"Ugly" or "Unhealthy": Is the LGBT community secretly fat-shaming?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 2:26 PM GMT
    Cash saidThere is a huge distinction between being a little over-weight and obese.

    The former just happens to some people because of stress, scheduling, temporarily poor habits or genetics. It can rather easily be addressed and corrected.

    The latter is much deeper and more difficult to accept because it is often indicative of a much more disturbed way of living. Food can be like a drug and equally addictive. Seeing a morbidly obese person abuse themselves is akin to watching a raging alcoholic walk into a bar or a junkie shoot up.

    At best, it often indicates a serious medical condition that is wildly out of control and potentially deadly.

    As far as vanity goes, We are all visual creatures but that doesn't necessarily translate to cruel.

    In the OP's example, the "thin friend" doesn't come across as much of a true friend and at the very least sounds as if he were grossly inappropriate to someone who may need support and encouragement rather than caustic cracks and comments throughout lunch.

    I am sure it was well-intended but the ultimate outcome was three uncomfortable people sitting thru dessert.


    Amen.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 2487

    Mar 01, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    I work with people who do this "fat-shaming" thing, and they are all straight. So it's not just a gay thing, at all.
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    Mar 01, 2015 7:17 PM GMT
    strongbull said
    Cash said
    strongbull said
    __morphic__ said
    pazzy said

    No, I'm talking about the first time I started posting and you went out your way to inform me of what I should and shouldn't say like what you've done to other posters. When I got defensive because I was wondering why you somehow someway seem to have a problem with what I was saying and completely ignoring others who were really saying offensive shit where they were your buddies, you had the nerve to tell me off so I just told you to stop.



    That sounds like Cash. I think he did the same thing to many other new members, including me. The bully moderator that no one ever asked for.icon_rolleyes.gif


    There definitely has been a pattern. Including comments about weight.


    I don't even know you and have had nothing to do with you at all.

    I exchanged a few words with morphic over some minor pile of nothing and it was forgotten about in 10 seconds.

    My suggestion to pazzy when he first got here and was offending EVERYONE with his death threats and insistence on mandating how a group of Guys who already knew each other and had established a sort of online relationship interact with each other was to get to know the people he was interfering with. I thought he would have a better experience if he were not so combative with EVERYONE in EVERY thread he invaded.

    He was not repeatedly banned for being the lone voice of reason ya know...

    I don't make comments about weight on any regular basis. It's not even something that has any effect on My life. I think it is unhealthy and may indicate deeper issues but I don't go around making fun of anyone because of it, or their looks in general.

    I have said about a trillion times now, there is someone for everybody and there is room for everybody.


    Right, you don't know me, but you still sent me some very nasty comments when I first joined RJ. Comments about my picture, weight, etc, with no provocation. Then when I called you on it and complained, you came back and apologized and tried to gloss it over. But why do that in the first place? I see now that is your MO. I actually could care less, and since then I have come to understand all your issues better. But it doesn't make it right. Be careful what you do in private messages because it eventually comes out and shows your character.


    I have looked and there is no PM history between us at all. there is no record and I really don't know who you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 7:22 PM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    strongbull said
    Right, you don't know me, but you still sent me some very nasty comments when I first joined RJ. Comments about my picture, weight, etc, with no provocation. Then when I called you on it and complained, you came back and apologized and tried to gloss it over. But why do that in the first place? I see now that is your MO. I actually could care less, and since then I have come to understand all your issues better. But it doesn't make it right. Be careful what you do in private messages because it eventually comes out and shows your character.

    That's the path Cash usually follows where he would attack some stranger, play victim and apologize. Why do it in the first place? For a grown up man, he sure doesn't act his age.


    Sorry if I offended you that much, I know we disagreed about something but as I recall it, it was REALLY minor.

    As I said, One can't win 'em all.

    Considering the number of Guys I DO get along with, and have actually met in RL, My average is pretty good.

    We don't like each other. Big deal. Is there anyone that actually cares?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16509

    Mar 01, 2015 7:30 PM GMT
    The criticism could have had several objectives. Maybe your thin friend might have been concerned about the health of our overweight buddy, but I've also seen guys employing a "I'm better than you" kind of mentality, reminding the (in this case) your overweight friend that he "isn't good enough" or "lacks something" because he's overweight. It could be just the dude's attempt to build himself up at your other friend's expense.

    I have a creepy "friend" like that and I've seen him doing it to others. Glad you stepped in and changed the topic, but I would have had a conversation with your overweight friend about it as well. It may have really hurt his feelings. Knowing me, I'd have shut down the thin dude in a constructive way. Enough is enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 7:51 PM GMT
    bon_pan said
    dustin_K_tx said
    Spiritreaver said...yet I feel like I'm too fat for the guys I want.


    No not at all
    It's because you're too short.


    Really. Horribly disgusting.
    Haha, it's fine. I'm not offended at all. I love my height and in fact I was the perfect height for that guy. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2015 12:49 AM GMT
    [quote]Right, you don't know me, but you still sent me some very nasty comments when I first joined RJ. Comments about my picture, weight, etc, with no provocation. Then when I called you on it and complained, you came back and apologized and tried to gloss it over. But why do that in the first place? I see now that is your MO. I actually could care less, and since then I have come to understand all your issues better. But it doesn't make it right. Be careful what you do in private messages because it eventually comes out and shows your character.

    I have looked and there is no PM history between us at all. there is no record and I really don't know who you are.[/quote]

    I'm sure you don't remember me because I am one of who knows how many. You, however, are the only person on RJ from whom I ever received such a nasty PM. We actually exchanged a few emails back and forth about it and you apologized. I referred to it in a post, and also reported you to the site. However, it's done and I am not going to paste it all on here. I only brought it up again because at the time you said it was not characteristic of you. But I have come to find out it has happened to others and I finally decided to say something.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Mar 02, 2015 12:57 AM GMT
    Spiritreaver said
    bon_pan said
    dustin_K_tx said
    Spiritreaver said...yet I feel like I'm too fat for the guys I want.


    No not at all
    It's because you're too short.


    Really. Horribly disgusting.
    Haha, it's fine. I'm not offended at all. I love my height and in fact I was the perfect height for that guy. icon_smile.gif
    Your height is perfect. I am short. 5'5 icon_cry.gif
  • interesting

    Posts: 886

    Mar 02, 2015 2:36 AM GMT
    ^^ Oh dear lord, 5'3" here icon_mad.gif contort the right way, I can fit in most people's gym bag.

    So on to the topic, I'm glad OP you decided to say something, anything at all to shut down the awkward convo, personally, I would make a random joke about the food or something and try to make all parties laugh to avoid the awkwardness.

    I don't fully know your relationship with both of them, but if the criticizing friend was really thinking about the other guy's health (and not just making snide jokes for amusement or his ego), I would think some discretion between them would be more appropriate rather than bring it up at any gathering with other people around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    strongbull said[quote]Right, you don't know me, but you still sent me some very nasty comments when I first joined RJ. Comments about my picture, weight, etc, with no provocation. Then when I called you on it and complained, you came back and apologized and tried to gloss it over. But why do that in the first place? I see now that is your MO. I actually could care less, and since then I have come to understand all your issues better. But it doesn't make it right. Be careful what you do in private messages because it eventually comes out and shows your character.

    I have looked and there is no PM history between us at all. there is no record and I really don't know who you are.


    I'm sure you don't remember me because I am one of who knows how many. You, however, are the only person on RJ from whom I ever received such a nasty PM. We actually exchanged a few emails back and forth about it and you apologized. I referred to it in a post, and also reported you to the site. However, it's done and I am not going to paste it all on here. I only brought it up again because at the time you said it was not characteristic of you. But I have come to find out it has happened to others and I finally decided to say something. [/quote]




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    ^^^ unless you have had another name on RJ, there is NO history between us.

    I don't know you. If I wrote something that was all that upsetting I DO apologize.

    Sometimes I think I am writing Disney and it is read as Satan.

    An YES I will usually own it and and say I went overboard.

    That is not playing victim, it is simply admitting I wrote something out of line.

    And USUALLY if I write something incendiary it is a REACTION to something. I don't look for faceless guys to interact with.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2015 1:07 AM GMT
    GoCardinalsGo said
    SamRising saidI was fat-shamed by my closest friend....and I will always be grateful.

    He had not seen me in the year after my parents died. When he did see me he said it bluntly:

    "Where's my fit friend? I know you've been depressed but you've got to snap out of it and get your body back."

    He cared enough about me to risk the awkward confrontation. As I say, I will always be grateful.


    Wow. Cool that you guys have each other. No friend of mine would say anything like that & I wouldn't to any friend of mine either. People don't "snap out" of depression dude. Much less for somebody who wants your "hotter" body back. That's why I say I'm glad you have each other. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Been peeking out of the closet for 3 weeks as of today & I'm so ready to run back inside. What a twisted value system I've been observing.


    You misread my post.

    My friend's concern was for my health, not my hotness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2015 3:19 PM GMT
    ... it's a mixed answer. If it's coming from a genuine friend (someone you do spend time with, and enjoy the company of) then it's probably not fat shaming. if it's a stranger, then it's seen as fat shaming. if you're suddenly withholding your time from them because of their weight, then you might be fat shaming them.

    If you think they can keep up, or you know you can be relaxed about it, going for a cycling afternoon with them should be perfectly fine. (or not going with them since you know they can't keep up with you, or they wouldn't be into it in the first place)

    It's shaming if their weight is all that's spoken of, and especially in a negative light.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1365

    Mar 26, 2015 7:29 PM GMT
    ThatSwimmerGuy93 saidfat.jpg


    In a thread like this...Pazzy is likely 70 parts right and 30 parts wrong (which makes him, in my rather unsubstantiated and unevidenced opinion on this matter, far more right than almost everyone who has posted in this thread), unlike other threads when it's the inverse.. If edited in the way of Jefferson's Bible, Pazzy's posts on RJ would come out as enlightening... The rub though is in judging Pazzy's posts as an aggregate...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2015 9:14 PM GMT
    If yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2015 9:23 PM GMT
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    Thank you.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1365

    Mar 26, 2015 11:03 PM GMT
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    Perhaps people here are truly homosexual after all... So if every male and female on this world was obese would there be such a thing as sexual attraction or rather adverse forms of it?

    I currently have a gut but it hasn't gotten to my face yet (I am the person in my own photos, lol), though I suspect five to ten more pounds will make some fat apparent there. The idea that even myself can play some role of frustrating people's capacity to have their sexual attractions lol.
  • collegedude12

    Posts: 75

    Mar 31, 2015 2:43 AM GMT
    stratavos said... it's a mixed answer. If it's coming from a genuine friend (someone you do spend time with, and enjoy the company of) then it's probably not fat shaming. if it's a stranger, then it's seen as fat shaming. if you're suddenly withholding your time from them because of their weight, then you might be fat shaming them.

    If you think they can keep up, or you know you can be relaxed about it, going for a cycling afternoon with them should be perfectly fine. (or not going with them since you know they can't keep up with you, or they wouldn't be into it in the first place)

    It's shaming if their weight is all that's spoken of, and especially in a negative light.


    Agree with this. If someone is worried about his health because he is overweight but the only thing they do to help him is say he's fat and that he shouldn't eat junk food, it's not helping. Invite him to the gym or to go on a hike or walk or do something active. I had a friend who had put on a lot of weight to the point that I really was concerned for his health but instead of saying yo dude it's time to put down the twinkies I asked him if he was interested in lifting at all and I showed him a few things and taught a little bit about health and macros and helped him get on the right track. Theres better ways to help someone be more health conscious than saying don't order dessert. And if he kept bringing it up throughout the lunch it seems like it was more mean spirited than genuine concern
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    and here I was thinking you were actually a nice guy
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Apr 02, 2015 7:18 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    and here I was thinking you were actually a nice guy
    how is he not being nice? People need to tell fatties that they are a burden to the health care system, and cost the tax payers a lot of money. On top of that they are going to die really early from their unhealthy habits, people need to stop accepting fat as normal.
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    Apr 02, 2015 7:33 PM GMT
    ThatSwimmerGuy93 said
    Varus said
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    and here I was thinking you were actually a nice guy
    how is he not being nice? People need to tell fatties that they are a burden to the health care system, and cost the tax payers a lot of money. On top of that they are going to die really early from their unhealthy habits, people need to stop accepting fat as normal.


    And you might die "really early" if one of "fatties" sits on you.
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    Apr 02, 2015 8:05 PM GMT
    ThatSwimmerGuy93 said
    Varus said
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    and here I was thinking you were actually a nice guy
    how is he not being nice? People need to tell fatties that they are a burden to the health care system, and cost the tax payers a lot of money. On top of that they are going to die really early from their unhealthy habits, people need to stop accepting fat as normal.


    Da-fuq? I can't even fathom how ignorant that sounds. You don't know the road someone went through or is going through because of their weight. For some eating is their alcohol, their nicotine to numb their pain. So don't act like you know what ALL fat people are going through. Each and every over weight person has a different story and road they are walking. And for your information in AMERICA fat is normal, NOT the other way around, that is the sad truth. And honestly your lack of compassion towards heavier set people is below disgusting, it's almost inhumane in a sense.

    Also, America spends more tax money on the Military at 27% and 2nd on Medicare being at a 26% and education on 2.5%. I actually don't blame people in america being so fat, because look around you, do you not see so many fast food joint, and processed foods? If we invested more money in our education system maybe, just maybe we wouldn't be considered the most obese country in the world, and need to invest so much money into our health.

    So, before you try and defend someone please at least try to make your rebuttal at least some what convincing, and instead sounding like a uneducated idiot. I know I may sound harsh but I really hate discrimination regardless of gender, SEXUAL ORIENTATION (which i'm quite surprised as gays should know first hand what discrimination looks like), or body image and in this case the obese.

    walk-away.gif

  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Apr 03, 2015 12:53 PM GMT
    FAT PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Apr 03, 2015 12:54 PM GMT
    Varus said
    ThatSwimmerGuy93 said
    Varus said
    Cash saidIf yer fat YOU KNOW IT.

    It's gross

    Stop it NO ONE wants it

    Not even fat people.

    JUST STOP


    and here I was thinking you were actually a nice guy
    how is he not being nice? People need to tell fatties that they are a burden to the health care system, and cost the tax payers a lot of money. On top of that they are going to die really early from their unhealthy habits, people need to stop accepting fat as normal.


    Da-fuq? I can't even fathom how ignorant that sounds. You don't know the road someone went through or is going through because of their weight. For some eating is their alcohol, their nicotine to numb their pain. So don't act like you know what ALL fat people are going through. Each and every over weight person has a different story and road they are walking. And for your information in AMERICA fat is normal, NOT the other way around, that is the sad truth. And honestly your lack of compassion towards heavier set people is below disgusting, it's almost inhumane in a sense.

    Also, America spends more tax money on the Military at 27% and 2nd on Medicare being at a 26% and education on 2.5%. I actually don't blame people in america being so fat, because look around you, do you not see so many fast food joint, and processed foods? If we invested more money in our education system maybe, just maybe we wouldn't be considered the most obese country in the world, and need to invest so much money into our health.

    So, before you try and defend someone please at least try to make your rebuttal at least some what convincing, and instead sounding like a uneducated idiot. I know I may sound harsh but I really hate discrimination regardless of gender, SEXUAL ORIENTATION (which i'm quite surprised as gays should know first hand what discrimination looks like), or body image and in this case the obese.

    walk-away.gif

    fat people are just making excuses to be fat. "But mahh cundishuns"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2015 1:07 PM GMT
    Some cases obesity is caused by genetics and poor bacteria in the gut. But how hard is it to not eat junk food constantly? Or eating carbs constantly? Or drinking fizzy drinks or soda constantly?

    Those overweight people who are doing their best to cut down their weight should be applauded. They are attempting to be healthy and reduce the risk of diabetes.

    Those who continue to eat cakes and sugary goods and NOT do exercise or go to the gym are at fault.

    Just like smoking or obesity, the health of the nation influences us in many ways. But just because you are THIN does not mean you are healthy. You can be thin and unhealthy.

    Some smokers are thin and unhealthy. They can eat burgers and chips and they smoke away because their metabolism is different.

    The BMI is a rough guide but not accurate. Yet rugby players and some people have a high BMI and they are classed as overweight. In fact, if you are just slightly overweight, it can be good for you. Some fat is good. Too much fat is obviously bad.
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    May 16, 2015 1:29 AM GMT
    Study finds obesity is costing Americans $92,235 per person


    http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/insurance/study-finds-obesity-is-costing-americans-dollar92235-per-person/ar-BBjQ0kw