Big guys who like Smaller guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2007 9:42 PM GMT
    I am 5'8" and 135 lbs.
    I started a Gold's Gym Membership and I know I'll never be a 'Stud'
    I'm not tall enough, I wont be large enough, and I look too young for my age.
    But I am attracted to men in their late 20's into their late 30's with muscular to athletic builds.
    large pecs, biceps and huge calves turn me on... but they dont tend to like me back.
    Men who spend their lives dedicated to making themselves bigger arent going to regress and date someone like me.... or am I wrong?
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    May 03, 2007 12:18 AM GMT
    Firstly, you need to build self confidence in yourself. I think that is what most anyone looks for in a mate before anything else.

    Secondly, If you decide to beef your body up and get in shape, do it for yourself and not to impress others.

    A good rule of thumb is to think of exercise as a way to stay healthy, to prevent illness and prolong your life. In the process you may meet someone.

    Lastly, Every individual has a certain type of partner that they are looking for: beefy, defined, Average - tall, short, average, blue eyes, brown eyes, smooth, hairy and the list goes on. So the moral of this story is that we all have different tastes and all I can say is find someone who loves you - for you!
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    May 03, 2007 1:28 AM GMT
    rksportswear couldn't have said it better - self confidence is the biggest turn on!.
    And not all big guys are after big guys - I tend to like guys who are your size, but I find I intimidate a lot of them because my size
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 03, 2007 1:39 AM GMT the gay world it's mostly like attracts like
    there's not much diversity in the ghetto-ized social scene
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    May 03, 2007 1:58 AM GMT
    Sorry to tell you dwntwn, but you have encountered one of the most revered love objects in gay life: the mirror.

    I get the creeps whenever I read a profile on a site like Manhunt in which the writer describes his appearance in flattering language and concludes with "looking for same." Or: "looking for OTHER hot guys."

    But it works both ways. I like lean-to-skinny guys with an alternative edge and they're rarely into me.

    Then there's what I call the Forrest Gumping of homosexuality -- dumbing down in order to appear more "normal." I long ago learned that if I wanted to get laid in a hurry, it was best for me to ack reel stoopid.

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    May 03, 2007 3:31 AM GMT
    While there is truth to the idea that some men like others similar to is not always true. There are definitely big guys who like smaller, just as there are young who like older, and "well behaved" guys who are into "bad boys" and on and on with many other examples.
    If you are attracted to bigger guys, cool. Don't assume that none of them will be attracted to you. Just be yourself, live for yourself, be confident, and the potential is always there for something to happen...
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    May 03, 2007 4:11 AM GMT
    You are wrong. There are lots of big muscular guys or big burley guys I know that like smaller more youthful guys. I personally think you are cute even though I am not a "big muscle guy."

    I think there are SOME (not all) big muscular guys that are narcissistic and only date or like other big and muscular guys. When that is the case the guy may be in some way wanting to date himself.

    In my age in experience I have learned that there is someone for everyone, and as you get older you will be surprised what will attract you and others if you loosen your expectations and really look deeper.

    Either way, it is good, I think, to pursue a fitness program to look your best and feel good too. Your body will have it own strong and weak points and you can work with your body instead of against it. I have very broad shoulders and back so when I build those it makes my waist look smaller for example. I think guys with a smaller frames can look bulkier quicker when they put on a little more muscle.

    BTW, when I was your age I weighed about 120 at 5'11" I was very skinny. I am now about 170 and feel good about where I am at. I have been working out for 20 years on a regular basis and have learned how persistent I can be. I still have goals like bigger arms and legs but am not going to obsess about it.

    Just set little goals, and try a variety of stuff, and read some books on weight training and muscle groups. Learn what works for YOU. Oh, also take it slow and steady, don't hurt yourself by going too quick.

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    May 03, 2007 5:01 AM GMT
    trust me. "tall enough" is not a problem when you gain 50 pounds in the gym lol. I may not be a stud just yet, but im getting there. lol. Don't give up! And don't put yourself down. After the first few months you'll wonder how you ever went without working out and you'll see results so long as you do the right workouts and eat the right food. I can't stress the last two enough. Some guys work out like crazy and wonder why they areny gaining weight after eating like a bird and doing nothing but cardio.
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    May 03, 2007 5:34 AM GMT
    It really makes no difference what you look like. After being out for 15 years let me tell you that guys like what they like what you like...and if the right guy is around, he is going to like you, if not, well, you're screwed, pal. Likewise, let's consider the corollary...any big hunky, deeleeshush, hot guys in the gym that YOU like? Did you try to connect with them?

    Remember, "Don't ask, don't get!"....

    Stop waiting for life to happen to you....MAKE LIFE HAPPEN!


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    May 03, 2007 6:09 AM GMT
    I think if you go out on the gay scene to where muscle marys hang out then it will seem like they only date men who look exactly like themselves. And certainly gay men fetishise muscle men to the point where I sometimes wonder whether there is any other ideal in gay men's minds.

    I've always thought Americans muscle queens are the worst for this. If you ever go to one of the scene parties they all seem to hang together for dear life, as if someone outside their body size and skin colour will destroy their happy little (drug fucked) fraternity.

    Moral of the story, stay healthy for yourself and don't seek self confidence or validation from other muscle men who probably have their own weird self image issues.
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    May 03, 2007 6:19 AM GMT
    Hey dwntwn - Sheesh... you're 5'8" and feel overlooked... I can only dream of 5'8.

    At just under 5'4" I can attest - there is definitely a height disadvantage in the gay community. I feel that I get overlooked all the time.

    I'm also an actor and I can tell you, society doesn't want to see a short guy on the covers of their magazines or on their runways... it's all guys over 5'8.

    And in the gym... equipment's not made for the vertically challenged. I often have to ask for help to reach cables that have slipped up to the upper pully.

    I get down a lot about it. And despite knowing that self-confidence is hot... it's hard sometimes, especially when you're feeling a lot of rejection going around.

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    May 03, 2007 7:08 AM GMT
    Well, a lot of guys out there follow the fold, never dreaming of diversity, but for me, that's precisely what turns me on. I rarely date other white guys my age with similar stats.

    There's nothing better than a manly little fireplug guy who behaves like a guy, and who has confidence. Those are the kind of guys I like to scoop up and snuggle with cuz my 6 ft 1 frame fits perfectly against a man who is 5'7 to 5'9.

    I guess I've found a way to eroticize diversity. You guys should try it...expand your horizons! :)
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    May 03, 2007 9:12 AM GMT
    To the original poster, my partner is 5"7, (short,) very muscular and burly, (hair in all the right places,) blonde, blue eyes and the man of my dreams. The first time I saw him I was 19 years old, 6"3 skinny and nerdy. I use to lust after him constantly, follow him around the clubs and bars like a lovesick puppy. He wouldn’t give me the time of the day, until one day his muscle god of a boyfriend dumped him. We became friends for the first two years then one day he told me he had feelings for me, and we have been together ever since in a monogamous relationship. The moral of the story, (besides me boasting about my man,) dreams do come true, and if they don’t stalk them until they relent and sleep with you. LOL

    Okay jokes aside if you want a big lad believe in it and it will happen!
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    May 03, 2007 10:32 AM GMT
    Definitely, defintiely do not think of yourself as something someone would settle for. I believe in celebrating things that make us different. I used to be down on myself for a number of things, and then thought, "why am I always judging me?"

    So I decided to start thinking that these things were worth celebrating, like my complete inability to not put my foot in my mouth. I am going to say something stupid, so I might as well look forward to it. I'm also going to embarrass myself, exponentially and in public. So rather than crawl under a rock either on the inside or out, I just smile and enjoy my own idiocy.

    But my point is that a body type or look is not something to be ashamed of. What is far more attractive than great pecs is confidence and a great attitude on life.

    One guy who I dated for the longest time and is still one of my best friends, swept me off my feet by his outlook on life. He doesn't stand out in a room much, but the moment he opens his mouth, everyone is drawn to him. His confidence, humour, and general demeanor are so attractive.

    And to answer the other question you brought up, I have a friend in NYC who is exactly as you describe, a muscle bound cutie who loves smaller guys. In fact, I can think of 3 friends who fit that description.

    Life is full of good problems to have, like a small waist, looking too young, or having the attention span of a gnat (wait, that last one's me).
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    May 03, 2007 1:57 PM GMT
    Wow, what you said is how I felt for a VERY long time.
    I too have always been attracted to ‘muscle maries’ but have often felt just as you do. Sometimes I still do.
    Although, on a few occasions, I’ve really been surprised by bigger guys that have approached me. They’re out there! Maybe I’m too shy cuz I can never approach them. Maybe its because of a few bad experiences I’ve had approaching people like that. I dunno…
    But I realized that there are bigger guys out there who like smaller guys (like you and me) and forget the rest of them who are nasty. I find that people who are nasty to others are only unhappy with themselves or something/s in their life -or they’re totally fuct on drugs. You don’t wanna be around people like that anyway; they suck and are a waste of your time (doesn’t matter how hot).
    I can also contest that just putting on a little weight can make a HUGE difference in how you feel about yourself and how you look. People around you who know you and see you on a regular basis will notice. ^_^
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    May 03, 2007 2:09 PM GMT
    I completely agree with these other guys. Every single one of us has an attraction towards different types of men. I enjoy other muscular men but I also am into guys that work towards making them a more whole person. We tend to get caught up into the whole gay scene, but in the end it is so superficial. Be yourself, work towards seeing its whats inside that matters and that will attract other like thinking guys. You are handsome and are trying to be the best you can be, thats all that matters.
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    May 03, 2007 2:30 PM GMT
    For myself, almost every guy that's ever approached me has not looked much like me at all. They're usually bigger and have dark hair. My own attraction tends to be towards those kinds of guys near my own age although not exclusively.

    I always kind of thought we leaned towards people with some opposite traits from us but maybe I was projecting my own feelings.
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    May 03, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    short, ripped and 145 lbs ...totlally my type.
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    May 03, 2007 2:38 PM GMT
    Okay, first off:

    "I get the creeps whenever I read a profile on a site like Manhunt in which the writer describes his appearance in flattering language and concludes with "looking for same." Or: "looking for OTHER hot guys."

    I literally "LOL'ed" when I read that. If only because I think it's HILARIOUS when a guy starts off his profile with something along the lines of "I'm cute, and sexy, and young" and completely full of yourself, obviously.

    It's not a bad thing to like yourself and your appareance. That's healthy. It's the WAY they say's a complete turn off to me, to be honest. Makes me think of someone who is horribly self-involved and that lacks a strong enough personality.

    On the other end of the spectrum, there is no need for anyone to put themselves down. As it was mentioned before: "different strokes for different folks." You may think that maybe someone else won't take notice of you but that's not the case. To someone else, you just might be the definition of "perfection."

    The important part is that, every day when you wake up and look in the mirror you find at least ONE physical feature about yourself you like and bring it out, use it, etc. It's a good start...eventually you start seeing things in yourself you didn't notice before (but others have) and it just turns into confidence (the good kind).

    I don't my case, for example, I just like guys as a whole...tall, short, a little over, a little under, blue eyes, dark eyes, green eyes, dark hair, light hair, etc. I really don't have a "set" type. I once dated a guy who is white and 6'4" and the last guy I dated is Latino and 5'6" and I thought both were "beautiful" just in very different ways.

    I'm personally really short (5'5")...I don't really let that get to me though. I just tell people I'm pocket sized for THEIR convinience. Besides, the shorter you are the more "muscly" you look as you get bigger and it has other advantages!

    And don't worry about looking younger. It may not be the greatest thing at this point in time (depending on who you talk to), but believe me you'll thank your lucky stars when you're over 30 and still look 25 =P
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    May 03, 2007 3:14 PM GMT

    1. Interesting how redheadguy deplores muscle heads but comes to "Real Jock". Humm. He sure lashes out. Obviously, there's some things going on there.

    2. Although my screenname does have "stud" in it, I'm completely turned off by self-declaration...the whole VGL, young, hot, hung, pocket-sized, bear, twink, self-labeld, personal body images labels, etc. chucky was taken. Stop with all that. Some guys that say VGL aren't even close..ROFL. I let my pictures, ratings, trophies, and writings speak for themselves. It is whatever it is. If you gotta' tell me you're pocket-sized, hung (aren't all men hung?) or VGL, get a fucking life. People are smart enough to see things for themselves.

    3. I say this constantly. Like yourself. Unless it's in jest, don't put yourself down.

    4. Nothing turns me off more than some insecure guy going on about how built / hot I am. I already know that. I see my ratings every morning. I DO NOT need affirmation. My name is NOT Stuart Smally. Talk to me about something interesting: politics, religion, popular culture. Please don't send me dick pics and say "stats?" or tell me how bad you want to do (insert stupid sex act here). That's all stupid. Behave yourself. Have some decorum. Be interesting.

    5. Be careful what you wish for. Insecure folks often lash out at what they adore. I sometimes get hate e-mail from skinny guys with all sorts of nasty stuff. It's probably easier for YOU to get laid (if that's your goal), than the very hot. We tend to be more selective. Dealing with fucked up personalities becomes a issue when you're the 9 to 9.9.

    6. It's human nature to like people with common interests. That's Common Sense 101. If you like wearing dresses, and I like getting pumped up, and much as you might adore my body, it's not gonna' work. One has to separate real world from fetish and fantasy. Way, way, way, way, way to many gay / bi folks have way, way, way, way to much cyber space and fantasy going. That's not to say that some big muscle guys don't like folks of smaller stature, but, if you're hockey player, you like hanging with hockey players; you have a common interest. Same thing goes with lifters; the truly striking among us in appearance. We congregate to others like us because we share a common experience. That's not elitism or being compensatory, that's just the human experience and how sociology is: folks hang out with folks like them because they can relate to a common interest and experience. It just makes sense.

    7. If a guy was insecure before becoming a muscle head, likely he's even worse if he got big. I've been an elite lifter for 31 years. I've seen it time and again. There's the really big guys that had low esteem before and after. There's the really big guys that excel at nearly everything they touch. You have to be able to tell the difference. The latter had a strong personal makeup before they became elite.

    8. Elite athletes, be they marathon runners, or competitive bodybuilders, have a different (way different) mindset than casual athletes. They are DRIVEN. They are typically very bright. They are FOCUSED. They are DISCIPLINED. They set goals. You don't win a marathon or a national qualifying bodybuilding contest by not getting zoned in; having a plan; training very smart. They certainly would almost certainly be turned off by your baggage. If you have never been an elite athlete, you likely don't and may never, understand that mindset of the highly competitive athlete. It takes huge mental discipline, the ability to train through pain, the smarts to plan for success, and the will to execute that plan to be successful. Folks like redheadguy lash out because they just can't connect with that line of thinking. They resent them.

    9. If you're 5'8" and 135, you can get bigger, but, like I mentioned above, you have to want it. You have to hone your craft, be it hockey, marathons, or bodybuilding, then, you have to come up with a plan and execute it. I've put 40 pounds of lean muscle on guys in less than a year when they had the discipline, work ethic, genes, and focus. I routinely bounce my weight by 40 to 60 pounds, annually. Understand, some of us have been in the game for DECADES. A few protein shakes and 3 visits a week to the gym does not make an elite athlete. Becoming a hunk, while influenced by genes, and luck, is largely by design, but, it takes persistence, time, patience, smarts, focus, discipline and work, just like many things in life worth having.
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    May 03, 2007 4:36 PM GMT
    Wow the first thing as many have stated is you have to find some confidence in yourself. Not to be confussed with arrogance of course. I use to be small, still am as far as I'm concerned but I don't lack confidence. Everyone has a idea of the kind of man they want or will end up with so go for it. But in the mean time you just might find someone whether taller or shorter, muscular or lean, hairy or smooth, older or younger just might feel the spot. Always be open to new ideas and fine the edge you need to build the confidence you need. It's a beautiful and attractive thing...then everything else will fall right into place
    Best of luck...
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    May 03, 2007 4:38 PM GMT
    "I sometimes get hate e-mail from skinny guys with all sorts of nasty stuff."

    JEBUS! Do you really? O_O
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    May 03, 2007 6:06 PM GMT
    madapollo has that look that just makes you wanna' tuck him in, huh?

    Very insightful, too.
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    May 03, 2007 6:07 PM GMT
    obscenewish gets an A for the day. Nailed it again: Act stupid to get laid by stupid people.

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    May 03, 2007 6:26 PM GMT
    It seems there's a lot of anger out there over how we think about ourselves and that then spreads to how we treat each other. So being down on yourself regarding not being good enough is only fueling the ugly-fire.

    What I get every now and then is a guy coming up to me at a club and telling me I'm fat or ugly or something. Anyone who knows me know that I all I do is stand around (when not dancing) and smile at everyone. So it's obvious the anger is not about me.

    I was in Dallas a couple weeks ago and this guy came up to me and wanted to kiss. I politely declined but talked to him. His friend came up and started berating me, saying I was old and ugly. He was in his late 40s I think (I mention it only to give you an idea of the situation). We were then introduced and I smiled at him and asked how he was doing. Later in the evening he said I was really nice as I continued to remember his name and was hoping he was having a good time. So I think his initial anger was about something else that I must've triggered by existing.

    I want to work against this by loving myself first, and then showing grace and care to those around me regardless of how they act. They don't have the power to wound my soul.

    We should all of us be filters of ugliness and the shit that's being tossed around by stopping it in our own heads then the world around us. It starts by knowing your body is fine just the way it is. I think everyone here is just so CUTE!!!