Being by myself for so long has finally gotten to me

  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Aug 05, 2020 12:09 AM GMT
    I use to love being by myself.But after 2 years I can't stand it.I just want to be happy but my anxiety keeps me in a cage that I feel is impossible to escape. I don't wanna live my life on the internet but it's my only meaningful connection to the outside world.

    Any advice
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    Aug 05, 2020 12:27 AM GMT
    rope and soap
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 22715

    Aug 05, 2020 12:43 AM GMT
    KyleStephenson saidI use to love being by myself. But lately I can't stand it I just want to be happy but my anxiety keeps me in a cage that I feel is impossible to escape. I don't wanna live my life in the internet but it's my only connection to the outside world. ANy advice
    Have you ever considered getting out a little more often and trying to meet up with people. I realize that this Coronavirus has thrown a monkey wrench into socializing with others but still have you ever considered stepping out and meeting others. This could help break the strong grip of your anxiety.
  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Aug 05, 2020 12:51 AM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    KyleStephenson saidI use to love being by myself. But lately I can't stand it I just want to be happy but my anxiety keeps me in a cage that I feel is impossible to escape. I don't wanna live my life in the internet but it's my only connection to the outside world. ANy advice
    Have you ever considered getting out a little more often and trying to meet up with people. I realize that this Coronavirus has thrown a monkey wrench into socializing with others but still have you ever considered stepping out and meeting others. This could help break the strong grip of your anxiety.




    I just turned 21 my sister wants to take me to some gay clubs I've become alot more accepting to the idea but it's not the right time
  • Element1313

    Posts: 401

    Aug 05, 2020 6:14 PM GMT
    Mammals have got to have intimate contact with mammals. Tons of studies show that. Hormonal decline Happens when that does not happen. But I’ve been single not 4 years .... no prospects. Blame the apps. Singleness is at a new high!
  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Aug 05, 2020 10:06 PM GMT
    Element1313 saidMammals have got to have intimate contact with mammals. Tons of studies show that. Hormonal decline Happens when that does not happen. But I’ve been single not 4 years .... no prospects. Blame the apps. Singleness is at a new high!





    The dating apps are the worst. I just am not the person for random hookups. I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.
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    Aug 06, 2020 12:36 AM GMT
    KyleStephenson said
    The dating apps are the worst. I just am not the person for random hookups. I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.

    I agree with you - dating apps are not ideal places, and carry some risks. At the same time, I think you may be making a mistake that many guys do.

    If your view of a guy you wanna meet is “a serious committed relationship” then you are programmed for failure. You can’t even know that until you’ve been dating him for a while. First you gotta MEET the guy.

    You can’t preselect who you meet or date based on having a serious relationship from Day One. That’s doing things backwards.

    You meet him cause he’s cute, or whatever attracts you. Or maybe he comes on to you. You take him out for a spin, drive him around the block. If you don’t like how he handles, you return him to the dealership and sample another.

    You’re gonna go through dozens of guys before you find a possible “keeper”. That’s just the cost of doing business. Don’t get hung up on finding your life partner on first contact. Likely ain’t gonna happen.

    The good part is that meeting lots of guys can be fun in itself. Sure you ain’t gonna marry them all. But you’re hopefully having a good time for the most part, and learning about other guys.

    So that when you come across Mr. Right you’ll be more confident that you correctly recognize him. Perhaps because you’ve run across a few Mr. Wrongs, too.

    There’s no substitute for experience. Even bad dates and encounters can be valuable learning experiences. Don’t dwell on them, learn and move on.

    But first you have to build experience, by spending time with guys. With gay clubs & bars either closed or limited it’s tough right now. Almost all social venues are limited. You may hafta wait a few months. Not easy at your young age.
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1750

    Aug 06, 2020 1:09 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    KyleStephenson said
    The dating apps are the worst. I just am not the person for random hookups. I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.

    I agree with you - dating apps are not ideal places, and carry some risks. At the same time, I think you may be making a mistake that many guys do.

    If your view of a guy you wanna meet is “a serious committed relationship” then you are programmed for failure. You can’t even know that until you’ve been dating him for a while. First you gotta MEET the guy.

    You can’t preselect who you meet or date based on having a serious relationship from Day One. That’s doing things backwards.

    You meet him cause he’s cute, or whatever attracts you. Or maybe he comes on to you. You take him out for a spin, drive him around the block. If you don’t like how he handles, you return him to the dealership and sample another.

    You’re gonna go through dozens of guys before you find a possible “keeper”. That’s just the cost of doing business. Don’t get hung up on finding your life partner on first contact. Likely ain’t gonna happen.

    The good part is that meeting lots of guys can be fun in itself. Sure you ain’t gonna marry them all. But you’re hopefully having a good time for the most part, and learning about other guys.

    So that when you come across Mr. Right you’ll be more confident that you correctly recognize him. Perhaps because you’ve run across a few Mr. Wrongs, too.

    There’s no substitute for experience. Even bad dates and encounters can be valuable learning experiences. Don’t dwell on them, learn and move on.

    But first you have to build experience, by spending time with guys. With gay clubs & bars either closed or limited it’s tough right now. Almost all social venues are limited. You may hafta wait a few months. Not easy at your young age.


    Thanks Art Deco; very sound advice!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    Aug 06, 2020 1:16 AM GMT
    I met my guy (pre-app days) through an on-line site. Real long shot since he lived totally across the Country, wrong age, didn't even much like his pic though I found him cute. Found out he was moving about two hours away. Still.... But we met for a sex weekend. And have been together totally committed ever since, 13 years. You can't meet someone while hiding.
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    Aug 06, 2020 1:16 AM GMT
    Element1313 saidMammals have got to have intimate contact with mammals. Tons of studies show that. Hormonal decline Happens when that does not happen. But I’ve been single not 4 years .... no prospects. Blame the apps. Singleness is at a new high!


    I say become one with nature and follow a good vibe & mindset!
    Eventually, you'll be directed to the right connection.
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    Aug 06, 2020 1:26 AM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    I met my guy (pre-app days) through an on-line site. Real long shot since he lived totally across the Country, wrong age, didn't even much like his pic though I found him cute. Found out he was moving about two hours away. Still.... But we met for a sex weekend. And have been together totally committed ever since, 13 years. You can't meet someone while hiding.

    I initially “met" both my partners online (late & current). But of course we then actually met and dated in person for months, before it became permanent.

    By coincidence, we’ll also have been living together for 13 years this month (Aug). We're totally committed, too. Hardly do anything without the other. Except my bike riding, something he’s never done.

    Even though he’s a founder of the SMART Ride to Key West, raising money for HIV/AIDS. He was always crew, never on a bike, while I did the riding. But in that sense we did the SMART Ride together, too.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 4642

    Aug 06, 2020 5:10 AM GMT
    until you have initiated 100 dates...you dont get to complain that you are single.
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    Aug 06, 2020 2:56 PM GMT
    Apparition said
    until you have initiated 100 dates...you dont get to complain that you are single.

    Agreed. Especially living in Miami, with Miami Beach just across the bay causeways. Good gay presence all around there, and further north in Fort Lauderdale and Wilton Manors. It’s not like living in the cornfields in Nowhere, Nebraska.
  • Element1313

    Posts: 401

    Aug 06, 2020 5:25 PM GMT
    In SF it is random hookups or nothing. What’s a guy to do?

    KyleStephenson said
    Element1313 saidMammals have got to have intimate contact with mammals. Tons of studies show that. Hormonal decline Happens when that does not happen. But I’ve been single not 4 years .... no prospects. Blame the apps. Singleness is at a new high!





    The dating apps are the worst. I just am not the person for random hookups. I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.
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    Aug 06, 2020 8:30 PM GMT
    Thank God I've never needed to use a dating app. But mate as one of the very few men here in a 30+ year same sex, homosexual relationship.

    Not every day is a beautiful vista either, it can have it's dips too, along with beautiful Vistas.
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    Aug 06, 2020 8:45 PM GMT
    Element1313 said
    I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.

    So do many of us. I’ve done the same thing.

    But how do we know when we meet some guy he wants a "serious committed relationship”? I doubt we can at first sight.

    Rather, you spend some time with him. And with others. You never know when Mr.Right will come along. But you increase your odds by meeting lots of guys.

    Most will be dead-ends, but Mr. Right is in there somewhere. He ain’t gonna come knocking on your door, you gotta go out and find him. Worked for me. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5263

    Aug 06, 2020 8:50 PM GMT
    Funny thing when you start looking at couples. The twin-effect kicks in almost every time including m/f couples. Tastes converge and you see them and think they are a perfect match. (Sometimes unfortunately.) But they didn't start out that way. Took time and effort.
  • KyleStephenso...

    Posts: 171

    Aug 07, 2020 12:49 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    KyleStephenson said
    The dating apps are the worst. I just am not the person for random hookups. I need someone who wants to be in a serious committed relationship.

    I agree with you - dating apps are not ideal places, and carry some risks. At the same time, I think you may be making a mistake that many guys do.

    If your view of a guy you wanna meet is “a serious committed relationship” then you are programmed for failure. You can’t even know that until you’ve been dating him for a while. First you gotta MEET the guy.

    You can’t preselect who you meet or date based on having a serious relationship from Day One. That’s doing things backwards.

    You meet him cause he’s cute, or whatever attracts you. Or maybe he comes on to you. You take him out for a spin, drive him around the block. If you don’t like how he handles, you return him to the dealership and sample another.

    You’re gonna go through dozens of guys before you find a possible “keeper”. That’s just the cost of doing business. Don’t get hung up on finding your life partner on first contact. Likely ain’t gonna happen.

    The good part is that meeting lots of guys can be fun in itself. Sure you ain’t gonna marry them all. But you’re hopefully having a good time for the most part, and learning about other guys.

    So that when you come across Mr. Right you’ll be more confident that you correctly recognize him. Perhaps because you’ve run across a few Mr. Wrongs, too.

    There’s no substitute for experience. Even bad dates and encounters can be valuable learning experiences. Don’t dwell on them, learn and move on.

    But first you have to build experience, by spending time with guys. With gay clubs & bars either closed or limited it’s tough right now. Almost all social venues are limited. You may hafta wait a few months. Not easy at your young age.






    I'm just ready to get out more and have experiences that I'll remember forever. I just don't wanna to go through a ton of guys cause that's not who I am.