Is he into me?

  • Hummussexual

    Posts: 164

    Feb 14, 2015 9:38 PM GMT
    Broke up with my ex 7 months ago and I'm finally getting back into the dating scene! So I met this great guy on Grindr (don't judge icon_biggrin.gif) and we talked for a good while. Eventually we decided to meet up and we had the most amazing date ever. We walked and talked, ate dinner, blah blah blah. He had the same sense of humour as me and I felt this connection almost straight away- it was great! He is also very hot, a nice bonus.
    Date number two, we met up again and baked cookies together and we touched each others hands "accidentally". We chilled and watched The Simpsons in his room and he purposely stood up so he could rearrange himself to lean his head on my shoulder. Perfect.

    The problem?
    When we talk on facebook his answers are always short and to the point (he's German). He never asks anything nor tries to make conversation and I'm always the one to initiate the conversation. I sent him this really nice message after the second date, to which he never replied. He talks a lot about other gay people and seems to have a lot of gay friends (which is obviously not a problem). I'm almost certain I seen him scrolling through Grindr as we were together!
    The signs that he likes me are clear when we're together but when we're not its as if he treats me like any other guy off Grindr. More to the point, I'm not sure if he has more dates when we're not together (we live an hour apart in different cities) and I don't know how to ask him that without sounding obsessed.
    I'm also feeling myself falling for him- I get upset when he gives me short replies and I spent the whole day today thinking about him. I can't get him off my mind, although it's only been two dates! I know I'm probably being naive but I can't help these feelings, this guy is like a drug! I just want to know if he's into me but I don't wanna push him away by sounding too clingy and needy. I feel vulnerable and lonely and maybe because I'm recently out of a relationship I'm seeing things in rose-tinted glasses that aren't even there.

    What ye guys think? What would ye do in my situation? Friends of mine say that it could be a cultural thing- I'm Irish and he's German, and that we simply have different understandings of suitable communication but surely if he was into me he would write to me more?
    Any advice from ye would be great, please don't hate.. I'm feeling really fragile right now!

    Thanks guys icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2015 9:58 PM GMT
    I think you're right that you're a bit obsessed with him and that it's out of proportion to stage of whatever your relationship will or will not become. You just have to wait and see what happens ... don't let your mind jump ahead and conjure up fantasies that may not come to pass. Instead just try to enjoy the moment and what you have now. As much as you can keep your mind focused on what you want, rather than whether he is into you. Do you want someone who doesn't communicate? Do you want someone who is on Grindr when he is with you? Remember there are a lot of fish in the sea and you're only 19.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2015 6:05 AM GMT
    You want to look into the wider context here.

    Both you and your friend seem to be pretty hot looking young guys. Yup, you use Grindr, and there is quite some choice of pretty hot and possibly qualified guys out there for all kinds of arrangements.

    So, you and your friend like spending time together, baking cookies, watching the Simpsons, etc. You are very much into him, too. And he is kinda, 'OK. I am interested, too.'... But I may be interested into a few other guys out there, too.

    Like it or not, dating is marketing.

    If you like the guy, and want him for yourself, you have got to make sure that he understands that there is something very unique about you that is not only a swipe away on the Grindr. Whatever that unique selling proposal (for the lack of a better word) may be, try to find it now, and focus his interest on it.

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    Feb 15, 2015 7:59 AM GMT
    He's not that into you right now. Thankfully, that CAN change.

    You need to voice your concerns, good and bad. He's a big boy and won't break. If you come off as needy and clingy, so be it. If he really cares about you he won't abandon you, even if he might prefer that you weren't so emotional.

    Pretending to not have feelings is not a sustainable plan. Neither is making this guy a priority, when you're his option. Keep it light and airy, but you've got to express yourself and get some traction toward a relationship--or else you're just kidding yourself with a glorified hookup.

    Good luck.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11422

    Feb 15, 2015 8:11 AM GMT
    From what you say, it sounds like he's not really that into you. He is just playing the field. A few signs to tell when a guy really is into you ....
    a. he turns his phone off and/or doesn't look to see who has messaged him
    b. he looks at you when you are talking and he asks questions to find out more about you ... an not stuff like where were born and what classes are you taking. He asks stuff like your favorite color, your favorite food, your favorite kind of movie.

    If his action do not meet the above two criteria, move on, he is not really into you, he just out to use you or just out to have a good time and then cya
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    Feb 15, 2015 11:41 AM GMT
    Two dates and no sex?

    Anyway, he sounds a bit like me, 'cept I'm not German. Chatting is far, far inferior to actually spending time in person. Time spent chatting could be spent getting shit done and organised so you can go and spend time with him.
    Also, I've been known to have more than one date because I wanted to give the guy more of a chance. Even though I was on the fence =/ Sorry.
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    Feb 15, 2015 9:36 PM GMT
    He's kinda into you but is also seeing what else is out there. I've been on both sides of this with several guys. This isn't a bad thing, but it's a timing thing. If you really dig the guy or are open to being friends with him down the road, you should pull back 100%. Let him make the next few moves. If he never makes one, you have your answer, for now. Successful friendships/datingships/relationships just don't work if only one of you is putting in the effort.

    Please continue to meet other guys, make friends, have some fun every so often and don't even think about putting your eggs into this guys basket right now. And don't be surprised if hi disappears and then reappears months down the road. He might be figuring things out.
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    Feb 21, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    Don't fall for someone who doesn't reciprocate. You are only 19. You are still very young and from what I am gathering he is older and more experienced. Guys like that usually know what to do to get what they want, even the thing with the hands you might think that it was an "accident", but a guy who is determined will go that extra mile to get what he wants. He might want you just for sex, although I could be wrong.
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    Feb 26, 2015 7:12 PM GMT
    Well maybe being german may be a reason why he isn't saying much because he can't and no I'm not trying to be mean iv dealt with some people like that. You should really ask him if he's into you. Don't mention the short sentence stuff though then you'll just be complaining.
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    Feb 28, 2015 12:45 PM GMT
    Have you at least kissed him? The brushing hands and leaning heads thing is cute, but honestly, you're taking it too slow. I'd still be on Grindr, too.