Worried that bf will stay hot forever and leave me lol

  • jlars12

    Posts: 139

    Jan 18, 2019 8:14 AM GMT
    I'm dating a 22 year old, - I'm his oldest and he's my youngest ever - but he's mature for his age and we don't look like a mismatch since I've always looked young for my age and he has that racially-ambiguous/immortal-Keanu-Reeves look that can pass for any age from 20-30.

    But in the last year or so, I've started to notice that I'm ageing really fast, and getting a dad face pretty soon. When I'm 40, I'm definitely going to look 40, but my bf is going to look the same as he does now. I know his tastes - he's mostly the top, and rarely dated much older - he made an exception for the age thing because I look young and had muscles lol. Right now we're in the same league - I hope he'll grow old and ugly with me (it'll be an emotional attraction rather than physical that keeps the passion alive), but he's going to stay hot and desirable for another 20 years, with plenty of guys going after him long after I start looking like his sugar daddy.

    I know this sounds really insecure, but I really don't want to be dumped when I'm 40. I don't want to be that old gymcel spending 20 hours a week maintaining a figure (that I have today from doing almost nothing) just to attract guys that i'm into. I've jokingly warned him that I'll be old and ugly long before him, to get his reaction; he's always brushed it off like it's no big deal - but that could simply be him living in the present and not too worried about having lots of options when the time comes icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2019 2:10 PM GMT
    This is always a problem when your BF is desireable for any reason. Whether it's his looks, his fame, his money, possessions, any aspect that makes other guys jealous of what you have with him.

    I encountered this myself, when my BF of 2 years was wealthy and fairly attractive. Other guys who knew about him, and knew me, couldn't believe he would have finally picked me, after being an "eligible bachelor" for some time. And they worked hard at replacing me with themselves, often with very little subtlety.

    None ever succeeded, because I compensated with other traits I have that offset my lack of looks and money. What ruined our relationship, however, was my desire to settle down and become partners with him. While he always seemed frightened to death of any long-term commitment. Some straight guys are that way with marriage, too. They can never make up their minds.

    So I left him on my own. He never did find anyone he liked better, or would make his partner. I read him correctly.

    As far as being dumped at 40, it does happen. Men of all sexual orientations are notorious philanderers, often as they get older. Something to do with their own egos and aging. I suppose having a youthful partner is supposed to rejunenate them, boost their self-esteem, and enhance their social status.

    The best you can do is try to meet his needs & expectations. Either you're what he wants or you're not. I am surprised to hear that you're aging "really fast" at 32, however. Perhaps merely losing the school-boy teen look, while changing into a handsome mature man. That's not so bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2019 5:31 PM GMT
    If your boyfriend love for you is only based on the way you look , then yes you are in big trouble , but hopefully for your relationship sake , his love for you is based on you personality and the respect you give him ...
    Love has nothing to do with age difference ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2019 9:40 PM GMT
    Hope your b/f likes you for you an not who you can be. If he does then you will lose out an he will miss out on a guy he got along with for years.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    Jan 18, 2019 10:07 PM GMT
    neffa saidIf your boyfriend love for you is only based on the way you look , then yes you are in big trouble , but hopefully for your relationship sake , his love for you is based on you personality and the respect you give him ...
    Love has nothing to do with age difference ..

    Nicely said. Totally agree.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 2575

    Jan 18, 2019 11:23 PM GMT
    neffa saidIf your boyfriend love for you is only based on the way you look , then yes you are in big trouble , but hopefully for your relationship sake , his love for you is based on you personality and the respect you give him ...
    Love has nothing to do with age difference ..


    I'd agree with this observation as well. An 8-year age difference is not all that unusual. You didn't mention "love" in your post. (And I gathered from an old post of yours that you have only been dating this guy for a year. ) Do you two love each other? For most people in a relationship where they actually love each other, one of them doesn't usually end it because the other shows signs of aging, loses a leg in an accident, or gets cancer. Time will tell. If you are really worried, see a therapist to deal with your fears, or consider a face-lift if it begins to sag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2019 11:43 PM GMT
    I find longevity for longevity's sake is stupid. Who knows where both of you will be in 10 years? I've changed a lot in the past 10 years, even to the point of changing friends and country of residence. Looking your best is no guarantee he will remain with you. Just enjoy your youth, your beauty and your boyfriend while they last.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2019 2:09 AM GMT
    I've known couples who partnered in their 20s, some meeting during college. And still together after 40 years. In fact, RJ has a 40+ couple that I've met, had dinner with them. Not currently active here since they moved to a new home.

    It's true we change with age in more than physical appearance. But many gay couples also change together, growing closer together, rather than further apart. You won't know until you try it, so don't try to second guess it.
  • Studhunter007

    Posts: 5

    Jan 19, 2019 3:10 AM GMT
    Hey man! Im sure you still look great, and hitting the gym very hard to keep him! Remember, 20% is the gym work you put into your efforts, the other 80% requires clean eating! Back off of the carbs from breaded items, wheat products, MILK, and go with meat, seafood, vegatables, fruit, and fish oils.
    Im in the BEST shape of my life, and look much younger than I am also, and Im much OLDER than you ,,SEXXXY STUD!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2019 3:56 AM GMT
    My bf is 42, says he's never been fat all his life, and although claiming to be gay and had kids before, it kinda bothers me to watch a movie online with him, and hear him say "She's cute/hot, I'd f*ck her" more than "I'd f*ck him" : / I also think he's a little too well hung, I love a good ride, but not to the point you think he's stabbing your insides.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2019 12:12 PM GMT
    To feel insecure like that doe not make a good foundation in a relationship.......imagine having this kind of insecure feeling for yr next 20 years? That's an awful way to live! Open, honest communication about each other's values, wants and expectations would be a much safer bet for a lasting relationship.

    Don't automatically discount yourself as the inferior one just because you're older (& look a bit older).......with age comes maturity, experience & a different kind of attractiveness. Besides, 8 yrs is not that much of a gap in the overall scheme of things. icon_smile.gif

    It's important to be positive and confident about yourself.....who you really are and what sets you apart from the others. When you exude confidence in your own skin, I think he'll find you even more attractive!
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 3927

    Jan 20, 2019 1:17 AM GMT
    Let's say for the sake of argument that you guys are truly in love - today.

    And now let's assume that in ten years he'll be gone - whether he dumps you, or gets run over by a truck, doesn't matter.

    Would you rather spend ten years with a guy you truly love? Or break up now, and take a chance on never meeting someone this special again?
  • Element1313

    Posts: 409

    Jan 20, 2019 2:48 AM GMT
    Live for the now. Enjoy every moment . Life is perfectly unpredictable. Chances of you guys growing old together is not good any way you look at it and you may be the one that wants to do the dumping.
  • jlars12

    Posts: 139

    Jan 20, 2019 11:54 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidLet's say for the sake of argument that you guys are truly in love - today.

    And now let's assume that in ten years he'll be gone - whether he dumps you, or gets run over by a truck, doesn't matter.

    Would you rather spend ten years with a guy you truly love? Or break up now, and take a chance on never meeting someone this special again?


    I suppose, to me it's "a good likelihood of 10 amazing years, followed by a good likelihood of 40 miserable years" vs "a good likelihood that I'll eventually find someone good enough to share 50 good years".

    I don't really believe in "the one", more like there's a number of guys out there who are good enough for me, whom I can love just as much in time. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2019 2:59 AM GMT
    Dafuq?

    Try getting pregnant. I know that some girls do this so that their boyfriends stay with them. I think some even got married.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2019 3:14 AM GMT
    If you still feel so strongly about him in a couple of years then propose to him. Don’t stress about what happens in 10, 20 or 30years from now. Your taste in men will probably change anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2019 3:17 AM GMT
    I had to look up “gymcel”. My first thought was “Since I work out a lot does that mean most of the young guys look at me with pity and contempt, thinking I’m sexually desperate?” icon_eek.gif

    Then I burst out laughing...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2019 3:15 PM GMT
    There are moments I sometimes feel the same way.... I'm only a year away from 40 and my guy is 8 years my junior.

    I think he's wildly hotter than I am... though i'm sure he'd tell you i'm the hotter of us both... but I've had moments where i KNOW he could smile and flirt with any guy his age or younger and get them into bed if he wanted to...

    But, we also have a history and a love that I truly believe is unquestioned, and i know he'd NEVER do that...

    Who knows what will happen in 5, 10, 20 years... i believe that love... real, true love... is hard to find. If you have it today, do what you can to keep it... don't throw it away on what MIGHT happen. Because the thing you have to remember about things that MIGHT happen... is that it just as well that they might NOT happen.

  • Jan 21, 2019 9:26 PM GMT
    Wendigo9 saidMy bf is 42, says he's never been fat all his life, and although claiming to be gay and had kids before, it kinda bothers me to watch a movie online with him, and hear him say "She's cute/hot, I'd f*ck her" more than "I'd f*ck him" : / I also think he's a little too well hung, I love a good ride, but not to the point you think he's stabbing your insides.


    OK, other than the hung part, I can relate to the 42 year old. When you are passing, like if you were in the military before DADT... you literally suppress that side. Also when you are a bit bi... it is hard to break habits honed for safety. Truth is, unless you talk and meet him as an equal. That is the key to any relationship.
  • WorshipYou

    Posts: 5

    Aug 19, 2020 6:26 PM GMT
    It's interesting to see you muscle guys be so concerned about someone leaving you if your looks fade. And based on my experience in the gay world and being attracted to muscle guys, they probably will.

    I have a phenomenal personality, am very committed, have a fast and witty sense of humour and have always been built for a relationship, but the kinds of guys i'm into, most of you, have never been into me... because i don't look like you.

    I moan and whine and bitch about the fact that i've been single basically my whole life and it's been 20 years since I told another man the "L" word, and when i do bitch about it, friends and strangers both tell me its because i'm attracted to guys who aren't attracted to me.

    So my question back is, as a muscle guy, how many guys have you never given a chance to or rejected because they didn't live up to being your physical equal? And is it fair for you to complain about someone leaving you if you're no longer their physical equal?
  • Seraphim

    Posts: 31

    Aug 22, 2020 5:30 AM GMT
    Monogamy doesn’t exist in the gay community anymore
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2020 9:44 PM GMT
    If he liked you for only your looks, was he worth it from the start?

    On earth we're briefly gorgeous. It's the sad realities of life. But on that note. I wish you two the best of luck.
  • hasher22

    Posts: 38

    Aug 24, 2020 1:44 PM GMT
    EDIT: Just found out this is an old thread. Wonder if the OP and the guy is still together.

    If you feel this way then you should know how shallow he is then, is he even worth it?

    Also, you obviously can attract that type of guy as well, you're also in the same boat as he is. Alot of men search for older, 'daddy' type men but when you're 40, will you still be chasing young men who have this so called fetish just to be with a "daddy"?
  • jlars12

    Posts: 139

    Sep 01, 2020 3:56 AM GMT
    Whoa, surprised to see my thread bumped after 8 months haha.

    So the relationship ended a month ago, way sooner than I feared. My ex basically told me that he realized he actually strongly prefers other Asians, but dated me due to conditioning by friends and gay media or whatever to not let a willing young muscle white guy go to waste. It also coincided with his feelings for someone else. It was so unexpected and damaging to my self esteem, but surprisingly I didn't cry - I think my paranoia already inoculated me to the idea of getting dumped.

    Yeah, anyway my next ex is going to be MY age, totally NOT in the scene, and capable of independent thought (not only when it's too late, ugh).
  • jocked_and_lo...

    Posts: 5145

    Sep 02, 2020 7:10 AM GMT
    Dang, he dumped you for another Asian....! That's a huge blow to your white privilege, breh....

    Not to sound harsh. But if you went into this thinking this man was your forever guy you're fooling yourself if you think you're over him after just one month of being dumped. You were looking at this long term so it's going to take some time to adjust to the breakup. I highly support a good cry to let go of the pent up emotions.

    I recall you getting on my case now and then because I'm not a radicalized liberal like you. But what I'd like to say is your OP comes off quite shallow to the point of being self detrimental. You mention the age forty as if that's going to be the time your life is over. You think men over the age of forty are only training in the gym solely for the purpose of compensating for an older looking face? That's really sad that you view others and yourself this way. It also clearly demonstrates you don't like going to the gym. I know for way too many gay men all the time they spend in the gym serves nothing more than an exhausting means to attract another man. Some of us actually like lifting weights and being physical.

    The comment about you making a joke with your ex for the sole purpose of getting his reaction about you growing old and unattractive comes off as you being disingenuous and controlling. Don't live life in some ongoing duplicitous state where you say one thing with the intent to appear nonchalant or humorous when in reality you're trying to pull the strings or know where you stand in a given situation. This person is/was supposed to be the most important person in your life. You have to have a heart to heart, real genuine conversation about these things. Whatever truly matters to you in anyway should be communicated to your partner with genuine sincerity.