Body Dismorphia challenge in relationship

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    May 30, 2020 9:35 PM GMT
    I have been dealing with body image issues for many years, most bothersome relating to my penis size. I have an average or high-average penis size that is 6.7" long and 5" girth. Objectively, I know it is a decent size to get the job done. But, it always looks really skinny to me and I worry multiple times a day that it is unattractive and less pleasing for sex. This is worse because I am a black vers top, which means people have unreachable expectations of how big I should be. I have felt even more insecure about it since starting a relationship with an asian bottom who happens to have a really thick cock (6" long and 6" thick). I feel somewhat emasculated, partly because of sexual stereotypes as the black top with a sub asian bottom.

    Now whenever I feel like I am making progress in my self-image, I am set back by seeing my boyfriend's super fat cock. I hate that I feel this way, but being around any big dick kind of triggers me right now. It even interferes with my enjoyment of sex with him. I have talked to him in general about my size insecurity and he is supportive, but I just don't know how to get passed it. Obsession with big dick is everywhere in our community. Suggestions? Advice? Help?
    Thank you
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    May 31, 2020 9:34 AM GMT
    jrmdavis said
    I have been dealing with body image issues for many years, most bothersome relating to my penis size. I have an average or high-average penis size that is 6.7" long and 5" girth. Objectively, I know it is a decent size to get the job done. But, it always looks really skinny to me and I worry multiple times a day that it is unattractive and less pleasing for sex.

    I also have a mild case of body dysmorphia. But first, don’t assume every guy wants his sex partner to be hung like a horse. I for one do NOT. Reasons are that I prefer performing oral, and can’t handle choking jawbreakers. I like bite-size. And also I don’t enjoy ass-splitters.

    Regarding the dysmorphia, it’s crazy how our minds can visually deceive us. Like vision puzzles that trick your eye, asking which line is longer, when they’re both the same length. A personal example: one time my late partner and I were going out, and I asked if I could borrow one of his wristwatches, that would better match my outfit.

    But I was dubious it would work, his wrist being much thicker than mine. When I went to put it on, however, it wouldn’t fit around my wrist. Confused, I asked him to put it on his own wrist, and it fit perfectly. I took it back and it still wouldn’t close around my wrist.

    Now really baffled, I asked him to hold his wrist next to mine. His looked thicker, while mine looked skinny, much smaller, as I’ve always imagined it since childhood. But his watch wristband still wouldn’t fit me! Insane!

    Another oddity is that I look different to myself in the mirror, whether standing close or far away. But when I view a photo or video of myself I see a different guy. The reflected Bob is more as I remember myself, younger & slimmer. The photographic image is far less flattering, what I believe is today’s harsher reality.

    So our mind plays tricks on some of us. Regarding dick size, use an objective measurement.

    I like the “dollar bill test”. Lay a US dollar along the TOP of your hardon. then wrap the bill around the shaft lengthwise. If your dick is longer than the dollar, and the bill won’t close around with the ends touching, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Regardless of what your eyes are telling you.
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    Aug 05, 2020 1:23 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    I also have a mild case of body dysmorphia. But first, don’t assume every guy wants his sex partner to be hung like a horse. I for one do NOT. Reasons are that I prefer performing oral, and can’t handle choking jawbreakers. I like bite-size. And also I don’t enjoy ass-splitters.

    Regarding the dysmorphia, it’s crazy how our minds can visually deceive us. Like visual puzzles that trick your eye, asking which line is longer, when they’re both the same length. A personal example: one time my late partner and I were going out, and I asked if I could borrow one of his wristwatches, that would better match my outfit.

    But I was dubious it would work, his wrist being much thicker than mine. When I went to put it on, however, it wouldn’t fit around my wrist. Confused, I asked him to put it on his own wrist, and it fit perfectly. I took it back and it still wouldn’t close around my wrist.

    Now really baffled, I asked him to hold his wrist next to mine. His looked thicker, while mine looked skinny, much smaller. But his watch band still wouldn’t fit me! Insane!

    Another oddity is that I look different to myself in the mirror, whether standing close or far away. But when I view a photo or video of myself I see a different guy. The reflected Bob is more as I remember myself, younger & slimmer. The photographic image is far less flattering, what I believe is today’s harsher reality.

    So our mind plays tricks on some of us. Regarding dick size, use an objective measurement.

    I like the “dollar bill test”. Lay a US dollar along the TOP of your hardon. then wrap the bill around the shaft lengthwise. If your dick is longer than the dollar, and the bill won’t close around with the ends touching, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Regardless of what your eyes are telling you.


    Thanks for your thoughts!

    My boyfriend says he is happy with my size, but I still feel jealous/upset/inferior/unattractive/emasculated every time I see his really thick penis. And while part of it is my perspective, it is an objective fact that his penis is markedly thicker than mine. I have measured his girth and my girth with measuring tape. I have 5" and he has 6" (incidentally, one would need girth of 6.14" to pass the US dollar bill test). And we have also been in sex club settings where people would worship and comment on his girth but say nothing about my penis.

    People appreciate my other physical and non-physical attributes, but I cannot stop fixating on the fact that my penis isn't that special and my boyfriend's penis is. If he was a top, then we wouldn't have to think about my penis at all. And if he was small, then the comparison wouldn't trigger me.

    This should not be a problem, but I just can't stop feeling bad!! icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 05, 2020 2:04 PM GMT
    jrmdavis said
    My boyfriend says he is happy with my size, but I still feel jealous/upset/inferior/unattractive/emasculated every time I see his really thick penis.

    This should not be a problem, but I just can't stop feeling bad!! icon_sad.gif

    It’s not a problem, because you’ve already found your answer - what your BF wants. Whereas he might not appreciate you wanting to be something else, to please OTHER guys. Good way to make him feel insecure.

    A gay rule is to please the guy you’re with, not those you’re not. When you’re single then you can worry about being what’s most popular in the marketplace. But when you’ve got a guy in your life and in your bed, your focus should be solely on him.

    And BTW, be careful what you wish for (or wish you had). A huge dick isn’t always a blessing. When I had a swimmer’s build (actually coached swimming) I couldn’t easily wear a Speedo. I had guys turn me down, after we were undressed in bed, because I was too big for them. A big dick was a bonus when I was a gay bathhouse slut, though. icon_redface.gif

    Outside the bathhouse I had guys seek me out, too, thanks to gay club gossip. Again just for my dick size. I suppose I’m not typical in my attitudes, but except for a quick trick, or a nameless bathhouse romp, I wanted guys I dated to like *ME*, for being me. Not just because I’m an appendage to a big dick (or was before my cancer treatment and natural aging took their toll).

    If your BF likes you, and is happy with your equipment, I can’t imagine why you should be concerned. Discover your happiness in possessing what HE wants, versus unhappiness by not possessing your own idealizations. Perhaps you have a form of mental dysmorphia, that you don’t see the good in what you do have.