Those in long term relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2020 4:44 AM GMT
    What is the ideal time to get engaged/married? What year of your relationship did you get engaged?
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3852

    Aug 23, 2020 10:54 AM GMT
    We were together 8 years before marriage was legalized. We got engaged election night when the referendum passed. By that time we had bought a house together at which time we integrated our finances (5 year mark) and had been living together (3 year mark). You tell me at what point we reached the functionally married state, because we have no idea. Which was our response to the immigration officers who interrogated us.
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    Aug 24, 2020 10:45 PM GMT
    I was actually just thinking about this today. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship now for over 4 years. But whenever I consider it all I realize that I'm happy with the status quo. If he started pressuring me that he wanted to get engaged/married, I would probably say okay but, for now anyway, I've come to realize that I don't want to change our status just in order to fit into some stereotypical norm. (And, probably a significant factor is that we live a 2.5-hour drive away from each other, seeing each other most weekends but neither of us particularly wanting to move to the other one's city.) But it's different for everyone. So, Soccerboi, I think you'll just know it in your heart when it's time to go to that next level.
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    Aug 25, 2020 12:15 AM GMT
    When you both think it's the right time.

    We got married soon after it became legal, after having been together for many years.
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    Aug 25, 2020 7:42 AM GMT
    With both my partners it took about 6 months personal contact, a dating period. Preceded by about a year of online connection. That kinda let us get into each other’s minds, know what we were about.

    My first partner tragically died unexpectedly, just a few years after we began living together. I’ve been with my second 13 years now, that we celebrate this month (August).

    But there’s no strict time formula. It’s what works for you. Nevertheless, I’d recommend a few months living together before making your decision.

    The guy that initially attracts you isn’t always the same guy you find in your bed the next morning, or over a few months of daily living together. He may look different after the sun has come up a few times. Or conversely, how he might feel about you in HIS bed. The passage of time can change the perspective, for better or worse.

    It’s usually a process. It may begin as love (or lust) at first sight, but it only lasts as a more profound love develops.

    Yet no matter how many times I went through it, with an unhappy conclusion, I never felt I had wasted my time. I remembered the good times we had, and the lessons I had learned.

    So that with each guy I was better prepared than before, until it became easier, my skills & confidence improved. I’d rather it had been like some of our friends, who’ve been together for many decades, since they were literally youngsters. But I’ll settle for a happy ending, that I have now. icon_biggrin.gif