Taking a backseat in a closeted relationship

  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 119

    Dec 08, 2014 12:22 PM GMT
    Bear with my English please.

    I am 30 and he is 26, I put ad on a dating site to hook up with someone. I met him and I instantly connected with him. I met him beginning of September this year. I miss him a lot, we used to have one round of sex once a week and he would leave the same day and I will sleep over at his apartment without sex once a week. So we see each other twice a week, the few hours sex day and going to his place at night so that he will sleep in my arms.

    I am the one who sent good morning/night texts. He claims he is a top but because he fell in love with me he will be versatile as I am a versatile too. He always want me to hurry up and get done with it when I am the one who is topping and it is not enjoyable. He invited me to come and sleep over at his place and he went clubbing with his STRAIGHT (closeted and straight) and did not bother to send sms or call to let me know.

    Then he would sometimes fuck me and refuse me to fuck him,this other day he fucked me then he refused me and said he will comeback after two days so that i can fuck me,I got hurt but let it slide. He will do things that when I try to think about I would come to a conclusion that he was being selfish. Then this other day, after many excuses not having time to see me during the week, it was Saturday and was busy preparing for my exam that i was going to write on Tuesday, he ranged me up to find if he could come to see me, I told him that I am busy preparing myself(this is the only time i decided not to be available for him no matter how busy I could be) for the exam, he then said he would just come and say hi. He passed by my place on his way from the event hosted by the girl he went to school with not far away from my place. He came and we kissed, he said he will come and see me Tuesday evening.

    Tuesday evening came and i did not hear from him, I sent him a whatsapp text at around 10pm to say goodnight and to see if he would say anything about forgetting about the promise he made to come and see me, he responded as he would normally do and said "Good night". I texted back and said " I missed him if possible I would live to see him the following week". he responded saying "Next week is too far, he would check his schedule and update me". I responded back after 20 minutes as it was approaching midnight saying "Actually I was just testing him to see if he had completely forgot that he was supposed to come and see me earlier in the evening" and I did not hear a word from him since. I sent good morning text in the morning and he responded as normal, that night I did not text him as well as the following day which was Thursday. I spent hell of time online trying to see what other people handle emotionally unpleasant relationship. Later on Friday I sent him a whatsapp text after I waited him to knock off from work so that I do not disturb him to say" I thought about us over and over and it is obvious we will never be on the same page. I thank you for letting me love you and I always will.I end what I thought we had here". I wanted him to say sorry, and I was not serious about it ( this is my first relationship, i did not know it was cruel to do this). I called him on his cellphone after 2 hours after I realised he did not see the message to tell him"I sent him a text message" he then said"he will check it as he was driving from a conference.

    I did not hear from him, later around midnight I sent him a text to let him know that i did not mean everything I said in the text and if I could take everything back(In my head I knew I should breakup for real, but my love for him was just too much). He replied saying once a word has been uttered it can never be taken back so it was over between us and he would deposit back my money(I had agreed to go on a trip together to Durban for Choir Festival, he loves choral music, I agreed to go and to pay half of the cost even though Chorale music is not my taste.I would do anything I can for him out of love) ,I crushed. I sent him tons of text and begged him to see him, but he just let me suffer, I even sent him videos of me crying on whatsapp. I had promied myself to never be in a relationship with someone younger than me but it just happened that i fell for him. After a week he agreed to see me, I told him how hard it was for me growing up and trying make something for me and said he understood me and forgave me but that in the moment we can just remain friends as he needed time and I agreed.

    I went to see him a week after, I tried to talk about our relationship but he said I must stop pushing otherwise he would cut me out of his life and cut contact with me(I wanted to tell him to go ahead but I told myself that I am the older one so I should respect his space.I think if he was older than me I was not going to do any begging. He said he just want us to talk as friends. He once told me that his relationship with his ex lasted 5 months and it ended because his ex said he no longer has feelings for him but they are still friends. I really wanted to know his ex so that I can ask if he has always been this selfish, unfortunately he would never tell me his full names or let me meet him even though they still visited each other. Sometimes I think it is because he is young but it still hurts.

    We went to Durban this Thursday, I took a back seat and let him be the one deciding, vacationing is not my cup of tea after all. He decided that we will be driving there in his car. I told him I never been to the beach, it was then he asked me if I wanted to go with him. If I had a choice I would have said another time but I agreed anyway. We got to Durban on Thursday, we slept together because we shared one room one bed hotel room but he put this long hard narrow pillow(I don't know what it is called) between us and turned his back against me. The following day we went to the the mall and he was teasing about me buying him a macbook(it must be obvious that he is well off than me financially, or otherwise that is how it looks like, not a factor though), he has a Masters In Applied Mathematics.

    He was supposed to collect our tickets for the Choir Festival at the mall but there was some technical issues, so he said maybe we should go to the beach which is not far from our hotel. We went to our hotel so that he can park his car and I can take shorts and my cameras. It was really fun going to the beach, I strolled around and he asked me to take pictures of him with his IPHONE, after we are done I changed in to my shorts and took off my sneakers and tied them together with my leather bag. The first thing he said after i changed was "this place is not safe if you leave your stuff unattended they will be stolen and I will not look after them". I got sad since I thought at least he would be selfless this once since he was not intending to get into the water but I said it was ok, he said he would stroll around the beach then he would come back. I said cool, and threw my stuff under the shade and went into the water, I have always loved high waters, and I can swim very well. He never got into the water to swim in his life and I am never going to judge him, I love to swim myself but I am not a big fan of Chorale music as he is. I had nice time into the water, I got out after about two hours and everything was gone, cellphone,cameras,Onitsuka Tiger trainers etc. I got upset, but I am a man and did not let myself cry.

    I looked around as if I had forgotten where I had placed them, tried calling my cellphone, it rang the first time then it was dead. I looked around if i could see my boyfriend and he was nowhere. I went to the hotel in my wet short and no T-shirt. I asked to use their number to call him, he picked up the phone I told him that I was half naked at the receptionist and I wanted to get into our room, he said he was on the way to collect the tickets and there is a traffic so he will not make a uturn, I got disappointed because I k
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2014 9:01 PM GMT
    I preferred the abridged version of this tale.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2014 7:27 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidI preferred the abridged version of this tale.


    You describe for the 2nd time a boyfriend relationship with someone who is inconsiderate of you. The gods at RJ can't make your life better or make your boyfiend a better person.