I really could use some help

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    Oct 22, 2007 12:36 AM GMT
    ~Ok, so I am not looking to get kicked while I am down. I am looking for some real help from real guys to get over this heart ache. So if you want to bash me even further in this hole I am in, don't bother.~

    Last night was a great and fun night, but it just ended up being almost too hard for me to handle and then resulted in tears. It is a long story.

    Last night was my college theatre department's P&H Party. (Pimps and Hoes) The point is to get dressed up in something slutty then drink and dance the night away. I looked great. I was supposed to be just an S&M porn star, but as soon as I put on the mask, I looked like an S&M Robin (; that desperately wanted his Batman to take him to his Bat Bed ;) I got there and was having a great time. Dancing, drinks, and friends.

    I then saw two of my friends walk out of the pool table room. One was wearing a alter boy outfit and the other was wearing a priest outfit.

    -I have had the biggest crush, attraction, thing, whatever you want to call it for the alter boy. He is the first guy that I could honestly see my self falling for and the first guy that I ever liked. Since I was closeted when I met him, I could not bring my self to act on it or tell any one. Why do I like him? He is adorable. He is one of the most kind, amazing, sweet, and sincere people I have ever met. He has one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. His eyes are this jewel greenish-blue and when he looks at you with them it is like you are the only one in the world to him. He broke down one night and confessed to a friend that he was madly head over heals for someone and swore her to secrecy. No matter how drunk anyone got her, she never broke. I wished and hoped with all my heart that it was me he told her about.-

    We all thought it was hilarious that they would pose for pictures like the alter boy was giving head to the priest. I thought that it was a joke and that the costumes were done for a laugh. But then I saw them on the couch together. I already had some shots in me so I was confused at first, but then after pulling one of my girls into the bathroom for a quick conversation, it turns out he is gay. He just got back together with the guy he is with. Then after a little while, I needed to talk to another one of my girls and I learned that he pretty much just came out, even though they dated before hand. Then I kind of had it and I was already getting to the boarder line between tipsy and drunk by then. So I pulled in his friend that knew his secret. She said that the guy he is with is the guy he told her about and that they had just gotten back together. She said they are really serious. (I guess that they dated in January or over the summer when I was in Florida, explaining why I was so far out of the loop.)

    So, at that point, I was almost drunk enough to have clear thoughts still and my thought was, “Lets drink to forget.” They were together the whole night and I started off with some kamikazes. Nothing. So what did I do? I swore to never ever ever clear, but I did. Well, I guess I hold my alcohol too well cause I never blacked out and I remember everything. I just got to this auto pilot and saw my self but could not really control myself.

    The ever clear fucked me up the most and messed with me more than anything has before. I got in this state of controlled depression and EVERY emotion good and bad was enhanced so many levels. When ever I saw them together, I was torn up inside. But when I would go in to the other rooms and just let go and dance, I was fine and it was a great party.

    When the party was over, my friend drove me back to my dorm. Somewhere along the line, depression kicked in even stronger and I started saying thing like "I'll never find someone and I'll be that guy with all the cats and the kids will run past my house because they are afraid of me." It was then that my friend said, "Honestly, out of everyone that I know, I know that you are meant to have someone special." I remember what she said because it made me want to cry and the word "Honesty." Being wasted, I connected "Honesty" to the Honesty Box on FaceBook and planed to write in his.

    When I got back to my dorm, my phone was screaming at me. (I left it behind cause I have a habit of drunk texting and calling.) It was reminding me that my first boyfriend ever had text me to see how everything was and how I was. Being in this state of drunken depression, it broke me in to tears.

    -My first boyfriend and I never broke up. We met at Disney and it was like a movie romance and was near perfect. The only reason we separated was because his program ended and our lives are in two different states. I have yet to fully get over him, no matter how hard I try.-
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    Oct 22, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
    In a drunken haze, I typed in Alter Boy's honesty box. I told him that I learned something about him that broke my heart, I wished I was the one he told his friend about, I have liked him from the second I met him, he is such an amazing person, that I wish I had the strength to tell him all of this in person, and that I wanted to tell him all of this before I even came out of the closet. Granted only a few words were spelt correctly, it was clear what I was saying.

    So this morning I woke up, read it, and realized how creepy and stalker-like it sounded. Embarrassed, I sent another apologizing and telling him that, even though I was embarrassed to have said that, I meant it all and I am glad that I can at least call him a friend. (Thanking God that both of my messages are anonymous)

    Even though I am fine and no longer ever cleared up, I still have all that residual and underlying depression in my body that is coming in and out and seems to be slowly fading away. I almost want to freeze my heart up and wait for my prince to come save me from my own evil spell. How do you cope with something like this? I am looking for some kind of help or advice to get over Alter Boy and to get over First Boy Friend. I am fine being single, but I need help getting over that fear that I will forever be single and alone.

    I'll take any constructive criticism or advice you have to offer.
    Thank you.
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    Oct 22, 2007 1:11 AM GMT
    1 - Don't drink so much in the future that you start showing your ass.

    2 - Go do something physical (Run, Swim, Do Kata, whatever) until you are so exhausted you literally can't stand any more; then get a good nights sleep.

    3 - Set yourself a goal of going out with one new guy each week for the next three months - roughly a dozen dates. Stick to it.

    4 - Bluff; stick a happy with yourself, confident face on: People are attracted to happiness and confidence, not saddness and depression.

    5 - If you are still seriously depressed to the point it becomes a problem then see your doctor.
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    Oct 22, 2007 2:13 AM GMT
    don't leave posts while drunk or high, otherwise they come out looking like what you typed above and no one will read them cause its too long.
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    Oct 22, 2007 2:43 AM GMT
    Whenever you are drunk, emotional, angry or depressed, the last thing you should do is text people or leave comments in their blogs etc.

    Take a deep breath and decide to come back to it when you are in a mentally better frame of mind. I have actually had to fire people on my staff for outbursts driven by emotions, and it never feels good. you always always end up saying things that are too emotionally charged and just plain wrong.

    Tell your friend that you still hope to remain friends with him, but now you have been totally open and honest with him, he may need some space to sort through your comments.

    good luck
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    Oct 22, 2007 3:44 AM GMT
    haha owl, you think he's a Lush
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    Oct 22, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    Hey Tigger,
    I feel you; i've been there all last year getting over someone.

    Unfortunately, based on my own experiences and talking to other people, there's no sure-fire aspirin to get rid of this pain. What has worked for many including myself, is going back to your own roots and thinking about what makes you happy. Get back into hobbies, school, friends. Take time to talk it out to people you know, on this forum; also take time to get away from it like what I suggested.

    Wish you the best of luck.
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Oct 22, 2007 6:44 AM GMT
    awesome. seriously.
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    Oct 22, 2007 7:08 AM GMT
    I thought IT jocks advice was very good. My only question is: is it ok to follow point 3 even if you are not depressed?
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    Oct 22, 2007 8:12 AM GMT

    Something like that happened to me before ... it was that guy that I was obsessed with him for two years and I couldn't "find" him of talk to him..
    I think the best cure is to get to knowe him better . see, as long as he's just a picture of an amazing guy,in your mind he'll still be perfect, but when you meet him you'll discover that he is not that perfect of even not the person you thought he is .. it's more likely that you'll loose youre "obsession" with him ..
    I hope, though the opposite may happen too .. icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 22, 2007 6:42 PM GMT
    Truly decide that you want to get over him. I know everyone believes that they have no power over their emotions and how they feel and I use to tell myself that to, but I now realize that the people that I use to not be able to get over were so hard to forget about because I didn't want to forget them. I'd sit down reading old letters, I'd call them spur of the moment with nothing to say simply to hear their voices. Once you truly decide that you want to let them go, you'll cut them off completely and stop hurting yourself.

    Be friends? Are you serious? Come on now you aren't ready for that. Its going to take one time for him to do something charming and you're going to be pulled in all over again. And trust me the only thing scarier than having your heartbroken, is realizing that you're falling in love with that person for a second time.

    Give yourself some time to venture out into the world and discover yourself. Have some fun, watch happy things, listen to happy things. Then after your body has stopped associating him with bliss, you'll talk to him and find him the most dullard person on earth.

    Simply you gotta truly be ready to move on, otherwise you'll dwell in it and keep getting pulled back. But thats just my personal experience, different people differ.

    This is the more healthier approach I feel. I could tell you to give them a reason to piss you off so that you can hate them for life and move on, but I wouldn't wanna pass any unhealthy traits down on to you lol.
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    Oct 22, 2007 6:46 PM GMT
    IT said it best. I would also add if you feel you drink like this often. Get couseling ASAP.

    Good luck!
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    Oct 22, 2007 7:11 PM GMT
    Yeah definitely

    I am surprised that I managed to skip that

    your drinking habbits are unhealthy man. You need help.
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    Oct 22, 2007 8:19 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone.

    I think that if I were to take bits from what most all of you have said, I can put them together and it would work.

    I do not drink often, maybe like once or twice a month, at most. I swear, never ever have I ever ever cleared, and never ever shall I ever ever clear again. (But if I do, it better work) I could kill whoever slipped that in my drink. I think that was the cause of the depression.

    I think that I am going to be ok. Plus, if they break up again, I am at the point where I can actually keep eye contact and start a conversation. I already know him and he has no idea who sent him the messages. So with all of that, I might actuall be able to make a move and see what happens. We could see we are perfect for each other, or we could separate as friends. My only problem is his boyfriend. If they did break up, and we did get together, I see his boyfriend being a problem. You see, he is in Alpha Psi Omega and is on the board that decides who is invited in or not. I want in and to be invited to rush next semester. I honestly see him as a problem if anything does happen. But whatever. I have so many scars on my back from the knives of the past, I don't think there is room for another to show or even get through. Bring it on. ;)

    But again, thank you everyone.
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    Oct 22, 2007 8:46 PM GMT
    All these posts are dumb, what you need is to learn how to handle your liquor.
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    Oct 23, 2007 4:23 AM GMT
    I'm going to make a different guess, Nathan.

    You have a phobia of ending up alone. For someone who is 19 and just out, that's both crazy and understandable. So you want to find your knight in shining armor - in fact you are rushing to do so - and the guy who fits best is the altar boy. Are you sure you are really obsessing over him... or is it really the concept he personifies?

    Regardless, as you found out with your Disney prince, you and the altar boy could be on different sides of the planet in 2 years. Nothing personal, but I'm not even sure that you are ready for a serious relationship. If you are like I was (when I came out at 23), you haven't even found yourself yet.

    There are probably a lot of knights all around you, even if they are missing the shining armor. Don't overlook them. Maybe it won't be "forever", but as IT said you've got time to date around. Make friends. Get to know more people. Avoid the destructive behavior of desperation and build something around you. Then good things will happen. (Or your money back!)
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    Oct 23, 2007 6:05 PM GMT
    Owl's advice is right and it is constructive. You need to get a handle on the alcohol. I can understand your feelings, but the alcohol makes you do unreasonable (and potentially dangerous) things.

    Sometimes real help consists of getting "kicked" around. It may not be something you want to hear, but it takes a mature person to accept the reality, responsibility and the consequences of their actions.

    Unfortunately, you can't changed what you've done. But learn from your mistakes and make the necessary changes.

    Good luck. - Jorel

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    Oct 23, 2007 6:12 PM GMT
    "I can understand your feelings, but the alcohol makes you do unreasonable (and potentially dangerous) things."

    Not only that, alcohol is also a powerful depressant; it's the last thing you wanna put in your system if you're at all depressed.