Is saying I love you always a 4 letter word?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2007 4:38 PM GMT
    I get the impression that no one ever dares say it.. Unless they want the guy to run screaming.

    If you mean it and feel it.. and you have been showing it... why all the fear of saying it?

    Damn, you can love someone on a lot of levels.

    Is saying, "I care about you." easier to swallow?icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    I'm always cautious with the word "love", not because I'm scared of the other guy's reaction, but because I know that love is a tricky feeling.

    There are a lot of feelings that masquarade as "love".

    If I've been dating someone who I feel a real connection with for three weeks, I might feel tempted to say "I love you"... but I don't really love him. I've only known him three weeks!! What I'm really feeling is a combination of relief and giddy excitement at the possibilities for the future. So even though the word "love" is in the back of my mind, I won't say it... it would be a mis-representation.

    So, I'm very cautious. I like to wait and make SURE that what I think I'm feeling really is "love", before I say anything.
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:26 PM GMT
    I meet my current guy in Hollister. But after the first time together he used the word love....

    I'd never use the word myself unless I REALLY felt a connection on more than just an emotional level. He says it means nothing, its just an expression. Makes me wonder if the word has no meaning beyond sexual commentary then how can we ever last as a couple.

    Just don't use the word unless the person your about to say it to would still deserve that word no matter how old, fat, or ugly they become. You "love" them for who there are, not the shell.
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:30 PM GMT
    my best frnd and i say that we love each other all the time and hes str8 so, i guess it has to do with the comfortability of the relationship and what level your on, btw i dont say "i love you" to many people, when i say it i mean it, it might not be "true love" but its a level of love in the limitless subcatorgories of love.
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:31 PM GMT
    2 great pieces of advice from both of you.

    Be cautious and think about how you would feel about them long term or if their looks changed. Great!

    Thank you. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2007 9:09 PM GMT
    I personally have conflict on what love really is anyway.
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    Oct 20, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    I swear the best class i took in college was my humanities with Ms. Ansien.

    We read the book "The Art of Loving" By Erich Fromm.
    I've re-read it twice.


    Erich says, that love is an art like painting or music or building a house. We all need to engage in this art and practice it and embrace it if we want it in our lives. We can't be scared of it. He believes there are 5 kinds of love:
    -Self Love- the admiration we feel for ourselves
    -Motherly Love- the love of nurturing and upbringing only to one day let go
    -Love of God- faith and the trust in love that something bigger is protecting us.
    -Brotherly Love- communal appreciation of people
    -Erotic Love- intimacy and sharing of oneself

    It's kinda cool his thoughts. I'm not afraid to love, better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all. If I am into someone I will give it my all. If I have reservations then will I not be fully trying? I don't say it to guys I am dating I'm scared of their reaction, but I can love someone or something for what they are and know it is love.

    Like Gregstevenstx says, "There are a lot of feelings that masquerade as "love"."
    There are a lot more feelings that masquerade anger like hurt, frustration, loneliness, hate. So the opposite is true joy, endorphans, experience, can overall mean... love.

    So why are we afraid to say it? Do you not tell your best friend you Love them? It's a 'different kind of love'.

    There's to much stigma involved.
    Just love.

    Here from a Review on the book, which you should buy for $5.17 used.

    By G. Merritt (Boulder, CO) - See all my reviews

    This review is from: The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics) (Paperback

    " This book belongs on the life changers shelf in the bookstore. Because modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow men, and from nature, we seek refuge from our aloneness in the concepts of love and marriage (pp. 79-81). However, psychologist and social philosopher, Erich Fromm (1900-1980), observes that real love "is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone." It is only through developing one's total personality to the capacity of loving one's neighbor with "true humility, courage, faith and discipline" that one attains the capacity to experience real love. This should be considered a rare achievement (p. vii). The active character of true love, Fromm observes, involves the basic elements of care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge (p. 24).

    Readers will be disappointed if they approach this book as a how-to book. Rather, Fromm's 1956 classic is more of an exploration into the theories of brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and the love of God (pp. 7-76), and an insightful examination into love's disintegration in contemporary Western culture (pp. 77-9icon_cool.gif. We are starved for love, yet all our attempts to attain love in Western society are bound to fail. However, like art, Fromm observes that real love is possibile with discipline, concentration, patience, and a supreme concern for mastering love (pp. 99-123). For anyone interested in what it means to love, Fromm's book is a must read. "
  • cacti

    Posts: 273

    Oct 20, 2007 11:59 PM GMT
    I've used the word in two different relationships in the past, but only in one did I truly have 'it'

    Real love is NOT to be confused with extreme infatuation...and the desire to be in love.

    True love for me exists in and outside of relationships. You can find it in anything for which you have a real passion.
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    Oct 21, 2007 3:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, everyone has different interpretations of words like love. Maybe what you do is more important than what you say though anyway. Right?

    It is more important to know and understand how you feel than understand all the meanings and nuances of words. Enjoy and savor the good feelings you have for the people "you care about." Examine your feelings without judgment.
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    Oct 21, 2007 6:35 AM GMT
    From my perspective, there's a huge difference between loving someone and being "in love". I love many people in many different ways. I may say "I love you" to friends, siblings, certain role models... but it is an expression of deeply caring about them and admiring them. It has nothing to do with romance, sex, or commitments. There are many, many types and levels of love... most of them have nothing to do with sexual relationships, nor romantic commitments.

    "In love" is something I only use in a romantic sense... if I tell a guy I am in love with him, that means I'd settle down into a long-term relationship with him in a heartbeat. Needless to say, that isn't a term I use lightly.

    In my experience, however, it seems that a lot of gay men tend to freak out when they hear the words "I love you", probably because they connect that phrase with "in love" and "commitment"... when in reality, that's not always the case. It is possible to love someone and not be interested in a commitment... or even sex, for that matter.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 21, 2007 11:41 AM GMT
    Different people use it in different ways
    I had a BF who'd wake up every morning and end every phone call with "I love you"
    which is fine but a lot of people - including myself want to save it for a more intimate moment

    are some men afraid of saying it and afraid of commitment?
    That's like asking are some Priests gay
    Sure they are....
    But being in a relationship and EXPECTING the words to be uttered is really a new form of self abuse
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2007 10:35 PM GMT
    It is true that some people have intimacy issues, but I think the biggest issue I have with it is that so many people use it so loosely these days. I've had people tell me they are in love with me and they haven't even known me for a week. I think its careless and kind of stupid too. Even if you do go off and live happily ever after I doubt that you were truly in love at that moment. Its just way too early. Infactuated yes, extremely attracted to that person? yes, but love I say no.

    And thats the reason why so many people get hurt and so many relationships go down the drain. Because a lot people get confused about what love truly is and when something comes up its too much for them to handle and they take off.

    The two people i have loved were people I had known for a while before I even realized that I was attracted to them. It was something that grew out of my getting to know them and understand them and being able to finish their sentences and even feel what was going on with them before they called to complain to me about it.

    Reasons why I have taken off when guys have said it have usually been because I saw no rationale behind the statement. In other words not only did I find it to be arbitrary I didn't feel the same as well.
    So I can basically inferr that people run when you say it if they don't feel the same way and or feel that they never will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2007 11:06 PM GMT
    ActiveAndFitMaybe what you do is more important than what you say though anyway. Right?

    How you look is more important than how you feel, and darling, you rook marvelous!

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    Oct 24, 2007 10:02 PM GMT
    That sure is a difficult way to express feelings, because mostly its a one way route. Once you said it there is no going back to the way it was before. I said this 3 words only to one guy in my life and it turned out to be the biggest mistake I could ever make. I am Dating again and everything, but I will wait till I know its right to say it to somebody. Love just hurts to much of your not careful.

    Relationships are just nuts in Guatemala. Nobody really cares if there is love in a Relationship, not even sexual attraction. On the 2nd E-mail I mostly get responses like "Do you want to be my BF?" sometimes even without exchanging Pics. Sorry, but such stuff is freakin ridiculous.
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    Oct 25, 2007 11:40 AM GMT
    As gay men, a lot (dare I say majority?) of us harbor a lot of self-hate, and in doing so are turned off by the word love when someone says it to us...just as we fear saying it to someone as it would turn them off as well.

    That's why so many of us fall into the cycle of bad relationships - dating/falling for people that we know deep down it will never work out with, or what I call the "I want the one I can't have" syndrome. Just look at all the threads on here about the heartbreak?

    I am by no means kicking anyone...I'm just as guilty of doing all of this before meeting the guy I was with for 7 years. When we split up, I never thought I'd be able to love anyone ever again.

    This year, I met someone who proved me wrong. And though the feelings were not mutual, I told him how thankful I was that he came into my life and showed me that I can let myself love someone again.

    When it comes to my friends...there's a lot of them that i've known for over 10 years that are more like family to me than my actual family. With them, we tell each other we love each other all the time.
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    Oct 25, 2007 5:20 PM GMT
    I think saying I love you is not done enough.

    I tell all of my friends I love them. I tell my partner I love him everyday.

    I think the world would be a better place if love was expressed more freely and often.
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    Oct 25, 2007 5:30 PM GMT
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    Oct 25, 2007 5:35 PM GMT
    I think you're swell.