Do I act too mature for other young guys

  • Aidenz

    Posts: 52

    Jun 23, 2018 5:02 PM GMT
    So I have this issue a friend pointed out: I'm trying to attract guys my own age (18-25), but my friend says that I act like an old man. I don't entirely know what that means.

    He suspects that I'm this way because I was in a relationship with an older man. He still hasn't really clarified what exactly that means for me.

    To give some context as to what I think he means, I work full time and try not to socialize much at work when there are a bunch of assignments to do. I'm introverted, so I usually prefer to listen and understand when people talk rather than interject my opinion. My friend tells me that I have a very mature way of speaking (still not sure what he means) which makes young guys think I'm older. He says that I present myself as if I want a relationship. While I want a relationship eventually, I just want to have fun right now and have fun with guys around my age. It always seems like the inverse happens, I attract older guys who are ready and willing to hook up and the young guys don't even talk to me or I have to get into relationship mode to get even close to hooking up. It's not clear why he thinks I have this "older" vibe about me and I'm not sure I made it clear with this description of myself.

    In any case I would appreciate advise on this. How can I attract younger guys? What is it that repels them about me? And why would young guys not want to hook up just because they don't want a relationship?
  • Element1313

    Posts: 401

    Jun 24, 2018 11:25 AM GMT
    I’m an old guy , When I go out in public only women talk to me. I assume they are hitting on me. At pride today a straight guy was the only male that talked to me. If you radiate top energy don’t expect pussy boys to ever make the first move. They will purposely ignore you even if they are crushing on you.
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    Jun 24, 2018 1:56 PM GMT
    Aidenz said
    In any case I would appreciate advise on this. How can I attract younger guys? What is it that repels them about me? And why would young guys not want to hook up just because they don't want a relationship?

    From your own description of yourself you sound more low-key, serious, perhaps even boring in the eyes of others of your generation, rather than old. You should ask this friend of yours what he means, because he's the one who said it, not us.

    My own older husband is always saying, as he did last night to other people at a party right in front of me: "I'm gonna switch our names on our birth certificates, because he's really the older one." icon_eek.gif And in fact, I've always been told I was "born old", from my teens onward.

    Helps me in some circumstances (like during my Army career, where seriousness instilled confidence in me by others), to being a drawback in my social life at other times. Still, there've often been other guys who were of a similar disposition, and we'd get along fine.

    Although oddly, I also have a rather silly, subversive, sophisticated, yet rather juvenile sense of humor at times. You'd think that would mitigate this perception that I'm old, but it doesn't. I think it's the serious side that marks me, and my formal manner of speaking & acting, the way I was raised. So maybe I was indeed born & raised old. icon_sad.gif

    In any case, get back to this friend who said this, as I suggested, and see if he'll explain what he means in detail. If you think it necessary you can always make some adjustments, at least socially.

    I did it myself when I was told numerous times that I also come across as "intimidating", in addition to old. That one was an easy fix. So first find out exactly what, if any, your own problem is. We can advise you a little online here, but we really lack enough info for a good evaluation.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16548

    Jun 24, 2018 2:01 PM GMT
    Well of course, it is a bit problematic to give an accurate response since we don't know you very well. First, I applaud your ability to be articulate on how you view yourself, that alone puts you in a different category. You are atypical and probably will be the rest of your life. As one of those in that category, I suggest you embrace that, interact with younger or older guys when it makes sense and make the focus of your life finding someone (younger or older) who is honest, grounded and makes you happy!
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 22707

    Jun 24, 2018 2:21 PM GMT
    We definitely need more young guys like yourself in this world. Dont change a thing about yourself because you have it all over them. Many of these 18-24 year olds are going to deeply regret artificially extending their high school adolescence into older age because they will be the impoverished outcasts. Nobody will want anything to do with them. They need to realize that there is much more to life than clubs, partying, one night stands, the latest clothes and the latest high tech gadgets. Obviously you "get it". You are a very attractive young man with a good head on your shoulder. Dont derail your progress to fit in with the immature and irresponsible in your age bracket. If your age bracket has no prospects, than bump it up to guys in the 25-34 age bracket. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!