If you were out for a meal with a group of friends or family..........and you do not drink.............would you expect to pay for the drink (wine)?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    Yeah I do not know what kinds of friends you guys have but this shouldnt be an issues. Coming from a guy who ALWAYS orders a drink and/or bottle of wine. I find it my obligation to esnure the individuals who didnt have a drink do not pay for the itemsthey did not have. It is only fair. I would never expect someone to pay for my own luxury. That is not a true friend. I have never been invovled in this situation in my entire life, however my friends are chill and laid back and would never cause a fuss like this either.


    Bottom line, you go to a store/resturant/concert/gas station and you pay for what you ordered. PERIOD!!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 24201

    Mar 07, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    If it's that big of a deal, ask the waiter when you order that you would like your own check, or ask the server to put the alcohol on a separate check. Otherwise, just suck it up and pay the divided check. No, it's not technically fair, but you are after all among friends. These things have a way of evening themselves out over time anyway.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 07, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    OK, I think I need to clarify.

    There are a group of friends, and sometimes we go out for a meal where we split the food bill between everyone there. It's easier to do it that way. As some of us do not drink, the drinkers do not expect us nondrinkers to pay for their wine. There is normally a jug of water with the meal, so there is no need for me, and the other nondrinkers to get a drink. Sometimes, I do order a soft drink, and if I do, I pay, or at least offer to pay the extra.

    Last night was my sisters 40th birthday. It was family and neighbors of my sister. It was one of my sisters, and a friend of hers (no friend of mine) that organised the meal. It was the friend that worked out the bill. Their were a few bottles of wine. Obviously my sister who was 40 would not be paying anything, and she has three kids that we also payed for. No problem with that. I would have happily payed for my sister and the kids myself.

    I'm not upset about it. I just don't see why someone who does not drink, would be expected to pay for other peoples drink. Also those that drank were asked what wine they would like. I, or my partner were not asked what soft drink we would like.

    I have been out to meals where everyone pays their own, and I have been out to meals where the bill is split. Anytime where the bill was split the drinkers payed for that drink.

    I just want to know what your thoughts are on it?
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 07, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    silverfox1 said
    MikePhilPerez saidThe idea is, that the total of the meal is split equally. I have been out for a meal like this many times, and the meal is split equally, but those that do not drink, do not pay for the drink. The drink is split between those that drink.

    Tonight for the first time, my partner and I (we do not drink) had to pay for drink (wine) on top of the meal.

    What do you guys think?

    Mike


    I don't get it. Who split the bill this way? The waiter or the people you were with?


    The people we were with.
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    Mar 07, 2009 3:54 PM GMT
    I rarely drink but if I take someone out, I'll pay for whatever they get. If they offer to pay for anything, I'll usually say they can pay for their drinks. It works best when you just split the bill. Even when go out on a date, we usually just split the bill, works better that way.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 07, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidThis is the first time this has happened? Ever?

    I live in Utah, this happens all the time. Why were you going out to eat with people who aren't your friends? If it was so easy to split the wine off then why didn't you tell the server to itemize the alcohol?

    It seems like there were more effective ways to take care of the issue without walking away from the dinner angry and complaining to a bunch of strangers.


    It was family and neighbors of my sister. It was all itemized. If you don't want to give your view, you don't have to.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 07, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    looknrnd said
    MikePhilPerez saidThe idea is, that the total of the meal is split equally. I have been out for a meal like this many times, and the meal is split equally, but those that do not drink, do not pay for the drink. The drink is split between those that drink.

    Tonight for the first time, my partner and I (we do not drink) had to pay for drink (wine) on top of the meal.

    What do you guys think?

    Mike


    I agree with Dig - you should've split the food but had the drinks itemized. This is why you tip the waiter...

    I wouldn't think much of it unless I was at the Mondrian Hotel/Skybar in LA or something - You can only have a table if you get bottle service - $800 for a bottle of freakin' Grey Goose...not a chance in hell! The cost of a glass of wine wouldn't have bothered me all that much.


    I think I payed for more than just one glass of wine. Yet didn't consume any icon_confused.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 07, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    dumdedum saidI've gone out for countless meals with groups from 3 to 30 and 95 percent of the time, people paid for what they ordered. It's really not that complicated. You just pass around the ticket and people contribute their portion as it goes around the circle - whether cash or charge. If the group is really large - then we write down on the back of the ticket each cardholders name and amount to be charged to respective cards so the waitbot knows what to do with them. It's pretty simple and everyone leaves happy.

    And... you might think that the waitbot would frown upon this type of arrangement - but actually this isn't the case. That's because having each person pay their own and by using multiple cards usually results in an overpayment - which translates to a MUCH higher tip. The waitbots always seem to get a 25 percent tip for not all that much work.


    You have never been to Ireland....right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    I've been out with friends when we split everything evenly and then I've been with friends where we each throw in to cover our own. Usually, when things are evenly split it's because everyone's bill is similar anyway. I can't imagine ordering a bottle of wine in front of guests who are drinking water and expecting them to help pay for it. If it were reversed, I might throw in for it once, but if it happened a second time, politely mention "this should cover our portion of the bill and tip"....
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    MikePhilPerez said
    It was family and neighbors of my sister. It was all itemized. If you don't want to give your view, you don't have to.


    I gave my opinion. No, you shouldn't have had to pay for it, but these kinds of small injustices happen all the time with friends and family.

    What really bothers me is when people just go along with things, then bitch and moan about it behind their backs to other people later. That's what women do. I'd rather just have someone say they have an issue about it up front (when the bill comes) than hearing about it through 3 or 4 people months later. Especially something as small as a bottle of wine.
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:50 PM GMT

    Mike, you said, "Last night was my sisters 40th birthday. It was family and neighbors of my sister."


    Does your sister drink? If so, paying for the drinks should be paid by everyone. It's her birthday! You haven't said how many people and how many bottles of wine. So what was your share? A pound or two?

    On principle of course non-drinkers shouldn't pay for drinkers. This time was an exception, so roll with it.

    Lastly, this isn't the usual group you go out for dinners with. Evidenced by

    "There are a group of friends, and sometimes we go out for a meal where we split the food bill between everyone there. It's easier to do it that way. As some of us do not drink, the drinkers do not expect us nondrinkers to pay for their wine."

    ...saying you're not fretting over this makes us wonder why it merits a topic.
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Mike, you said, "Last night was my sisters 40th birthday. It was family and neighbors of my sister."


    Does your sister drink? If so, paying for the drinks should be paid by everyone. It's her birthday! You haven't said how many people and how many bottles of wine. So what was your share? A pound or two?

    On principle of course non-drinkers shouldn't pay for drinkers. This time was an exception, so roll with it.

    Lastly, this isn't the usual group you go out for dinners with. Evidenced by

    "There are a group of friends, and sometimes we go out for a meal where we split the food bill between everyone there. It's easier to do it that way. As some of us do not drink, the drinkers do not expect us nondrinkers to pay for their wine."

    ...saying you're not fretting over this makes us wonder why it merits a topic.


    MenInLove, I would buy your drinks icon_biggrin.gif

    Hell, I'd even buy you a fish sandwich!

    [url][/url]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    I think it is odd when, at a gathering in a restaurant, someone refuses to have a drink - wanting "only water". Then - later, he or she wants special attention - wishing to save a buck or two on the bill. Why not help make the tab even, and go ahead and have a glass of wine - or at least a Sprite or something? If I was so concerned about the fairness of a restaurant tab - I'd be better off staying home.
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    Mar 07, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    I don't mind sharing in the cost of a bill - that is just being gracious. If someone is drinking a whole lot then they can run a tab or something.

    I don't really drink so when i go to a brunch buffet that includes champagne, I joke with my drinking friends about subsidizing alcoholics icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 07, 2009 9:23 PM GMT
    I don't drink. If the others at the table just have a glass of wine, I don't mind dividing up the total tab. However, if -- as is usually the case -- they are buying a couple $60 bottles of wine, I don't pay for part of that. Actually, I've never even asked to be exempted. Normally, my friends do that automatically.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16547

    Mar 07, 2009 9:25 PM GMT
    Totally agree with you Mike... its been my experience any beverages are split between those that drink, not the non drinkers. The same with dinner.
    If you had someone who was just there for dessert, would they be expected to split dinner?
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    Mar 08, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    First of all, in most circumstances, the drinker should pay for the drink.

    Second: it's your sisters BD and you seem to be very disturbed that you had to pay for a drinkers glass of wine. Why didn't you speak up at the time of payment?

    Try looking at the bigger picture: it was your sisters 40th BD. Focus on her and the fact that she was probably thrilled that you all had dinner w/ her (instead of focusing on you and a few extra dollars).

    BTW correct spelling is paid not "payed." icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 08, 2009 10:29 AM GMT

    I usually don't eat at places that serve wine, mostly just sun made tea and lemonade, but if we did eat somewhere that the waitress wasn't named Marge er Pearl and the dress code were them high falutin clothes, I would still go out to eat with friends with the express intention of helping them have a good time. If them having a good time involves drinking then so be it even if I didn't drink. If I did had a problem with it, I'd say "I ain't payin for that." so exactly why didn't you, Mr. Perez?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    I say if you dont drink and the rest of the party does. Then the rest of the party splits the drink porition.

    We have a few friends who dont drink and when as a group we order wine, they dont pay for the wine.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    No. Absolutely not. There is no way you should pay for their drinks if you have not been drinking yourself. Nor should they expect you to.

    Now if you are treating someone due to some sort of celebration or whatever that you only pay for the guest of honor's cocktails.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    People who suggest splitting checks when they know someone didn't drink or only ate the salad really have their head up their ass. It makes for awkward protests, or lingering resentment for having to foot the bill for someone else's extravagance.
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:09 PM GMT

    If a motive for going out with friends in the first place is to ensure everyone has a good time and the friendship is strengthened, then what exactly is the problem with paying towards the drinks?
  • DuggerPDX

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    Mar 17, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    This happens to my partner and I all the time, when we are together we don't drink, I do when I'm not with him. Most of our friends know this and will always pay for the wine outside of the dinner check if they order a bottle. I'm ok with just a couple drinks or a couple glasses of wine. We go out with the same people all the time and have so for years, so I figure in the end it will probably be a wash when you factor in the various prices of entree, app's, etc.
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    Mar 30, 2009 3:17 AM GMT
    If i'm drinking and someone isnt, i'm already aware that my portion of the bill should reflect that...It's a no brain-er..If others dont recognize that,,just let them know.......
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    Mar 30, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    I've been going out recently with people who order tons of drinks, two entrees (or entrees that cost double everyone else's), desert, coffee, etc... and still want to split the tab evenly. After about two times, I put a stop to that. They were offended and were like - it's only fair to split it evenly. Some people just don't get it.