I Think I'm Done!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2007 4:30 PM GMT
    Done with trying to get people to like me when I can tell they really don't.

    Done with bingeing as a way of coping with the fact that they don't like me.

    Done with fake friends!

    Done with being alone all the time.

    Done with having a job I hate.

    This is the life I have always known, though. How do I change it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2007 4:55 PM GMT
    First, you have to learn to like yourself before you can expect others to like you as well.

    It's not easy, but once you start learning to do that, the rest will fall into place.

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    Oct 19, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    That's a tall order. I have been taught from a very young age that my self-worth and my weight were directly connected.
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    Oct 19, 2007 6:02 PM GMT
    Try to like yourself for what you are ,not what you wish to be,so many times we all think if only we were handsome,rich or whatever we would be happy,that is a fantasy.
    Am sure that you have so many wonderful qualities,do'nt let anyone put you down,you can do it,and you will get there in the end.

    Best of luck,and remember we are all wishing you well.

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    Oct 19, 2007 6:44 PM GMT
    Well, you asked how you could change it...that's how.

  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Oct 19, 2007 7:51 PM GMT
    Find something about yourself that you like. There has to be something. Are you a good friend because of how empathic you are? Do you have a really good sense of humor? Are you caring and kind to those less fortunate than you? Find something you can be proud of, and focus on that. Find an activity you can do that emphasizes that trait. If you are good with animals, how about volunteering at the local animal shelter? if you are a great listener, how about volunteering for a suicide hotline?

    Give yourself a reason to be proud, and you'd be surprised at how it changes your self worth little bits by little bits. It also can help point you towards a career you will enjoy...
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    Oct 19, 2007 8:38 PM GMT
    Spare the self pity for a 12-step meeting.

    Get off your ass and change your life.
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    Oct 19, 2007 8:45 PM GMT
    Remind yourself traits about you that are undeniable. You may not be the funniest guy, or even the most well-groomed, but I believe you are ATTRACTIVE, SMART AND INTELLIGENT. Spend time doing things you are passionate about; remember passion is the source of who you are. Good luck!
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    Oct 19, 2007 9:01 PM GMT
    People will either like you or not... if they do, great... if they don't, its their loss. Not everyone likes everyone. If they did, this would be a utopia.

    As far as binging goes... just don't. Its that simple. Find something healthier to do... like working out. Its called "trading bad habits for good ones".

    Fake friends will come and go all through life. You can learn to recognize the fakery and walk away from it immediately.

    Being alone? Go out and meet new people. Its really not difficult. Be at your most charming, be cordial, and keep the initial conversations light.

    Hate your job? Find another one you'll like and make the change.

    How do you change your life... look up there ^. There is no magic pill or formula... you just decide to do it and you do it. But I will tell you from personal experience, your attitude is 99% of making the change. If you're really "done", then your attitude will reflect that and you'll "just do it". Otherwise, its just going to be the same old, same old.

    Good luck! I really hope you do it this time.
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    Oct 19, 2007 10:58 PM GMT
    Oh, Chucky once again your tact and love and empathy for your fellow man shines through.....geez, do ever do anything wrong or have any challenges in your live? Must be tough being perfect.

    Chaser, from the time we are old enough to comprehend ANYTHING, we start getting SHIT loaded on us (unless you are very lucky and grow up with a highly aware family unit that can neutralize the outside world.....yeah, right)! We start defining who we are based on what other people tell us and we wind up with shit like, "Oh, Johnny will never amount to anything he's stupid", or "Johnny is just too fat to play", or "Why can't you be like your brother and get good grades or be popular....why do you have to be such a geek!"

    Unfortunately it's up to us to UNLEARN all that and appreciate who WE are. It is a process and sometimes a very painful process. I suggest you join a counseling group that centers around self esteem issues. I did it for almost two years and it was time very well spent for me. I have also awoken spiritually (not religiously) and realize that we are all whole and complete just as we are (at our core being). Everything else we have learned and layered on top of that during out lifetimes is just "stuff" and if it doesn't serve a purpose, you have the power to change it. At a very basic level, Chucky is actually right....just do it! There is nothing wrong with getting help doing it. Very few people can just change their lives at that level by sheer will.

    Find and read the book, "I Had It All The Time" by Alan Cohen. It is a very inspirational book about life and how we tend to view it along with stories about how people have changed it and things you can apply to your life to help you along as well. Keep an open mind and don't judge it as hokey or a gimmick. Read it with an open heart and forget what your brain tells you....feel it as you read it. It's something you can go back to time and again when you feel down or just need something to give you some hope and inspiration.

    Take care, be well and all the best to you.

  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Oct 19, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    chaser, how about one step at a time...
    Start by trying to not say, and if u can think, negative things about yourself. Try to find a way to rephrase them, so they aren't so negative...

    instead of "God i'm fat."
    stop yourself and say "i'm not as close to my goals yet, as i want to be."

    i used to be terribly down on myself, and saw no reason to value myself. it wasn't until i did find something about myself that i liked that i pushed to change it.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 19, 2007 11:14 PM GMT
    And Chucky is always complaining about being attacked icon_rolleyes.gif

    Chucky, deal with your issues and stop taking it out on everyone that isn't perfect. Your not perfect, although you think you are icon_eek.gif

    You must be a barrel of laughs at a party.

    Get a life.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2007 12:09 AM GMT
    I have to agree with Chuck. We can sit around all day and say that nobody likes me, or we can redirect that energy into becoming proactive toward the problem.

    The commercial's service marks are projected for a reason: "Grab life by the horn" and "Just do it" because "Life comes at you fast".

    In my practice, I rarely chase after people and try motivating them. If I did that, I would be ignoring those who are begging for my help. In other words, you need to want it more for yourself than others want it for you.

    So BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE!!!icon_exclaim.gif
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Oct 20, 2007 1:40 AM GMT
    go and talk to a therapist. your depressing and self loathing attitude makes my dick soft for hours. listen you need to get naked look in the mirror and claim what is in front of you. honestly digest it, because you are trailing the worst way to waste time i have ever seen. stop wasting time, think back to three months ago, if you would have stayed focused then, you would be a new man now. stop eating horse shit on a bun from your friends at the golden arches, and maybe you would be able to tolerate who you are. you need some self worth. gain that by doing something self less. acknowledge it, feel good and move on. are you so delicate emotionally, that anything can make you spiral into an eating binge? if so, put some fucking blinders on and get moving with your life. for god's sake make a list of 100 things you can accomplish in a month, check em off as you go. make number one GROW A PAIR, then check it off. make number two I WILL REALIZE I AM WHAT I DO, realize it, then check it off...GO SEE A THERAPIST...check.
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    Oct 20, 2007 1:48 AM GMT
    Well babe this is a Jock site after all! You are overweight and most men here are not into that. Work on you or look in places you might fit better. Be realistic! As a gay person I admire you but don't expect much more... this is America.
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    Oct 20, 2007 1:50 AM GMT
    In the words of the immortal Yoda:

    "Try not. Do or do not, there is no try."

    All that limits us in this swiftly changing world are
    the limits we place on ourselves. When we do not believe in our ability to do something,
    we can only try, and fail. Only if we believe in ourselves and in the possibilities open to
    us, will we be able to truly “do” great things.

    We make ourselves new each day.

    What will you make of yourself today?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2007 1:52 AM GMT
    Yoda !! icon_cool.gif

    look at it this way: Lots of people are fat and/or ugly. And their still happy. Why?

    because they accept what they are, and surround themselves with people who share and accept the same life. If your not happy or alone then you don't accept life the way you live it. So stop whining and do something about it.

    forgive me for the comment, but don't expect the pity fuck icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Oct 20, 2007 3:12 AM GMT
    Chaser, I tend to fall inbetween some of the other positions that you've heard.

    I think many of us are happy to help or give input on your job, starting an exercise program, ideas on developing good long lasting friendships, etc....
    but you DO have to make the moves yourself.

    Asking for assistance makes sense, whining doesn't. Going to the gym to workout makes sense, giving head (per your other thread.. in the gym) doesn't.
    What parts of your life do you find satisfying and what do you enjoy (as hobbies or time spent) and what do you really want to do with your life.

    Ask some of us our opinions. There are people here that will try and help if you really want it.
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    Oct 20, 2007 3:35 AM GMT
    Well, at least you're honest chaser, which is more than many, and there probably is no magic formula for changing years of ingrained habits.

    But sometimes I wonder are people really being fake, are they really only acting like being friends, or are they really trying to be friends and its only your interpretation that they are being fake. Many times ones perception of peoples motives and actions are not what the person intended -- I know I've done that more than once.

    I'm not saying everyone is genuine, but maybe give them some slack, and look at it from their perspective, and try not to base it on body image. That doesn't mean that everyone will like your, or you can expect the world from everyone. Just that maybe they aren't treating you as lowly as you treat yourself. Also you seem to tie your emotional well being to that of others, or at least how you perceive others perceive you, and that's a guarantee for an emotional roller coaster.

    It isn't easy, and if you don't have it already get some professional help, and certainly all of us here at RJ can listen and give advie, but that's limited, and you probably need someone who can work one on one with you.
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    Oct 20, 2007 4:47 AM GMT
    What have you DONE with the advice you got on all your other threads?

    And as far as what you can do to change your life is lose some of that weight. It isn't shallow not to be attracted to someone so "deep."
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    Oct 20, 2007 4:51 AM GMT
    You have a number of major items there Chaser. Body problems, social problems, work problems. Ugh.

    That many things wearing you down can lead to depression. Please see a professional to evaluate if you are there. The negative emotions and thoughts can be symptoms of chemical imbalance brought on by stress. Unless the stressors change, you are going to have a hard time dealing or changing the chemical problem - if that's the case. Imagine if you where drunk all the time - any advise we gave you would be of little use until you got sober. If you have depression, little advise may be of use to you until you get the chemical imbalance addressed.

    If you aren't depressed and just need advice:

    People like other people who are 1) helpful, 2) attractive or 3)entertaining. Be honest with yourself - are you doing all you can in these areas with the people you'd like to like you.

    If you're talking about sexual attraction - the nuances there are staggering - move on if they don't have some general interest to start. Being tall, having a certain hair color, being clean-shaven, having a positive attitude and being available are all things you can be tomorrow (theoretically) and that might be just enough to get you the company you want.

    For work - changing jobs may be scary because of the unknown. But sounds like you hate it - can't be too much worse doing something else. Get a new job, even if it means less money and you have to change your lifestyle. Work in landscaping - you'd certainly loose weight and working outside gives you lots of fresh air and exercise. Very theraputic. If you speak english and can drive you're a valuable employee!

    For body, self-image - keep coming to RJ, but get a RL wieghtloss group. You need social pressure and group support. Self-discipline is a talent not something you develop genetically like height. People have wildly varying degrees of self-discipline - just like singing talent. So understand your weaknesses and work with them. You're 'solo' career as a weightloss artist may never happen, you should get in a 'band' to get the progress you crave.
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    Oct 20, 2007 11:20 AM GMT
    Chaser, None of use are perfect. Their are times that all of us face when we are not as confident as we should be. This all begins with you. Making a simple commitment to five push ups a day is a beginning to a new you. Start their and continue till those five become easy and add from their.

    Work is only a part of your life it just happens to pay the bills. Take care of the aspects of your job that you dont like by talking to a peer. Again this all has to do with YOU and YOU changing things.

    I would love it if every person I wanted to be my friend or wanted to date would jump at my command. It doesnt work that way.

    You have to accept your self and love yourself. That will shine threw. Confidence is attractive and again you have to start their. Small steps lead to big things.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 20, 2007 11:47 AM GMT

    I agree with the guys that say you need to get professional help. A counselor of some sort. Please, can you do that this week?

    Take no notice of the negative stuff here. Some guys like to kick you when you are down, rather than hold out there hand to you.

    Don't keep starting threads. Stick to this one and let us know what you are doing to change your life. You can have a changed life by Christmas if you want to. Help here is only help if you do what is suggested.

    Please see a counselor and keep us posted on how you are getting on.

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    Oct 20, 2007 7:53 PM GMT
    Join a gym with a personal trainer who can monitor and hold you accountable for both your exercising and nutrition.
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    Oct 20, 2007 8:11 PM GMT
    Understand what you need to change and take it one day at a time. Thats it.

    "No amount of wishing will lift that leg for you, you have to do it yourself"

    -Martha Grahm