Loss of a friend

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    Oct 09, 2007 1:14 PM GMT
    I'm a student at Mount Aloysius and we had a girl take her life yesterday. I was the one being support for everyone who knew her and now I have no energy. How have other guys handled this?
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    Oct 09, 2007 1:16 PM GMT
    Well done at being a support. But remember you need support too.

    Take some time for yourself, do something relaxing and don't beat yourself up if you feel upset. It's good to let go of pent-up emotion.

    These things never make sense.

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    Oct 09, 2007 1:20 PM GMT

    My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

    It's perfectly okay to just close your door, turn off the cell phone and computer, and allow yourself some time alone to grieve, recoup and regroup. If you have to call someone to proceess, do it. And by all means, do not feel guilty telling people that you need some time to deal with it too... I'm sure that your friends will understand.

    Keep your chin up,
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Oct 09, 2007 2:35 PM GMT
    Really sorry to hear about that and for your loss.
    I concur with what the others above said, except I certainly hope you take some time to talk to someone close and express how you feel. For me that is really important... then support others when you are ready to give that time and energy.

    Best wishes!

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    Oct 09, 2007 3:53 PM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with the other posters. Take some time for yourself to process the recent events and allow yourself to grieve.

    Being emotionally worn out can do a real number on you. It can feel like you're running at full speed on empty, especially when you're busy being strong for other people.

    Take care and know we are here for you too. icon_smile.gif

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    Oct 09, 2007 4:23 PM GMT
    Everyone handles it in their own ways. My roommate was killed in a motorcycle accident in July. I'm not sure how I dealt with it, but I'm getting by and life only stopped for a week. I was there for his fiance, and she was there for me. As well as a group of friends that was available to talk or whatever I needed. I cried, I cleaned, I sat alone, I had a beer, I spent time with loved ones. I finally went back to work.
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    Oct 09, 2007 6:31 PM GMT
    Hey Signboy07,

    I think that what has happened to you is very unfair, but you have to go on. My girlfriend commited suicide two years ago, I didn't forget that, but learnt to deal with it. And I became gay...
    Accept the fact it has happened and you'll be okay,
    just think of how many people lose someone who is dear to them and they survive, they can get on with their own lives, not immediately but in time. Remember this and you're on your way to start the grieving process.
    Don't lock yourself up, but take your own time.
    As you need it...
    We all have bad times, and I'm sorry yours is now, but think about the good moments you had with her.
    That helped me a lot. Hope it helps you somewhat...
    All my best to you!
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 09, 2007 7:09 PM GMT
    Sorry to here that Signboy07. That is very sad. You need to take time for yourself, and you need someone to be a support for you. I hope you have someone for that support.

    Take care of yourself.

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    Oct 09, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    My sympathies to you for your loss, I lost my father last October and a good friend a month later, I was emotionally numb and depressed for months. Your lack of energy is understandable it is a sign of being depressed following a loss. You will need to find time for yourself to grieve, if you are a "people person" make sure you have others to talk to. I am an introvert so I need to be alone when I am depressed. For me, time and the ability to grieve are what get me out of my depressed states.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1927

    Oct 09, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    Signboy, sorry to hear about your loss! This might sound cliche, but take it one day at a time. I wish you the best!
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    Oct 09, 2007 11:06 PM GMT
    Hey man, I am terribly sorry to hear about the loss of a friend...a dear friend if I read your post right.

    My mom killed herself in May 2006 - memorial day. Everybody here has the right answers. Take time for yourself. Let yourself feel your pain and don't deny that you feel it. But don't just let the pain remind you of your friend's absence, let it remind you of all the good things about her. There surely must have been many if you hurt so much.

    Please, do not take it on yourself to be everybody's support. Maybe it's time someone supports you for a change. My son broke down several weeks ago for that reason. It seems to him that his friends always take and never give. He never unloads his pain on them. I don't know why and now he's in even deeper despair. Let your friends support you like you support them. If they are true friends, they will be there for you.

    God be with you and comfort you.

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    Oct 10, 2007 7:43 AM GMT
    I'm very sorry to hear this. Suicide is always especially hard to cope with, and is always tragic.

    Please make sure to take time for yourself. In supporting everyone else, you've probably taken on some of their emotions as well. That's normal... just be sure to do something to help release all that and let yourself recharge. If you need quiet time, then by all means take some... or maybe going for a hike, or going to a concert, or even doing something to honor your friend's spirit would help you process it all. Whatever it is, take the time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.

    One of my dearest friends passed a few months back from breast cancer. All of her friends were devastated, because it was her second round of cancer and it came on so fast and so visciously. She was an avid environmentalist, so to honor her, I got together with a few of her friends and we planted 400 trees to help replenish a forest that had been nearly destroyed by loggers. It turned out to be a very cathartic and re-energizing experience for all of us...

    Many hugs and condolences to you...


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    Oct 11, 2007 3:57 PM GMT
    Thank you all for your suggestions. I will consider each one and see which is best. And we do have Sister Linda the school psychologist and she has been wodnerful through all this as well as the rest of the staff. We have fall break this weekend and a lot of people left sometime this week to be with their families. I just can't wait for this weekend. This has been the longest week of school. PS the last time this happened on our campus was 23yrs ago so we're all lost for words.
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    Oct 11, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    First, my deepest sympathies. Remember to take care of yourself too.

    Signboy07 wrote: "How have other guys handled this?"

    Not well. Mostly with lots of booze and lots of hours in the gym.

    While both can be therapeutic; I can highly recommend the latter, though I would not suggest the former.


  • phill

    Posts: 117

    Oct 13, 2007 5:15 AM GMT
    I am sorry for your loss. I had two friends pass away in the last two years and it has been hard to handle. I found writing to be helpful. I didnt really know how i was feeling until i put pen to paper and i told myself. Good luck it is a chance understand yourself better it is too bad that the catalyst is death.
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    Oct 13, 2007 11:33 AM GMT
    Hey Sign. Im sorry to hear about your loss. The guys are right you need to find an outlet for yourself and take care of yourself as well. I went to a private catholic university (very small my graduating class was bigger then the incoming class at this school). It never had anyone complete suicide in its 108 year history. i never really knew the guy but I was there for alot of the people there and I knew the cop that was there that was involved in the whole mess. Just be sure you have someone for yourself and don't feel you have to keep what you are feeling either. Im not sure if you are religious or spiritual but praying and taking time out to mediate helps out a lot. I found myself spending days out in our chapel alot after that. take care of yourself.