Hopelessly in Love with someone I can never be with

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:45 PM GMT
    Hey Guys,

    I am hopelessly in love with someone, but it is barely possible that I will ever be able to meet him again. We met when I was 16 and he was hetero. After a while we fell in Love and met. It was a great week and I know he did not want to let me go, but I had to go home. Since then we had been in contact every once in a while. There was a time where he totally broke of contact, later he told me it was to help me to become independent. I have to say that he was right about that.

    Its just totally stupid, but I cant help it. He is in Germany, I am in Guatemala. I wont visit any time soon, and chances to move back are not so good at the moment. In our last conversation he made clear that he still cares for me and would give it a secound chance. Wich I really would need that he sees the new me, he knew the 16 year old boy who couldnt take care of himself. I cant give up hoping to get back to Austria and I cant stop hoping for the secound chance.
    I was told that I dont know what love really is. Honestly, I know it to well. Thats another reason why I made this other thread earlier. I kind of fear that this will never end.

    Hoped I could get some advise from more experienced people.
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    Oct 21, 2007 12:34 PM GMT
    I may not be experienced but I'll offer a nugget

    I could look at some profiles on this site and be like WOW I want them! I could even talk to them, get to know them and still be 1000 miles or more away. Will I ever know them beyond the assistance of an electronic device? Nope.

    Should I be broken up about it? Nope

    This isn't a sea, its an ocean. Lots of fish in it. Try catching something within distance of your reel. Proud is the fisherman who makes a catch at his home lake icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 21, 2007 1:04 PM GMT
    Big Q: How old is this guy?

    In your profile you said you were mostly attracted to men in their 30's and 40's.

    If the guy you are talking about was in his "30's or 40's" when you were 16, then I would say he seriously took advantage of you.

    And apparently he isn't interested enough in you to at least help you see him again.

    If he were really interested wouldn't he have been on a plane sometime in the past 4 years? Or sent you a plane ticket?

    It may be an Ocean, but people cross it every single day.

    Break it off - after 4 years it is more of a fantasy than a reality at this point - find someone a little closer to home.

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    Oct 21, 2007 2:12 PM GMT
    I meet all kinda handsome and goodlooking guys when I am travelling. Really it not logical. I might have fun and go to bed with them, but certainly not falling in love with them.Love require physical contact not some long distance fantasy. Move on, you are just a teenager then, now your are older you shuold able to have more control of your feeling.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1929

    Oct 21, 2007 2:54 PM GMT
    The first 2 guys that I fell in love with were straight and it was very frustrating. I use to feel that no one else could love these guys the way I do, so why could they not see that and fall in love with me? I use to get really depressed and angry with them when they met a girl that they liked instead of being happy and supportive of them like a true friend should have been. I was young and naive. I could not fall for a woman no matter how much she can love me, so why did I expect them to fall for me? I still chat with one of the guys and visit him when he comes home to visit his family. We have a good friendship and I wish him the best in his 'romantic' life. The other guy, well let's say it did not end so well. I have ran into him a few times and it has been cordial, but we will never be close friends again. You cannot change the way anyone feels about you. I wish you the best in trying to get over him. It does get better with time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2007 4:53 PM GMT
    trance23--great comment!
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    Oct 21, 2007 7:14 PM GMT
    Yeah Maximum,

    I would have to agree with everything that has been said. There are so many great guys running around much closer to home. If there hasn't been any effort to get you out there or for him to come to you, I would just drop it.

    Do what he did and help him to become a little more independent ;) You could be missing out on something awesome, closer to home. The key word is hopelessly in love with him. If it's already that bleak, I would start moving on. You can't force things like this, if they don't just flow naturally, time to move on. ;)

    Hope that helps man.
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    Oct 22, 2007 9:05 PM GMT
    I guess your right. What happened that time was probably only a one time thing. It just felt so right. He was everything I searched in a man and I think I am just afraid that I wont find somebody else who would make me feel the same way. I mean, for most of you guys it should be no big problem to find someone good looking to date. Here is the reign of the Boys next door. Most guys are short and skinny here and I am not into that kind of guy. There are not much cute guys around here that I like. Well, I am still 21. Much can happen and probably will.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 22, 2007 10:32 PM GMT
    Bravo...you set yourself up the better mouse trap

    You've told yourself that this was and is the love of your life and you're likely going to find no one like this man as long as you live
    ...and not only that you can't help yourself and he happens to live on another continent an ocean away

    This isn't a forum ... it's a retelling of a gay Rapunzel

    sorry for being so hard on you
    but you're going to have to get over this guy or move to Austria...one or the other
    pining for him isn't doing you or him one bit of good

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2007 10:49 PM GMT
    Mourn. That relationship has died.

    You'll know you're pretty much done mourning when you wake up one day, the world is fresh, and you cannot wait to step into it.
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    Oct 22, 2007 11:25 PM GMT
    I have only been in love once. It happened in high school with a straight guy. It literally tore my heart out. It took me 6 years to heal. The only way I was able to get over him was to go and meet other people. It took a lot of talking to myself and others to realy understand it all.

    I feel that I have known love, and that is why it is hard for me to want to feel it again. I'm actually afraid of it. It can be the best and worst thing in your life. I wish that this had happened to me later in life instead of so early, or do I???

    The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding someone new and interesting.
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    Oct 23, 2007 12:48 AM GMT
    The same thing happened to me. He was gay, and went to my school. Trust me, it will pass. We have both moved on and he is doing well as am I. Dont stress about it, have fun, be safe, meet people, and move forward with ur life. u cant keep looking back.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Oct 23, 2007 1:21 AM GMT
    How old are you now?

    If you aren't the same person he knew, do you think he's the same guy you knew?

    I have to say, I think it's a good possibility that you are in love with the idea of what he is and not him.
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    Oct 24, 2007 7:29 PM GMT
    I am 21 now. Your right, when I have changed so much, why shouldn't he have.At least its good to know that I am not the only one with that kind of problem. Its been 5 Years and I an still not over him or the idea of him. Though, I sure will be someday. I wont use the 3 words again for some time, but it would be stupid if that Guy was the only one on this Planet who could make me happy. For now i am planing my vacations around LA, who knows who i might meet while I am there.icon_biggrin.gif

    @Runner16: Seems like you had the same experience. I asked myself too what might have happened if I would have been a bit older, but in the end we cant change the past. What happened happened and there is nothing you can do about it except trying to move on.
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    Oct 24, 2007 7:45 PM GMT
    Max, it's easy for outsiders to give you harsh words as a means to rip you from your own torture. The truth is, however, that your situation is hard. Love is the strongest connection to break, hence why we hurt so much when does.

    I know your pain. In college I fell in love with my best friend. I invested so much of myself in him, yet after we graduated he cut off contact with me. It's been 4 years and i've yet to achieve any closure, but sometimes we must move on regardless. In the years that passed I met my current boyfriend who has made me sublimely happy. From time to time I think about my old friend, but I realize that it was just not meant to be. I'm much happier now than I ever was with him. Our situation was complicated and tortured. Yours sounds like it may have some similar elements.

    My point is, don't close yourself off from others while pining away for a man who may not be the one who is meant for you. It's cliche to say but if it's meant to be, it will be. Concentrate on other things and allow the other pieces of your life to fall together.
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    Oct 28, 2007 9:39 AM GMT
    I fell in love with a very good friend of mine who was actually 16 years my senior. We were very close because of the fact that we both grew up in the same hometown and understood the hardships we both went through during our younger years. The more time we spent together, the deeper my feelings delved towards him, but only to find out later on that it wasn't something that can be pushed outside the friendship level -- I was very heartbroken and depressed.

    We remained friends up to this day but we only keep in contact through online chats only. Although, I miss him everyday, I eventually came to the conclusion that I need to take care and focus all the love I had to myself -- which the sole reason why I started going go the gym very early in the morning. Even with less contact towards each other, I'm slowly letting go because some things just really aren't meant to be no matter how hard you try.

    And sometimes, you just gotta figure out -- if he doesn't care, you might be missing out on someone who will.