Gay apps - best way to show you’re not interested

  • jsl67

    Posts: 4

    Oct 05, 2020 7:04 AM GMT
    Curious what y’all think is the best way to handle not being interested in someone. I know I actually prefer them to ignore my message, and I move on from them. Guess I can trick myself into thinking they didn’t see it or something. But I know a lot of guys want an actual response of, “Thanks! But not my type,” or some nicer version thereof. I personally don’t like doing that because I know it makes me slightly depressed getting that message and don’t want to do that to someone else. What do you think?
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    Oct 05, 2020 12:38 PM GMT
    jsl67 saidCurious what y’all think is the best way to handle not being interested in someone. I know I actually prefer them to ignore my message, and I move on from them. Guess I can trick myself into thinking they didn’t see it or something. But I know a lot of guys want an actual response of, “Thanks! But not my type,” or some nicer version thereof. I personally don’t like doing that because I know it makes me slightly depressed getting that message and don’t want to do that to someone else. What do you think?


    A simple message works best. To ignore is rude and disgusting and indicates a lack of civility. You can do:

    "Thanks for your message/greetings. Regret we would not be compatible.
    Take care and best of luck in your search"
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 22908

    Oct 05, 2020 12:47 PM GMT
    Well if you are not interested in a particular guy, just be very cordial in notifying them that you are not interested. No need to go into complex details why you are not interested. I have received a couple of sorry, not my type messages from a few guys and it didn’t bother me one bit. I just accepted the fact that they were not interested and moved on from there with no hard feelings. I have sent my fair share of sorry, not interested to many guys. If I am not into the guys who have a keen interest in me than that is it and hopefully they have moved on from it with no hard feelings.
  • Gutsy

    Posts: 62

    Oct 05, 2020 1:49 PM GMT
    Wait
    U mean you’re allowed to decline ?
    Shit.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 3927

    Oct 05, 2020 4:39 PM GMT
    Typically I just ignore, and I have no problem with being ignored. Occasionally I've told a guy I'm not interested, and he's told me he would prefer it if I'd just ignored him.

    A lot of guys react badly to a written rejection, no matter how polite. Either they keep trying to plead their case, or they go into crazed vicious attack dog mode. Other guys can't take the hint when they're ignored, keep trying again and again, and eventually go into attack dog mode too. In all of these cases it seems to me ignoring them is the best strategy, and if they flip out over it I block them. Seriously, what sane person flips out over being ignored by a complete stranger on a hookup app?

    I get the "civility" thing but if all a guy does is message "Hey", how much effort am I supposed to put into telling him I'm not interested?
  • jsl67

    Posts: 4

    Oct 05, 2020 7:28 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidTypically I just ignore, and I have no problem with being ignored. Occasionally I've told a guy I'm not interested, and he's told me he would prefer it if I'd just ignored him.

    A lot of guys react badly to a written rejection, no matter how polite. Either they keep trying to plead their case, or they go into crazed vicious attack dog mode. Other guys can't take the hint when they're ignored, keep trying again and again, and eventually go into attack dog mode too. In all of these cases it seems to me ignoring them is the best strategy, and if they flip out over it I block them. Seriously, what sane person flips out over being ignored by a complete stranger on a hookup app?

    I get the "civility" thing but if all a guy does is message "Hey", how much effort am I supposed to put into telling him I'm not interested?


    I’ve had the same problem. If I say, even as politely as I can, I’m not interested, many ask why or go into attack mode. But some go into attack mode if I ignore, so there doesn’t seem to be a consensus on which is best.

    And I’m completely with you: if a guy just says “hey” and that’s it, seems harsh to just say, “not interested” to that
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    Oct 05, 2020 10:42 PM GMT
    jsl67 saidCurious what y’all think is the best way to handle not being interested in someone. I know I actually prefer them to ignore my message, and I move on from them. Guess I can trick myself into thinking they didn’t see it or something. But I know a lot of guys want an actual response of, “Thanks! But not my type,” or some nicer version thereof. I personally don’t like doing that because I know it makes me slightly depressed getting that message and don’t want to do that to someone else. What do you think?


    I don't believe any one is owed a response on the Internet. So, yeah feel free to ignore me. Besides, no reply IS a reply. Some get downright nasty when you turn them down politely.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 4087

    Oct 06, 2020 10:47 PM GMT
    If any effort went into it, I'll acknowledge without any invite for more dialogue.
    Thanks for the compliment. Take care man.
    If they follow up with any effort, I'll explain I'm just passing time browsing profiles. Not looking for a date.

    Nothing wrong with being direct. But it's a sting that's really not necessary most of the time. Ignore is better than that.
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    Oct 07, 2020 11:29 PM GMT
    Usually I just ignore, or block if the guy is persistent. If persistent but original (not just 'hey', 'hey', 'hey'), I tell them "sorry not my type". If it's a thoughtful compliment, I say "thanks!" If they follow up, then "sorry not my type".

    I would expect most reasonable people to do the same, though over the years I've gotten several instances of "well i don't want to get penetrated by a small dicked Asian anyway"... well apparently they did at first icon_lol.gif
  • IWANT2DATEMEN

    Posts: 98

    Oct 11, 2020 3:18 PM GMT
    Just be nice and say upfront. I'm really not interested in anything sexual with u but I still don't mind being your friend.
    I'm kinda young with less experienced than most and I'm not ready for my life soulmate YET. I definitely love being around older men. My real hope is this virus gets over soon so we all can get out and enjoy our lives.