OMG! Family drama, and I'm in the middle!

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  Feb 07, 2009 7:53 PM GMT

  We're about to leave for a "family day" with my partner's family. But when I just called for driving directions, nobody was aware we were coming.
  
  "Oh, aren't you coming tomorrow?" (Sunday) Which is when the more distant relatives and unrelated friends are invited for day two.
  
  My partner is the second oldest of the family members, his elder brother convening this thing. But, it's the brother's children who are actually hosting it, and they apparently don't want their gay uncle there. Yet the brother himself told me to say we had been invited by him. His kids and their extended family are evidently not on the same sheet of music. Oh my! And they've never met me before.
  
  So we're about to depart for it, about 25 miles away, no idea what we'll face. The "patriarch" of the family, my partner's older brother, wants us there, and he & I get along great, despite his being straight. Apparently other younger members of the family are not so happy with our coming, especially me.
  
  This should be interesting. But I have no fear, I can face anything. I'll let you all know how it goes.

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  Feb 07, 2009 8:57 PM GMT

  This will be interesting. Can't wait to hear how it goes. Hope it goes smooth!

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  Feb 07, 2009 9:13 PM GMT

  Red, you'll be fine, I'm betting. Recently I had to go to a similar patio party at the home of my new bf's family. I had not met any of them before. I just walked in - looking good, being friendly, firm handshakes, good eye contact, complimentary, engaged myself in some of the conversations.......and I am told I made a hit. If you're friendly, confident and look good (i.e. mainstream - like a guy should look) you'll be okay and actually more than that - you'll have some fun meeting all of these new people. I hope your thing went well.

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  Feb 07, 2009 9:33 PM GMT

  The best of luck!

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  Feb 07, 2009 9:40 PM GMT

  Jockbod 48 said,
  
  "(i.e. mainstream - like a guy should look)"
  
  Is that what you guys are up to at the VC conferences? Lookin all manly and "strokin" together when you get home?
  
  Somehow or another I think finding acceptance for a TOTAL-FANTASY projection isn't quite the same as being accepted. Call me crazy.

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  Feb 07, 2009 9:47 PM GMT

  

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• coolarmydude
  
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  Feb 08, 2009 12:56 AM GMT

  Red, just don't ask any kids to pull your finger.

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  Feb 08, 2009 3:10 AM GMT

  OK, back from the family gathering. First, thanks very much for all the kind and supportive words here. You guys are great.
  
  Wasn't real terrible, and in fact the "patriarch" (my partner's older brother) and I got along really well, though I'm told years ago he was strongly anti-gay. His soft spot is old cars, so I made sure we talked about them. In fact, he spoke with almost no one else but me at this function. My former Army training tells me that the best defense can be a good offense, so rather than run from a problem, I confront it directly on my own terms.
  
  But I also learned why my partner & I weren't expected, nor wanted, until tomorrow's gathering. Seems this nephew is running for mayor of his town, and he had pavilions set up in his back yard for a political rally after the family dinner. The timing seemed kinda odd to us, but maybe he wanted to be surrounded by family when the public arrived. (Florida elections are weird, and some mayoral races are just now coming up. Our own attorney's bid to be mayor of Fort Lauderdale is later this month)
  
  So after the family dinner inside had concluded, all these state Senators, Representatives and other politicians started showing up, and the press, too. No wonder he didn't want his gay uncle and lover there, since he's running as a Republican.
  
  But that was OK, we were ready to leave anyway. Doubt we'll return for day 2 tomorrow. Instead, we want to take a lesbian friend out for a belated birthday dinner, which we missed yesterday.

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  Feb 08, 2009 3:14 AM GMT

  My very Mormon aunt literally goes out of her way to avoid going to my gay uncle's place because she's afraid her kids will "catch it". It's pretty funny because when everyone calls her on her shit, she gets all huffy, turns funny colors, and will spend nearly half an hour trying to explain everything away and telling everyone they're just trying to single her out for being late, etc etc.

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  Feb 08, 2009 5:55 AM GMT

  Caslon8000 said

  
  
  
  OK I'm still laughing like hell over this. I worked with gals that were mother-inlaws and this is just what some of them looked like when discussing their son or daughter-in-laws. Well, no whiskers maybe...
  
  10 points.

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  Feb 08, 2009 6:45 AM GMT

  WWOD?

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  Feb 08, 2009 7:22 AM GMT

  
  
  Congrats on a mission diplomatically accomplished and thanks for the de-briefing, Red Vespa! The gay advantage; blend and win 'em over!
  
  

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  Feb 08, 2009 3:45 PM GMT

  Heywood_Floyd saidJockbod 48 said,
  
  "(i.e. mainstream - like a guy should look)"
  
  Is that what you guys are up to at the VC conferences? Lookin all manly and "strokin" together when you get home?
  
  Somehow or another I think finding acceptance for a TOTAL-FANTASY projection isn't quite the same as being accepted. Call me crazy.

  
  
  
  You've taken my remarks out of context. No "total fantasy" took place - I was only suggesting that by being confident, looking good, being friendly, etc., I made a hit with my new bf's family......a very conservative group of people whom I had never met who had just traveled to Arizona from McPhearson, Kansas, and who were understandably a bit apprehensive about meeting their 40 year old son's new bf. By being respectful and cordial to them, they had a good time and everything went very well.

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  Feb 08, 2009 3:50 PM GMT

  They knew you are a conservative Republican too didn't they JockBod? That must have helped.

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• GQjock
  
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  Feb 08, 2009 4:26 PM GMT

  So after the family dinner inside had concluded, all these state Senators, Representatives and other politicians started showing up, and the press, too. No wonder he didn't want his gay uncle and lover there, since he's running as a Republican.
  
  
  Oh Red ... that is SO out of the Birdcage
  
  So which one were you? Robin Williams or Nathan Lane?

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  Feb 08, 2009 4:32 PM GMT

  Spot on GQJock.

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  Feb 08, 2009 4:33 PM GMT

  GQjock saidSo after the family dinner inside had concluded, all these state Senators, Representatives and other politicians started showing up, and the press, too. No wonder he didn't want his gay uncle and lover there, since he's running as a Republican.
  
  Oh Red ... that is SO out of the Birdcage
  
  So which one were you? Robin Williams or Nathan Lane?

  
  Actually I was Agador.
  
  
  

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  Feb 08, 2009 4:35 PM GMT

  GQjock saidSo after the family dinner inside had concluded, all these state Senators, Representatives and other politicians started showing up, and the press, too. No wonder he didn't want his gay uncle and lover there, since he's running as a Republican.
  
  
  Oh Red ... that is SO out of the Birdcage
  
  So which one were you? Robin Williams or Nathan Lane?

  I wouldn't mind if he were Agador Spartacus.

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