Should I talk to him about what I'm feeling?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2015 11:08 PM GMT
    Hey all,

    (Quick note, I just want to mention that I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes,etc)

    I was wondering if maybe some of you guys could give me advice regarding my "relationship".

    I'm 19, and I met this guy two months ago (he's 19 too) on Tinder. At first, I wanted to keep it casual, as I'm having a tough time for the moment ( depression etc , but that's not the point of this message ).
    I had already "dated" guys before, but it has always been awkward, as I'm not out of the closet yet. I feel like I've never met the right guy, which is why it has always ended up in a pretty bad way.

    So back when I met him 2 months ago, I was basically a virgin, with no experience in relationships, experiencing a hard time and not knowing at all who I was or where I was going ( which I'm still trying to figure out.)

    Anyway, he's really sweet, and I feel so good when I'm with him. He hasn't made his way out of the closet neither, but he has more experience than me in dating guys, and has had a few "secrets" relationships in the past, considering them as boyfriends.

    We don't get to see each other often for the moment, which makes me really sad, but we've been talking together everyday since the day we met. We've been having quite a lot of sex, which is always really great, but we've also been doing some random activities together, like going to the movies, watching TV together, going at parties... Basically, just spending time together.

    I don't really know if I love him, all I can tell is that I like him a lot, and he makes me really happy.

    And yet, there's nothing "official" between us. I'm not trying to put a label on our relationship or anything, but I'd just like to have some consistency, and know what our relationship really means to him.
    I didn't mean to catch feelings or anything, I just can't control what I'm feeling. And right now I'm just scared at the idea that he might date someone else, or even just have sex with some other guy.

    I just feel like he's not the type of guy who expresses easily his feelings. He basically keeps giving me sweet nicknames, saying that he misses me etc, but I'm just wondering if I'm not just some kind of sexual object for him, and I don't like the idea to be used, particularly when I'm getting to feel "things" for him.

    So here is my question: What should I do? Should I talk to him? And in this case, what should I tell him? That I want to know what we are doing? That I fear the fact that he might see someone else even though he is kinda pretending he likes me? Should I ask him if he sees us going any further together? Or should I just keep it going and stop over-thinking about it (Coz God knows i'm really worrying about it, and it makes me more sad than happy most of the time... Side effect of depression, I guess).

    (Sorry, I wanted to keep it short, but let's just say I'm not the kind of guy to keep things simple...)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 7:45 AM GMT
    yeah just let him know how you feel
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 3:54 PM GMT
    Of course talk to him. Communication is essential to any good relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2015 5:55 AM GMT
    Judging by the amount of time you both seem to be dedicating to each other, I'd say the feeling is mutual. To what intensity, is another matter entirely however.

    Regardless of that, you need to do two things:

    1. Sit down and have a serious talk with him about... what you two are/where you two are headed/where you two want to take it ('it' being your relations with one another). After 2 months of consistent relations (sexual and otherwise), these are perfectly normal questions to start wondering.

    I'd HIGHLY suggest you keep your cool for this convo. Make sure it's a serious conversation but also make sure it's relaxed. If you come off too emotionally agressive, you run the chance of scaring him away (this being the case if his feelings turn out to be less intense than your own.

    Finally, brace yourself for whatever he may say during this talk. Even if it turns out to not be the response you'd hope for, don't have a breakdown or anything... that would shoot the awkward meter through the roof between you two.

    2. Tell him how you feel about him. ALL of your feelings... the positivity, the uncertainty, etc.

    This is a no brainer. Your feelings (and possibly his also) are getting way to strong for you to not voice them. You just gotta go man-mode with this one... do it, be honest, and brace for whatever the impact will be.

    *I'd also suggest you do #1, then #2 (don't switch the order). The reason for this is that, if you open up completely about your feelings... it may sway the conversation you two still need to have (you may get answers that are less honest than if you wait to open up until after the convo).

    Finally, above all, I'd recommend that if it turns out he doesn't feel the same as you do (or not nearly as intensely), you should SERIOUSLY contemplate whether you want to keep doing whatever you guys are currently doing; because ultimately, you'll be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

    Ok, I'm coming down from my high, and have already dedicated too much time to this; so I'm outta here.

    Good luck with everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2015 4:38 PM GMT
    Yes, talk to him. Communication is always the key in a relationship. Talk, talk, talk...