Would you TRUST a guy saying he's "HIV+ undetectable" and bareback with him?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2018 8:07 PM GMT
    Radd saidI've noticed a disturbing trend that's happened since this thread was started in 2015. Not only are we now expected to take an HIV+ person's word that he's undetectable, but now we're being told we cannot even say certain words. You absolutely can't say you're "clean" because they take everything literally now. To say "clean" implies they're dirty somehow. And as of late, I'm seeing a lot of guys on the dating apps scolding people for using the term "DDF." So apparently, we are now supposed to pretend that being disease free isn't a good thing? And although I personally prefer to not use condoms while on PrEP, I think it's abhorrent to shame HIV- men who insist on using condoms. It's their body and they have a right to protect themselves any way they so choose. I find it ridiculous that HIV+ men are offended by someone who wants to use a condom.


    Radd, you are one of many people myself included, who are mystified as to why it is that a language culture, designed for the context of health professionals and their health promotions staff, has been adopted by a vocal minority, who have good intensions, are attempting to force the broader gay community to adopt those messages without properly addressing the 'elephant in the room' which is the obvious one, human nature.

    Gay men wanting to limit their exposure of aquiring STI's, by limiting exposure to men who engage in high risk behaviour by their own volition, are now lectured to and result will be that those guys will simply keep those attitudes and find other means of meeting guys which don't leave them feeling they are obligated to make choices they don't feel comfortable with.

    I particularly don't understand re. DDR because there are many men who would have no issue with Sex with treatment adherent POz guys but want to make it clear they don't tolerate chem sex, or are concerned about catching Syphilis for eg. As for trusting a guy you have just met based on his word no matter what he says his status is, should not be encouraged and reputible sexual health sources actually urge neg men to be educated about POz men who are treatment adherent being of no risk, but all the info is about when you become their partners and so are the stats. We all know guys lie when horny or get their health info wrong, so just make sure you protect yourself and don't get pressured into doing anything your not comfortable with no matter how hot he is
  • MusclePig

    Posts: 4

    Dec 06, 2018 12:34 PM GMT
    I'm on PrEP, so I don't even bother to ask about HIV status now.
  • DMVnewbie

    Posts: 42

    Dec 11, 2018 6:37 AM GMT
    No, not even if I trusted him. I'm too well endowed and wouldn't trust him enough not to get painted icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 11, 2018 8:08 AM GMT
    If I were dying of cancer and had only a couple of months to live anyway, I might. If I weren't feeling Ill, and if I was sure he didn't have any other stds.

    Trust no one.
  • seductive

    Posts: 85

    Dec 17, 2018 7:42 PM GMT
    Absolutely NOT.
  • northbeach

    Posts: 1323

    Dec 23, 2018 8:27 AM GMT
    hentailover saidSerodiscordant monogamous couples are one thing, but I'm still wondering how anyone can possibly defend this answer to this question:


    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    David3K saidYou meet a guy that says he's HIV+ but undetectable and wants to bareback with you; would you do it? Would you trust that's his real status? Same with men saying they're "negative", would you believe them? Would you bareback with them?


    Sure, why not?


    Well that guy has nothing to lose so take it with a grain of salt
  • barefootlover

    Posts: 903

    Dec 23, 2018 11:54 AM GMT
    Barebacking should be reserved for a monogomous relationship. Otherwise, too risky in a hook up.
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    Dec 24, 2018 7:26 PM GMT
    barefootlover saidBarebacking should be reserved for a monogomous relationship. Otherwise, too risky in a hook up.


    There's this thing called PrEP. Not risky at all for HIV and you can catch other STD's via simple oral sex, and I doubt anyone is going to be giving blowjobs with a condom.
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    Dec 24, 2018 7:37 PM GMT
    MusclePig saidI'm on PrEP, so I don't even bother to ask about HIV status now.


    Yeah, I assumed that when I read this in your profile: "Vers bareback slut here. How many loads have you given/taken this year? Want to see how I compare." icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • barefootlover

    Posts: 903

    Dec 24, 2018 8:18 PM GMT
    Unless you refrain from having sex at least a month from your last test, you really don't ever know for sure your status.
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    Jan 01, 2019 7:21 AM GMT
    I trust that my fiancee knows his HIV status. He trusts mine.

    We both have regular blood tests, him for anti key status, me for oral load.
    Bringing a serodiscordant relationship is no big deal.
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    Jan 02, 2019 1:40 PM GMT
    Ubeaut saidI trust that my fiancee knows his HIV status. He trusts mine.

    We both have regular blood tests, him for anti key status, me for oral load.
    Bringing a sero-discordant relationship is no big deal.


    I agree with you and in those ongoing relationship circumstances, U=U is very applicable. The concern most HIV Negative men have, is when they have no proof, not on Prep which is not appropriate for everyone and if the person claiming to have a UVL, wishes to have Bare Backing (condomless sex). If the HIV Negative man is on Prep, most men are unconcerned with HIV status of their sexual partner in most cases (from report surveying trust in U=U), if condoms are used and correctly, it should not be an issue either. Their are some who outright reject men who are HIV Positive even if they agree to condoms or are on Prep, those guys need more education about actual risk.

    All of the data and conclusions cited as evidence, are derived from couples, where the person who is HIV Poz, is monitored and the partner knows that so they can be confident about risk management. Problem is, what about that person you just met, or have only be dating a short time??? HIV Poz men getting their viral load down is great for all, but it's unfortunate that the HIV AIDS agencies, have gone about everything all wrong. Worst of all, in their emphusiasm to encourage more testing and treatment, created the illusion to newly Poz men that the treatment will have the effect of a path to Bareback sex with HIV Negative men. Not every Poz man thinks that, but of the ones who do, they are doing so because they are also not given enough education to the reality of negotiating sex then claim stigma. I asked this question, more than anything to show why people are suspicious of the U=U strategy and how both Poz and Neg men both need to get educated better and engage without prejudice. Sadly I don't see the AIDS councils who are overwhelmingly staffed by Poz men who for a variety of reasons do not see why HIV negative men have the right not to see things how they do.




  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 23218

    Jan 02, 2019 10:53 PM GMT
    Absolutely no! Barebacking is potentially dangerous and is best avoided in a hookup or one night stand situation. I will never let an HIV+ man fuck me. Aint happening!
  • jlars12

    Posts: 139

    Jan 03, 2019 3:19 AM GMT
    Of course not, why is this even a question. I wouldn't trust a guy telling me he's neg, so why would I trust a guy telling me he's undetectable?
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    May 12, 2020 5:14 AM GMT
    Holy hell there is a lot of ignorance on this thread. As an HIV+ UNDETECTABLE man i absolutely find someone referring to my health as "unclean" to be offensive. You can say DDF all you want because it's black and white and if you have no diseases then it's just a fact. But saying, something along the lines of ' you must be clean' in reference to my sexual health, 100% implies that having HIV makes me "dirty". Especially when you don't know the story of how someone came to contract the virus or under what circumstances. Imagine the psychological impact to calling someone dirty for being HIV positive (regardless of being undetectable or not) if they came by it because they were raped or molested. Yes that scenario probably makes up an extremely small percentage, but with the exception of "bug chasers" do you think anyone, myself included, who is HIV+, WANTED to end up that way. I made my choices, I'm living with the results but to be degraded, ostracized, shamed and made to feel "dirty" because of it by the very group of men who still, to this day, are broadly painted as all being AIDS carriers by the larger uneducated masses, is pathetic.

    I'm glad Covid is happening. Because i sincerely hope for all you people who would call me unclean, that the next time you sneeze, cough, get too close to someone or reach out to make a connection with someone and they jerk away and for a brief moment disgust and fear flashes over their face, that you are made to feel as degraded, ostracized, shamed and "dirty" as you've made someone like me feel.
  • stemkin

    Posts: 217

    May 12, 2020 5:25 PM GMT
    WorshipYou saidHoly hell there is a lot of ignorance on this thread. As an HIV+ UNDETECTABLE man i absolutely find someone referring to my health as "unclean" to be offensive. You can say DDF all you want because it's black and white and if you have no diseases then it's just a fact. But saying, something along the lines of ' you must be clean' in reference to my sexual health, 100% implies that having HIV makes me "dirty". Especially when you don't know the story of how someone came to contract the virus or under what circumstances. Imagine the psychological impact to calling someone dirty for being HIV positive (regardless of being undetectable or not) if they came by it because they were raped or molested. Yes that scenario probably makes up an extremely small percentage, but with the exception of "bug chasers" do you think anyone, myself included, who is HIV+, WANTED to end up that way. I made my choices, I'm living with the results but to be degraded, ostracized, shamed and made to feel "dirty" because of it by the very group of men who still, to this day, are broadly painted as all being AIDS carriers by the larger uneducated masses, is pathetic.

    I'm glad Covid is happening. Because i sincerely hope for all you people who would call me unclean, that the next time you sneeze, cough, get too close to someone or reach out to make a connection with someone and they jerk away and for a brief moment disgust and fear flashes over their face, that you are made to feel as degraded, ostracized, shamed and "dirty" as you've made someone like me feel.


    As a fellow HIV+ undetectable man I just wanna say, yes exactly this, thank you.

    On topic, while I haven't been in the situation on either end, someone who is HIV+ is likely to be more educated and aware of what HIV means, and aware of their status. If they are honest about being positive in the first place, I would assume they wouldn't lie about the undetectable part - A) because if they lied, why not just go all the way and say you're negative, and B) being diagnosed is not exactly a joyful experience and I highly doubt that anyone who had to go through this and everything coming from it would purposely make someone else go through this as well. That being said, there's plenty of other shit going around and if a hook up asks you to bareback with him, he probably asks other guys, too. No sex in the world is worth possibly lifelong consequences so just wrap it up until y'all got tested