Single after 7.5 years

• frank83
  
  Posts: 11
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 3:09 PM GMT

  Good morning guys,
  So recently my partner and I decided to part ways after being together for 7.5 years. It was a mutual decision. I moved out and got a place of my own. It's been a few weeks and though adjusting to this new life is getting easier, dating again seems scary as I haven't had to do it for a long time. Have you been in this place before and what helped you get through it?
  Thanks for the advice
  -Frank

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• transient
  
  Posts: 629
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 3:13 PM GMT

  This is a short reply.
  
  I split up with my ex after 8 or so years in a fairly amicable way.
  
  I decided to be open to all possible options - to increase my social circle and always say yes.....never letting opertunitys pass.
  
  My current partner was the first guy I dated and we have been together 18 months.
  
  So, be open to all possibilitys, go with the flow and open your heart to let it be filled with love.

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  Mar 14, 2017 3:16 PM GMT

  You know yourself better than ever before. You also know who you are looking for. All good.

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• Destinharbor
  
  Posts: 5263
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 4:17 PM GMT

  Have sex with a handful of random guys. It'll open your mind to to the completeness of individuals. My issues after breaking from a moderately long term relationship was always that I'd compare and contrast everyone with my ex instead of seeing them as a unique collection of traits. Having sex with them always made me open my eyes to the immediacy of this guy right here, not dwell on the past.

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  Mar 14, 2017 4:21 PM GMT

  No choice for me... walked away from a stagnant 25 year marriage into a whole new lifestyle. Starting with.... just having fun.... then we'll see what else. Good luck and have a little fun also ; )

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  Mar 14, 2017 5:50 PM GMT

  Ive been single for a year and it's a totally different animal from when I was last single. Hopefully you have friends since the dating thing now is incomprehensible to all.

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• Eleven
  
  Posts: 380
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 6:42 PM GMT

  I know your kind, if you've been in a relationship for as long as you have then you were meant to be in relationships.
  
  It's pretty cool that you can get straight back into dating, It usually takes me a year to start dating again

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  Mar 14, 2017 7:08 PM GMT

  Wow, sorry to hear that. That sounds like a lifetime to me.
  I would say take some times to yourself and try to figure out who you are out of that 7.5 years.
  Do not try to date (seriously) right away...I personally wouldn't give a 2nd take to a guy who tells me he "just got out of a X years LTR"
  You will be alright though.

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• BhoyJock
  
  Posts: 46
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 8:05 PM GMT

  goodluck big guy

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  Mar 14, 2017 8:53 PM GMT

  Take it slow and don't go all slutty crazy lol. Enjoy your single sexy time.

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  Mar 14, 2017 9:17 PM GMT

  frank83 said
  So recently my partner and I decided to part ways after being together for 7.5 years. It was a mutual decision. I moved out and got a place of my own. It's been a few weeks and though adjusting to this new life is getting easier, dating again seems scary as I haven't had to do it for a long time. Have you been in this place before and what helped you get through it?
  Thanks for the advice
  -Frank

  
  I faced something like this when my first partner died. I went into some kind of emotional shock, and serious withdrawal. Maybe an emotional breakdown, I dunno.
  
  I retreated to a single room at my house and wouldn't come out. Wouldn't go in our bedroom, sleep in our bed, even enter the living room or "his" kitchen". My gay friends did an intervention to break me out of it after 3 months.
  
  About 6 months later I was recovering. And as I began to get better, I told myself I needed to see people again. Come out of my total isolation.
  
  And maybe even try to date. Some guys might criticize me. And say I should have remained in respectful "mourning" for longer.
  
  No. This was my therapy. This was how I was gonna get better. And I did.
  
  I can't say whether this applies to you. But I do always say that after a breakup, the best way to get over an old guy is with a new guy.

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• craycraydoesd...
  
  Posts: 1046
  
  
  Mar 14, 2017 11:41 PM GMT

  Destinharbor saidHave sex with a handful of random guys. It'll open your mind to to the completeness of individuals. My issues after breaking from a moderately long term relationship was always that I'd compare and contrast everyone with my ex instead of seeing them as a unique collection of traits. Having sex with them always made me open my eyes to the immediacy of this guy right here, not dwell on the past.

  
  
  Can always rely on you to peddle hookup culture...

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  Mar 15, 2017 2:06 AM GMT

  frank83 saidGood morning guys,
  So recently my partner and I decided to part ways after being together for 7.5 years. It was a mutual decision. I moved out and got a place of my own. It's been a few weeks and though adjusting to this new life is getting easier, dating again seems scary as I haven't had to do it for a long time. Have you been in this place before and what helped you get through it?
  Thanks for the advice
  -Frank

  
  
  Parting ways after 7.5 years would not be desirable to me.
  Heterosexuals who do that could possibly be breaking up when children or 7.5 years or younger.
  
  You two did the marriage thing about until death parts you?
  
  People can be more dependent as they age. Then to lose someone as you're becoming more dependent?
  Putting spouses back into the dating market is not good under some circumstances.
  And there is no benefit to institutional knowledge or was this a relationship where the in-laws or his parents and relatives weren't really into you two?
  Just wondering.
  
  Second, relatives die; so, losing a homosexual lover after 7 years can really be a loss.

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  Mar 15, 2017 10:51 AM GMT

  Reading your profile it's evident that you have a big heart.
  
  For now adapt to being content is your own company, it's good to have friends but value yourself.
  As you explore your social circle, in time you will find someone you just gravitate towards. As you value yourself, it will be from love and not loneliness.
  
  I wish you well.

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• Destinharbor
  
  Posts: 5263
  
  
  Mar 15, 2017 4:36 PM GMT

  craycraydoesdoes said

  Destinharbor saidHave sex with a handful of random guys. It'll open your mind to to the completeness of individuals. My issues after breaking from a moderately long term relationship was always that I'd compare and contrast everyone with my ex instead of seeing them as a unique collection of traits. Having sex with them always made me open my eyes to the immediacy of this guy right here, not dwell on the past.

  
  
  Can always rely on you to peddle hookup culture...

  
  Can always count on you to be ugly. It's in your nature. And probably your face, too. Go away, scared little boy. Your thoughts are of no use to anyone.

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