I am so confused and need advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2007 8:09 AM GMT
    I have been able to go to my PRISM meetings now and LOVE it. I am meeting guys and feel like I am becoming part of the GLBT community. (Granted there is a very small Gay community and a HUGE Lesbian, Bi, and Transgender community) There is this guy that I saw and I think that he is ADORIBLE. It shows that he really takes care of himself and he has a very nice smile. When he talks, it is always very nice and sounds pretty well educated too. I think that if I got to know him better, I could really like him.

    Here is the catch. I was introduced to him like this, ". . . and SHE is LILY." I think he is Transgendered. I was like (mentally of course) "CRAP!!!!" If we were to date and fall for each other, I do not think I could handle him getting a sex change. I am not sexually attracted to women and granted I would be in love with his mind and personality, but if that were the case, I would have already proposed to AT LEAST 4 of my girlfriends.

    But you see, there is another catch to this whole thing. Today, there was a straight guy at the meeting and he was talking with us and we were having a nice and semi-adult conversation and Lily referred to herself as "a Gay Guy."

    So, the only thing that I know is Lily likes men. I do not know if Lily really is transgendered or if he just wants to be called a girl and by a girl's name. I am thinking maybe he wants to live as a drag queen and will once college is over because he has not come out to family and college is stressful as it is and a drag queen would not be so accepted. (I knew a gay guy in middle school that was adamant that he is gay and that he wanted to be called a girl and go by Marie, but that he just wanted to be called a girl and not be one.)

    There is the PRISM VP though. He has said that he is a safe space and that we can ask him ANYTHING and talk to him about ANYTHING and that no one will ever know. So I am thinking that I might call, e-mail, or just talk to him after a meeting and see what he knows about Lily. But then I think of how weird that would be.

    So I do not know how to approach this or handle it. I do not want to just come out and ask if he is transgendered or if this is just a title. I do not want to hurt her/him and I at least want to be friends with her/him if she/he is gonna get a sex change. This is the first time I have ever met a transgendered (and so many at one time) and I want to sound as kind and supportive as I truly am, but I am afraid I will come off sounding like an ignorant prick.

    Any Advice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2007 9:58 AM GMT
    Hi Tigger

    There is no shame in being ignorant about new things. You should only be ashamed of not wanting to learn.

    I think you should just ask Lily about him/herself.

    From my experience people who have made a hard journey to become what they are now, are happy to talk to people about it.


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    Nov 16, 2007 12:48 AM GMT
    Hi Tigger

    There are all sorts of relationships we have in life, and each has its own value.

    Don't be afraid to talk to Lily, even if you expose what you have identified as your ignorance to her. She will appreciate your interest and might even be happy to discuss her feelings and enlighten you to the world she comes from.

    You will find that we learn something new from everyone in life, and the more open you are to accepting people in all their rainbow colours, the more complete your own life will be.

    good luck
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    Nov 17, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    Laurence is right, Tigger. From personal experience, because my coming out at 52 was a difficult thing, I'm happy to share with everyone.

    Don't be afraid to talk to Lily. Be honest about your fear of offending, and ask the question. If Lily is a person of quality, he/she will not be offended and be open and honest with you.

    Honesty begets honesty, Tigger.

    Coming out isn't easy in our culture, and we just need to be honest and open and accepting.

    Drag queens are not one of my turn-ons, and neither are transgendered people. Nevertheless, I value them as people, and some as friends. That's the way we all need to be.

    Good luck.