I bit the forbidden fruit, now I can't stop...

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    Nov 21, 2016 8:38 PM GMT
    It all started 3 months ago at a get together with coworkers (friends). While we are a diverse group, I am the only "gay" in this particular crowd. Nobody was drunk but the drinks had starting to flow and through honest conversation, I discovered that my male (married) coworker was having an affair with a female coworker of ours. I was surprised but not totally shocked... I had seen them casually flirt before. Although I was very jealous in an odd way. This guy has always been extremely attractive to me. From his southern accent to his eyes and smile. He's buff, tan, tall, and has good hair... but as far as I was concerned, 100% straight and off limits.

    Well, that night, he went to his car to get something - not more than an hour after I found this out about him. I was already outside on the deck, so I went and followed him down a rather long driveway to his truck. We were talking and I jokingly told him I knew he was having an affair and that I didn't really care... he admitted it to me, made a joke... then I said "I won't tell anybody about it if you let me give you some amazing head right here". As soon as I said that, even though I was slightly tipsy, I became embarrassed... but the embarrassment didn't last long, because he got into his truck and told me to join him. Next thing I know, he has his pants down and tells me to "prove gay guys can suck dick better than girls can".

    I gave him what he wanted (or maybe he gave me what I wanted?) for about 10 minutes before he exploded in my mouth. I took it all in, not wanting to leave any evidence on my nice clothes. Then we went back inside and pretended nothing had happened. I instantly felt sober, stayed in SHOCK the entire night, and fast forward 3 months later... he is having me come by just about every week for head. He never asks for more than oral - I think he's still more straight than anything else, but he demands good gay head and enjoys shoving my lips down on his cock. Even more crazy, I find out (from the girl) that he hasn't been messing with her any more and she assumes he went back to his wife in search of an honest life. Little does she know...

    QUESTION: Have you ever been in a situation where you have compromised your morals/values for sexual satisfaction? I find myself doing this each week, but I don't know how to stop. He is hot, "straight", and married... should I be the one to end this?? It isn't hurting me any, I don't really want anything more from him... but I don't want to end up in some weird love triangle either!
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    Nov 21, 2016 11:19 PM GMT
    Desire_It said
    QUESTION: Have you ever been in a situation where you have compromised your morals/values for sexual satisfaction? I find myself doing this each week, but I don't know how to stop.


    I don't see how you've compromised your values by continuing this mutually satisfying arrangement, unless you think giving blow jobs to a straight guy is immoral somehow . Sounds like neither one of you is "falling" for the other, so it's just sex. If you like doing him, and he likes the blow jobs, why stop? There are lots of straight guys out there that appreciate a good blow job from another man. You're lucky you found a hot one. The time to stop is when one of you is no longer interested.
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    Nov 21, 2016 11:33 PM GMT
    He's asking because the straight guy is married.
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    Nov 22, 2016 1:18 AM GMT
    What part of this are you finding "immoral"?
    That he's straight?
    That he's married?
    That he's a co worker?
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    Nov 22, 2016 1:47 AM GMT
    JonSpringon saidWhat part of this are you finding "immoral"?


    The part where he's married and has 2 kids. I definitely enjoy our time together, just curious if anyone else has been in similar situations? This is a first for me... I guess I tell myself if he wasn't getting it from me, he'd be getting it elsewhere - clearly he doesn't value the vows he took to his wife.
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    Nov 22, 2016 11:13 AM GMT
    Desire_It said
    JonSpringon saidWhat part of this are you finding "immoral"?


    The part where he's married and has 2 kids. I definitely enjoy our time together, just curious if anyone else has been in similar situations? This is a first for me... I guess I tell myself if he wasn't getting it from me, he'd be getting it elsewhere - clearly he doesn't value the vows he took to his wife.


    Doesn't that make you feel pretty bad that you are enabling this behaviour? How would you feel if his wife walked in on you sucking his dick? Or one of his kids?

    Find a guy who is either single or has permission to fool around on the side, don't get involved with someone else's drama.
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    Nov 22, 2016 11:36 AM GMT
    If you feel guilty then it's up to you to stop. Nobody is going to give you a green light and even if they did you'd still feel guilty because you think it's wrong.
    Look I'm of the opinion we are all sexual creatures and you can't suppress your true feelings. If the guy is letting you suck his dick he isn't completely straight. He probably wanted it for a long time.
    Society, religion place moral codes on us all the time. It's up to him to tell his wife. If you don't want to screw around with a married guy then stop. There are plenty of other dicks out there to suck lol.
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    Nov 22, 2016 12:29 PM GMT
    I'm probably a little more jaded on the topic... having spent the majority of my sexually active life in the closet, sneaking around for man-love became the norm. Most of the guys I'd find and hook up with were in similar boats... married... wife lousy at giving head...

    Look, as far as I'm concerned, It's not YOUR responsibility to enforce HIS marriage vows. It's not even your responsibility to respect them, especially if he doesn't even respect them. You're not the one who's married, you're just a hungry guy out there looking for dick. You're being true to yourself. :-)

    As long as he's down for it, you should enjoy it. HE's the one who ought to feel the guilt, not you. and if he's not feeling it, I say roll with it.
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    Nov 22, 2016 2:42 PM GMT
    Wow...
    The fact that so many of the replies from guys who actually don't see the wrongdoing in this situation really makes me lose a lot of hope and faith in gay men.
    Honour, dignity, loyalty, respect to oneself and for one's other faithful partner ... all of that really becomes nothing as long as a guy "consents"...
    Gay men really do look at other men as just sex objects to be had.
    That is so very sad.

    Just a thought, even if this guy gives consent, he's married and therefore this isn't just about you, or even just about him.
    There is another person there who will be hurt, heart broken and potentially in danger (of catching something off the cheating bastard if he isn't having safe sex).
    Not to be cheesy but I wish people would seriously listen to Ellen's advice and really try to be kind to one another.

    If you have to ask then deep down you know there is a moral compass in you that is telling it's not the right thing to do.
    Don't be like so many other gay men and become numb to that self discernment of what's right and wrong just for the sake of having a sexual experience with a guy.

    Sex IS NOT the be all and end all and certainly not worth hurting someone, or encouraging someone to continue to cheat on their partner just so you can have a sexual experience of some kind.
    If that's all you're after there are apps for that.
    I feel so sorry for that woman she deserves so much better than that man because regardless of situation cheating is never a justification.
    If it's a shit relationship then he should just leave her because hurting his wife and his family so selfishly is NEVER a better alternative.
    You shouldn't be okay with being an accomplice in the destruction of his family, if at least for no other reason than knowing that you yourself deserve better than this.
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    Nov 22, 2016 3:04 PM GMT
    Before I met my boyfriend I met a very hot guy. He was just my type and he seemed to almost worship me in bed which made me want him even more. After we had sex twice he casually said he has a girlfriend and that he's been with her for 5 years. My jaw dropped. Luckily I was leaving the country for a few weeks and used that as an excuse not to see him. When I got back I simply didn't reply to his texts.
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    Nov 22, 2016 3:14 PM GMT
    DryMoan saidWow...
    The fact that so many of the replies from guys who actually don't see the wrongdoing in this situation really makes me lose a lot of hope and faith in gay men.
    Honour, dignity, loyalty, respect to oneself and for one's other faithful partner ... all of that really becomes nothing as long as a guy "consents"...
    Gay men really do look at other men as just sex objects to be had. That is so very sad.

    You shouldn't be okay with being an accomplice in the destruction of his family, if at least for no other reason than knowing that you yourself deserve better than this.


    Who's "destroying a family?" It's ONLY sex. And as it has been described, not much in the way of sex - just blow jobs. They are not falling in love, and not being romantic, or even very much involved. This is no affair. And BTW, the guy was already cheating on his wife by having an extend affair (presumbably a lot more than blow jobs) with another woman.
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    Nov 22, 2016 3:17 PM GMT
    Also, you're a good looking guy. Go find yourself a hottie to set your mind right. I'm sure it's not difficult at all.
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    Nov 22, 2016 6:37 PM GMT
    Wow - thanks for all the feedback guys! Especially those of you with non judgemental thoughts. As some others have said here, I don't feel like I am the cause for his marital issues. I don't know his wife, so I have no emotional ties or obligations to her. I myself, wouldn't cheat on my spouse... if I get married, he will be my one and only. But the fact is, I am not married... I am single and I enjoy giving head to a guy who is STD free, hot, and uncomplicated.

    I guess I'll continue on. I mean, if I found a single gay man in my area who was worth pursuing, I'd cut this off in a heartbeat. ;)
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    Nov 22, 2016 10:57 PM GMT
    Desire_It saidWow - thanks for all the feedback guys!

    I guess I'll continue on. I mean, if I found a single gay man in my area who was worth pursuing, I'd cut this off in a heartbeat. ;)


    Wilmington must be a pretty dead location, then. I'm sure there are lots of hot guys on RJ that would be willing to stand in for your married guy - just saying.

    Just need to make yourself available.
  • MuscledHorse

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    Nov 23, 2016 5:15 AM GMT
    Nothing immoral about it; it's just sex. Christian history imposed a monogamy = love = sex formula thay has destroyed males and out need for pleasure with other guys and our need for multiple partners. I take care of a lot of DL and married guys here and have no problems with it. For one of them the wife knows he husband fucks me and she's fine with him fucking anything male: "along as it's not another woman, I don't care what he fucks" is how she said it to me.
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    Nov 23, 2016 2:55 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said


    Wilmington must be a pretty dead location, then. I'm sure there are lots of hot guys on RJ that would be willing to stand in for your married guy - just saying.

    Just need to make yourself available.


    Wilmington is a slightly larger city, but a little distance from me... I live in an area of less than 10,000 people. So yes, slim pickings! In addition, Wilmington is a college town and much of the young single gays there only want one thing and one thing only (which is understandable when you're 21 years old). So yes, I feel like I'm better off with the arrangement I have since I know this one is at least STD free and sexually somewhat conservative. If that makes sense?
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    Nov 24, 2016 1:34 AM GMT
    Tempted by the fruit of another........Tempted but the truth was discovered......
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    Nov 24, 2016 2:32 AM GMT
    MuscledHorse saidNothing immoral about it; it's just sex. Christian history imposed a monogamy = love = sex formula thay has destroyed males and out need for pleasure with other guys and our need for multiple partners.


    I mostly agree with that statement, though I'm not religious, I do still wonder why people marry if they aren't interested in monogamy? Maybe the idea of it is romantic at the time they say their vows... who knows...
  • MuscledHorse

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    Nov 24, 2016 12:44 PM GMT
    Desire_It said
    MuscledHorse saidNothing immoral about it; it's just sex. Christian history imposed a monogamy = love = sex formula thay has destroyed males and out need for pleasure with other guys and our need for multiple partners.


    I mostly agree with that statement, though I'm not religious, I do still wonder why people marry if they aren't interested in monogamy? Maybe the idea of it is romantic at the time they say their vows... who knows...


    Easy to answer. Having a partnership with someone you care about, that you want to have as your best mate is not the same as sexual exclusivity. ISex, maraigeand monogamy are marketed that way but it's not a natural state for males. I've met and even mated with guys that were partners but treated sex as the primal male drive that it is and not tried to make it something it is now for us.
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    Nov 24, 2016 6:48 PM GMT
    Unless appointed so by the legal authority, the OP is NOT anyone's moral guardian.

    His partner-in-crime, if you will, has an obvious history of neither being strictly monogamous nor strictly str8. It is only very true that if the OP ran for the higher moral grounds, another dude/dudette would fill in. I have yet to meet anyone who is really irreplaceable.

    Furtheron, we are all only too fast to jump on the conclusion that the somewhat str8ish dude here IS cheating on his wife. We do NOT know if he and his wife have an agreement allowing for sexual freedom beyond their marriage?

    Minding your own business and living your own life does not equal enabling anyone's 'immoral' behavior. No matter what they tell you, each and everyone of us is responsible for his actions.

    Stick with your guns, and make the best of it.

    SC
  • Apparition

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    Nov 26, 2016 3:35 AM GMT
    Pretty big assumption that you are the only one OP, wife thinks the same thing. You are probably just wednesday, or wednesday afternoon even...if you wont do it with the wifes consent then you are a coward.
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    Nov 26, 2016 3:52 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidUnless appointed so by the legal authority, the OP is NOT anyone's moral guardian.


    Thank you for your incite and thoughtful reply. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 29, 2016 8:00 AM GMT
    Morality aside since I think that's a horse that's been beaten to death, I feel as though you might be inviting more trouble into your life if the Mrs finds out - again assuming she's out of the loop. Slashed tires, screaming matches - just the general drama that ensues.

  • helloandgoodb...

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    Nov 29, 2016 11:58 AM GMT
    I will guess this straight guy figures oral action from a talented gay guy (that he will never want more from) is a better than an outright affair with a female. To a straight guy this feels less like cheating. (ask Bill Clinton). Your "service" may be making things better at home. And you get to enjoy the juice of this fruit.
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    Nov 29, 2016 12:42 PM GMT
    It's true that the husband is the one initiating the cheating on the wife, not the OP. And it is cheating. Remember how many in the US, including some here, reacted to President Bill Clinton getting blowjobs? And what was Clinton's principal defense, that so many found laughable? That a BJ isn't sex, implying it really doesn't count.

    This woman, and possibly the children, will conceivably have their lives turned upside down when this is discovered. As these things often are. I wonder if she has access to a gun? Nothing is as fierce as a wife who feels she's been sexually betrayed. Especially when kids are involved, some react with a protective "mother bear" rage.

    The OP needs to ask himself if he wants to be in the middle of that, and seen by many who learn of it as being equally guilty. And depending on the State, and in light of the recent US Supreme Court rulings, I wonder if the wife can sue the OP for "alienation of affection"?

    It's now possible for the husband to divorce her and marry the OP, and the wife may envision that, unlikely though it probably is. The myth of all gay guys potentially wanting to seduce & steal straight husbands is still active in the US, just like us all being pedophiles. Even if she doesn't win the case the OP may have to defend himself in legal proceedings. The OP should ask himself how might the wife might react - things could get very messy indeed.

    Lastly, the husband doesn't seem very honorable & faithful about his relationships. Not important to the OP for merely physical sex, and maybe he can handle suddenly getting dumped down the road. But there's a sleaze factor going on that would bother me. I don't care if it is just his dick getting the attention, and if he is handsome, I really couldn't respect and wanna have much to do with a person like that.