So much ageism in the gay community!

  • Andy921

    Posts: 12

    Jan 27, 2018 8:40 AM GMT
    I’m gonna speak about myself, i’m 22 now and never had dated anyone on my age i’m atracted to older guys 35+ i think is just personal i just find older guys more mature and manly. My dates were never only sex i like to talk with somebody about many things and get understanding well could be just me but i think guys on my age think about different things, wich i’m not atracted icon_smile.gif
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 4098

    Jan 27, 2018 7:22 PM GMT
    I can't be the only one who notices that the OP, who says people should keep their age preferences to themselves, chose as his screen name "sexy dad", which pretty clearly indicates his preference. Is there any chance at all his own Grindr profile doesn't say he's looking for younger guys? Would he even give a second look to someone his own age?

    Yep, "so much ageism in the gay community"! Ha!
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    Jan 27, 2018 9:56 PM GMT
    Grindr is a sex hook up app. 99 % of guys on there think with their dicks. You can't force people to like or not like certain types.
    On the subject of ageism, if you're 60 and chase after a 22 year old, hm, unless you're a hot sexy movie director or a fashion designer
    who can help the young guy career, forget it ! Most gay guys tend to like guys who are similar to them.
    It might be a good idea for you to seek out other older guys closer to your age. Just a thought
  • ai82

    Posts: 203

    Jan 27, 2018 10:12 PM GMT
    I find it funny that people have strict age limits. I've seen plenty of profiles that say no one over 30.. 29 to 31, not that big of a difference. I've always found "daddy" types attractive, but I also have daddy issues. If you're lucky, you'll get older and realize that age is just a number. Also, I don't think it's predatory for an older guy to pursue a younger guy. I work with a lot of younger people I do not find it difficult to relate to them in the least.
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    Jan 27, 2018 10:55 PM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidI've been seeing tons of profiles on Grindr from guys saying "no daddies" "<35 only" etc... so rude! Why can't they keep their preferences to themselves? icon_mad.gif


    Isn't stating your preferences the whole point of it?
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    Jan 28, 2018 12:40 AM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidI've been seeing tons of profiles on Grindr from guys saying "no daddies" "<35 only" etc... so rude! Why can't they keep their preferences to themselves? icon_mad.gif


    Yes, I agree with you. It´s very rude. I don´t have a Grindr account and I don´t know if, some time, I will have it, but I think the same when I see or hear a person putting observations like "No blacks", "No Latins", "No effeminates" and other unhappily rude observations. For me, it´s a proof of an ignorant mind. The chemistry (and I am not talking about only the sexual one) between persons can occur or not, but persons need to, at least, talk. However, about specifically ageism, I don´t think it´s something exclusive of our community. Several women suffer it: the social obligation of being always young, beautiful, desirable ... And, at the end of day, what is the importance of it? Just due to social patterns? Come on! Nobody pays our bills!

    Thank you for this thread! We need to think about these issues.icon_idea.gif
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    Jan 28, 2018 1:13 AM GMT
    interesting said
    jimib saidNo fatties. No fems. No 1 over 30. No blacks. Just a preference.


    Don't forget!! "Vanilla only: That's right, no rice, no spice, no chocolate, no curry"

    C'est la vie OP, it doesn't offend you if you don't let it offend you.


    I don´t agree totally with you, but I think your observation is relevant and smart.
    Personally, I think a person should be able to understand it´s extremely unpolished using derogatory phrases like that you cited. It´s shockingly rude!icon_eek.gif The diversity is something natural. Persons are different. "No rice, no spice, no chocolate, no curry"? How rude! I like Vanilla - the flavor -, but I also love rice, spice, chocolate and curry, as I consider white, Asian, Latin, black and Indian persons beautiful. Just remember names like Gong Li, Naomi Campbell, Sushmita Sen ... What can someone say about them? They are stunning! So, there are space for all!
  • interesting

    Posts: 886

    Jan 28, 2018 5:28 AM GMT
    gayv said
    interesting said
    jimib saidNo fatties. No fems. No 1 over 30. No blacks. Just a preference.


    Don't forget!! "Vanilla only: That's right, no rice, no spice, no chocolate, no curry"

    C'est la vie OP, it doesn't offend you if you don't let it offend you.


    I don´t agree totally with you, but I think your observation is relevant and smart.
    Personally, I think a person should be able to understand it´s extremely unpolished using derogatory phrases like that you cited. It´s shockingly rude!icon_eek.gif The diversity is something natural. Persons are different. "No rice, no spice, no chocolate, no curry"? How rude! I like Vanilla - the flavor -, but I also love rice, spice, chocolate and curry, as I consider white, Asian, Latin, black and Indian persons beautiful. Just remember names like Gong Li, Naomi Campbell, Sushmita Sen ... What can someone say about them? They are stunning! So, there are space for all!


    Oh don't get me wrong, the quote I used is totally 100% rude, it's a reflection of someone's upbringing when they think that it's okay to say any of those words and not be embarrassed by it (a la some people who has a twitter account). It just shows that they lack sense, manners, decorum (it bears repeating), and just overall is a terrible asshole that the world will be fine without.

    However...being rejected as a love/sex prospect for your age/race or anything that you can't change is so minuscule, I don't think it warrants any anger/hostility because you can't change what the other person desires/needs/wants, but you can definitely change your outlook towards those people and situations. You can only control your own emotions and feelings, but you can't change someone else's.
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    Jan 28, 2018 6:23 AM GMT
    Happenis saidI'm going to be completely honest here.

    When I was 18-23 and single (I'm 25 now), I was ONLY interested in guys around my age.

    1. I was in college at the time so I was mostly around guys that age which influenced my attractions. I had tunnel-vision and my mind was set on getting one of the countless 19 year old cuties that I was seeing walking across campus every day. I wanted a piece of the cake!

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).

    3. Many older men on dating sites came across as desperate. If I wouldn't respond the first or second time then many older guys would endlessly message me until they gave up or I had to block them. This is really not a good look at all and I've only see older guys do this.

    4. Lastly, I felt that it would simply be easier to find somebody in a similar stage of life that I was in.





    #1 The OP is a troll. And I can't believe you guys can't see that after all this time. icon_rolleyes.gif

    #2 This comment above me is myopic as hell. I have had to block more 20-year-olds than I can count. I am constantly getting hit on by these guys. I occasionally am attracted to a younger guy (if he looks really mature for his age), but 99% of the time, I'm not into them. I've tried being politely honesty by assuring them they're very handsome, just not my type, then they have a complete meltdown and call me names and block me. I've also tried just ignoring them but that makes them even more desperate and aggressive. And if I block them so they can't see my profile anymore, they will create new profiles and find me again and again. So it's obviously not an age thing.....it's a desperate men of all ages thing.
  • BrianFTW

    Posts: 236

    Jan 28, 2018 3:19 PM GMT
    Age discrimination exists inside and outside of the gay community, and sometimes it seems taken to both ridiculous and offensive levels.

    Different people have different things that make others attractive to them on different levels. That's natural. It stands to reason that the more "screens" you employ, the fewer people you'll interact with. Some people choose to live this way, which is their right.

    The idea that if you're over 30 years old, you're also over the hill is beyond absurd. The preconceived notion here seems to be that if you're over 30, you're going to drag your date to dinner no later than 4 PM, driving your pastel blue or mauve Buick LeSaber so that you can get home in time to watch the CBS evening news, and a BIG Saturday evening is back to back reruns of the Lawrence Welk show. And guys over 40? Forget about it. Banging their walker into the furniture while heading to the refrigerator for another Diet Rite soda, wearing polyester pants, hiked up to their midriff (held up by a clashing belt) and their tits fighting for space with their white socks in their black shoes...surely big entertainment is comparing CVS vs. Walgreens ads and the hit of the week is 20 percent more Polygrip free!

    And the reverse goes on too. Young guys looked at as either too immature, incapable, inexperienced or just plainly "still a kid" with little more to offer than a fresh face and a cute ass is just as prevalent and just as sad. I often wonder how many younger guys feel discrimination because of their age.

    We lose sight of the humanity of others so easily. In fact, because it's both safer and more acceptable to be gay than even a generation ago, we've seemingly empowered a culture of throwing humanity away in the name of stupid labels, division and discriminatory tribalism.

    As a teenager, I was a lifeguard at a YMCA. We had membership to the Men's Health Center which was the private locker room. I spent a lot of time in the TV area, hanging out and talking with guys 40 years older than me or more. 2 of them were gay and over 60. Never once did they hit on me. They'd see me in the showers or steam room and we'd talk about all kinds of things. Never one inappropriate comment. I was fully out to them and it was awesome because of the genuine care and friendship we shared. My point in sharing this is that not all older guys have sex on the brain.

    A couple of years later, I came to know and had a short affair with a 53 year old when I was 18. It began as a friendship and we dated for about 5 weeks. He and his partner of 27 years had a split 2 months prior. Unlike other guys my age, he made me feel beautiful, and made me laugh and think in different ways. He encouraged me and was such a beautiful man inside and out. The time spent together was fantastic and the sex was incredible. One night he got a call that his former partner was in the hospital. As it turned out, his partner was on blood pressure medication that clashed with anti seizure medication and it mentally messed him up, resulting in his leaving. The doctors got him stabilized and they decided to restart things. I bowed out gracefully.

    I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I'm grateful that I opened my mind and heart to these experiences. As I become a "guy of a certain age" I realize I'm not new anymore. I'm not that 20 something with a 27 inch waist and I'm more than good with that.

    What I've come to realize is that as the years have passed, I've grown. My capacity to love, to care, to encourage, to understand and listen has deepened. I had those things when I was younger, but time has done wonderful things.

    Age is irrelevant. Who you are, not what you are is key. Missing out on life and people, rejecting the greatest adventure ever is a choice. It seems sad that many choose preconceived notions about age as a justification for missing out.



  • trixareforkid...

    Posts: 270

    Jan 28, 2018 6:31 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidQuit whining and accept reality.

    It's no different with straight guys; they don't want old women. Guys prefer people in their prime and once you're past 30 you're over the hill and no longer sexually desirable.


    Generally agree. There are exceptions to every rule, but Radd certainly ain't one of them!


    Radd said
    have had to block more 20-year-olds than I can count. I am constantly getting hit on by these guys. I occasionally am attracted to a younger guy (if he looks really mature for his age), but 99% of the time, I'm not into them. I've tried being politely honesty by assuring them they're very handsome, just not my type, then they have a complete meltdown and call me names and block me. I've also tried just ignoring them but that makes them even more desperate and aggressive. And if I block them so they can't see my profile anymore, they will create new profiles and find me again and again. So it's obviously not an age thing.....it's a desperate men of all ages thing.


    And then you woke up LOOOOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2018 6:42 PM GMT
    Give me all the 35+. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 29, 2018 9:21 AM GMT
    NOIRDESIR saidGive me all the 35+. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Treat me gently.
    You big hunk of a man.
  • sexy_dad_67

    Posts: 130

    Feb 03, 2018 11:46 PM GMT
    Happenis saidI'm going to be completely honest here.

    When I was 18-23 and single (I'm 25 now), I was ONLY interested in guys around my age.

    1. I was in college at the time so I was mostly around guys that age which influenced my attractions. I had tunnel-vision and my mind was set on getting one of the countless 19 year old cuties that I was seeing walking across campus every day. I wanted a piece of the cake!

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).

    3. Many older men on dating sites came across as desperate. If I wouldn't respond the first or second time then many older guys would endlessly message me until they gave up or I had to block them. This is really not a good look at all and I've only see older guys do this.

    4. Lastly, I felt that it would simply be easier to find somebody in a similar stage of life that I was in.



    If you have been rejected for your age as often as men like me have, you too will end up coming across as "desperate". The problem with men your age is that you're all shallow and cannot see beyond looks. I don't know why some guys get so turned off by persistence - that's a sign of clear interest, stop playing hard to get! icon_evil.gif
  • splooje

    Posts: 710

    Feb 04, 2018 12:04 AM GMT
    ^^LOLOLOL aren't you special... yet another older guy lusting after young men and claiming that THEY are the ones who are shallow!!! I simply can't!! icon_lol.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6083

    Feb 04, 2018 12:27 AM GMT
    bro4bro said"Keep their preferences to themselves"? Dude, it's Grindr, not eHarmony. People on Grindr are looking to hook up with someone RIGHT NOW. And then never see them again. Stating up front what they're looking for simply saves time - theirs, and yours.

    If that reality hurts your head, you probably shouldn't be on Grindr.


    This^^^^

    And I'll add: I turned 70 in January. I'm not having the OPs problem. Yeah, sure, the vast majority of younger men aren't interested in old guys. BUT there are an exceptional few who either *are* interested or simply don't give a fuck how old I am. If you're "hot" you're hot and that's all that matters. (This is what I was told by a 19yo top just before he fucked me silly.) I see one 21yo FWB who ONLY wants "mature" (granddad) types... that's his choice of porn on PornHub as well. I know another one, same age, who ONLY dates guys 50+. So... yeah, there are preferences and there are exceptions to those preferences.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6083

    Feb 04, 2018 12:37 AM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidIf you have been rejected for your age as often as men like me have, you too will end up coming across as "desperate". The problem with men your age is that you're all shallow and cannot see beyond looks. I don't know why some guys get so turned off by persistence - that's a sign of clear interest, stop playing hard to get! icon_evil.gif

    On Grindr especially, persistence DOES come across as desperate. They're not playing "hard to get"... they're not into you. If someone doesn't reply to your message or if they tell you they're not interested, they're not fucking interested. Get over it and move on. That said, it doesn't hurt to hit on someone you're attracted to. From that point its their choice. LOL! I hit on one young guy and didn't get a word back from him. Six months later, one night out of the blue, he replies, "Sup?" ... and we took it from there. Cute as fuck, too. But if I'd pestered him with persistence, fuck no, that would never have happened.

  • Happenis

    Posts: 649

    Feb 04, 2018 12:59 AM GMT
    I agree that persistence does appear desperate.

    Somebody who is attractive and has options, bargaining power and choices isn't gonna to chase down some random dude who clearly isn't interested in them. They can easily have their pick of countless other quality guys with minimal effort. If they get rejected then its simply onto tha next one! Simple as that..

    It's pretty much just only guys with slim pickings that pursue others since their strategy is to hope that the other guy eventually just "budges" and gives in. Its kinda like a homeless man begging on the streets in hopes that SOMEBODY would eventually just budge and give them a few dimes.

    Same thing with colleges, Ivy League schools know that they can be highly-selective since a steady stream of quality students will always come but bottom-barrel schools like the University of Phoenix, Devry, ITT Tech and Walden have to aggressively and desperately advertise between sleazy daytime TV shows in order to attract anyone with a pulse just stay afloat!

    Or even job hunting... Places like Primerica, Aflac and New York Life that mostly just offer commission-only pyramid scene type jobs that nobody wants will blow up your inbox but good luck having Goldman Sachs, Apple, Google or Earnst&Young knocking down your door to give you a job.

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    Feb 04, 2018 11:44 PM GMT
    splooje said^^LOLOLOL aren't you special... yet another older guy lusting after young men and claiming that THEY are the ones who are shallow!!! I simply can't!! icon_lol.gif



    There is nothing funnier than watching someone forcing both their sock accounts to argue with each other. LMFAO icon_lol.gif
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1348

    Feb 08, 2018 4:15 AM GMT
    Radd said
    splooje said^^LOLOLOL aren't you special... yet another older guy lusting after young men and claiming that THEY are the ones who are shallow!!! I simply can't!! icon_lol.gif



    There is nothing funnier than watching someone forcing both their sock accounts to argue with each other. LMFAO icon_lol.gif


    Almost as in denial as those times you keep insisting that you can't turn down hot 20 year olds fast enough and that your ass is still tight icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    forever-alone-face1.png
  • sexy_dad_67

    Posts: 130

    Feb 18, 2018 5:53 PM GMT
    splooje said^^LOLOLOL aren't you special... yet another older guy lusting after young men and claiming that THEY are the ones who are shallow!!! I simply can't!! icon_lol.gif


    I guarantee you will be in the exact same situation in 20 years. icon_mad.gif Ageist prick!
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    Feb 18, 2018 7:27 PM GMT
    whytehot said
    Radd said
    splooje said^^LOLOLOL aren't you special... yet another older guy lusting after young men and claiming that THEY are the ones who are shallow!!! I simply can't!! icon_lol.gif



    There is nothing funnier than watching someone forcing both their sock accounts to argue with each other. LMFAO icon_lol.gif


    Almost as in denial as those times you keep insisting that you can't turn down hot 20 year olds fast enough and that your ass is still tight icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    forever-alone-face1.png



    Oh yeah? Prove it isn't so, dickwad. I bet I get a lot more attention than you do looking like such a stereotypical queen and that nasty attitude doesn't help. And those 20-year-old pics? HAHA. And it's really sad that you believe older men can't get the same action as anyone else. I really don't see how that false belief benefits you in any way, especially since you're aging at the same rate as everyone else.
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    Feb 18, 2018 11:07 PM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidI guarantee you will be in the exact same situation in 20 years.

    Fortunately not every old man is chasing after young guys and expecting them to hook up with old men. Finding young guys attractive is one thing but getting indignant when they don't want to hook up with old men is just stupid.
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    Feb 20, 2018 6:00 PM GMT
    *shrugs* Complaining(or getting worked up about) in any way shape or form about what someone else says what they do or do not want is absure; especially on grindr! Lol, idc.

    A couple times I see ungodly hot guys that would be my type and they ask for ts/transgender/feminine only. I sigh briefly and move on lol.

    As for age, ummm, I'm 32 and ALL age ranges hit on me. 18-dead. I'll turn away no one as long as they are my type and in good shape. However, not for dating purposes. I'm realistic and limit it to +/- 10 years.
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    Feb 20, 2018 11:54 PM GMT
    trvlmscl saidI've had enough young guys reject me when learning my age, who now look older/worse than I do, and NOW want my attention that I get to laugh every time it's my turn to reject. A lot of cute 22 y/o look like shit by 25.

    These days I chill with sexier guys of all ages more often at 32 than I ever did at 22. And who doesn't like to hear "fuck me harder, daddy!"?


    22 year old me would have been thrilled to be with a 32 year old stud like yourself!

    I've always been attracted to muscular guys more than any other type. 25, 35, 45, age didn't matter.

    Having said that, I don't think rejection should always be assumed to be based on ageism, racism, etc. Sometimes people just aren't into you.