Giving space to him for 2 months???????

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 5:27 AM GMT
    Hello guys,

    I need some advise please. I do not want to take a decision all alone and regret in the future. Thank you very much in advance.

    3 months ago, i met a guy on tinder. Since the first moment, he was so different than any other man in my life. quite a husband material.
    Instead of taking me to the bed, he created a emotional connection between us. it was so natural for both of us. we had many dates in the first month. it kind of "meeting on a monday and we set on another date on the coming friday, but when we reach our own home- either one of us say, i do not want to wait till friday- lets meet on wednesday". it was magical and he proposed after the 2nd week about going on a vacation together. i was so excited and it went well as well. we never said to each other that we are exclusive but we did not see anyone else during this first month. he is a very loyal guy as well.

    things got different after one month. there was some misunderstanding from his part and he was so upset about the situation. he had a toxic relationship before as it took 3 years to understand his ex(flight attendant) was cheating on him and was lying all the time. The misunderstanding about me made him feel as i am lying to him from the beginning. so he was kinda traumatized about the idea of lying. Later, we discussed once about what have happened and i somehow convinced him that i was loyal to him from the very beginning (well, it is true). but he asked for some space and he will come back to me after that. i said yes! but it was my first time in a relationship someone asked me for space. after a few days i felt it so bad and i sometimes checked on him. we even met once in every week for a dinner or a walk. but he was so different emotionally. I felt like he likes me but he is entirely a different person now.

    He is on a 2 week vacation now and he said he will take time to think about our future. so in total we actively dated for a month and it will be a giving space for 2 months. (I know it might sounds so crazy- but i kinda have feelings for him and he is an amazing person i have met so far. Neither I am dating anybody else these days nor doing any hookups. just waiting for this guy. but i feel so much hurt - thinking that i am getting punished for something i have not done and i do not know whether to move on or keep on waiting. i do not know if it is my ego or something- i feel like, it's been 2 months of giving space and for me it does not work like a switch on or off. what if he might come back and say- lets restart everything, but I do not think i can agree on that. I do not think i can forget all this emotional stress i am going through in one day, even though i am not showing this to him. Can you please give me a suggestion what should i do? I have some friends and they asked me to move on, he is complicated and it might happen in the future. but i know this guy is so different than any other man. and nobody is perfect.
    I really need some opinions on this please. what should i do. should i listen to my friends or should i wait?

    PS: sorry for my bad english. it is not my mother tongue.

    Sarath
  • Gutsy

    Posts: 62

    Sep 04, 2020 11:10 AM GMT
    Baggaged/he’s not sure about u
    Leave him alone
    If he wants u he’ll come for u
    The end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 11:44 AM GMT
    I say you tell him what you explained to us: You've proven to him that you DIDN'T do what he accused you of, you've remained faithful and willing to wait for him, and you've given him the space he needs. At this point he should know what he wants to do as far as you guys are concerned and he needs to either get on w/ it and start the relationship back up or let you move on. This is what you need to explain to him, he can't blame you for something you never did then play victim and go find himself while expecting you to wait for however long.

    But I also think you've answered your own question as far as what you should do. You said you can't go back to how things were because of what he's putting you through, so if the relationship has changed entirely and to that point, then maybe there's no relationship anymore.
    He either hasn't gotten over his last relationship and has issues he needs to sort through OR he's using this as a scapegoat to end the relationship between you two. Either way I say you communicate what you feel to him and if he still continues w/ his needing space, then move on and find another great man for yourself.
    Best of luck to you!
  • Gutsy

    Posts: 62

    Sep 04, 2020 1:28 PM GMT
    Why talk ? Actions speak louder. Just draggin it out.Move on . If you’re the one he’ll b back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 2:14 PM GMT
    DannyLugo saidWell the COMMUNICATION is there
    & you LISTEN.
    That is the foundation of all types of relationships.

    You gave him what he wants but what are you getting out of this partnership?

    NOTHING.

    Both of you need to have a face to face discussion on this problem with a mutually agreed solution.

    Wanting someone to love you back who doesn't is like holding on to a cactus.
    The longer you hold on the more it hurts!

    BEST OF WISHES ALWAYZZZ icon_biggrin.gif


    Thanks for the comment.
    i would not normally wait on someone in such a situation. since i mentioned earlier this is the first time someone asking me space. i could not bear the silence after 3-4 days. so i told him this openly- and he was ok to see me to make me feel better. and we met almost 4 times in the last 30 days. i am just confused of his mind. how someone can waste their time on someone whom they are not interested in? i feel more respect when he come to see me. but the waiting makes me crazy and sad. i searched in google a lot. i could not find a relevant article.

    does 2 months space sounds too big for you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 2:19 PM GMT
    Gutsy saidWhy talk ? Actions speak louder. Just draggin it out.Move on . If you’re the one he’ll b back.


    Thank you for that.

    It kinda make sense to me too. I am thinking of deleting the chats and number from my phone. (I do not want to read our old chats anymore)

    if he ever feel like to coming back, i will see.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 6:01 PM GMT
    He sounds like he is emotionally damaged from his previous relationship, and it sucks to be the next guy right after especially if you trigger any unwanted feelings. Which you know nothing about.

    I think your first slight mistake was to continue seeing him when he asked for space. Distance basically resets the relationship dynamic to neutral. To continue seeing him only hurts both your chances in the long run.

    It's not fair that you are waiting on a guy that you have no clue if he will ever come around. So in the mean time preoccupy yourself with new hobbies and interests. Get your mind off the issue and if need be go out on new dates just to have some mental space.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 04, 2020 9:22 PM GMT
    Talon saidHe sounds like he is emotionally damaged from his previous relationship, and it sucks to be the next guy right after especially if you trigger any unwanted feelings. Which you know nothing about.

    I think your first slight mistake was to continue seeing him when he asked for space. Distance basically resets the relationship dynamic to neutral. To continue seeing him only hurts both your chances in the long run.

    It's not fair that you are waiting on a guy that you have no clue if he will ever come around. So in the mean time preoccupy yourself with new hobbies and interests. Get your mind off the issue and if need be go out on new dates just to have some mental space.

    Thanks mate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2020 6:15 AM GMT
    If he wants "space" from you so early in your budding relationship, it does not sound like he is ready for a relationship. Perhaps it is too soon after his last relationship for him to become deeply involved again. But for whatever reason, it is not good for you. I would agree with Talon - stop thinking about him, and pursue other interests in life. Maybe he will come around (doubtful) and maybe not. In the meantime, be open to other men in your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2020 9:45 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidIf he wants "space" from you so early in your budding relationship, it does not sound like he is ready for a relationship. Perhaps it is too soon after his last relationship for him to become deeply involved again. But for whatever reason, it is not good for you. I would agree with Talon - stop thinking about him, and pursue other interests in life. Maybe he will come around (doubtful) and maybe not. In the meantime, be open to other men in your life.


    Thank you mate.
    I am preparing myself to move on and not to make a contact from my side.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 4087

    Sep 07, 2020 1:02 PM GMT
    Sorry for the heartache. Would you take a pass if you saw it coming? Would I?
    IDK.. infatuations feel really good. Its a powerful emotion to feel connected like that.

    In my experience they usually fizzle out as fast as they rush in. There may be people who are addicted to it. They get good at creating it, but not so good at sustaining it. I'm not suggesting they're cons or that it's not real, or that we shouldn't fall for it with them if it happens. After all it's one of the most pleasurable experiences in life.

    Think of it as a blessing. You might enjoy the next one more with that little bit of caution in the back of your mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2020 2:06 PM GMT
    My opinion.. If a guy wants a 2 month break after a 3 month dating relationship..It's time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2020 4:12 PM GMT
    wild_sky360 saidSorry for the heartache. Would you take a pass if you saw it coming? Would I?
    IDK.. infatuations feel really good. Its a powerful emotion to feel connected like that.

    In my experience they usually fizzle out as fast as they rush in. There may be people who are addicted to it. They get good at creating it, but not so good at sustaining it. I'm not suggesting they're cons or that it's not real, or that we shouldn't fall for it with them if it happens. After all it's one of the most pleasurable experiences in life.

    Think of it as a blessing. You might enjoy the next one more with that little bit of caution in the back of your mind.


    Thanks mate. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2020 10:02 PM GMT
    I’ve read the above, some very good, experienced insights, IMHO. My take: this guy is damaged goods, and projecting his past. Tough to be his rebound guy after a breakup. Under other circumstances he might be a keeper. He needs more healing. No reason it has to be done on your watch. Your own clock is ticking, and there must be plenty of other fish along the banks of the Seine. Bonne chance!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2020 11:25 PM GMT
    Asking you to wait two months on him to decide if he wants you are not is ABUSE. If he were serious about you he would be too afraid of losing you to someone else. You must put him out of your mind and move on. Start dating other people and do not contact him. If he really loves you he will come running back to you, but.....I wouldn't hold my breath.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2020 1:34 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI’ve read the above, some very good, experienced insights, IMHO. My take: this guy is damaged goods, and projecting his past. Tough to be his rebound guy after a breakup. Under other circumstances he might be a keeper. He needs more healing. No reason it has to be done on your watch. Your own clock is ticking, and there must be plenty of other fish along the banks of the Seine. Bonne chance!


    merci monsieur.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2020 3:02 PM GMT
    deep_dwb saidHello guys,

    I need some advise please. I do not want to take a decision all alone and regret in the future. Thank you very much in advance.

    3 months ago, i met a guy on tinder. Since the first moment, he was so different than any other man in my life. quite a husband material.
    Instead of taking me to the bed, he created a emotional connection between us. it was so natural for both of us. we had many dates in the first month. it kind of "meeting on a monday and we set on another date on the coming friday, but when we reach our own home- either one of us say, i do not want to wait till friday- lets meet on wednesday". it was magical and he proposed after the 2nd week about going on a vacation together. i was so excited and it went well as well. we never said to each other that we are exclusive but we did not see anyone else during this first month. he is a very loyal guy as well.

    things got different after one month. there was some misunderstanding from his part and he was so upset about the situation. he had a toxic relationship before as it took 3 years to understand his ex(flight attendant) was cheating on him and was lying all the time. The misunderstanding about me made him feel as i am lying to him from the beginning. so he was kinda traumatized about the idea of lying. Later, we discussed once about what have happened and i somehow convinced him that i was loyal to him from the very beginning (well, it is true). but he asked for some space and he will come back to me after that. i said yes! but it was my first time in a relationship someone asked me for space. after a few days i felt it so bad and i sometimes checked on him. we even met once in every week for a dinner or a walk. but he was so different emotionally. I felt like he likes me but he is entirely a different person now.

    He is on a 2 week vacation now and he said he will take time to think about our future. so in total we actively dated for a month and it will be a giving space for 2 months. (I know it might sounds so crazy- but i kinda have feelings for him and he is an amazing person i have met so far. Neither I am dating anybody else these days nor doing any hookups. just waiting for this guy. but i feel so much hurt - thinking that i am getting punished for something i have not done and i do not know whether to move on or keep on waiting. i do not know if it is my ego or something- i feel like, it's been 2 months of giving space and for me it does not work like a switch on or off. what if he might come back and say- lets restart everything, but I do not think i can agree on that. I do not think i can forget all this emotional stress i am going through in one day, even though i am not showing this to him. Can you please give me a suggestion what should i do? I have some friends and they asked me to move on, he is complicated and it might happen in the future. but i know this guy is so different than any other man. and nobody is perfect.
    I really need some opinions on this please. what should i do. should i listen to my friends or should i wait?

    PS: sorry for my bad english. it is not my mother tongue.

    Sarath


    First of all Sarath, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your English. I understood it perfectly.
    However, reading what you wrote made warning signs go off in my head.
    I have found in my life that when something starts so suddenly, whether it's emotionally, physically or spirtually, it is like a firework - it shoots beautiful colors - but only momentarily. And then fizzles out quickly.
    I say this not to dishearten you, but just to provide some insight.
    So he had a "toxic relationship" before? Big deal. We ALL have. He should brush it off and move on. Also, the fact that he came on like a flame and then turned into an ice machine with you sounds very stereotypical of someone who doesn't know what he wants.
    You say that you had a great connection? If you want to pursue this, then why don't YOU be the one to walk away? Don't dote over him like a lamb and shower him with affection. Just ignore him. His emails. His calls. His texts. The lot.
    IF you mean anything to him at all, he will wise up and come crawling back.
    Personally, I think the fact that HE wants "space" is a cop out.
    Put YOURSELF back in the driver's seat. Give him a chance to miss you.
    And IF you had such a great connection, he most assuredly will.
    Whatever you do, do NOT give him the upper hand. Or else he will walk all over you for as long as you are together.
    Sorry to say this, bro, but you deserve a hell of a lot more than what he is giving you.
    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2020 12:28 AM GMT
    deep_dwb said
    HikerSkier said.


    "Thank you mate. "


    "mate" sounds very unfrench.
    Comment dirait-on en français "Thanks mate" ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2020 12:36 AM GMT
    deep_dwb said
    Art_Deco saidI’ve read the above, some very good, experienced insights, IMHO. My take: this guy is damaged goods, and projecting his past. Tough to be his rebound guy after a breakup. Under other circumstances he might be a keeper. He needs more healing. No reason it has to be done on your watch. Your own clock is ticking, and there must be plenty of other fish along the banks of the Seine. Bonne chance!

    merci monsieur.

    Mon plaisir, monsieur. Tout pour aider un frère membre de RJ. Cela vous a-t-il été utile?