At what age did you find guys stop noticing you?

  • Fairyland

    Posts: 155

    Apr 16, 2018 10:30 PM GMT
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    Apr 16, 2018 10:56 PM GMT
    I was once a skeletal acne stricken guy so I am no stranger to widespread rejection. When I become unattractive like that again, it will be nothing new. Even today there are a number of doors that will never open to me.

    Like Cicero once recommended, you should use your youth to do all the things that are better done by the young. That includes sex and looking great. Fail to do that and you risk becoming a bitter old queen.
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    Apr 16, 2018 11:34 PM GMT
    At What Age Did You Find Guys Stop Noticing You?

    I suppose in my late 50s, or just as I was turning 60. I knew that would happen.

    Both my parents stayed very young looking into their late 50s, and that's the time I figured I had. When I came out as I turned 46 I assumed I'd have 10 good years, once I realized how the gay world worked. And so I determined to try to make up for all my lost time, and compress my gay experiences into that brief span. My plan worked well!

    Because that's how it worked out. I got to about 57-58, and then I declined in appearance rapidly, as they had. But by then I had my second guy (the first having suddenly died when I was 55).

    And even if I do look like an old wreck of a queen now, I never go anywhere without him anyway. Everyone knows we're together, nobody would give either of us a second glance sexually. Nor is it anything we would want.

    But I think we may still be popular socially. Everyone loves my husband for his personality, and I try to entertain with humor, and a lot of trivia knowledge and varied conversation, lacking anything else to recommend me.

    We're hosting an old friend who's visiting from Chicago right now, who used to live here. And he's seen all the guys & gals who come up to us, that we introduce to him. "God, you know everyone in this town!" he said.

    Well, no. But enough at our ages to keep us engaged in the community. Do guys notice us because we're attractive? Of course not! So we substitute socializing, to stay in contact, and not become isolated and cut off. People wanna know us because we're a resource, and I hope make good company, too. When you're old and unattractive, what else can you offer?

    I realize not quite what you meant in the OP, but a thought about what happens when we lose, as we all will, that physical allure. So you adapt, adjust, and advance. Are there any other good choices?
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    Apr 17, 2018 3:22 AM GMT
    I agree with Art, who DID look good in the few pictures he'd posted of himself at 50 - I've often said, NO ONE escapes 55. And by that I mean that by 55, you'll never be mistaken for a kid again (like I was at 53). AND most of us hit the wall by then. I'm due any minute now.
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    Apr 17, 2018 6:24 AM GMT
    55!!!


    Damn. Too late.


    Sigh...
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 22715

    Apr 17, 2018 12:58 PM GMT
    I really dont give a damn if anyone notices my physique. However when I tell guys that I am 57 they tell me that I only look 40.
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    Apr 17, 2018 1:16 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    I agree with Art, who DID look good in the few pictures he'd posted of himself at 50 - I've often said, NO ONE escapes 55. And by that I mean that by 55, you'll never be mistaken for a kid again (like I was at 53). AND most of us hit the wall by then. I'm due any minute now.

    Thanks, that's a kind remark. And I believe people would underestimate your own age. But then 40 is the new 30, 50 the new 40, 60 the new 50. Many people really do cheat the calendar these days. We live healthier, have more advanced health care and eating habits, and even not smoking can knock years off our appearance. I had a BF who smoked, and every time he picked up a cigarette he instantly aged 5 or more years, right in front of me, due to "smoker's face". I don't smoke.

    True story, and I suppose bragging, for which I'll get dinged here, but I don't care. I was 52, and went to a Houston nightclub in 2001, Rich's, gay-owned at the time.

    It was before sundown when I arrived around 7 in the summer on my motorcycle, and I was wearing my black leather Harley jacket, leather cap, and most importantly, sunglasses. Concealing my eyes takes 20 years off me. On top of which the entryway was rather darkened.

    There was a cover charge at a counter with a security guard. He decided who would be carded, not everyone. And I got carded!

    I think it was more my being a biker, an assumption of youth, I dunno. But still, I wasn't annoyed. On the contrary, I was incredibly flattered. I hadn't been carded in many years, and was the last time in my life I was ever carded for age again. Worse, nowadays I find myself automatically getting the seniors' discount at restaurants, without even saying anything or showing proof of age. icon_sad.gif

    I was so pleased I thanked the guy for the compliment, whereas many people get all offended and abusive, and I tipped him $5! My future partner, whom I was dating at the time in an LDR, arrived a little later and didn't get carded. Afterwards I loved to kid him about that incident, and he'd snap at me: "Enough about Rich's! The guy obviously couldn't see very well! Anyone who would card you needs their eyes examined!"

    Actually he was really more complimentary than that. That same year after I had ridden from North Dakota to visit with him I asked if he wanted me to lose my beard. I kinda thought he might not care for that look on me.

    So I shaved it off at his place. "Oh my God!" he exclaimed when I came out of the bathroom, "I'm a chicken hawk!" First time he'd seen me without it. More than a bit of hyperbole on his part, since at 55 himself he was only 3 years older than me. But a beard can also make some guys look older, and going from bearded to clean shaven did take some more years off me. Some thoughts for guys here.
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    Apr 17, 2018 2:52 PM GMT
    Fairyland said
    So much great wisdom here! icon_biggrin.gif

    Well, lots of experiences in my case. Don't know if they qualify as wisdom. But thanks for the comment.

    I draw upon my entire life, as I know most of us do. Most often for me it's the military. But other things include the theatre, and broadcasting, in which I have college degrees. I ran lots of shows, and we'd have a "run of the show" with them. Then they'd close, as they all must. You'd strike the stage or studio set, then move on to the next production. Although I'd find it tough to see them end, they were like living creations while you were in them and doing them.

    The different ages of my life are also kinda like different productions. Each inevitably closes, and I move on to the next. Naturally I'd like to forestall the one that ends in a final curtain. I wanna delay my last bow for as long as I can.

    I've played kid, teenager, young adult, prime of life adult, military guy, mature adult, younger retired guy, middle-aged, and now going into old guy. I've been lucky, have had a good, long run, haven't been yanked off the stage prematurely yet, as happens to some.

    When one act in your life ends hopefully another begins. You just take another role and try to make the best of the casting you're given.

    The most pathetic male actors are those who try to keep playing "juvenile" parts for too long. And women can also be slow to give up the "ingenue" roles when they're over the hill. That's a key plot element in the movie All About Eve, when Bette Davis portrays the aging Broadway stage actress "Margot Channing", who wants to play roles too young for her. And who among us hasn't seen older guys in gay clubs who pretend to be much younger?

    Yeah, I hate admitting the truth at times, and missing things I did before. But it's inevitable, unavoidable, and the good side is that I made it this far, with maybe a ways to go yet. With lots of good memories, and lots of new ones to make, in new ways. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 17, 2018 4:36 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidWhen one act in your life ends hopefully another begins. You just take another role and try to make the best of the casting you're given.

    The most pathetic male actors are those who try to keep playing "juvenile" parts for too long. And women can also be slow to give up the "ingenue" roles when they're over the hill. That's a key plot element in the movie All About Eve, when Bette Davis plays the aging Broadway stage actress "Margot Channing", wanting to play roles too young for her. And who among us hasn't seen older guys in gay clubs who pretend to be much younger?


    That’s why I emphasize we have to take advantage of our youth while we have it. To me this implies a certain sense of urgency: you only have so much time to do certain things... I see too many young folks holding their breaths waiting for life to happen.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 753

    Apr 17, 2018 7:45 PM GMT
    At 60, I'm still hit on regularly by guys online. I personally think that we are capable of looking good well into our 60s and 70s and beyond. It gets harder, no doubt. There are also fewer guys interested, for that matter. And there is certainly plenty of ageism out there with younger guys who think those over a certain age (often 40) are over-the-hill. IMHO, as a man matures, he gains a certain wisdom and comfort in his own skin that translates into confidence and that offsets some of the decline in physical beauty...and is quite attractive.
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    Apr 17, 2018 10:34 PM GMT
    bachian said
    Art_Deco saidWhen one act in your life ends hopefully another begins. You just take another role and try to make the best of the casting you're given.

    The most pathetic male actors are those who try to keep playing "juvenile" parts for too long. And women can also be slow to give up the "ingenue" roles when they're over the hill. That's a key plot element in the movie All About Eve, when Bette Davis plays the aging Broadway stage actress "Margot Channing", wanting to play roles too young for her. And who among us hasn't seen older guys in gay clubs who pretend to be much younger?


    That’s why I emphasize we have to take advantage of our youth while we have it. To me this implies a certain sense of urgency: you only have so much time to do certain things... I see too many young folks holding their breaths waiting for life to happen.

    I had such a fucking good time in my youth, and lived to tell the tale too.
    I believe that's what's helped me settle well into middle age, and into an almost 30 year relationship, happily living out my autumn years.
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    Apr 17, 2018 10:35 PM GMT
    Fairyland said
    "As for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it."


    At what age do you guys find that guys stop noticing you? I feel like I've reached that peak, and it's kind of depressing. icon_sad.gif

    A great movie on the complexities of bisexuality, and lost opportunities in ones youth.
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    Apr 18, 2018 1:40 AM GMT
    two_meninlove said
    Fairyland said
    "As for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it."


    At what age do you guys find that guys stop noticing you? I feel like I've reached that peak, and it's kind of depressing. icon_sad.gif

    A great movie on the complexities of bisexuality, and lost opportunities in ones youth.


    That monologue by the father was so truthful and well done in this movie. I loved it.
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    Apr 18, 2018 1:56 AM GMT
    For me it was around age 40. Before that I had to expend no effort in getting noticed, cruised, either at a store, or riding public transportation, or wherever. Recently a young guy was seriously cruising me at the gym for weeks. I started reciprocating, and even introduced myself one day when his locker happened to be next to mine, then noticed it was pretty obvious he already had an older boyfriend, when I noticed some interaction with them one day. To the young guys on this web site, go for it and don't blow the opportunities. Time goes very fast. One day you wake up and your 50 and you wonder how you got this old so fast. And you will be thinking about those blown opportunities when you were younger. And I am not talking about just sex, I am talking about not blowing an opportunity for something possibly magical, maybe the love of your life.
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    Apr 18, 2018 9:07 AM GMT
    From birth onwards
  • deep388

    Posts: 913

    Apr 19, 2018 10:46 AM GMT
    Well I can’t say I ever reached peak attraction either and I’ve never had guys give me a second look, it’s always once in every blue moon. I’ve come to accept that I’m not 90% of gay men’s cup of tea so I actively try and keep myself for those guys who are interested. Sometimes it can be a bit hard on yourself when the 10% that are into you aren’t always your cup of tea so it makes it hard. I guess as time goes on, looks don’t mean much at all. It’s hard because sometimes it feels as though you can only attract men if you look a certain way.
    Oh well, own what you have and sell it to the highest bidder! Because someone is out there for everyone icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 19, 2018 11:01 AM GMT
    Not to gloat... but it hasn't happened yet... icon_redface.gif

    I know heads still turn when I'm running the streets... I still occasionally get hit on at bars... the wedding ring seems to be a deterrent, but not a 100% shield... haha.

    Makes me feel good as I approach 40, I thought 30 would have been the end of my relationship life. Lucky for me I already found my 'forever' guy. As long as I can still turn HIS head, I'm OK. icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 19, 2018 8:44 PM GMT
    At what age did you find guys stop noticing you?

    Never.
    We can all become invisible in the wrong context. We need to grow and adjust. At 62 I don't hang around 20 something WeHo bars, like I did when I was 25! I always had an attraction to the same and older men. I find it pathetic for older men to chase young men when there is no interest. I feel sorry for older men who nave no value to men of their own age......it says volumes about their own self worth.

    I like mature men who are confidant, muscular(ish), who know what they want and are. 45 or 65 it doesn't matter. And they see a peer who appreciates THEM.
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 411

    Apr 20, 2018 4:03 AM GMT
    ^^Agreed. It depends on what market you're looking in. I always get a chuckle when some of my 40-60 year old acquaintances brag about all the attention they allegedly get from young guys, having forgotten that only last week they were whining about ageism. Trying to fake it till you make it doesn't work like that! icon_lol.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 4642

    Apr 25, 2018 3:36 AM GMT
    when i was single and 40 I did better than in highschool.
    Having guys on skype come online and ask to see your legs or chest to make them cum was fun.
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    Apr 30, 2018 3:36 AM GMT
    Still waiting to be seen. Then again, I'm pretty clueless when it comes to flirting and the like.
  • barefootlover

    Posts: 903

    Apr 30, 2018 7:44 PM GMT
    A lot of it has to do with fitness rather then age. I wasn't very fit when I was in the prime of my life and looked rather geeky. lol But, I live a very active and healthy lifestyle now and is what makes me look much younger then my age and even younger guys think I look very sexy, even though I'm approaching 60. Guys really don't believe I'm this old. My hardcore cycling has done a complete transformation of my entire bod and even facial feature. Some say my face has such a boyish charm. lol
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4999

    Apr 30, 2018 9:49 PM GMT
    Fitness is more important than age. Unfortunately, few guys make much of an attempt to stay fit as they age. The result is that most, but certainly not all, guys look very unfit before they reach the age of 50.

    Five years ago, when I was 75, I rode my motorcycle from here in Albuquerque to San Diego, where I once lived. I went to Black's Beach, a nude beach, and became nude. Quite a few young guys tried to get my attention. Some older guys did too, but they had bulging stomachs and were not very attractive.

    I have recent profile pics which prove that it is possible to look fit even at very advanced middle age. Doing so requires self-discipline in diet and exercise. However, it is probably easier for some of us than others.
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    Apr 30, 2018 10:13 PM GMT
    FRE0 said
    Fitness is more important than age. ...However, it is probably easier for some of us than others.

    You hit the nail on the head, dear FRE0. And nice to hear from you, BTW.

    Perhaps you remember when you were young, as I do, when anyone after about 50 was considered aged. By 70, if you even made it that far, you were expected to be in a wheelchair and in a nursing home. Probably no teeth, all hunched over, speaking nonsense, if you spoke at all.

    Well you, and my active husband (83) prove that stereotype is obsolete. I salute you! You give the rest of us hope.

    I turn 70 next year, 2019. I'm mobility limited, from injuries and a demanding Army career. I still pedaled my bicycle 165 miles down to Key West 3 times in my 60s. Well, I cheated: I can ride a bike easier than I can walk.

    No, you never give up, you never stop, if physically possible. I intend, when the time comes, to go down with all flags flying. (An incongruous naval reference for an Army guy). I suspect you wanna do the same.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4999

    Apr 30, 2018 10:39 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    FRE0 said
    Fitness is more important than age. ...However, it is probably easier for some of us than others.

    You hit the nail on the head, dear FRE0. And nice to hear from you, BTW.

    Perhaps you remember when you were young, as I do, when anyone after about 50 was considered aged. By 70, if you even made it that far, you were expected to be in a wheelchair and in a nursing home. Probably no teeth, all hunched over, speaking nonsense, if you spoke at all.

    Well you, and my active husband (83) prove that stereotype is obsolete. I salute you! You give the rest of us hope.

    I turn 70 next year, 2019. I'm mobility limited, from injuries and a demanding Army career. I still pedaled my bicycle 165 miles down to Key West 3 times in my 60s. Well, I cheated: I can ride a bike easier than I can walk.

    No, you never give up, you never stop, if physically possible. I intend, when the time comes, to go down with all flags flying. (An incongruous naval reference for an Army guy). I suspect you wanna do the same.


    Thanks for the post.

    I have taken steps to prolong my independence as long as possible. When I had my house built (it was completed in 2009), I made sure that it would be fully accessible even if I experienced mobility problems. Thus, I specified that all doors would be 4' wide, had grab bars in the shower, had hand rails on both sides of the stairs, and had two stacked closets which could be converted into an elevator shaft. About 1.5 years ago I actually had the elevator installed; I figured why wait? It is handy when moving groceries from my car to the kitchen which is upstairs, for carrying a ladder, etc., although I don't use it every day.