• HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Nov 08, 2007 6:24 PM GMT
    OK, is this a stalking event that warrants concern or is just a coincidence?

    I tend to approach many things logically and didn't think alot of this until I mentioned it to a friend who said "OMG this isn't a coincidence" and proceeded to lecture me about the nuts out there and why I should be more reserved about conversations.

    What happened is as follows (about two weeks ago):

    I was chatting online locally and an individual who I hadn't ever spoken with previously, chats me up and tell me he is new to Kansas and was from Salt Lake City prior, is an attorney and in the process of getting settled. He proceeds to tell me he lives in the same community as I.. and mentions the street he lives on (which is in my neighborhood) and makes a comment about the streets in the area (and mentions the street I live on in the same sentence as the one in which he lives).

    I mention to him that I live in that community and on that street.. and he says "I was driving down that street and saw this hot shirtless dude mowing his lawn last Saturday". It was me and while I make a comment about it being any neighbor, he references something about my lawn ... so I know it was me. He then proceeds an attempt at a hook up.

    I've since found out he doesn't live on the street he claimed... since I serve on the Board of my neighborhood. I don't think he lives here at all.

    What was this and should I be concerned?

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    Nov 08, 2007 6:26 PM GMT
    I would be concerned, confront him, and then tell him not to contact me again, thanks. If this is his MO, tell him it is creepy.
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    Nov 08, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    How disturbingly easy it it to find tidbits of information about a person on the 'net.
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    Nov 08, 2007 6:52 PM GMT
    I am a probation officer for men who stalk. Some are strange but harmless. Some are flat out dangerous. You do not know this criminal history, protection order/stay away order history or anything.
    It concerns me he lied to you and the fact that he most likely did not find you by mistake. I would question him politely. If he does not have a very plausible explanation I would draw very clear boundaries. I would not challenge him or treat him with disrespect but make it very clear I am not interested in establishing a friendship or anything else and wish him well. It needs to be a clear message and document it on a calendar in case you need it down the line for court.
    I had one guy come to my town (Who I had never talked to before) and hang out all day hoping he would see me. He had driven 2 hrs to hang out on a Saturday. He had even printed my photo and asked a guy at the gas station if he knew me. I was freaked out but I blocked his messages and have not had any other problems to date. Good Luck
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    Nov 08, 2007 8:39 PM GMT
    I would very concerned. It is just weird and it's creepy because they don't seem to realize how off-putting their behavior is! Ehew!
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    Nov 08, 2007 9:29 PM GMT
    Time to put up a high fence.
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    Nov 08, 2007 9:37 PM GMT
    My ex keeps stalking me on this site and via email. I wish he would just get a life. The stupid thing is that he does not reviel himself, he poses as others. If he wanted to talk to me, why doesn't he just say so. What is the deal with people?
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    Nov 08, 2007 9:47 PM GMT
    Lots of gay folks / bi folks live lives of deceit and this is very typical of what I've seen them do. They can't be honest about their sexuality, much less anything else. They are mentally ill.

    Never, ever, never associate with a pictureless, and never, ever, never, let a person who's identity you don't know for certain into your home. That's just plain stupid.

    If his behavior continues, call the police, and make sure that he knows that "no" means "no" in no uncertain tones. If it still continues seek either a criminal action (typical criminal trespassing / stalking) or a civil action (an injunction against harassment / restraining order, contingent to the state where you live). You need to let the guy know that you're prepared to come down on him with a hammer if he continues.

    I've had guys follow me around the locker room with cell cams. I had one guy, a glass contractor, following me around, who I didn't even know. One day, I stopped the vehicle, got out, walked over, and told him, to his face, either you knock this shit off, or you're going to end up in jail. He ended it there.

    Remember the red flags:
    1. Not willing to show you who they are.
    2. Lieing.
    3. Following you around.
    4. Wanting to be your best buddy.
    5. Anything anonymous.

    If you are in immediate danger, dial 911, and throw the phone. E-911 will do the rest.

    I wouldn't over-react, but, if he gets to close, then, slam him.

    I have a kid, Ian B Smith, I sponsored in bodybuilding...charming...who, when I told him he needed to get a job, and keep his dad happy (he lives at home) has been by a bunch of times, (he's playing a game...kinda). He's a chronic liar, yet, wants me as a friend, but, secretly, and it gets convoluted. He's straight, no sexual relationship, so...after begging me, threatening me, then telling me he was gone, he stalked me, and broke into my place July 30'th. He's been by several times, and I have witnesses, just to verify it wasn't my mind running away with the thing. In reality, he wants me as a friend again, but, he knows he messed up real bad, so he comes around. He's not dangerous, and I think he's getting tired of it now, but, knowing that's he's broken into my place no less than twice, gives me the creeps. (He made a bump key, or got my key from a friend). to read all about it. Ian's actions had been predicated by my shrink friend well in advance of him actually taking them. Ian got caught breaking into my place, by management and neighbors; there's no mistake.

    I have another friend, Gary, who has an obsession with a guy who physically abuses him. They're back together this week (they're off and on, on a weekly basis). They stalk each other. Day before yesterday, Gary called me and wanted me to meet with Kip (his boyfriend / obsession) so that Kip could approve me as Gary's friend and I said absolutely not. I don't need nor want Kip in my life.

    Main thing, don't let creepy folks get to you. It's hard. If it gets to out of control, get the police involved. They'll stop it, their way.
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    Nov 08, 2007 9:56 PM GMT

    I'm soooo sorry that you are going through this.

    I was being followed or stalked or whatever and it was real scary and I do not scare easy.

    Ta da! Out of the blue this guy would appear at the gym on my way to work. Thank God he did not know where I lived because I took the train to work and home.

    I even altered my schedule and that work for bit. I also moved out of the city not for that reason.

    That seems to be the only way I could shake him.

    The thing that scared me the most was, he seemed to know where I was, but I had no idea where he was.

    That's just freaky!

    Good Luck! It's just CRAZY!

    Sad thing was he was a good looking guy. He was also few bricks shy of full load.

    I had crazy before not going back there!

    Really man be careful!
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    Nov 08, 2007 10:14 PM GMT
    I've been seriously stalked about five times in the last 6 or 7 years. I'm talking stalking serious enough that I had to involve the police. And what lovely stalkers. The worst was a pre-operative transsexual escort who liked to write notes and leave them on the windshields of my neighbors' cars when she wasn't following me around with a knife in her purse.

    Believe me: when you are being stalked for real, you will know it.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Nov 08, 2007 10:30 PM GMT
    Wow, what interesting comments....

    Let me say that this person hasn't contacted me since I told him no to a hookup. I have had "admirers" before (one who is now a very good friend.. and his only real transgretion was coming to my house at 1:00 a.m. to "talk" to me). I've never had anyone who has ever approached me with nasty intent.

    The point I realize is that I need to be a little more
    aware of what CAN happen and follow some simple rules
    when talking to people I don't know.
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    Nov 08, 2007 10:43 PM GMT
    Yeah, I have made the mistake of inviting a few people to the hacienda who I now wish didn't know where I live.
    It's kinda creepy to find cigarette butts in the driveway, when nobody who has any business being on the place smokes. Even worse to find them outside my Mom's & Sister-in-law's windows.

    For another reason, (I can't hear people driving in when I'm back in the lab or working out in the basement) I've been looking at the range of IP webcams that are available. They're not really expensive any more. Many of them have software that will store an image only when the scene changes, and forward it by email to any computer in the world or to your cell phone. I fear that this might collect a lot of pictures of deer and dogs, but maybe I'll buy a couple of them for christmas, and at least put one on each access road.
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    Nov 09, 2007 5:05 AM GMT
    I really blew my stack at some young 20 something trying to get me in the buff on his cell cam at 24 Hour Fitness.

    That's about as close as I've come to popping anyone in the face. I never saw him around the gym again, much less around me.
  • ScotXY

    Posts: 117

    Nov 09, 2007 5:15 AM GMT
    Back home I worked with the Gay Lesbian Center of Colorado.

    I worked with colorado Department of Health and worked with Denver Police Department on Domestic Violence

    In this day an age we make ourselves vulnerable to people who would and live in the alternant life style of the WWW. The live int his world and then pursue people in ways they would normally not do.

    You have to try to not over tell someone things about yourself.

    Also never meet at your place. Meet in Public with good amount of people.

    Like so many other people said be careful.

    With that guy I would simpley challenge him.

    Other wise give him firm stay away form me and If i see you then be gone.

    Really be careful with people out there. There are some very sick men out there that need help.

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    Nov 09, 2007 11:20 AM GMT
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    Nov 09, 2007 2:08 PM GMT
    Get the shot gun ready!