He is always down to hang out but never initiates

  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 879

    Mar 30, 2017 2:31 AM GMT
    Been seeing this guy off and on for a couple months. Guy never takes initiative - you'd think it's the classic blowing-me-off story, but every time I ask him out, he comes! And he's really affectionate while we're Netflixing together, really passionate in bed, etc. After one particularly long night of sex, he said we should hang out more often. I told him he's free to make plans for us every now and then, but he said he likes to wait for the other guy to initiate. I know bottoms are passive, but I've never seen anything like this? Is he really actually "not into me" and just being too nice to say no? He's really hot and surely has options, so I don't know...
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    Mar 30, 2017 6:00 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidBeen seeing this guy off and on for a couple months. Guy never takes initiative - you'd think it's the classic blowing-me-off story, but every time I ask him out, he comes! And he's really affectionate while we're Netflixing together, really passionate in bed, etc. After one particularly long night of sex, he said we should hang out more often. I told him he's free to make plans for us every now and then, but he said he likes to wait for the other guy to initiate. I know bottoms are passive, but I've never seen anything like this? Is he really actually "not into me" and just being too nice to say no? He's really hot and surely has options, so I don't know...

    Hahaha no! He's actually super into you!

    I have the same exact approach because of two reasons:

    1. I'm afraid of rejection. That's essentially what it is. I doesn't want to be *that guy* whose clingy and is annoying. I'm self-conscious about being annoying.

    2. Bad luck. Personally, I have terrible luck when asking guys out. In the five years I've been out, only a single time has a guy said "yes" when I wanted to hang out. And that happened to be the last time we did (we've hung out a bunch of other times). Every time I think I have to take the initiative and ask the guy out, the other pulls back and gets distant and possibly ghosts.

    This is my experience anyway. Maybe he has a different reason. If he always says yes to you then he definitely likes you. It's not really a bottom thing. Or really anything with you. It's all about what's going on in his nogging. He's probably trying not to screw this up.
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    Mar 31, 2017 3:07 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    theonewhoknocks saidBeen seeing this guy off and on for a couple months. Guy never takes initiative - you'd think it's the classic blowing-me-off story, but every time I ask him out, he comes! And he's really affectionate while we're Netflixing together, really passionate in bed, etc. After one particularly long night of sex, he said we should hang out more often. I told him he's free to make plans for us every now and then, but he said he likes to wait for the other guy to initiate. I know bottoms are passive, but I've never seen anything like this? Is he really actually "not into me" and just being too nice to say no? He's really hot and surely has options, so I don't know...

    Hahaha no! He's actually super into you!

    I have the same exact approach because of two reasons:

    1. I'm afraid of rejection. That's essentially what it is. I doesn't want to be *that guy* whose clingy and is annoying. I'm self-conscious about being annoying.

    2. Bad luck. Personally, I have terrible luck when asking guys out. In the five years I've been out, only a single time has a guy said "yes" when I wanted to hang out. And that happened to be the last time we did (we've hung out a bunch of other times). Every time I think I have to take the initiative and ask the guy out, the other pulls back and gets distant and possibly ghosts.

    This is my experience anyway. Maybe he has a different reason. If he always says yes to you then he definitely likes you. It's not really a bottom thing. Or really anything with you. It's all about what's going on in his nogging. He's probably trying not to screw this up.



    I feel your pain brotha..lol! I get the whole 'oh you're so hot' bs and then when I press them to actually go out, poof they're gone...

    For the record, you have nothing to be self-conscious about, you're quite hot.
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    Apr 01, 2017 11:13 PM GMT
    I dated a guy like this for nearly two years. Well into our relationship, he would still take it personally if I had plans with friends or needed to study when he asked to hang out. You're best off making it clear that he's welcome to ask to hang out at anytime, and if he doesn't start to do it, realize that you'll be the one always making plans.
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    Apr 03, 2017 4:19 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    theonewhoknocks saidBeen seeing this guy off and on for a couple months. Guy never takes initiative - you'd think it's the classic blowing-me-off story, but every time I ask him out, he comes! And he's really affectionate while we're Netflixing together, really passionate in bed, etc. After one particularly long night of sex, he said we should hang out more often. I told him he's free to make plans for us every now and then, but he said he likes to wait for the other guy to initiate. I know bottoms are passive, but I've never seen anything like this? Is he really actually "not into me" and just being too nice to say no? He's really hot and surely has options, so I don't know...

    Hahaha no! He's actually super into you!

    I have the same exact approach because of two reasons:

    1. I'm afraid of rejection. That's essentially what it is. I doesn't want to be *that guy* whose clingy and is annoying. I'm self-conscious about being annoying.

    2. Bad luck. Personally, I have terrible luck when asking guys out. In the five years I've been out, only a single time has a guy said "yes" when I wanted to hang out. And that happened to be the last time we did (we've hung out a bunch of other times). Every time I think I have to take the initiative and ask the guy out, the other pulls back and gets distant and possibly ghosts.

    This is my experience anyway. Maybe he has a different reason. If he always says yes to you then he definitely likes you. It's not really a bottom thing. Or really anything with you. It's all about what's going on in his nogging. He's probably trying not to screw this up.


    ^^^ Yes! IceBuckets nailed it.

    Sounds like Myers-Briggs personality INFJ. INFJs are worth the extra effort. Hang in there.
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    Apr 04, 2017 1:10 AM GMT
    I understand where you're coming from. The majority of the time, if I want a date I have to ask. I also understand where he might be coming from. It may not be that he don't want to ask you, but he's too shy to take leap. Maybe just talk to him about it. Most love is lost because of things unsaid.
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    Apr 04, 2017 5:25 AM GMT
    Fear of rejection. And it's frequently compounded by a passive-aggressive behavior pattern as well, where the other guy waits for you to make the move. And if you DON'T, he won't either. So, if you're okay with someone constantly waiting for you to initiate (and you WILL get tired of this, unless you have a high tolerance for being pushed around (passively)), then have at it. But it doesn't make for an equal relationship. If he has that much fear in him that he can't initiate anything, it'll be an interesting ride - in more ways than one.
    And it has NOTHING to do with his being a bottom. This is strictly an aspect of how he navigates Life and social situations. The problem with someone suffering the fear of rejection is that it usually also accompanies low self-esteem. And self-absorption. If someone cannot get out of their head enough to extend themselves to you, that's pretty self-absorbed, and you're the third party in a two-party relationship. It's him, his fear and then you.
    Like I said, an interesting ride. You're up for this? Start asking yourself why. I've done it, too, by the way, but I'm way older than you. Avail yourself of some wisdom: Don't continue an unhealthy pattern. Relationships are either mutual, or they're based on pathology. So, put it to him that you like him, but "it takes two."
  • DutchLove

    Posts: 9

    Sep 21, 2020 4:48 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Hahaha no! He's actually super into you!

    I have the same exact approach because of two reasons:

    1. I'm afraid of rejection. That's essentially what it is.


    I wouldn’t reject you.