teacher being involved with students

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    Feb 13, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    A HS teacher was sexually involved with at one 17 year old boy. I am a friend of her husband and I knew her on a limited basis She taught in the community where I live and of course this is a very conservative place. The high school is built on land that was my grandfather's farm so I have personal connection here.

    I was sexually abused as a child and I am still in therapy trying to deal with life skills, anger and other issues. I have gone to healing weekends and much work in my recovery. I feel a need to do something which I discussed with my therapist. At the very least I want to ask about school policies. I personally feel that I would like to use this as teaching moment with some people to look at our closed nature here in the county. My therapist of course has warned me to be careful. I will of course do that and I will talk to some folks about how to handle it. I want to ask about your feelings about a teacher doing this and how should a community respond.

    If anyone could offer advice I would appreciate it. I am offering support to her husband, my friend , as best as I can. Thanks for your support

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    Feb 13, 2009 4:20 PM GMT
    Dear Sonjo67,

    I think you're picking "battles" that aren't yours to pick. I understand the connection between you and the land the HS is on, but that's perhaps where it ends. Also, your being abused has very little if nothing to do with this teacher and student. Furthermore, the school should already have policies regarding teacher / student relationships (where I taught, that was totally crossing the line and grounds for immediate dismissal). The gray area here, is the boy is 17 so choices were made by both parties....again, nothing to do with you or your challenges at all. I think you're making the best decision by supporting the husband. I'm sure this is rather embarrassing for him and now he must decide whether to stay married to this woman.

    Your therapist is right. You're on your path of healing (and congratulations!) - and with this challenge, one clearly has nothing to do with the other. It is only a teachable moment if all concerned are ready to "hear" the lesson. You are "doing something" - you're being a friend to the husband. Let the school do their thing and hopefully, all will be able to move forward.

    Hope this helps.
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    Feb 14, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    ^ What he said.

    I was also molested, but probably a far different experience from yours. It was consensual even if I was horribly underage, I fully acknowledge that I wanted it too. It has never affected me, though partly because I wasn't forced and I actually instigated it.

    The kid is 17, more than old enough to make his own decisions and only a year shy of 'maturity' if you can call it that (18 year olds still being caught in that roller coaster angst). And yes that's a gray area. Where the legality blurs.

    I say let it stay private. The consequences will destroy both the boy's and the woman's life and backlash to a lot of people as well (including you and her husband) considering the size of the community. Let her and her husband work out what happens to their marriage. Going after the woman will only aggravate the situation that would become a mere memory years from now.

    Settle it in private. The boy is old enough to know. It was a mistake, and as long as no one was harmed, a mistake that can be learned from, not a mistake that both regret the rest of their lives for. A stigma that will follow both of them wherever they go. There are far worse crimes happening in the world than that. Keep it in context. Not trivializing it, but YakkoSF is right, your experiences has very little to do with the current situation. It is not you. My guess, from my experience as a horny 17 year old hehe, it was definitely consensual. The only issue being that it was unethical.