Can only finish myself off

  • dilfforrent

    Posts: 533

    May 03, 2015 5:06 PM GMT
    It seems as if every time I have sex, I cannot cum while actually having sex (I'm a top). In fact, I begin to lose my erection after topping someone for a while. Conversely, when I finger fuck the guy, I would be rock hard again. My sexual partners have tried everything from blowjobs to handjobs, usually giving up after about half an hour, and never was I able to cum. At the end, it always has to be me jerking off.

    Is this because I watch too much porn? I don't exactly watch a lot (maybe once or twice a week). I really wish I could fix this to better my sex life...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 03, 2015 5:34 PM GMT
    most probably, it's mix of your age and kind of medicines you might be taking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 03, 2015 10:14 PM GMT
    53+Weho.....are you by chance on antidepressants...they are a cunt for climaxing.....and you do have to consider your age and whether you're just plain bored with sex. I'd see an MD, they are usually damn good at diagnosing the problem with no judgemental att.....if it IS a/d then try welbutrin, it sure worked for me.....luck my friend.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 795

    May 04, 2015 4:57 AM GMT
    I have the exact same issue actually. I really wish I can cum while pounding some guy's ass, but it always comes down to just jerking it, not even him, but me only. Argh!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 04, 2015 5:06 AM GMT
    You need to find hotter guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 04, 2015 5:55 AM GMT
    My opinion is that this is NOT at all related to the amount of porn you do or do not watch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 04, 2015 10:07 AM GMT
    all u need is another person that can make u cum while u are pounding someone. and it is TRUE not ur problem
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    May 06, 2015 10:09 AM GMT
    That all depends on how loose the holes are that you are pounding. Are you fucking the town bike? Chances are that seat is really worn out.icon_lol.gif No one is going to enjoy that rid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    dilfforrent saidIt seems as if every time I have sex, I cannot cum while actually having sex (I'm a top). In fact, I begin to lose my erection after topping someone for a while. Conversely, when I finger fuck the guy, I would be rock hard again. My sexual partners have tried everything from blowjobs to handjobs, usually giving up after about half an hour, and never was I able to cum. At the end, it always has to be me jerking off.

    Is this because I watch too much porn? I don't exactly watch a lot (maybe once or twice a week). I really wish I could fix this to better my sex life...

    Has this been an issue for a long portion of your life? Some guys only get off by jerking themselves off, except on rare occasions. Maybe this is you. If this is not a long standing issue, what morphic said may also be true, if you also have trouble getting to orgasm just by jerking off. .
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    May 06, 2015 4:45 PM GMT
    I've know guys with the same issue. Maybe you've become so accustomed to your own hand and the feedback. Try using a flashlight or one of those devices and see if you can change your pattern. But I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's probably more of an issue to you than your partners. All it ever meant to me was the guy stayed hard forever. Better than premature....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    it's the porn. You and your hand and porn are so a trigger for you, it's the only thing that works.
    Cut back on the porn.
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    May 14, 2015 11:07 AM GMT
    It's not porn, its your hand. You have become so accustom to jerking off exactly the way you like it that no one can do it better for you.

    According to the sex experts, the way to break that is to start jerking off in ways you are not used to, other hand, play toys, try fucking something for a change.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2015 12:59 PM GMT
    I have the exact same problem.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11557

    May 14, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    At lest, at your age, you still CAN get off! Many guys, at your maturity level, cannot (or so I am told).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 23, 2015 4:29 AM GMT
    kjonyou saidIt's not porn, its your hand. You have become so accustom to jerking off exactly the way you like it that no one can do it better for you. .


    I agree. I had been single for quite some time, then recently became involved with a guy who's amazing in bed. But I'm so used to my own hand that he can't get me off. Weird how our bodies work. Time to switch hands between dates! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 31, 2020 11:53 PM GMT
    Different try some different positions so your dick gets sensations to help get you there. Not sure how big your dick is but maybe that could be a little concern.
    Usually a hog ass keeps me hard till I cum but also try different posifions.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 4667

    Feb 10, 2020 4:11 AM GMT
    try s and m.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2020 10:44 AM GMT
    58. Years..... Huuuimmm... Your body calling you that enough toping.... Now your time to lay down and show me your ass and ashole
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 02, 2020 6:33 PM GMT
    According to Dr. Dannoff ....

    Here are five changes to be ready for as you age:

    It takes you longer to get an erection. This might start happening to men during their twenties. It might happen so gradually that it is not even noticed until they approach middle age. At some point, men discover that it takes more stimulation to get them hard. Once your testosterone levels diminish with age, fantasies, the sight of a sexy body, and even heated foreplay may not be enough. It might require a little more direct stimulation from your partner. Many older men can only get an erection from the vacuum effect of oral sex and the psychological aspects associated with that sexual act.
    Your erections are not always as rigid as a steel rod like they were during your teenage years. Sometimes they are only half-hard or semirigid until added stimulation hopefully brings them to full strength. This, too, is normal, but men often greet this phenomenon with panic, recalling the days when they seemed to spend half their time concealing their erections.
    It takes you more time to be ready to go again. It is a well-documented urologic fact that the amount of time it takes to recover after an ejaculation increases in proportion to a man’s age. When a man reaches his fifties and sixties, the refractory period might be as long as twenty-four hours, even with direct stimulation. At age eighty, it might be one week.
    The amount you ejaculate decreases. Just as the refractory period increases with age, the volume of the ejaculate decreases. Men also notice that the ejaculation itself feels less and less explosive as they age; the semen leaks out rather than being forcefully expelled. Orgasms might also feel less intense.
    It takes longer for you to reach orgasm. As the old joke goes, “It takes all night to do what I used to do all night long.” This may not be a problem, especially if you found it difficult to control your ejaculations in the past. Young men who were quick on the trigger find their sex lives more satisfying when they reach the age when delaying orgasm is not a chore but a natural process. If your partner is a woman, she may even get more pleasure because it is usually easier to bring a woman to orgasm with prolonged intercourse than with quick encounters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 02, 2020 9:18 PM GMT
    I’ll offer a possibility that’s not so medical or scientific, merely observational. Even though the OP is no longer active.

    If your sex includes a lot of self-masturbation you may establish a pattern that works for you. But that few other guys, or situations (like topping) can duplicate exactly as you do it yourself. It’s the only way you know how to cum.

    I’ve encountered a few guys like that. It’s a matter of self-conditioning over years. They can only orgasm in 1 way.

    I don’t have the professional skills to know how to recondition a guy. But that may be what’s required.

    But if you’re the sex partner, you gotta listen to him, and hope he communicates his needs as you're having sex. If you’re the bottom your options are kinda limited, except for position.

    Sometimes general body stimulation can help, like with the nipples, or just chest & back strokes. And gentle caresses of his balls can work wonders with some guys. Don’t lie there - work him!

    Others respond to verbal prompts. And a man seems programmed to respond to hip thrusts, his muscles tensed that focus on the groin, so try to encourage or facilitate that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2020 7:50 PM GMT
    It might be age more than anything. You’re not 20 anymore.