How to Mention My Vacation Plans to My Mom?

  • venicebeach95

    Posts: 8

    Oct 20, 2019 1:38 AM GMT
    I'm 23, freshly out of college, and I'm back home for the time being while I find a full-time job. I met someone last month and we've hit it off very very quick, but he's only in town from Texas a few times a month until he moves out here in early December. He wants us to have some quality time together since I live at home and he stays with a friend when he's out here, so he's taking me to a resort in San Diego for a few days at the end of the month.

    What I'm struggling with is wondering how to tell my mom about these plans. She's cool and very very very accepting of my sexuality but she's also a bit of a worrier and overprotective. I'm almost 24 and when I go out, she tells me to text her once I'm home, even if it's at 1am. Plus, she's never met a boy that I've been seeing. To top it off, she might be a little wary when she hears that this guy is 14 years older than I am.

    What I'm asking is, what do you all think I should do? I don't want to put him in a situation where he's meeting my mom and being all formal as if we're about to get married, but I also can't just pick up my stuff and say "bye mom, my man's here to kidnap me for a couple of days, I'll see you on Monday!" Plus I'm close to being in my mid-20s. By my age, she was married and had me. I'm allowed a bit of freedom, aren't I?

    Thank you!
  • Jeepguy2

    Posts: 318

    Oct 20, 2019 2:49 AM GMT
    venicebeach95 saidI'm 23, freshly out of college, and I'm back home for the time being while I find a full-time job. I met someone last month and we've hit it off very very quick, but he's only in town from Texas a few times a month until he moves out here in early December. He wants us to have some quality time together since I live at home and he stays with a friend when he's out here, so he's taking me to a resort in San Diego for a few days at the end of the month.

    What I'm struggling with is wondering how to tell my mom about these plans. She's cool and very very very accepting of my sexuality but she's also a bit of a worrier and overprotective. I'm almost 24 and when I go out, she tells me to text her once I'm home, even if it's at 1am. Plus, she's never met a boy that I've been seeing. To top it off, she might be a little wary when she hears that this guy is 14 years older than I am.

    What I'm asking is, what do you all think I should do? I don't want to put him in a situation where he's meeting my mom and being all formal as if we're about to get married, but I also can't just pick up my stuff and say "bye mom, my man's here to kidnap me for a couple of days, I'll see you on Monday!" Plus I'm close to being in my mid-20s. By my age, she was married and had me. I'm allowed a bit of freedom, aren't I?






    Thank you!


    The big problem is that you told your mom about your sexuality. My parents met many of the guys I was seeing. They knew them as hunting buddies, surfing buddies, golfing buddies, college friends, etc.

    So I was like "hey mom Tripp and I have rented a hotel room at the beach to go surfing for a week" Mom "Oh ok, hope you boys have fun!" The idea that Tripp and I might be sleeping together, or that if we were sharing a double bed in a hotel room that something might be happening between us never crossed mom's prudish born again Baptist mind. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2019 3:39 AM GMT
    Mama...This boy is gunna get laid..Peace out..see ya in a bit.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 24462

    Oct 20, 2019 4:15 AM GMT
    venicebeach95 saidI'm 23, freshly out of college, and I'm back home for the time being while I find a full-time job. I met someone last month and we've hit it off very very quick, but he's only in town from Texas a few times a month until he moves out here in early December. He wants us to have some quality time together since I live at home and he stays with a friend when he's out here, so he's taking me to a resort in San Diego for a few days at the end of the month.

    What I'm struggling with is wondering how to tell my mom about these plans. She's cool and very very very accepting of my sexuality but she's also a bit of a worrier and overprotective. I'm almost 24 and when I go out, she tells me to text her once I'm home, even if it's at 1am. Plus, she's never met a boy that I've been seeing. To top it off, she might be a little wary when she hears that this guy is 14 years older than I am.

    What I'm asking is, what do you all think I should do? I don't want to put him in a situation where he's meeting my mom and being all formal as if we're about to get married, but I also can't just pick up my stuff and say "bye mom, my man's here to kidnap me for a couple of days, I'll see you on Monday!" Plus I'm close to being in my mid-20s. By my age, she was married and had me. I'm allowed a bit of freedom, aren't I?

    Thank you!



    Parents don't need to know EVERYTHING. On the other hand, while you're 23, you're still living at home. Tell your mom the truth -- it always ends up coming out anyway.
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    Oct 20, 2019 4:27 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    venicebeach95 saidI'm 23, freshly out of college, and I'm back home for the time being while I find a full-time job. I met someone last month and we've hit it off very very quick, but he's only in town from Texas a few times a month until he moves out here in early December. He wants us to have some quality time together since I live at home and he stays with a friend when he's out here, so he's taking me to a resort in San Diego for a few days at the end of the month.

    What I'm struggling with is wondering how to tell my mom about these plans. She's cool and very very very accepting of my sexuality but she's also a bit of a worrier and overprotective. I'm almost 24 and when I go out, she tells me to text her once I'm home, even if it's at 1am. Plus, she's never met a boy that I've been seeing. To top it off, she might be a little wary when she hears that this guy is 14 years older than I am.

    What I'm asking is, what do you all think I should do? I don't want to put him in a situation where he's meeting my mom and being all formal as if we're about to get married, but I also can't just pick up my stuff and say "bye mom, my man's here to kidnap me for a couple of days, I'll see you on Monday!" Plus I'm close to being in my mid-20s. By my age, she was married and had me. I'm allowed a bit of freedom, aren't I?

    Thank you!



    Parents don't need to know EVERYTHING. On the other hand, while you're 23, you're still living at home. Tell your mom the truth -- it always ends up coming out anyway.
    Good advice for Cheeto...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2019 4:05 PM GMT
    You don't need to provide mom with all the details, so just keep it simple:
    "we're going to San Diego for a few days. I'll text you when we get there." Maybe include a pic of the two of you together.

    And while you're there don't respond to her texts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2019 4:42 PM GMT
    I think I'm with your Mom on this one.

    Going "on vacation" with a guy you "met last month" is ill-advised, in my opinion.

    It could easily make your Mom wonder if you might end up in some ugly Daily Mail story. It makes me wonder about that.

    Since you're not working, and he's older, it has (from a distance) a possible "boi toy for the weekend" look to it. How likely is it that you will be proud of that for the rest of your life?

    Is it possible that he also has boyfriends in the other cities he visits?

    Would you leave town with this guy without leaving his full name and address with someone you trust? That could be reckless in my opinion.

    Consider worst-case scenarios. Suppose something goes wrong after you leave home and you suddenly need an alternate way to get back home. Hopefully you wouldn't need to call your Mom.

    Regardless of the challenging logistics, I'd say date this guy for a decent amount of time, before doing anything like this, and introduce him to your Mom in a non-hurried manner, if you are most likely into a serious, long-term relationship.

    Ideally, wait until this guy relocates to your area in December.

    P.S. I heartily second the advice given by the gentleman from Arizona:

    CuriousJockAZ saidTell your mom the truth -- it always ends up coming out anyway.

    Any advice which involves telling your Mom a lie should be disregarded in my opinion.

    You would probably regret that lie for the rest of your life.

    Now back to my rocking chair and pipe.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 3945

    Oct 20, 2019 5:33 PM GMT
    "Hey Mom, I'm going to San Diego with a friend for a few days."

    It's not like San Diego is halfway around the world. If you live in Venice Beach as your screen name indicates, it's a two hour drive. Basically like driving into downtown LA from the beach during the morning rush hour.

    You're 23 years old, a full grown man. Have you never gone away for a weekend with friends?

    Your mom doesn't need to know all the details, does she? Or does she still have to approve of all your friends?

    If she asks, just tell her you went to the zoo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2019 1:20 AM GMT
    It's sweet that you have a good relationship with your mother and that she's concerned about your welfare. Just don't let it hinder your style. It's not such a hardship to text her that you've gotten to San Diego and are having a nice time with your friend. And just leave it at that. I'm assuming you have your own car. If so, you might want to drive to his friend's place and leave your car there if you think it would be awkward for him to be picking you up at your parents' house (though, really, there's no reason for you to feel awkward about that either). I hadn't lived home since going away to college. But there were two summers (1995 and 1996), when I was living with my parents and grandmother down in Florida where I had a summer job related to my graduate school studies. I was in my thirties and had come out about six years previously. But I still have to admit, I felt a little sheepish when I was going out for a first date with a guy I had met in Fort Lauderdale Frontrunners (the gay running group) and told my mom that I might end up staying over with him tonight (which ultimately I did). Yes, it did feel a little awkward tacitly acknowledging that I had a sex life but my mother took it all in stride.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    Oct 24, 2019 6:34 PM GMT
    If you feel you know who he is and that he's a good guy, and you've done some simple checking out of his Texas story, just tell your mom you're running down to SD for a couple of days with a friend. That's accurate and all she needs to know. If she gets nosy, just laugh and tell he she really doesn't want to know about your dating life and promise you'll text her when you're there (though you need to find some opportunity to stop that practice). She's following her habits of watching over you that was good and appropriate when you were a kid but now that you're out of college, things need to change and she probably knows that, too.