College & Roommates

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  Feb 03, 2009 3:11 AM GMT

  Hey guys I'll be looking for a roommate over these next two months and I need your advice once again =)
  
  I plan on staying on campus at whatever school I decide to go to and am wondering should I come out to my roommate? Since I'll be gaining full independence I plan on becoming active on campus such as wanting to start a relationship with that special guy out there, joining clubs, and possibly a GLBT club. Is it smart to come-out to a roommate? Should I do it before we meet or when we meet and start becoming friends?
  
  Thanks!!!!
  
  

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  Feb 03, 2009 4:07 AM GMT

  It's best if you just let potential roommates know beforehand. That way if they don't like gay people, you won't make the mistake of moving in with him and being stuck in a lease

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  Feb 03, 2009 4:08 AM GMT

  I dont think you should introduce yourself as "Hi, I'm so and so and Im gay!" That might just turn alot of people off. I wouldnt say hide it, but dont just put it out there right away. If it comes up in conversation and he asks, just be honest and say 'Yes.' I mean, thats what I did and my roomie was cool with it. If he's not and it becomes a problem, you can talk to your floors RA and ask to have another roommate or move to another hall. Remember, he is your roomate and that doesn't automatically mean you're friends. Lord knows me and my roomie weren't lol! I think its great that you want to be involved in the Gay clubs at school. Its a great way to make friends and get involved.

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  Feb 03, 2009 4:51 AM GMT

  My advice would be to come out before you meet. The worst part about the "coming out" process is that you have to reveal a secret to someone. If you are up front about it right away, then the person doesn't feel betrayed. Let them know and see how they feel. They might freak out about it, but if that happens, they were going to do it if ya told them now or later. Who knows, you might be able to change their opinions about gay people.
  
  Best of luck. My experience went really well. My roommate had never known anyone who was gay but ended up being really ok with it.

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  Feb 03, 2009 4:52 AM GMT

  Since this is a roomie on campus you will be thrust into tight quarters with a complete stranger. It isn't like you can have a full, normal college life and be secretive about it. When I had to do it, I did it after a couple of weeks together. I told him I was just letting him know so there is no awkwardness. If you make it about the two of you, rather than just yourself it seems to work better in my experience.
  
  Also, since you are on a college campus. If he flips out, calls you a faggot, and tries to pray the gay away you can always talk to a housing director and get places somewhere else.

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  Feb 03, 2009 5:10 AM GMT

  Since you plan on being active in gay clubs and such he'd probably find out anyway. Tell him before he moves in.

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  Feb 03, 2009 5:30 AM GMT

  eh i always just let em find out on their own...
  
  which is basicly him walking in on me having sex on the floor
  
  oops

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  Feb 03, 2009 6:30 AM GMT

  It has been a long time since I lived in a dorm, but do the online housing departments these days have options for gay students? Like, live with another gay student or one that is gay-friendly? Unless you are applying to live with someone you know, the process can be totally random and often some bad pairings can be made.

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• Erikkkk
  
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  Feb 03, 2009 6:35 AM GMT

  I wouldn't actively hide it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make sure that's the first thing they learn about me. I have more fun messing around with people -- when they are like "yo this girls so hot" you can be like "her boyfriend is mad hot too" or something along those lines.
  
  Depends how close you wish to get with your roommate also. Who knows, you might get a "me too"

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  Feb 03, 2009 1:20 PM GMT

  you're going away to college, dude...depends on who you want to be there.
  
  do you wanna be 'the gay guy' or do you wanna be the roommate who happens to be gay?
  
  do you want to have a roommate who is your friend or just the guy you live with?
  
  I mean, ultimately you want the whole gay thing to be no big deal, right? so how can you expect him to treat it that way, if you don't?

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  Feb 04, 2009 12:39 AM GMT

  Ok like I don't plan on being the "Gay dude"....I plan on remaining myself but I just want my future roommate to feel comfortable with who I' am. Like I would like to join an LGBT club so that I can finally make "gay friends" but I also would like to become active on campus with Intramural Sports, Clubs, etc. Like I don't want people saying "Eww look at him he's rooming with a queer etc."
  
  I really do appreciate everyone's advice! I do plan on trying to get a "Single" dorm but it's very difficult and costly =/

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