Do you think its better to come out when your younger?

  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Oct 08, 2019 8:22 PM GMT
    I came out at 16 and I really cant imaging doing it later. When did it feel comfortable enough for you to come out ?
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    Oct 08, 2019 8:35 PM GMT
    so why you have fake picks here that do not show your face then?
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    Oct 08, 2019 8:42 PM GMT
    Wouldn't say I Came Out. I just got on with living my life from a young age.
    I understand if one has a wife & kids, and want to make a lifestyle change, to live as a gay. Things need to be said. But if one was born a homosexual, why not just get on with living your lives. In time, that will say enough.
  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Oct 09, 2019 2:27 PM GMT
    Caledon saidso why you have fake picks here that do not show your face then?



    All of my pictures are of me I'm glad you checked my profile out though.
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    Oct 09, 2019 4:38 PM GMT
    Do You Think Its Better To Come Out When Your Younger

    Today in the US, possibly yes. Though there are still some Red States where that would be unwise. And some employers, schools, and individuals where gays are discriminated against, that can be anywhere.

    I came out very late. Not by choice, but from ignorance of myself. I was too busy with my career to think about myself very much, just went with the flow as I saw it around me. But within months of retiring at 45, and having too much free time on my hands, I started thinking about ME for once, and examining my life.

    I should have come out at around 15, for better or worse, at least to myself. At 45 I hated myself for 30 ‘lost years’. Because I love being gay. I finally feel complete and at ease with myself.

    I always knew something was wrong, that made me out of place in most straight social situations, but I could never figure out what it was. Denial messes up your perceptions. And who would want to think of themselves as gay back then? When it was criminal, perverted, and a stereotype of limp-wristed, effeminate, lisping wimpyness that I’ve never been?

    But a gay guy in Seattle told me that gay isn’t about outward behavior and appearance, but about sexual attraction. What attracts you the most? Men or women? What gives you a stiffie? Since your ‘Peter Meter’ reveals your inner, true feelings. When I read that in his email to me I came out in 24 hours. The last 25 years of my new gay life have been the happiest I’ve ever known. icon_biggrin.gif
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 4007

    Oct 09, 2019 5:50 PM GMT
    I think it's better to come out when you feel the time is right for you.

    For some people that's younger. For others it's older.

    Nobody should feel they have to come out when someone else tells them they should.
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    Oct 09, 2019 6:03 PM GMT
    bro4bro said
    I think it's better to come out when you feel the time is right for you.

    For some people that's younger. For others it's older.

    Nobody should feel they have to come out when someone else tells them they should.

    +1
  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Oct 09, 2019 7:00 PM GMT
    I totally agree that should do it when your ready, but I also believe that you should do it before you get married. Don't wait till you have a wife and A family a then decide you want to live in your truth.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1873

    Oct 09, 2019 7:46 PM GMT
    The only reason I'm gonna say yes is because the earlier you come out, the better you'll be able to adjust and accept yourself. Far too often I've noticed with guys who waited wait too long to finally be true to themselves with their sexuality, they have difficulty adjusting and that could've been avoided if they just got it over with in their youth. I do understand that some stay closeted because their family is not accepting and if that's the case, fair enough though for the love of all things do not bring a woman into your mess nor expect an open gay man to want to go back into the closet for you.

    The other reason why I'm gonna say yes is for the reason of being able to attract more guys. Another thing I see with guys who waited way too long to come out is that since they never got to really experience sexual exploration in their youth, they will go after young guys and unless they are in impeccable shape or they're willing to spend money on the young guys they desire, they are usually met with a bit of rejection and that is when some of these guys cry ageism but yet if you ask them if they would be going for men their age when they were younger, the answer says it all. Again I'm not saying that older men aren't attractive or that they can't attract younger guys, let alone that there aren't younger guys who are attracted to older guys because they are but because we're a smaller part of the population.

    Of course when you do come out, it doesn't have to be a big deal or spectacle. Most guys when they "come out", they just mean that when people ask if they're gay, they have no problem answering honestly.
  • izabul

    Posts: 43

    Oct 09, 2019 8:19 PM GMT
    KyleStephenson saidI totally agree that should do it when your ready, but I also believe that you should do it before you get married. Don't wait till you have a wife and A family a then decide you want to live in your truth.


    First of all, thank you for starting this thread.

    I've talked with many, many guys including myself who lived first into deep programing and what society expected of them. All feelings contrary were put in a box and buried deep. So yes, "before you get married" would be good... however that presumes one has a grip on one's sexuality when married.

    I got married at 19 because I loved the person who became my spouse. Also because the church said no sex before marriage. And because I didn't want to go to hell. My older brothers all did the same thing and have remained in the same marriages since. Why wouldn't that work for me?

    You are absolutely correct that coming out late is made all the more challenging if you have invested 2 or 3 decades into a relationship... if you have kids... conservative family (pick your religion)... especially if you deeply love, admire, and respect the person you are currently with. (Would be easier if one were married to a hateful, spiteful shrew.)

    As I've started on this journey I've learned that some guys circumstances (jobs / societal pressures) cause them to choose to remain closeted forever or to live parallel lives with other guys in similar circumstances. Others like Art_Deco managed to find a beautiful "out" future.

    Do I wish I had been surrounded by the people who would have helped me through this younger? You bet. I was not so fortunate. At this point, that's all water under the bridge. The question for me (and others) is how to move forward with the time remaining...
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    Oct 09, 2019 9:24 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    Of course when you do come out, it doesn't have to be a big deal or spectacle. Most guys when they "come out", they just mean that when people ask if they're gay, they have no problem answering honestly.

    Agreed. Yet I did kinda come out with a splash of sorts. The day after I realized I was gay happened to coincide with Seattle’s biggest annual gay gala. That morning I made my reservation online (pre-Internet dial-up modem, through a gay BBS). I showed up that night with over 1000 other gay guys, my first experience like that ever.

    Yah know what my biggest fear was? Not being surrounded by gay guys, and what might happen to me because of stories I’d heard (as a recently retired Army Military Police Colonel I didn’t fear very much, and what could gay guys do to me?), but rather if I was dressed correctly! LOL! How gay is that?

    I did just fine, and loved it. And have ever since. Once I make a decision I promptly follow through on it, without much hesitation or angst. That’s the military way, what I lived by, and I suppose still mostly do.
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    Oct 09, 2019 9:59 PM GMT
    When to come out all depends on where you live, and what your famiky is like. If you live in Scandavvia, or urban France, Germany, or the Netherlands, being gay is no big deal. If you are in a conservative religious family, or live in a conservative rural area, coming out is not such a good idea. Wait until you are living on your own.
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    Oct 09, 2019 11:20 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    When to come out all depends on where you live, and what your famiky is like. If you live in Scandavvia, or urban France, Germany, or the Netherlands, being gay is no big deal. If you are in a conservative religious family, or live in a conservative rural area, coming out is not such a good idea. Wait until you are living on your own.

    +1

    Yes, coming out is situational. It depends on your own personal circumstances. No one should be pressured or rushed. One size doesn’t fit all in this case.

    At the same time, the sooner it’s possible the better, in my view. BUT WHEN YOU CAN, incurring the least negative consequences to yourself, if any.

    No good throwing yourself on your sword, as we said in the military, just because other people say you should come out as soon as you know. Wait, plan, choose your timing to your own best advantage. This is about YOUR life, your unique circumstances, not somebody else’s uninformed theories of what you should do.
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    Oct 10, 2019 1:09 AM GMT
    Robert you've never been a homosexual, a gay. You.simply a bisexual who made a lifestyle change late in life. Unlike us Bonafide Homosexuals, who have lived our whole lives as home's.
    So you never came out per se, rather declaring a lifestyle change.
    Just as you've never been a married gay man, rather a divorced heterosexual. Yet ushomosexuals pay a price for such activity, because people 5hink homosexuality is a lifestyle choice, and we homo's can be cured.

    Oh my the complexitys of bisexuality.
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    Oct 10, 2019 10:24 AM GMT
    Like so many others have said... each person's situation is unique and the "right" time for them to come out is just as unique.

    I think that kids today (damn that makes me sound old) may have an 'easier' time these days and can come out sooner with society being more accepting these days and there being fewer and fewer repercussions that some of us older folks had to grow up with.

    There were times that homosexuality was just plain unacceptable... then it went to "acceptable, but looked down upon"... at it approaches "accepted and normal" it's getting better, but now the pendulum feels like it might be swinging the other way again, with recent reviews of some older bigots' view of law in front of SCOTUS, again.

    I came out in my 30s. Actually just in the past 5 years. It was the right time for me, and I found that most of the ramifications I feared for years were hardly a blip on the radar in reality. Do i wish i did it sooner? maybe, but the world was a different place then. /shrug/
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    Oct 10, 2019 3:06 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidLike so many others have said... each person's situation is unique and the "right" time for them to come out is just as unique.

    I think that kids today (damn that makes me sound old) may have an 'easier' time these days and can come out sooner with society being more accepting these days and there being fewer and fewer repercussions that some of us older folks had to grow up with.

    There were times that homosexuality was just plain unacceptable... then it went to "acceptable, but looked down upon"... at it approaches "accepted and normal" it's getting better, but now the pendulum feels like it might be swinging the other way again, with recent reviews of some older bigots' view of law in front of SCOTUS, again.

    I came out in my 30s. Actually just in the past 5 years. It was the right time for me, and I found that most of the ramifications I feared for years were hardly a blip on the radar in reality. Do i wish i did it sooner? maybe, but the world was a different place then. /shrug/


    Compared to the 60's and 70's, there's been a dramatic social change in tolerance. It's not complete as there're pockets of bigotry even where we wouldn't expect them.

    We as gay people have also moved the goalposts regarding rights. The gay and lesbian movement has grafted other groups onto the movement becoming the LGBTQIA (and whatever else). LGB has gained remarkable acceptance -- TQIA not so much. Current activism revolves about the trans movement -- a movement that sometimes seems toxic and crazy.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 24781

    Oct 10, 2019 4:07 PM GMT
    Yes -- the sooner, the better. Living with a secret is never good or healthy. I remember that feeling when I finally came out -- like there whole world was off of my shoulders. I didn't come out until 23. Wish I had done it sooner