• HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16557

    Dec 06, 2007 5:08 PM GMT
    With the previous thread focusing on "Dating requirements" by Tigger and the evaluation on whether he was asking too much, I thought it might be helpful to him (and others) to ask... what are your criteria?
    If you aren't single, what would (realistically) yours be if you were going to date?

    Honestly, I'm kind of a novice. I've been involved with my bf for 9 years (before I really acknowledged who I was) so not that much experience, but I can say that while requirements are important, I think that
    flexiblity is as well

    So, what are your (3) requirements for dating someone?
    I realize there may be far more, but what are your 3 top ones?

    Mine: 1)Grounded nature as applied to job, dealing with issues and life in general.

    2) Commonity of interests: Fitness, good nutrition, travel, so many

    3) Empathy and sound treatment of others: Very important to me. If there isn't respect for other people (and himself)... forget it.

    Your 3 requirements???
  • LoganITGuy

    Posts: 31

    Dec 06, 2007 9:42 PM GMT
    I was recently talking with a good friend of mine that I grew up with - who is also gay.

    We joked how during our Freshman/Sophomore years we wouldn't date someone that wasn't in college. No high school kids please.

    After we graduated we want someone that's almost done w/ school...or working...or in grad school.

    Now that we're seasoned pros with master's degrees and got our careers off to a great start, the question is now "has he started thinking of his 401k???"

    So after a few more martinis at Halo we laughed about the next leap in qualifying as a great boyfriend "Where is your beach house / winter house??"


    My three though...(as of right now anyhow)
    - Passion for life (love your job & your personal life)
    - Active (enjoy going out, sports, anything!)
    - Versatile (has sooooo many meanings, so i'll just leave it at that)
    - Monogomous (sorry, i'm adding 4 because i think this one is important)
    - 401k! (doh, yeah 5 now, sorry!!!)

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16557

    Dec 06, 2007 10:02 PM GMT
    I just couldn't help myself... so are YOU contributing to a 401K or other similar qualified retirement plan, Alegria? If not, seriously do so or a Roth IRA...icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 06, 2007 10:40 PM GMT
    1) He has to get my sense of humor. Unfortunately, lots of guys don't. icon_sad.gif
    2) He has to be aware of the world---politics, arts, culture, etc. I have friends who couldn't care less, and that's fine, but it wouldn't do for a partner, at least for me.
    3) He has to really enjoy life. No couch-sitting, bitter, tired old men for me, thanks. Every day something new may happen. I wake up early because I'm excited to see what's in store.
    4) Okay, so I have four. He has to be mentally stable. I was in a long relationship with someone who was not, and it was just too much to deal with, finally.
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    Dec 06, 2007 10:56 PM GMT
    To go out with in the first place, beside the really obvious requirements (ie: he's a man interested in men, we both speak the same language so we're capable of talking with each other, he's geographically feasible so that we could actually go on a date, etc), my three would be:

    1) Within a reasonable span of my age (say, 6 years);
    2) Has a brain located above his belt;
    3) Nonsmoker (explained before, but given that I'm allergic and it triggers asthmatic issues, my breathing is more important to me than the possibility of missing out on a wonderful guy).

    Oh, and I suppose this isn't obvious to everyone, but:
    4) He's not already in a serious dating relationship.

    There are other ones which I think are important in a guy becoming a boyfriend--for instance, that we find each other at least moderately attractive, that we enjoy spending time together, and that we have at least a few common interests. And there are definitely all manner of things that are desired but not absolutely essential (say, for example, optimism). But the numbered ones are the basic ones that will get me out the door and off for a first date.
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    Dec 06, 2007 11:11 PM GMT
    I have more then 3 so I guess I am high maintenance.

    1) Adventurous; you must be to keep up with me
    2) Intelligent; I need someone to learn from
    3) Worldly; Ii hate how many Americans don't know anything out side the US media.
    4) Good health; this means working out, proper hygiene, dental care, the works.
    5) Humor; I need to laugh
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    Dec 07, 2007 12:00 AM GMT
    My dating requirements:

    Mutual Physical Attraction. I think thats the beginning to endless possibiities. It inspires most to venture out into the unknown and dedicate time into a possible relationship. Call me shallow, but it works for me. Then I go down the list....

    Proximity, must have a car.
    Money, must have a job
    Athletic, must enjoy some type of physical activity
    Spontaneous, must be creative
    Carefree, must not be dramatic
    Single, must not have a boyfriend(I don't share)

    Some can be compromised, but not physical attraction. icon_biggrin.gif
  • irishboxers

    Posts: 357

    Dec 07, 2007 12:25 AM GMT
    After some of the dates I've had recently, I might have to lower my standards to simply being sane and able to sit still long enough to look me in the eye.

    On better days:
    1. A sense of humor, which usually means you--
    2. Have a brain. Not the most physically attractive muscle in the body, but man how a great mind can trump some pumped pecs.
    3. Goals & Dreams/Ambition
    4. Great eyes. Last thing I see when I fall asleep, first thing when I wake up.
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    Dec 07, 2007 12:54 AM GMT
    This is another example of the alienating and exclusive attitudes that people have.

    I'm not a tweaker, I'm not a an AIDS leper, I'm in the 99th percentile of the adult population for intelligence (as determined by professional, objective psychometric evaluations), I'm not ugly, BUT based on most of your standards, you people wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole, because of your discriminatory standards. You people treat dating like it is a job fair. I can't help being disabled, I have an organic brain disorder. Everytime I start dating a guy, everytime the "what do you do" question arises, then date is basically over. They immediately start to withdraw their interest in getting to know me on any more meaningful level, then their arrogant and naive sense of enabled, socially-integrated superiority kicks in, BUT THEY STILL THINK THAT THEY GET TO FUCK ME!

    That is why I'm so dangerously misanthropic, I've been alienated by you people because you treat me like a pariah. I have money, I receive disability benefits, I have medicare, I'm in therapy, I have my own place to live, I'm self sufficient; utilitarian and modest, but self sufficient. If I want or need anything from anyone else, like a partner- I would only want love and emotional support, I only want their company. I don't need a sugar daddy to pay my few bills, I can't be bought.

    These are my dating standards:

    No pity

    No advice (I have a therapist, and a doctor for that)

    If you aren't exceptionally hot, then you had better be smart and charming.

    If you are hot, but obviously egotistical and obnoxious- I'll stick you with the bill, and then you can just go fuck yourself.

    If you try and pressure me or get too aggressive- I always have a weapon, and just because you bought me dinner, doesn't mean that I won't put you in the emergency room if you cross that line. I try to be peaceful and benign, but some guys just don't have any respect.


    NO DRUNKS!!!

    I WILL NOT GO TO A CLUB OR BAR FOR A DATE. Dinner, movie, coffee, zoo, gym, a hike through the bosque, etc. Anything but noise, crowds and alcohol.

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    Dec 07, 2007 1:04 AM GMT
    I agree with the no bar/club rule on a first date. It can prove awkward as the night progresses, and it's too noisy. The amplified sexual atmosphere can be jarring as well. If it's a legitimate date I'd like it to be at a coffee shop, or restaurant, anywhere relatively quiet that serves food.

    Although I'd break my own rules for the guys on my hotlist.
  • LoganITGuy

    Posts: 31

    Dec 07, 2007 2:59 AM GMT

    At my previous job I had a 403b. Having left that job it's now a nice 401k with fidelity.

    My currnet employer is also a non-profit/gov't entity in DC (go figure) and I have another 403b starting up.

    Now where's my man w/ the house in the hamptons? A condo in miami would work too!

    Note: I'm really not superficial like that. It's nice to be financially secure. But I'd rather enjoy what i'm doing with life & get by than end up hating going into work & being rich.
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    Dec 07, 2007 3:18 AM GMT

    1: Passion, about something, just about anything. But SOMETHING has to excite your curiosity.

    2: I have to be attracted to you, I tried it without, didn't work so great.

    3: You have to be in the same life "stage" as I am. If you already own a house and are planning retirement then likely I'm not your man. I don't know where I'll be (physically) in two years when I go looking for a post-doctoral fellowship, and i don't want to uproot you and your 401k for it. Neither am I dragging you out of college.
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    Dec 07, 2007 3:22 AM GMT
    1) Good/Nice teeth (I know this is cosmetic)

    2) Ambitious

    3) Independent

    4) Great attitude about life, likes the outdoors

    5) Must love dogs!

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    Dec 07, 2007 3:31 AM GMT

    I would touch you with a 10 foot pole Lovesick, I might even poke you with a 5 footer, is solipsism contagious? icon_wink.gif

    My ideal date:

    1) Can make me laugh doubled-over

    2) Has at least one consuming passion

    3) Will hold my hand in public

    Everything else is possibly workable

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 07, 2007 3:35 AM GMT
    ***Intelligence and charm
    ***Cute Butt
    ***Cute Butt
    ***Interest in experiencing new things
    ***Oh yeah, did I say a cute butt?
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Dec 07, 2007 3:39 AM GMT
    1. have a job...a good one
    2. have a sense of humor...a GREAT one
    3. been inside a gym on a regular basis..not just the steam room
    4. AMAZING kisser
    5. love and appreciate all kinds of music
    6. have his own opinions...cuz i sure have MINE!
    7. be comfortable with who he is
    8. hold my hand in public
    9. be the other half of this complicated spirit!!

    alot to ask i know....but a girl can dream!! lol
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    Dec 07, 2007 3:43 AM GMT
    1. Actually can and wants to have a conversation and get to know me.

    2. Extroverted in the sense that I don't feel like I'm invading your space when I ask you questions and you're not making me dig all the time for any response.

    3. Non-smoker. Very sensitive to smells here.

    4. Comfortable with his body and movement, especially dancing, cuddling and sex.

    5. Cares about me and actually takes my thoughts and feelings into consideration. Maybe even makes me feel special occasionally.

    More than three HndsmKansan, but these are the important things to me.
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    Dec 07, 2007 4:24 AM GMT
    I have a lot. LOL

    1. Spontaneity - definitely huge turn on if you can surprise me in more ways than one.

    2. Humor - if you can make me laugh, you can make me do anything.

    3. Secured - be your own reflection.

    4. Clean Living - by this, I mean no smoking, no drugs, drinking is fine as long as you're not a heavy drinker.

    5. Charm - I'm very insatiable when it comes to a man's charm. icon_twisted.gif

    6. Music - I'm very open when it comes to new music especially of different types.

    7. Videogame - I'm a huge nerd when it comes to videogames. Bonus points if you love fighting games like Tekken. icon_razz.gif

    8. Height - it doesn't hurt if you're taller than me. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif

    I'm done, I think. LOL!

    Sorry, HndsmKansan. :[

    Of all the 8 I just mentioned. My top three would have to be: 4, 2, and 3. In that order. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 07, 2007 5:26 AM GMT
    I have no real deal breakers on a single date except absolutely no drugs and that alcohol is a social drink not an indulgence. Otherwise I am even willing to put up with a smoker...on a first date.

    For a few dates I would prefer:

    1) No drugs, no smoking, social drinking
    2) In good shape (doesn't have to be muscular as I am not)
    3) Smart
    4) Has drive and dreams of his own
    5) Embraces my drive and dreams
    6) Kind and thoughtful
    7) Works as hard at the dating as I do
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    Dec 07, 2007 5:37 AM GMT
    Wow allot of these replies sound like me. Any one up for a date?

    1. Has a job he loves! Most people work for a living and hate their jobs which at times they bring that into their personal life. (6figures please)

    2 Enjoy who he is and love life. Having a passion for living is key.

    3.Amazing sex drive!! He will need that to keep up with me!! hehehe

    Good hygene and nice breath, its nothing worst than kissing a skunk!!
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Dec 07, 2007 6:47 AM GMT
    dating requirements (in priority)

    1.) he has to be breathing

    2.) he has to care about things.

    3.) and it has to show.

    pretty simple. in desperation i find that my standards are not getting lower, i am just becoming less specific, and open to the fact that i may not be with the manifestation of my ken doll boyfriend.

  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Dec 07, 2007 6:58 AM GMT
    oh yea i forgot, NO LOPERS!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2007 7:50 AM GMT
    I know a girl named tiffany loper, so I guess you aren't into her...
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    Dec 07, 2007 7:51 AM GMT

    1. Comedy

    2. Empathy

    3. Passion

    Those are broad categories so I can fit subcategories into them.
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    Dec 07, 2007 8:04 AM GMT
    He has to be:

    Passionate about life
    Within 5 yoa
    No Drugs
    Slightly taller
    In better shape
    Thick black hair
    Grey eyes
    Must like dogs
    Must be able to listen to jazz without vomiting
    Must be willing to watch a baseball game w/ me (even if he goes to sleep in the middle)
    Has to have a funny accent
    Good swimmer
    Able to break down and reassemble a M92 blindfolded in the dark
    Enjoys fly fishing
    Likes horses
    Understanding about me haveing an umbilical cord attached to my computer

    Oh hell, I guess I'll just have to stick with the guy I've got icon_smile.gif.