Looking.. For Advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2015 8:25 PM GMT
    QUOTE Feb 09, 2015 12:20 PM Edit Topic Delete Topic
    I haven't posted here in forever. But I'm in a situation where I need some refreshing objective opinions.

    I've been hanging out with this guy for a few months now. We are not "dating" and therefore not exclusive. However, through texting daily and acting almost like boyfriends when we hang out, I've become attached. I talked to him about it. He says he doesn't want a relationship because I'm too young and I'm just going to hurt him which has happened to him by other guys in the past.

    The thing is, I get jealous. And so does he. The most recent event was this weekend. Three of us were in LA for a mini trip and ended up bringing another guy back to the place one night as a "hook up" for my third wheeling friend.. lol. Well this fourth guy and my guy started to hook up right in front of me. I felt so disrespected. I confronted him and he just kept saying "I'm just having fun" as if it was supposed to be okay with me. We're not together, but I know we both like each other quite a bit. Enough to where I feel like it's uncalled for to disrespect each other by making out/having sex with other guys especially while the other guy is right there.

    So I'm at the point where I'm trying to figure out if it'll be better to continue to see him and get into the mentality that we will always be "just friends" apparently with benefits. Or, cut the ties and move on. I'm happy when I'm with him and it makes me kind of sad to think about cutting him off. But I'm usually a realist and can only take so much.

    Any opinions will be appreciated.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5234

    Feb 09, 2015 10:09 PM GMT
    It sounds like he doesn't believe a guy your age can truly commit to a guy his age. I don't know the age spread but it really is irrelevant. That's the way he feels. So he likes you and likes spending time with you and likes having sex with you. And you're getting attached. So he's trying to maintain the status quo by treating you like a wing man. If you're in a position to decide if this guy is someone you'd be willing to commit to, you're probably going to have to prove it over some time. Even if he does some things to try to keep his emotions from developing. But that doesn't mean you just take whatever he is willing to give. Just tell him that you're starting to feel like what you feel for him is more than FWB. That you can wait for him to develop some confidence in your relationship but at least for a while, you do need an agreement that at least when you're together, you'll be exclusive. Set a time frame like, say one year. Can you live with that? Would he be willing to make that concession?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2015 12:23 AM GMT
    Been there; sorta, and it started with just "having fun".
    Personally, I told him it wasn't "fun" for me anymore and it was time put it on the table or move on; that it was to painful to ignore how I felt.

    "I don't want to be hurt again" is such bullshit--how old is he?
    -swear people think they'll live for ever