Heartache even harder

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2020 7:49 AM GMT
    I've mentioned before how I've already been hurting over a love lost early 2017, and living with what I thought was a "better" new love here in Oshawa, just broke me even harder now. Finding the words "I love you" sent to a chaturbate twink from Columbia on his office screen. . . . . this really hurts more than he knows.

    All this time living with him for the past year and a half, just to find out all the thoughtful and loveing things I've done for him, gets redirected to an even longer distance relationship? I'm still hurting from the one past love I took to heart, now I can't even sleep right now (nearing 4am), feeling completely destroyed from the inside out.

    I know we discusted how he wants to remain "best friends with benifits", and how hw claims I hurt him well over a year ago (talked it over then, claims "we're fine, you're still my dude/boyfriend"), but how does what I did well over a year ago, compare to him chaturbating all that time inbetween? and my finding "I love you" written on his screen just under a week ago?

    I realize I'm repeating myself, but I'm seriously hurt and messed up by this. I still wish 2017 NEVER happend, and that everything up to now is just a giant nightmare. Please don't attack me here, put yourself in my shoes, how would you handle all of this? This really f*@%n' hurts like something I've never felt before, and I just want it to end icon_evil.gificon_sad.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gificon_cry.gificon_mad.gif
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    May 05, 2020 2:00 AM GMT
    Sorry that you're hurting. I don't know any of the back story of your lost love of 2017 or about how you may have hurt your current boyfriend a year ago. I did just look at your profile page and you describe yourself there as being "single." My only perhaps superficial advice is that everyone screws up in life in various ways at various times. Only you and your boyfriend can determine whether you can forgive each other and move forward. Perhaps going together to a couple counselor would be helpful. Good luck.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    May 05, 2020 7:45 PM GMT
    Sorry you're having to go through this. Is painful, I know. I've been with my guy almost 14 years and we're super solid as a couple and love each other very much. But we've had two incidents that tested us and we managed to get through. It takes a while to get over what is considered by one to be a betrayal by the other, as you know. If you still love him, and he still loves you, you can get past it. But it hurts and is a slow process. Stay flexible in your mind. You may need to reevaluate what is OK and what is not. Or at least discuss it. Only you can know if you can move forward or not. Give yourself time to get over the rawness of it. Good luck, guy.
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    May 05, 2020 8:56 PM GMT
    Recently had a heart-attack after him yelling at me last night, I didn't shout back or fight, just wait for when I can speak, and he didn't care much after. Still pays attention to his chatubate boys, thinking we're cool as friends and roomates now.

    Knowing this pandemic is still taken seriously, finding a new place is impossible, I think I'm in hell. . . . . any ideas what I can do?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    May 05, 2020 10:29 PM GMT
    If that is his feelings, or lack thereof, there is nothing you can do. Maybe drink. The pandemic won't last forever. Another couple of weeks. I'd start calling friends who might know of a place you can move to. Sorry, guy. I know that heart attack feeling. It literally feels like a heart attack. It says you're a caring person. Never feel bad for loving.