance.

    I understand that displays of affection in public in some societies is considered nearly obscene. On the other hand (here's a timely reference) at the Folsom Street Fair, people let it all hang out - literally.

    Being realistic, I don't expect to be able to walk down the street in Memphis with my arm over my partner's shoulder, or holding his hand at a traffic light - but I'll do those things unconciously and naturally walking down Market Street in the Castro.

    I will, however, give him a hug or a kiss at family gatherings - and they better not react, or I'll go postal on their asses. ;)

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    Sep 29, 2007 3:15 AM GMT
    Oh geez, they are having "cuddle parties" where people put on their pajamas to provide one another "Platonic intimacy."

    The mind reels.
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    Sep 29, 2007 7:05 AM GMT
    I like TigerTim's response. My personal opinion is that if I witness an act of deep emotion and affection, I approve. If I am forced to observe casual or intense acts of unrestrained lust I am insulted. I don't really care who it is. There was one first date long ago that tried to grab my hand and touch my body as we walked through crowds even though we had first met and it infuriated me. Later when I was in a months long relationship with another man it was very comfortable for he and I to be in physical contact in public and it didn't make my friends uncomfortable either (because I checked before and after)

    So in my little book, Moments of Love, OK! Public Animal Instincts, NOT OK!
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    Sep 29, 2007 7:49 AM GMT
    This reminds me of the first time I ever encountered other gays, and it was because of a PDA. I was at Disneyland in SoCal with my senior class for our senior trip and a gay couple was walking along holding hands and kissed. I can't tell you how happy that made me, since I had lived most of my life in Idaho and hadn't seen any other homos. It's funny how something as simple as a PDA between other people made me feel so happy, and how important it was for me to be able to see that at that point in my life.

    So even though I'm not a huge fan of gratuitous PDAs, I'm glad that in many places it's okay for gays to engage in them as much as straights.
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    Sep 29, 2007 12:00 PM GMT
    "...I LOVE to hold hands with someone I love when......driving..."

    Whoa! I'm not too sure about this icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 30, 2007 12:14 PM GMT
    I think most mature people in America know what's appropriate PDA and what's not. It's usually the young'uns that seem to let their hormones take over.

    As for gay PDAs, I'm all for it. I'm a very affectionate person and I need to have some form of body contact. But most men I've dated have been uncomfortable with even small PDAs, mostly because we live in a rather conservative city. I have a few friends who told me they've been harassed for exhibiting PDAs, but I've personally never been... I think it's because some people see a bald Asian and assume I know some sort of martial art icon_confused.gif