Asking a guy out...

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  Feb 15, 2009 7:29 AM GMT

  Alright guys I know this topic has been asked before but I'm pretty clueless here. So there's this guy that works at the place where I get my gym supplies, smokin. First time I see him in there when I go to pay for my stuff he asks me where I workout, some other small talk. I'm not sure if this is just him being friendly or him wanting to get to know me more. Anyways, regardless whether he's gay or not, I want to ask him out. Now I've never asked a guy out, or anyone for that matter so I'm not sure how to go about it. What would you guys do/say in this situation? Do I talk to this guy more and get to know him better before I ask him out? (might not be the greatest idea as he'd likely be working if I did this). Do I just ask him straight up if he wants to go out? Any other options that I haven't thought of yet? I'm likely just over thinking this but I'm not really sure what to do . Any advice would be great!

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  Feb 15, 2009 12:32 PM GMT

  Maybe, first you find out if he is gay....and if he is, just ask him out...the worst he can do is say no...

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• coolarmydude
  
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  Feb 15, 2009 12:53 PM GMT

  Ask him where he works out and arrange to work out together. From there, the two of you can get to know each other more without directly asking him on a date. Once you're sure it's ok to ask him out, ask him.

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• chaotic1
  
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  Feb 15, 2009 1:07 PM GMT

  Ask what he did for Valentine's Day.
  
  If he says "I went out to dinner with my Girlfriend/Boyfriend," you know it's not to be. If he says "nothing, I'm single;" that's your cue to ask if he wants to get together sometime.

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  Feb 15, 2009 1:22 PM GMT

  Chaosdemon saidAsk what he did for Valentine's Day.
  
  If he says "I went out to dinner with my Girlfriend/Boyfriend," you know it's not to be. If he says "nothing, I'm single;" that's your cue to ask if he wants to get together sometime.

  
  
  Now that was clever!...Forget what I said, and do that instead....

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• GQjock
  
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  Feb 15, 2009 1:27 PM GMT

  Ayltws said

  Chaosdemon saidAsk what he did for Valentine's Day.
  
  If he says "I went out to dinner with my Girlfriend/Boyfriend," you know it's not to be. If he says "nothing, I'm single;" that's your cue to ask if he wants to get together sometime.

  
  
  Now that was clever!...Forget what I said, and do that instead....

  
  
  Seconded

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  Feb 15, 2009 1:51 PM GMT

  Even a straight guy can be a friend...just ask him if he would like to meet up for coffee and just hang and chat a bit when he is free.

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  Feb 15, 2009 2:00 PM GMT

  http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/sources_barista_not
  
  

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  Feb 15, 2009 2:25 PM GMT

  Ask him if he'd like to go have coffee. Casual, no obvious date-ish overtones so no stress on you or him. But it's a chance to get his full attention. It should be apparent pretty quickly whether there's a real connection or if you're just having coffee.
  

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  Feb 15, 2009 2:50 PM GMT

  Yeah, I'd just ask him if he wants to hang out. Keep it casual. Even just ask him if he wants to work out. That way you'll get to hang with him at the gym and hopefully shower afterwards together.

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  Feb 15, 2009 3:44 PM GMT

  Ayltws saidMaybe, first you find out if he is gay....and if he is, just ask him out...the worst he can do is say no...

  
  
  
  Always the best approach I think, especially if you don't know if he is gay. Good Luck!

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  Feb 15, 2009 3:59 PM GMT

  First, take him off the pedestal and see him as a person. I can almost see you panting in this post.
  
  Secondly, during conversation, find a way to throw in tidbits about things you like that he might also be interested in (kayaking, a movie you saw, a club or cafe you like to go to, where you grew up, etc...). Anything that might open up common ground and lead to a more in-depth conversation is what you're looking for.
  
  Once you find that, it's much easier to offer that you continue the conversation later, away from work. And if it's some activity you both like, there's the opportunity to start hanging out. And that leads you to getting to know him better (i.e. if he'd be interested in dating you).
  
  Good luck.

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  Feb 17, 2009 1:55 AM GMT

  I second Global_Citizen...
  
  This is the best thing in the world... to have to think about how you're gonna ask him, all the minutia that you're gonna have to prepare just to find more about him is 80% of the fun. It's just magic. Every time I fell in love, it was in a scenario like this.
  
  I think that in the end, if it all works out, you will appreciate him more than if you would if it were too easy. Not that I'm defending artificial difficulty (theatrical games)...

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  Feb 17, 2009 2:02 AM GMT

  If you ask him out for whatever reason (friendship or romance) do make sure to convey your intent in one way or another (friendship or romance) otherwise you will end up screwing up a perfectly good opportunity like I did once.

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  Feb 17, 2009 2:25 AM GMT

  ask him out for a coffee. Naturally.
  
  

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  Feb 17, 2009 2:51 AM GMT

  Those are great ideas...although I do have to share what one of my lady friends said to one of our gay friends when we we're at a coffee shop.
  
  Her: "You like that guy over there but don't know if his gay or straight?"
  
  Him: "Yeah... just don't know though..."
  
  Her: "Oh please, just go up to him and ask him, 'Hey, do you like Penis?' "
  
  ...ever since, I hate the feeling of warm mocha coffee shooting out of my nose.

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  Feb 17, 2009 3:19 AM GMT

  I really suggest being forthright without being pressuring. You should drop the hint or just come right out and say you're gay.
  
  "My ex-boyfriend was the one who encouraged me to work out..."
  
  If he's interested, the conversation will run a more natural course once he knows where you stand. If he's not interested, nothing is stopping him from being your friend, coffee, working out, etc., since you've put the cards on the table and and you don't have to play coy.
  
  If this turns him off, well, hey, there's your answer.

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:00 AM GMT

  Wow thanks for the replies guys, they're all great. Yeah I'm thinking about just going in talking to him, asking what he did for V-Day and slipping in that I like guys somehow. Maybe try the friend approach. Haha I know he's likely just being friendly UFJ but I dunno, I'd like to find out if he's gay or not so I'm not left wondering "what if". Thanks for the help guys, I really appreciate it.
  
  withHonor, that is pretty funny lol, I guess that's one way of doing it.

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:07 AM GMT

  I'd say your best bet is just to chit chat. If he has a girlfriend, it will come out eventually. Not to mention the gaydar will ping if he's gay or not.
  
  I'm kind of from the "wait and see" school of thought. As long as he doesn't get too close, no need for real feelings.
  
  If you think he's gay though, go for it full force by all means. Chit-chat is a good step in the right direction.

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:25 AM GMT

  So much drama; so little time. Just ask him out. "Hey man, you wanta' hit the buffet?"
  
  It's THAT easy.
  
  Jeeze.

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:59 AM GMT

  Caslon9000 saidEven a straight guy can be a friend...just ask him if he would like to meet up for coffee and just hang and chat a bit when he is free.

  
  
  Agreed, besides he might not like the whole buffet thing. It reminds me of pigs eating slop from a trough, but hey you are what you eat.

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  Feb 17, 2009 8:40 AM GMT

  If you see him as anything more than a trick, you should put him in the "potential friend" category. Interestingly, you've only mentioned your physical attraction to him. Is that even enough to strike up a conversation with him?
  There's an art to small talk, and you might be surprised about what you can learn about someone just from listening.

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  Feb 17, 2009 6:52 PM GMT

  Yep. Reading between the lines.....

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:15 PM GMT

  swimbikerun saidIf you see him as anything more than a trick, you should put him in the "potential friend" category. Interestingly, you've only mentioned your physical attraction to him. Is that even enough to strike up a conversation with him?
  There's an art to small talk, and you might be surprised about what you can learn about someone just from listening.

  
  
  Well, I've talked to him a couple times, but there's just something about him. I'm not into "tricks", so it'd have to be the latter. I realize how my post could come across as superficial, but if I had left out "smokin" you guys wouldn't have said anything. I'm pretty sure the majority of relationships start out with some sort of physical attraction. Yeah I would have to agree with you Chucky, this is a lot of thinking for something that could be so simple. Thanks for the constructive criticism fellas.

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  Feb 17, 2009 7:26 PM GMT

  You can never go wrong by being casual in your approach. Don't beat around the bush. Suggest that you guys get a cup of coffee or have lunch somewhere depending your work schedules.
  
  If things go well then you might be wanna suggest dinner and a movie. The whole thing is a reciepe which requires one vital ingredinet: Confidence.
  You also have to think of a worst case scenerio while dealing with stuff like this.
  
  Worst case scenerio is that he won't be interested and says no. Once you can except that then asking him out seems easy as hell.
  
  Best of luck to you.

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